Hmm! Posted on fb yest sayin i will review my past yr! Hehe! Shall do tt! Hehe!
Shall talk bout achievements first!
Nothing much academically! Hmm.. CAP din improve & dropped! Professionally, gained exposure through placement & all e post-placement activities! Still searchin for my future path! Needs to build on micro skills BADLY!
Hehe! Made 11 videos in half a year! Hahah! This is like my greatest feat! Hahah!
In terms of gainin self-awareness, i tink I did achieve quite a bit! I learnt tt i actually haf leadership qualities, bt I m afraid of handling conflicts! I dunno hw to say bad things to others, nt honest enuff as in will try to say nice things to 圆场! A strength as well as a weakness!
I like to giggle, bt gigglin makes me unprofessional! A strength as well as a weakness! I see things in absolute terms! It's either good or bad! So i will try to nt see all e bad things bout someone! In terms of relationship, it is also so! I can only haf everythin or nothin! If i dun haf everythin, i will feel tt i lost everythin!
I also m tryin to find an anchor, always tryin to find ppl whom i can rely on completely, neglecting e fact tt nobody will b able to devote all his/her time for me! & devote too much, & expect too much, so always feelin hurt & emo! So, another thing to overcome nxt yr!
In terms of r/s, family wise pretty much e same! Tryin to cherish family members more! Gor moved out alr, so mus spend more time at home for jie & spend as much time as i can w my bro! Mus try!
Got closer to KL! & still v touched by e ties between ge & me! <3 jus received his text, sayin he will wait for me to go over to dajie's hs tgt & he said he is listenin to his top 100 songs! Haha! & i said, "as usual!" he said "good never change" & i said same sentiments! <3
All my other relatives r still as awesome & sometimes i m v touched by their tolerance for me, like hw i teared during a game of monopoly deal, gave a super black face wen we went clubbin! Bt they r always still v tolerant towards me! & jiefu! Got closer coz of all e badminton plays! :)
V glad tt KL got into her tourism course in ITE! Tho nt my credit, still v happy & thankful she got in!! Hehe!
& frens, halfway thru placement, kinda felt v disappointed or sian coz felt tt was on a v diff platform frm all my other frens, felt tt i m detached frm them alr, OC meetin for e sake of meetin wen nobody has anythin to say, ah boon they all havin convos bt i only interested in textin bongz & chongchong in grp convo, baby they all talkin bout things which i totally dun understand...
Bt luckily, this hols i found back all my frens! Found tt actually e ties & friendship din change at all! They r still e same! & i shld nt expect so much frm them wen i m nt giving as much!
Met up w fann, anqi they all, fangyi they all & learnt tt they r still those frens of e past, laugh at one another, share all e unhappy things tt haf happened & we noe we r still ppl whom one another can count on in times of trouble!
& nt forgettin ancestor! Felt a little angry w her wen she was in australia, nt noe-in hw busy i was w projects & asked whether i was busy & nt studyin coz i went to yah! Perhaps my guilty conscience prickin me coz i spent too much time at yah! :P so defence system all up! Bt tt day met up for k, things really did not change. & e meetings w norine tan after entire OC went overseas! <3 really an awesome summer! & received karen's call this morn! E best mornin call ever! & zhanglang sayin she is interested to let our 15 yrs of friendship continue to grow! & qimin who is comin back! & tho overseas, always kept me in her heart! <3
& of coz tong! Din meet so often this time round, bt still my best fren & always havin me in her heart! Tard posted on my fb yest! Bt din reply after i replied! :P surprisingly met kish tt day at tiong wen i was gg home! So coincidental!
& my uni frens! So awesome tt i nw haf a clique tt i belong to, & we can meet up for badminton, celebrations... Fiona, jiahui, marian, peiqi, pau, vivian + deborah & jiaying!
Pau! My best companion this sem! Went thru so much tgt! At times wen i was angry w her, scared of her, worried for her, happy for her, cheered up by her, entertained by her, touched by her... Best quote of e year, "kheng hwee! Do u miss me?" hahahah! At e lunch tt day on 29th as post-christmas celebrations & exchange w everyone else! Hopefully i will b able to work hard this comin sem & can pull her & dabongz along, together! :D
Vivian luah tingting! E name which made its mark in all my frens' fb! Hahah! For postin so much on my wall! Hahah! E fren whom i got so close to! Jus coz of placement! & coz of her break-up! Gg strong nw! Admit tt i did get angry w her for certain things(i noe is my prob) bt still hope tt we can stay close! Will still b here for her, jus tt more okayn nw if she dun wan me to b her soulmate! Hehe! Yep! & e nicest words frm her, " i feel tt u r like an angel!"
& this brings me to bongz & yah! Met so many seniors! Totally energized by their energy & haf a completely new outlook towards elderly! Touched by hw they cared for us, cried for us during farewell, put in effort for our project & yah's events! Totally amazed by them! & love them! Learnin to cherish them more coz of guanrong's sudden departure! <3
Jian cai, mona, meijin, chun xu, yan ping, aida, hui juan, soo lah, carol, jin zhi, yan jing, cheng cai, & my dear co-facilitator, he jiao! Hopefully i din miss out anyone!
Yep! & den to kiangs & bongz! My lovely sup! E one whom i thot she hated me initially, bt after so much interactions & weatherin of storms, my permanent sup nw! & always her lovely intern! Loves to buy ribena for her & spam her w gifts! Best quote of the year, "received the best gift of my life frm <3!" wen i gave her e report book! <3
Yuhsuan, someone whom i haven't gotten fully close w, bt touched by hw much she cares for her fellow workers, includin we e interns! & how positive she actually is, always able to positively reframe things! & hw she really shows her appreciation, "等你的 laptop 死掉，我也会替它办个追思会！它对 yah 有很多贡献！:P
PY, someone who taught me e importance of being 坦诚, she is still a nice person jus tt she dun suit yah's workin style or perhaps social work in general?
Cayden, someone who really can tink a lot, bt seems like someone who thinks along e same line as me! Really qian da at times bt willin to give in for dashen! Hopefully he will 发光发热 in social work & at yah! & be nice to dashen & they can 有情人终成眷属！
排名不分先后！usually i leave e best to e last, bt nt this time round k! My sup is definitely nt e least impt person to me at yah!
Chongchong! Received my first happy new yr msg frm her! Amazed by her talents & her flair & experience in social work, like her direct-ness & her "perfect-ness"! Hehe! Adores her totally! & likes her willingness to be part of all e fun & her hip-ness! Sent a totally sweet msg to me! & so glad to haf known her family too! Jiejie, didi & dr lee! Lookin forward to an awesome birthday celebration for chongchong & hopefully we can warm her heart again! & waitin to see hw she ends e session for guanrong's 追思会 positively! & so touched by her touched at our farewell at yah! <3
& dashen! Hehe! Really someone who 一拍即合！she really is 人见人爱！hehe! V glad w e recent development which landed me as her "大师兄＂！bt dashen tgt w bongz helped me to understand hw much i actually expect & depend on my frens & tt such expectations r unrealistic! Still in e process of adjusting! Hehe! Bt it's a good realisation! Nw is takin steps to ensurin i overcome it!
Yep!
& bongz! Talked bout dabongz le! Nw left w xiaobongz! Hehe! Yep! Someone whom i feel will take quite some time to touch her heart completely! My best "soulmate" at batam & wen bongz goes shoppin! Hehe! Someone who is so small size bt i tink maturity level is definitely there! I trust her words a lot!
&! Nearly forgot Esther!! Hehe! E person who inspires me most deeply in social work thus far! Inspired by her never say die attitude! Her seriousness! Tho workin w her might b quite stressful, I was really interested in takin up e challenge! Bt nw, nt v interested in FSC, so maybe i wun go @27! Bt she really did influence me & inspire me a lot! To e extent tt coz of her msg, i actually sat up frm my intention to sleep, to do my case work stuff durin placement! <3
& also mamasan! E super super nice mentor at MP for dabongz & I! Shared w me stuff & skills & guided me directly in casework! Hehe! & brought me to Geylang to experience givin out wet tissue to prostitutes, & recommended e drama "怒火街头＂! Hehe! Always encouragin, empowering & lovely! <3
Hehe! Yep! & hw can i forget this new person? My da sao! Heheh! We still aren't v close & we still adjustin to us callin her da sao! Bt we will get used to it soon! I m waitin for e new addition of my niece(s)/nephew(s) or both tgt! :p heheh! Yep!
So to round it up all, year 2011 has been significant in helpin me explore myself deeper & understandin myself better! I believe there r both personal & professional growth! W better understandin, hopefully 2012 will b a year of overcoming all my weaknesses & improvin on them!
My first new yr resolution was set yest wen WYH asked:
I hope I can become more disciplined academically! & i mean everythin else also! :D
& 2011's most sig gain is being part of yah & knowing e seniors there, kiangs & bongz! & not forgettin Esther! :D
Yep! Wishin myself (hehe) a great year ahead w more 突破！<3
Kheng.
01.01.12 (alr)
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
:)
Hehe! Today went back YAH! Haha! Supposed to b jus eat lunch den siam de! Haha! Bt my sup was back! :D hehe! Bt main thing was coz they went for meetin so i helped to pick up phone calls! Forgot dashen loved to pick up phone calls durin meetin! Oops! Heheh!
Bt at least settled chongchong's puzzle!! :D hehe! Yay!!! :D haha! & volunteered to help my sup w e video for guangrong's 追思会！i tink i will cry as i do e video! :S haiz! Bt i really tink it's a necessary & meaningful act to hold this session! Let e students haf an outlet to vent their emotions & also do a proper closure! :)
Yep! Hehe! So glad tt my sup is back today! Hahah! Jus talk lo! Hehe! Nw w WYH also less uneasy! Heheh! I tink v much coz there's sth else for me to feel more uneasy about! Or rather feel uneasy for them! Heh!
Hehe! Yep! Dun say is coz wan to make sure things r stable first! Bt i really dunno hw stable it can get given hw things r like nw! Hehe! Bt yep! Let's see first! Let dashen handle it! Haha! Dunno whether is i tink too much or wat, bt wen tt person "floats" by, did i see e 眼神 - 漂移？
Hehe! I also dunno leh! Bt jus nw watched e drama, omg, such a sweet ending! Will they become like tt? If too tong ku, my stand really is 最重要 is 没有遗憾 & 要幸福 leh! Hehe!
I texted dashen jus nw to ask bout sth else bt she din reply! Hehe! Bt shall nt text her again to ask bout this! Maybe she is out w her frens! Give her a break! & client's self-determination! Tink i m overly involved! Hehe!
Bt really leh, i tink i can understand dashen's guilt! It's like today my sup firstly said tt cayden & i were like 打情骂俏-ing! Omg! I nearly fainted! Den she made fun of e orange light in btw dashen & cayden! It was like.. OMG!
It is like i m also nt honest! I hope this thing will b revealed (if it does last till tt stage!) in e mildest way! Hopefully e rest wun feel like dashen disappointed them or anythin! & hopefully i wun b exposed as havin known it! If nt dunno whether will they tink of this: dashen actually told me bt din tell them! I m jus an intern & only 6 months! Hmm..
E disappointment will b directed towards dashen ba, wun b me! Hehe! Bt no matter wat, even if they really will even b disappointed w me, i also will still stand by dashen! I nt scared 被拉下水，i only scared will make e rest feel even more disappointed! :/
Bt this ltr on then say! Nw is depending on hw things develop, 还是那句话，"没有遗憾 & 幸福最重要！＂:)
Kheng.
28.12.11
Bt at least settled chongchong's puzzle!! :D hehe! Yay!!! :D haha! & volunteered to help my sup w e video for guangrong's 追思会！i tink i will cry as i do e video! :S haiz! Bt i really tink it's a necessary & meaningful act to hold this session! Let e students haf an outlet to vent their emotions & also do a proper closure! :)
Yep! Hehe! So glad tt my sup is back today! Hahah! Jus talk lo! Hehe! Nw w WYH also less uneasy! Heheh! I tink v much coz there's sth else for me to feel more uneasy about! Or rather feel uneasy for them! Heh!
Hehe! Yep! Dun say is coz wan to make sure things r stable first! Bt i really dunno hw stable it can get given hw things r like nw! Hehe! Bt yep! Let's see first! Let dashen handle it! Haha! Dunno whether is i tink too much or wat, bt wen tt person "floats" by, did i see e 眼神 - 漂移？
Hehe! I also dunno leh! Bt jus nw watched e drama, omg, such a sweet ending! Will they become like tt? If too tong ku, my stand really is 最重要 is 没有遗憾 & 要幸福 leh! Hehe!
I texted dashen jus nw to ask bout sth else bt she din reply! Hehe! Bt shall nt text her again to ask bout this! Maybe she is out w her frens! Give her a break! & client's self-determination! Tink i m overly involved! Hehe!
Bt really leh, i tink i can understand dashen's guilt! It's like today my sup firstly said tt cayden & i were like 打情骂俏-ing! Omg! I nearly fainted! Den she made fun of e orange light in btw dashen & cayden! It was like.. OMG!
It is like i m also nt honest! I hope this thing will b revealed (if it does last till tt stage!) in e mildest way! Hopefully e rest wun feel like dashen disappointed them or anythin! & hopefully i wun b exposed as havin known it! If nt dunno whether will they tink of this: dashen actually told me bt din tell them! I m jus an intern & only 6 months! Hmm..
E disappointment will b directed towards dashen ba, wun b me! Hehe! Bt no matter wat, even if they really will even b disappointed w me, i also will still stand by dashen! I nt scared 被拉下水，i only scared will make e rest feel even more disappointed! :/
Bt this ltr on then say! Nw is depending on hw things develop, 还是那句话，"没有遗憾 & 幸福最重要！＂:)
Kheng.
28.12.11
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
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I mus haf been crazy to be whatsapping dashen at 1am yest for 2 hrs! Talkin CRAP! Hahah! Nw freakin tired! :/
:(
Haiyo! :( first day den got prob le! :( i really feelin quite upset! Like i pak-tor-ing like tt! Bt dunno leh, tink coz i too involved for e past few days le.. Bt i tink let them 自由发展, as i told Cayden, hw can he b sure tt his decision is best for dashen? Maybe dashen will find her happiness in him. So for me, hw can I b sure tt they 突破一切障碍在一起，就会是对他们两最好的决定？maybe if they aren't tgt, they will find their individual happiness also? & maybe if a r/s has too many things to overcome, maybe e result will not b good, neither will e process be.
I m gettin a little nt so hopeful coz of hw things went today! If they r both xin ku... Haiz.. Bt actually I think dashen can overcome her xin ku-ness de, i jus dunno whether Cayden can or not, coz he is too sensitive & he is too dashen-oriented le. All it takes is for him to b a little more selfish & tink of hw much he wants to b beside dashen to b w her! Nt e time to talk bout love in another way.. Haiz..
So, sometimes guys too sensitive, also an issue! :S
Bt yep! Cannot bring myself to nt b overly involved emotionally. Physically I can! Bt jus nw after dashen told me, is jus totally tt kind of 满脑子 e 2 of them! I din emo, bt jus e HAIZ.. Told myself nt to spread negative energy to KL, so controlled a little. Bt at least i wasn't emo, bt really thinkin of e 2 of them..
希望他们能够坚持，继续努力，那么就算最终不能在一起，至少两人都已经努力过了，我的宗旨是：没有遗憾！
Haiz! Phone's batt was used up totally jus nw. Lost a certain portion of my blog entry!
Bt anw! I jus hope tt 他们俩会开心！
他们发展的当儿，我会一直 update，希望有一天，这些记录能被编写成一段很美很美的＂西游记＂爱情故事！如果不能，但愿它至少记载着他们俩曾有过的努力，只是好事多磨，又或者是，可能他们两真的不适合吧？:)
不管怎样，至少努力过了，希望就不会有遗憾！:)
Kheng.
相信。
I m gettin a little nt so hopeful coz of hw things went today! If they r both xin ku... Haiz.. Bt actually I think dashen can overcome her xin ku-ness de, i jus dunno whether Cayden can or not, coz he is too sensitive & he is too dashen-oriented le. All it takes is for him to b a little more selfish & tink of hw much he wants to b beside dashen to b w her! Nt e time to talk bout love in another way.. Haiz..
So, sometimes guys too sensitive, also an issue! :S
Bt yep! Cannot bring myself to nt b overly involved emotionally. Physically I can! Bt jus nw after dashen told me, is jus totally tt kind of 满脑子 e 2 of them! I din emo, bt jus e HAIZ.. Told myself nt to spread negative energy to KL, so controlled a little. Bt at least i wasn't emo, bt really thinkin of e 2 of them..
希望他们能够坚持，继续努力，那么就算最终不能在一起，至少两人都已经努力过了，我的宗旨是：没有遗憾！
Haiz! Phone's batt was used up totally jus nw. Lost a certain portion of my blog entry!
Bt anw! I jus hope tt 他们俩会开心！
他们发展的当儿，我会一直 update，希望有一天，这些记录能被编写成一段很美很美的＂西游记＂爱情故事！如果不能，但愿它至少记载着他们俩曾有过的努力，只是好事多磨，又或者是，可能他们两真的不适合吧？:)
不管怎样，至少努力过了，希望就不会有遗憾！:)
Kheng.
相信。
Monday, December 26, 2011
:D
Hehe! Luckily I came to help KL w her final prep for her interview later! This time round really impt! Do-or-die! Hopefully she makes it! Hehe!
Jus nw help her iron sch U, like helpin my own sis! Hehe! Bt really is no diff whether is cousin or not! She's still a v impt family member in my life! :D hehe!
Yep! Hopefully she makes it ltr!! :D jiayou KL!
Jus nw help her iron sch U, like helpin my own sis! Hehe! Bt really is no diff whether is cousin or not! She's still a v impt family member in my life! :D hehe!
Yep! Hopefully she makes it ltr!! :D jiayou KL!
取西经！
lol! in less than 24 hours, so much drama mama happened! hahaha. fri nite heard e news, pei dashen till wee hours, tink 2 or 3 plus, den yest OMG! they talked it out, den so much drama mama happened! den pei dashen till morn 5am! nw tired max! jus nw wanted to slp! bt tink weather too hot, somehow 不怎么睡得着！yep! nvm tonight I will sleep early! & thot bout it, tink i shld go pei KL prep for her ITE interview! tuition only, wed den tuition also e same thing, i jus haf lesser time to b at home! bt it's ok! (: hehe. being able to help is a blessing! hehe. & i really should help & pei her through this! tt time couldn't, this time round really mus do it le. plus this is really impt! if dun get in, den it's totally a diff ball game liao! :S
yep! talk bout yest first! hehe. this yr really had a v diff christmas! started off w counting down w ah boon they all at pioneer MRT station the ah lian bee hoon there! hahaha. & then went mac to play monopoly deal! had so much laughter! coz of mama king's pathetic attempt to learn Hokkien! hahaha. she really v cute! i was super entertained! hahahah. in fact, WE were all super entertained! haha. they were all complaining why i added e "la kopi" comment - made our supper sound so old! hahaha. bt well, it was funny! hehe. hopefully we will b able to still do it 40 yrs down e road, wen we are really e "la kopi" age! hehehe. yep!:D
& den yest went shopping w ah bu.. wah.. really certain points where she gek dao me! jus diff thinkings & ideals.. bt well.. I guess it cannot really b resolved, or rather I m nt trying coz it requires a lot of jing1 li4 to do so, & i tink certain things, I should learn to accept & not try to change! hehe. yep! Bt anw, she really did many many cute stuff tt wen I told dashen, she said tt mama has 喜感！ hahahah! yep!
firstly, she was watching 偶像剧 on Sat night, then Sun wen we went out, she tried this shirt which has holes & can see into her upper body, jus v small holes, tt kind of knitted design, she 敢敢 say she dun mind! she dare to wear like tt! without a tube! gor & i laughed our asses off! den wen she discovered tt gor & da sao went off to another section of BHG, she said, "我们回家， 不要管他们！" coz she angry why they nv wait for us, den after tt she said she wanted to hide! let them come find us instead! hahaha. bt after realising is coz tt original cashier too many ppl tt's why gor & dasao went over to another section to pay, she said let's nt hide anymore! hahaha. my mum really! hahahaha.
yep! although yest she also did a lot of things which I couldn't take it, bt also did many nice things! & shopped w gor & dasao! so happy! hehe. at least some family quality time!:D hehe.
& then night time went to mamasan's private christmas dinner! hahaha. first funny thing was dashen & i 无意中 发现 James at MRT station at Bugis, den we hide hide hide! in e end we alighted at same stop! den at first we saw e wrong address, so we thot he went a diff place from us coz he went by e other exit! haha. wen we realised we saw e wrong place, den we realised he walked e same direction as us! hahaha. really EPIC MAX! hahahah. we laughed & laughed & laughed loh! hahahaa.
yep! den dashen & i jus waited for Cayden, & planned our gg home route! hahaha. den we walked to mamasan's event, tt dashen kept siam-ing! her acting not bad le la.. if i din haf insider's info, i most prob would not haf discovered anything! hehe.
den wen mamasan came down e lift to come fetch us, i v bad, i suggested hiding & den shouting Merry Christmas! hahaha. mamasan really jumped! hehehe. actually tt car park v like 案发现场！ So really v bad! bt for e fun of it ma!:P hehe.. nxt time wun b so mean!:P hehehehe.
den went for e event, felt e power & Christianity again, but as of nw, I really dun believe totally in the upper being & He being God yet, so I won't really join any religion.. maybe time will get me somewhere ba!(: hehe. yep! bt jus love e unity & love, Christians r all nice ppl! hehehe.
yep! omg! saw my dream guy leh! hahaha. quite handsome, very friendly, very sensible, & was v nice to 2 guys who had lower IQ. bt too bad, he is Christian, & a very devoted one, this might become an obstacle in future! hehe. bt even b4 we get there, I don't haf e courage to say anything! haha. plus jus dun tink he will kan shang me.. haha. 2 hours only! bt jus wanna mention! hehe. coz feel tt I found a ”绝种好男人“! hahaha. a bit kua zhang! hahaha. bt yep! :P hehehehehe.
& Christian songs really so nice! & mamasan has a good voice I realised! hehe. mamasan really v cute & nice! hehhee.
den she brought us to Geylang to 走街! finally experienced it! approaching the prostitutes & seeing finally how it's like at Geylang, I really felt tt those guys were like lechers & there is somehow this 辛酸 in those girls.. bt well.. sometimes life just ain't so nice to everyone.. I can accept them totally. & I mean it. hehe. was hoping to do sth for them, bt I tink it's v taxing for mamasan to keep bringing us there & I still tink I need a bit more of maturity first.. maybe I will b able to initiate something or jus do something in future! hehe. bt nw, I need more time, exposure & perhaps determination! (:
yep! really was an eye-opener! this yr's Christmas really different! Esp wen I spent it w Christians, though nt entirely a Christian ceremony, but did see certain Christians' ”礼仪“! Dunno wat is e right word.. bt.. yep! hehe. & I m still v open towards e idea of religion & Christianity specifically, but I don't noe whether will I ever embrace it or when I will do it (if I really do).. yep! (:
yep! & there comes e exciting part.. actually nt really. coz it was gg home.. hehe. den wen I was home, was eagerly waitin for dashen's sms! den it came like at 1am? I was telling KL online says starbucks closes at 12am lo! hahaha. bt yep.. at first e conclusion was try out dating first nxt wk & we were deliberating bout e issue of whether to tell chongchong they all or not.. den there came e deadly sms of him wanting to remain as frens! wah! ah bish bish bish! really was stun & wah, GEK!
yep! den after discussing, dashen replied him bt he din reply back.. den dashen jus v sad, cry.. so I entertained her.. I noe her style is use things to distract de.. comfort wun really work! hahaha. yep! & i really can say sweet stuff! hahaha. I said, "& 大师兄，me will 陪 u till 取西经 de!" & omg! dashen said this was half of e reason why she cried! hahahaha!
yep! den omg! 耗-ed e entire night coz my terrible shifu din reply & dashen felt tt he was still awake & wanted to wait for his reply.. den she gastric, so she went clinic bt din wan her family to noe. under norm circumstances, I would alr haf stayed to check on my fren to make sure she is home safely after e doc, wat's more she's dashen + my bro did say if someone feels fainty, must accompany him/her to e clinic coz he/she might faint! yep! hehehe. bt dashen e name alone would haf warranted me to stay up e whole night le..
yep! & she go clinic still can go lie to ppl! coz i wanted to distract her frm her pain & my terrible shifu's deed, so I told her to lie to e taxi driver, say she pregnant.. den we jus developed e plot so much tt she will tell e driver her husband dun wan baby & will check her & all tt what's not! hahaha. yep! & wen she was at e clinic, e talkative her jus talked to e 1 nxt to her & really told her she pregnant! & tt person also kapo, ask her married for how long & stuff coz she said dashen dun look like she has children! hahaha. damn lame leh dashen! bt really is v funny! i laughed & laughed lo!
yep! actually thru-out e nite, there were like twice wen I asked her if she wanted me to speak to him instead! bt she din answer my qn = din accept nor reject! hehe. yep! bt I 穷追不舍 also coz I knew dashen was avoiding tt option! I also hesitated for quite long b4 bringing it up for e first time, coz there r implications of me doing so - Cayden realising tt dashen told me everything, & wat if I don't succeed? Wat if they don't turn out well?..... many many!
den wen I finally went to bed at 5am, I was thinkin of maybe using new no to sms him alr, like pretend send to a fren who is in e same plight as him, den say "oh sent wrongly!" & stuff. coz I din wan to intervene w.o dashen's approval! plus I really felt tt there's a possibility he was asleep! haha.
den this morn dashen really still emo max, I really buay tahan & said it again, tt last resort I will talk to him. I think I din ask dashen if she is okay w it anymore le, coz I was gg to do it ANYWAY! hehe. yep! den she also gave in & asked me instead will it work? well. I couldn't guarantee too, bt I felt tt at least it was worth a try! hehe. & I was all prepared to fight battle.
He took some time to reply to my first sms! maybe really sleepin! wen he replied me, I checked w dashen, she really emo max reply "no. wait long long also nv reply" WAH BIANG! hahaha. really like shi1 lian4 leh! hahaha. bt i din say anythin, coz I din wan to give dashen hope, by tellin her I will talk to him alr giving her hope le, I really din wan to give her more hope! hehe. & b4 I went to eat brunch, he replied! sayin sure! haha. so I texted him "it's sth rather personal, prepare urself k? I go eat brunch first! after tt den text u!" hahaha. & he still could tell me "enjoy ur brunch :)" hahaha. epic max!
& yep, after brunch & sending KL out, i began my battle! heheheh. I tink tt sms was more than 10sms long? hehe. also dunno, iphone broke it up into 2 diff sms & e first I tink was e max characters 1 sms oculd take le, bt nt e 160 standard one.. hehe.& he din reply for v v long leh, so after 20mins, I told myself I will give him an hour, & set an alarm, if he din get back to me by then, I will sms him & spam him liao! in e meanwhile, I was talkin to dashen bout other stuff, her cousin & all, wen his first reply came, I wanted to update dashen, bt I din! hehe.
& yep! after like another 10mins or so, his reply came! hehe! quite long, bt nothin compared to mine!:P hehe. bt at least he shared stuff! he said sth wrongly, so i clarified, & dashen was right, he really wanted to remain as frens forever, & still dare tell me "isn't it better for her?" & I went "Wrong! u r da cuo te cuo!" & went on & on, like " 卖女儿“ like tt! say how much dashen actually likes him.. da da da.. hahaha. OMG! din noe this enemy could b taken down so easily, after tt he said "u r right.. I understand yr every words" wanted to tell him got grammar mistake!:P hahahahha! bt anw, he said he texted dashen! hehe! & omg! wat does tt mean?
I WON THE BATTLE! MUHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!
yay!heheh! back from dinner to continue recording my 西游记!
hehe. yep! at least it din take me too long to complete e battle! hehe. as in luckily cayden replied rather quickly! I repeat, RATHER! only! hehe. yep! & glad tt na xie nian's storyline could get into e picture! haha! & wah, i used so much logic! hehe. all from dramas de! hehe. & i tink I was a little affected by e way they speak! hahaha. so e same kind of drama mama expressions, like "if you love her". hahahah.
after tt i told dashen I damn drama mama! she asked me which was e most drama part, bt I din recall! Den I thot of e na xie nian storyline, den I felt tt was e most drama part! hahahah. I really got talent o!:P hehe. can join hands w chongchong to 打天下 w our story-tellin abilities le!:P hehe. no la.. jokin. chongchong is still too high level le! hahaha.
yep!:D hehe. nelle jus asked me on twitter, "wat battle u fighting sia?" hahahahha!
yep! :D hehe. & my mama so cute! hahaha. i jus posted on fb her calendar's recording of non-raining days coz news said tt this mth will haf 19days of rain! hahahahahhahahaha.
yep! hehe. & after tt, i thanked Cayden! hehe. coz his sms will really mean a lot to dashen! hehe. & of coz dashen happy = I happy, & see them no yi han = I happy & my success = I happy! hehehe.
yay:D hehehe.
den after tt was helpin dashen send "proper" sms to him in case dashen hurts him again! hahaha. yep! & taught her 3 lessons:
#1: say sweet things
#2: be long-winded & explain to avoid misunderstandings
#3: believe in explaining! it helps! hehe.
hehe. I tink my success this time...... hahaha. no la! bt i tink I managed to convince Cayden this time round is coz of character similarities ba, coz as dashen observed as well, we had similar reactions & thinkings to the things she said, bt I can reconcile coz we r frens, dashen nicer to frens! hahaha. bt also coz we will talk things out.. actually I m nt a v honest fren, I m more Cayden than dashen, bt I tink is coz this time round doesn't involve me so I really 打破沙波问到底 (is e sha bo correct? hehe!) yep! bt tt's where my value lies, coz I'm nt involved! hehe. yep!
& i tink I say is diff from dashen say, dashen say might sounds despo, bt i say will b kan bu guo qu my fren so upset! hehe. yep!
bt anw, I dun tink dashen will b on e "heavier" side of this r/s, so this time round, i hao bu you yu de say out hw much dashen has hao gan towards Cayden! hehe. yep!
actually I've my own concerns too.. wat if one day dashen/Cayden xian4 de hen shen1 & either 1 of them betray the r/s? den I would haf been e cause of e misery! of coz the path was still chosen by e 2 of them.. bt I was e catalyst! yep! so hopefully tt day wun come, they can dun end up tgt, bt I hope they won't hurt each other too deeply! I really jus dun wan to see regrets, I hope I will never ever regret this decision! yep!
hehe. & of coz, jus nw b4 talkin to Cayden, I went to listen to "你还是要幸福“! coz I was v afraid tt I will fail in my mission! bt luckily I succeeded! & i told dashen I hope she will never ever haf to sing this song! & we both hope wat we will hear is "最重要的决定"! hehe. yep! & i told her I will sing on stage for her! & she said only I can sing! haha. bt I shy la, & I definitely will ask mamasan! & of coz Bongz & Kiangs! hehehe. hopefully dashen will get married first, & hopefully by then we will still b close! (:
hehe! yep!:D hehe.
yep! & I think for e past 24hours, like battling every second w dashen, forget tt I mus still keep a distance! coz I noe dashen is v grateful to me! & she loves me a lot! bt like wat I tell Cayden, dashen will never b able to treat me like how tong, bearbear & ancestor treats me! & even if she can, like e 3 of them, it can be seen how even they won't b able to give me a lot of time! actually bearbear & ancestor did give me a lot, bt there r still times where I've to stand on my own! hehe. & of coz my dear tong, I noe hw precious it is for her to take time out for me, & w her, it really has become quality, not quantity! hehe.
yep!:D
bt anw, ya lo, some things really is jiang yuan fen4 de.. if nt dabongz & i where will become so close? how kaka & I can be 15years of frens, how tong can become my best buddy? hw can we b e most "si lai zhe bu zou" de interns? hw can we form kiangs & bongz? hw can we b invited to mamasna's event? hw can i still b frens w ppl like mat & xue en? & hw can I belong to so many cliques? & hw can AQ & I b so gam1? it's all bout fate.
so even if dashen isn't my most ideal fren, she is still a v impt fren to me. someone who is older than me, protects me frm naggings from seniors, sides me wen tt idiotic Cayden verbally abuses me, & 牵 my hand so tightly yest wen we went to Geylang to jian4 shi4; at e same time someone who is so messy, so lazy, so last-min tt needs bongz & kiangs to protect her back & help her, side her, b w her & b thru things w her & also e 傻瓜 who cried so badly last nite, waited so faithfully for a reply! yep!
so well, it's ok nw!:D hehe. v happy w my success at my battle! v happy tt 师父 & 二师弟，老猪 nw 开始了取西经之路！& me this monkey king can b part of their "Journey to the West"! hehe. I will still b around to take care of my shi di & my shi fu! bt I will also b careful nt to b overly involved coz love really is between 2 ppl, & my success today probably lied w my position & all e coincidence tt last wk I went back to yah pretty often & last fri I was ard, nt really my ability to convince or anythin! hehe. so cannot b overly smug! hehehe.
bt at least I can enjoy e sweetness of my success this time round, regardless of e reason for e success! hehe. & I can be SMUG! hehehehehe. hopefully 有情人终成眷属！ & there will come the day when I will step on stage to sing "最重要的决定“ & make e wedding video using the theme "西游记”!
tmr shall write a letter to dashen! den maybe bake some cookies on Fri morn & deliver to yah! hehe. den can leave my sup's USS gift on her table w all e ribena also!:D hehe. i 始终离不开小 YAH! hehehe. maybe in 6 mths' time, i won't "belong" there anymore, bt it's ok! this past 6mths really haf been fruitful max (tho I mus still say, there haf been times of unhappiness, doubt, tears, lost....) bt it's still like my 记忆里头，很美很美的一段回忆，特别是加上了过去几天的恋爱顾问经验!:P hehhe.
上路咯！
Kheng!
still mus rmb to love all my frens! hopefully my last wk of 2011 will b filled w joy! <3
yep! talk bout yest first! hehe. this yr really had a v diff christmas! started off w counting down w ah boon they all at pioneer MRT station the ah lian bee hoon there! hahaha. & then went mac to play monopoly deal! had so much laughter! coz of mama king's pathetic attempt to learn Hokkien! hahaha. she really v cute! i was super entertained! hahahah. in fact, WE were all super entertained! haha. they were all complaining why i added e "la kopi" comment - made our supper sound so old! hahaha. bt well, it was funny! hehe. hopefully we will b able to still do it 40 yrs down e road, wen we are really e "la kopi" age! hehehe. yep!:D
& den yest went shopping w ah bu.. wah.. really certain points where she gek dao me! jus diff thinkings & ideals.. bt well.. I guess it cannot really b resolved, or rather I m nt trying coz it requires a lot of jing1 li4 to do so, & i tink certain things, I should learn to accept & not try to change! hehe. yep! Bt anw, she really did many many cute stuff tt wen I told dashen, she said tt mama has 喜感！ hahahah! yep!
firstly, she was watching 偶像剧 on Sat night, then Sun wen we went out, she tried this shirt which has holes & can see into her upper body, jus v small holes, tt kind of knitted design, she 敢敢 say she dun mind! she dare to wear like tt! without a tube! gor & i laughed our asses off! den wen she discovered tt gor & da sao went off to another section of BHG, she said, "我们回家， 不要管他们！" coz she angry why they nv wait for us, den after tt she said she wanted to hide! let them come find us instead! hahaha. bt after realising is coz tt original cashier too many ppl tt's why gor & dasao went over to another section to pay, she said let's nt hide anymore! hahaha. my mum really! hahahaha.
yep! although yest she also did a lot of things which I couldn't take it, bt also did many nice things! & shopped w gor & dasao! so happy! hehe. at least some family quality time!:D hehe.
& then night time went to mamasan's private christmas dinner! hahaha. first funny thing was dashen & i 无意中 发现 James at MRT station at Bugis, den we hide hide hide! in e end we alighted at same stop! den at first we saw e wrong address, so we thot he went a diff place from us coz he went by e other exit! haha. wen we realised we saw e wrong place, den we realised he walked e same direction as us! hahaha. really EPIC MAX! hahahah. we laughed & laughed & laughed loh! hahahaa.
yep! den dashen & i jus waited for Cayden, & planned our gg home route! hahaha. den we walked to mamasan's event, tt dashen kept siam-ing! her acting not bad le la.. if i din haf insider's info, i most prob would not haf discovered anything! hehe.
den wen mamasan came down e lift to come fetch us, i v bad, i suggested hiding & den shouting Merry Christmas! hahaha. mamasan really jumped! hehehe. actually tt car park v like 案发现场！ So really v bad! bt for e fun of it ma!:P hehe.. nxt time wun b so mean!:P hehehehe.
den went for e event, felt e power & Christianity again, but as of nw, I really dun believe totally in the upper being & He being God yet, so I won't really join any religion.. maybe time will get me somewhere ba!(: hehe. yep! bt jus love e unity & love, Christians r all nice ppl! hehehe.
yep! omg! saw my dream guy leh! hahaha. quite handsome, very friendly, very sensible, & was v nice to 2 guys who had lower IQ. bt too bad, he is Christian, & a very devoted one, this might become an obstacle in future! hehe. bt even b4 we get there, I don't haf e courage to say anything! haha. plus jus dun tink he will kan shang me.. haha. 2 hours only! bt jus wanna mention! hehe. coz feel tt I found a ”绝种好男人“! hahaha. a bit kua zhang! hahaha. bt yep! :P hehehehehe.
& Christian songs really so nice! & mamasan has a good voice I realised! hehe. mamasan really v cute & nice! hehhee.
den she brought us to Geylang to 走街! finally experienced it! approaching the prostitutes & seeing finally how it's like at Geylang, I really felt tt those guys were like lechers & there is somehow this 辛酸 in those girls.. bt well.. sometimes life just ain't so nice to everyone.. I can accept them totally. & I mean it. hehe. was hoping to do sth for them, bt I tink it's v taxing for mamasan to keep bringing us there & I still tink I need a bit more of maturity first.. maybe I will b able to initiate something or jus do something in future! hehe. bt nw, I need more time, exposure & perhaps determination! (:
yep! really was an eye-opener! this yr's Christmas really different! Esp wen I spent it w Christians, though nt entirely a Christian ceremony, but did see certain Christians' ”礼仪“! Dunno wat is e right word.. bt.. yep! hehe. & I m still v open towards e idea of religion & Christianity specifically, but I don't noe whether will I ever embrace it or when I will do it (if I really do).. yep! (:
yep! & there comes e exciting part.. actually nt really. coz it was gg home.. hehe. den wen I was home, was eagerly waitin for dashen's sms! den it came like at 1am? I was telling KL online says starbucks closes at 12am lo! hahaha. bt yep.. at first e conclusion was try out dating first nxt wk & we were deliberating bout e issue of whether to tell chongchong they all or not.. den there came e deadly sms of him wanting to remain as frens! wah! ah bish bish bish! really was stun & wah, GEK!
yep! den after discussing, dashen replied him bt he din reply back.. den dashen jus v sad, cry.. so I entertained her.. I noe her style is use things to distract de.. comfort wun really work! hahaha. yep! & i really can say sweet stuff! hahaha. I said, "& 大师兄，me will 陪 u till 取西经 de!" & omg! dashen said this was half of e reason why she cried! hahahaha!
yep! den omg! 耗-ed e entire night coz my terrible shifu din reply & dashen felt tt he was still awake & wanted to wait for his reply.. den she gastric, so she went clinic bt din wan her family to noe. under norm circumstances, I would alr haf stayed to check on my fren to make sure she is home safely after e doc, wat's more she's dashen + my bro did say if someone feels fainty, must accompany him/her to e clinic coz he/she might faint! yep! hehehe. bt dashen e name alone would haf warranted me to stay up e whole night le..
yep! & she go clinic still can go lie to ppl! coz i wanted to distract her frm her pain & my terrible shifu's deed, so I told her to lie to e taxi driver, say she pregnant.. den we jus developed e plot so much tt she will tell e driver her husband dun wan baby & will check her & all tt what's not! hahaha. yep! & wen she was at e clinic, e talkative her jus talked to e 1 nxt to her & really told her she pregnant! & tt person also kapo, ask her married for how long & stuff coz she said dashen dun look like she has children! hahaha. damn lame leh dashen! bt really is v funny! i laughed & laughed lo!
yep! actually thru-out e nite, there were like twice wen I asked her if she wanted me to speak to him instead! bt she din answer my qn = din accept nor reject! hehe. yep! bt I 穷追不舍 also coz I knew dashen was avoiding tt option! I also hesitated for quite long b4 bringing it up for e first time, coz there r implications of me doing so - Cayden realising tt dashen told me everything, & wat if I don't succeed? Wat if they don't turn out well?..... many many!
den wen I finally went to bed at 5am, I was thinkin of maybe using new no to sms him alr, like pretend send to a fren who is in e same plight as him, den say "oh sent wrongly!" & stuff. coz I din wan to intervene w.o dashen's approval! plus I really felt tt there's a possibility he was asleep! haha.
den this morn dashen really still emo max, I really buay tahan & said it again, tt last resort I will talk to him. I think I din ask dashen if she is okay w it anymore le, coz I was gg to do it ANYWAY! hehe. yep! den she also gave in & asked me instead will it work? well. I couldn't guarantee too, bt I felt tt at least it was worth a try! hehe. & I was all prepared to fight battle.
He took some time to reply to my first sms! maybe really sleepin! wen he replied me, I checked w dashen, she really emo max reply "no. wait long long also nv reply" WAH BIANG! hahaha. really like shi1 lian4 leh! hahaha. bt i din say anythin, coz I din wan to give dashen hope, by tellin her I will talk to him alr giving her hope le, I really din wan to give her more hope! hehe. & b4 I went to eat brunch, he replied! sayin sure! haha. so I texted him "it's sth rather personal, prepare urself k? I go eat brunch first! after tt den text u!" hahaha. & he still could tell me "enjoy ur brunch :)" hahaha. epic max!
& yep, after brunch & sending KL out, i began my battle! heheheh. I tink tt sms was more than 10sms long? hehe. also dunno, iphone broke it up into 2 diff sms & e first I tink was e max characters 1 sms oculd take le, bt nt e 160 standard one.. hehe.& he din reply for v v long leh, so after 20mins, I told myself I will give him an hour, & set an alarm, if he din get back to me by then, I will sms him & spam him liao! in e meanwhile, I was talkin to dashen bout other stuff, her cousin & all, wen his first reply came, I wanted to update dashen, bt I din! hehe.
& yep! after like another 10mins or so, his reply came! hehe! quite long, bt nothin compared to mine!:P hehe. bt at least he shared stuff! he said sth wrongly, so i clarified, & dashen was right, he really wanted to remain as frens forever, & still dare tell me "isn't it better for her?" & I went "Wrong! u r da cuo te cuo!" & went on & on, like " 卖女儿“ like tt! say how much dashen actually likes him.. da da da.. hahaha. OMG! din noe this enemy could b taken down so easily, after tt he said "u r right.. I understand yr every words" wanted to tell him got grammar mistake!:P hahahahha! bt anw, he said he texted dashen! hehe! & omg! wat does tt mean?
I WON THE BATTLE! MUHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!
yay!heheh! back from dinner to continue recording my 西游记!
hehe. yep! at least it din take me too long to complete e battle! hehe. as in luckily cayden replied rather quickly! I repeat, RATHER! only! hehe. yep! & glad tt na xie nian's storyline could get into e picture! haha! & wah, i used so much logic! hehe. all from dramas de! hehe. & i tink I was a little affected by e way they speak! hahaha. so e same kind of drama mama expressions, like "if you love her". hahahah.
after tt i told dashen I damn drama mama! she asked me which was e most drama part, bt I din recall! Den I thot of e na xie nian storyline, den I felt tt was e most drama part! hahahah. I really got talent o!:P hehe. can join hands w chongchong to 打天下 w our story-tellin abilities le!:P hehe. no la.. jokin. chongchong is still too high level le! hahaha.
yep!:D hehe. nelle jus asked me on twitter, "wat battle u fighting sia?" hahahahha!
yep! :D hehe. & my mama so cute! hahaha. i jus posted on fb her calendar's recording of non-raining days coz news said tt this mth will haf 19days of rain! hahahahahhahahaha.
yep! hehe. & after tt, i thanked Cayden! hehe. coz his sms will really mean a lot to dashen! hehe. & of coz dashen happy = I happy, & see them no yi han = I happy & my success = I happy! hehehe.
yay:D hehehe.
den after tt was helpin dashen send "proper" sms to him in case dashen hurts him again! hahaha. yep! & taught her 3 lessons:
#1: say sweet things
#2: be long-winded & explain to avoid misunderstandings
#3: believe in explaining! it helps! hehe.
hehe. I tink my success this time...... hahaha. no la! bt i tink I managed to convince Cayden this time round is coz of character similarities ba, coz as dashen observed as well, we had similar reactions & thinkings to the things she said, bt I can reconcile coz we r frens, dashen nicer to frens! hahaha. bt also coz we will talk things out.. actually I m nt a v honest fren, I m more Cayden than dashen, bt I tink is coz this time round doesn't involve me so I really 打破沙波问到底 (is e sha bo correct? hehe!) yep! bt tt's where my value lies, coz I'm nt involved! hehe. yep!
& i tink I say is diff from dashen say, dashen say might sounds despo, bt i say will b kan bu guo qu my fren so upset! hehe. yep!
bt anw, I dun tink dashen will b on e "heavier" side of this r/s, so this time round, i hao bu you yu de say out hw much dashen has hao gan towards Cayden! hehe. yep!
actually I've my own concerns too.. wat if one day dashen/Cayden xian4 de hen shen1 & either 1 of them betray the r/s? den I would haf been e cause of e misery! of coz the path was still chosen by e 2 of them.. bt I was e catalyst! yep! so hopefully tt day wun come, they can dun end up tgt, bt I hope they won't hurt each other too deeply! I really jus dun wan to see regrets, I hope I will never ever regret this decision! yep!
hehe. & of coz, jus nw b4 talkin to Cayden, I went to listen to "你还是要幸福“! coz I was v afraid tt I will fail in my mission! bt luckily I succeeded! & i told dashen I hope she will never ever haf to sing this song! & we both hope wat we will hear is "最重要的决定"! hehe. yep! & i told her I will sing on stage for her! & she said only I can sing! haha. bt I shy la, & I definitely will ask mamasan! & of coz Bongz & Kiangs! hehehe. hopefully dashen will get married first, & hopefully by then we will still b close! (:
hehe! yep!:D hehe.
yep! & I think for e past 24hours, like battling every second w dashen, forget tt I mus still keep a distance! coz I noe dashen is v grateful to me! & she loves me a lot! bt like wat I tell Cayden, dashen will never b able to treat me like how tong, bearbear & ancestor treats me! & even if she can, like e 3 of them, it can be seen how even they won't b able to give me a lot of time! actually bearbear & ancestor did give me a lot, bt there r still times where I've to stand on my own! hehe. & of coz my dear tong, I noe hw precious it is for her to take time out for me, & w her, it really has become quality, not quantity! hehe.
yep!:D
bt anw, ya lo, some things really is jiang yuan fen4 de.. if nt dabongz & i where will become so close? how kaka & I can be 15years of frens, how tong can become my best buddy? hw can we b e most "si lai zhe bu zou" de interns? hw can we form kiangs & bongz? hw can we b invited to mamasna's event? hw can i still b frens w ppl like mat & xue en? & hw can I belong to so many cliques? & hw can AQ & I b so gam1? it's all bout fate.
so even if dashen isn't my most ideal fren, she is still a v impt fren to me. someone who is older than me, protects me frm naggings from seniors, sides me wen tt idiotic Cayden verbally abuses me, & 牵 my hand so tightly yest wen we went to Geylang to jian4 shi4; at e same time someone who is so messy, so lazy, so last-min tt needs bongz & kiangs to protect her back & help her, side her, b w her & b thru things w her & also e 傻瓜 who cried so badly last nite, waited so faithfully for a reply! yep!
so well, it's ok nw!:D hehe. v happy w my success at my battle! v happy tt 师父 & 二师弟，老猪 nw 开始了取西经之路！& me this monkey king can b part of their "Journey to the West"! hehe. I will still b around to take care of my shi di & my shi fu! bt I will also b careful nt to b overly involved coz love really is between 2 ppl, & my success today probably lied w my position & all e coincidence tt last wk I went back to yah pretty often & last fri I was ard, nt really my ability to convince or anythin! hehe. so cannot b overly smug! hehehe.
bt at least I can enjoy e sweetness of my success this time round, regardless of e reason for e success! hehe. & I can be SMUG! hehehehehe. hopefully 有情人终成眷属！ & there will come the day when I will step on stage to sing "最重要的决定“ & make e wedding video using the theme "西游记”!
tmr shall write a letter to dashen! den maybe bake some cookies on Fri morn & deliver to yah! hehe. den can leave my sup's USS gift on her table w all e ribena also!:D hehe. i 始终离不开小 YAH! hehehe. maybe in 6 mths' time, i won't "belong" there anymore, bt it's ok! this past 6mths really haf been fruitful max (tho I mus still say, there haf been times of unhappiness, doubt, tears, lost....) bt it's still like my 记忆里头，很美很美的一段回忆，特别是加上了过去几天的恋爱顾问经验!:P hehhe.
上路咯！
Kheng!
still mus rmb to love all my frens! hopefully my last wk of 2011 will b filled w joy! <3
Saturday, December 24, 2011
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Dunno why, keep havin the wan to cry feelin! Tho v useless, i decided to jus let myself vent out all e emotions! Hmm. Regardless of hw nt justified the emotions are..
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现在竟然可以 ok！怎么搞的？不过，至少至少我今天没有全盘表现出来！至少没有退步！:))
每次做出任性的决定后，都会想说可能如果我不任性，可能可以帮到那人，或那些人，不过，我还是会提醒我自己，我并没有那么重要，我也不能b普渡众生，而且，那某某人可能根本就不需要！应该说，真的不需要！
是啊，我没办法无条件付出，因为我想太多了，很容易受伤，要不让我受伤，很难。所以，我会有所要求，虽然这不让我受伤的做法很demanding,可是我需要！所以，我不能无条件付出。既然如此，我只可以不付出，至少人家无需到头来，handle 我的 emotions. 得至少能偿失！:)
绑了 placement 时，最爱绑的头发，有什么特别意义吗？也没有，不过就是要提！hehe!
好谢谢 YJ 的简讯，说今晚见面吃宵夜，就好像为心灵找到了护所！
说了这番真心话后，好像确定多了，刚才所谓＂任性＂的决定是对的，因为就好像其实他们不是那么的完美，我也没有那么完美，他们并不需要我！
好像在这里扮可怜，不过事实真的就是如此地残酷！
不过还好，至少＂熬＂过了！知道今天地表现始终不好，但是，我的努力值得嘉奖吧！
每次做出任性的决定后，都会想说可能如果我不任性，可能可以帮到那人，或那些人，不过，我还是会提醒我自己，我并没有那么重要，我也不能b普渡众生，而且，那某某人可能根本就不需要！应该说，真的不需要！
是啊，我没办法无条件付出，因为我想太多了，很容易受伤，要不让我受伤，很难。所以，我会有所要求，虽然这不让我受伤的做法很demanding,可是我需要！所以，我不能无条件付出。既然如此，我只可以不付出，至少人家无需到头来，handle 我的 emotions. 得至少能偿失！:)
绑了 placement 时，最爱绑的头发，有什么特别意义吗？也没有，不过就是要提！hehe!
好谢谢 YJ 的简讯，说今晚见面吃宵夜，就好像为心灵找到了护所！
说了这番真心话后，好像确定多了，刚才所谓＂任性＂的决定是对的，因为就好像其实他们不是那么的完美，我也没有那么完美，他们并不需要我！
好像在这里扮可怜，不过事实真的就是如此地残酷！
不过还好，至少＂熬＂过了！知道今天地表现始终不好，但是，我的努力值得嘉奖吧！
Friday, December 23, 2011
Hmm..
Wat is it tt i m afraid of? Izzit tt i 口不对心！or i m forcing myself to accept sth which i dun believe in? Aiyo! I also dunno leh! Searchin session it shall be! Mimick! Mimick! Think of USS!
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I should try mama king's floodin method rite? :) haiz! Bt i no courage leh! Hw! I haf to face it! 努力！勇气！bravery in the face of fear is courage!
Yep! For e past wk, met up w ppl who were all v impt in diff parts of my life! Of coz they r still impt nw! Bt it's really such times tt u realise tt certain things wun 变质！as much as e evil me felt tt i was v diff from all these ppl durin my placement, v much coz yah was too my ideal community alr, & felt tt couldn't blend in w my frens, plus e fatigue frm work & tuition made meetups kinda like a chore! Hehe!
Bt this wk wen finally met them again, is a diff feelin! Suddenly feel tt actually they r so wonderful! There is a reason why they were all so impt to me tt time! & i mus continue to put them on my 心上！<3
＂对啊，就是幼稚，就是幼稚才会喜欢你这种努力用功读书的女生！＂ - 对白 from ＜那些年，我们一起追过的女孩＞
Ya! 我就是幼稚！才会在意这种东西，bt, wat can I do?
像我这种谈心的人，是不是不配拥有东西！
是小事，可是刚才我发觉我是一个把事情像得很极端的人，我只可以拥有，或没有，不可以有一半！hehe! 而且，分去一点就等于不完美，就等于我失去！是很极端，可是。。wat to do?
Yep!
不过好在，这不是第一次失去了，而且早前已经＂认输＂了！所以，这次只是好像把不属于我的东西还回去！
我知道我很幼稚，所以我才不跟人家说啊！
对！
不过不要紧，我知道我生命里头不完全是他们！hehe! 很感激老天赐给我这么多如此珍贵的人！<3
对啊！待会儿，就是实习的好机会！:D
加油！
Kheng.
My original identity.
Bt this wk wen finally met them again, is a diff feelin! Suddenly feel tt actually they r so wonderful! There is a reason why they were all so impt to me tt time! & i mus continue to put them on my 心上！<3
＂对啊，就是幼稚，就是幼稚才会喜欢你这种努力用功读书的女生！＂ - 对白 from ＜那些年，我们一起追过的女孩＞
Ya! 我就是幼稚！才会在意这种东西，bt, wat can I do?
像我这种谈心的人，是不是不配拥有东西！
是小事，可是刚才我发觉我是一个把事情像得很极端的人，我只可以拥有，或没有，不可以有一半！hehe! 而且，分去一点就等于不完美，就等于我失去！是很极端，可是。。wat to do?
Yep!
不过好在，这不是第一次失去了，而且早前已经＂认输＂了！所以，这次只是好像把不属于我的东西还回去！
我知道我很幼稚，所以我才不跟人家说啊！
对！
不过不要紧，我知道我生命里头不完全是他们！hehe! 很感激老天赐给我这么多如此珍贵的人！<3
对啊！待会儿，就是实习的好机会！:D
加油！
Kheng.
My original identity.
感触
感触。。甚多！
Heheh! Yest nearly told norine wat i felt at batam! Hahah! I always v tempted to share w ppl who r interested to noe! Feel tt i m lettin them into my 秘密花园, bt this really contains my most most inner secret! Hehe! Actually i tink i've told either bearbear or ancestor bout sec sch happenings! Hehe! So this is bout e same, jus a diff target audience! Bt eventually i still din say coz i tink it contains my most inner secrets, sth which i m nt totally proud of, or able to tell myself, it's ok, coz it spells me! Hehe! Yep! Plus i scared say le den bearbear will feel tt i only 重视 yah ppl! Hehe!
Yep! Jus nw i din take any stand, coz i still like exclusiveness! Tho i kept reminding myself tt i mus draw e line! Hehe! Bt yep, anw decision is made, & wen it becomes a grp thing, i will take on the "diffusion of responsibility" approach! Hehe!
Tt day i really sort of scorned at myself for even havin this rankin thingy, bt i jus can't stop myself! Hehe! Bt anw it's ok, coz my conclusion was, "i can admit defeat, i jus can't 看开！" - as in i can take this thing, & say tt i tink i m nt as impt. Bt i cannot tell myself to nt haf this thing at all! Hehe! Y ah? Izzit coz i've always viewed things w a clear black & white, & everythin has a winner & loser? Hmm. Bt well, at least i can still 抽身 after i admit defeat! Hehe! Maybe is a kind of avoidance! Bt at least it's a way i can cope w such emotions! :D hehe!
Yep! Anw this past wk, e feelin of 幸福 is back! Hehe! Coz mon went back yah, tues went to visit ah liow, wed went USS w fy they all, thurs met up w ancestor, yest skyped w bearbear! Almost connected back w all my frens! Hehe! & e feelin is good de! Tt kind of 好久不见，可是一切依然没变 kind of feelin was awesome!
因为现在
Heheh! Yest nearly told norine wat i felt at batam! Hahah! I always v tempted to share w ppl who r interested to noe! Feel tt i m lettin them into my 秘密花园, bt this really contains my most most inner secret! Hehe! Actually i tink i've told either bearbear or ancestor bout sec sch happenings! Hehe! So this is bout e same, jus a diff target audience! Bt eventually i still din say coz i tink it contains my most inner secrets, sth which i m nt totally proud of, or able to tell myself, it's ok, coz it spells me! Hehe! Yep! Plus i scared say le den bearbear will feel tt i only 重视 yah ppl! Hehe!
Yep! Jus nw i din take any stand, coz i still like exclusiveness! Tho i kept reminding myself tt i mus draw e line! Hehe! Bt yep, anw decision is made, & wen it becomes a grp thing, i will take on the "diffusion of responsibility" approach! Hehe!
Tt day i really sort of scorned at myself for even havin this rankin thingy, bt i jus can't stop myself! Hehe! Bt anw it's ok, coz my conclusion was, "i can admit defeat, i jus can't 看开！" - as in i can take this thing, & say tt i tink i m nt as impt. Bt i cannot tell myself to nt haf this thing at all! Hehe! Y ah? Izzit coz i've always viewed things w a clear black & white, & everythin has a winner & loser? Hmm. Bt well, at least i can still 抽身 after i admit defeat! Hehe! Maybe is a kind of avoidance! Bt at least it's a way i can cope w such emotions! :D hehe!
Yep! Anw this past wk, e feelin of 幸福 is back! Hehe! Coz mon went back yah, tues went to visit ah liow, wed went USS w fy they all, thurs met up w ancestor, yest skyped w bearbear! Almost connected back w all my frens! Hehe! & e feelin is good de! Tt kind of 好久不见，可是一切依然没变 kind of feelin was awesome!
因为现在
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
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Tho today was pretty bad! As in really extremes! I can say tt it's a brand new "day" nw! Coz it's past 12am! Yep! No more thinkin bout all those issues! I wan to let 心情放假！等＂冲刺＂好了之后，才来想想下一步该怎么走！
Epic failure!
Omg! Fail max! Totally failed to control my emotions! Countless times of emo-ness! Feel e super sense of enemity! & it probably din help tt i was reading 那些年！could use e character's way of behavin to describe mine sia! Jiatlat!
Yep! So so many points tt i gave up! In e sense tt i tink no matter hw hard i try, i wun b able to control my emotions, i can only avoid it! Hw to avoid? Minimise interaction! I can mind certain stuff a lot & this minding over-powers e possibility of losing! Maybe if sun i did control my emotions well enuff, this time round wun b so bad. Bt yep! Everything piled up!
Maybe is my own biasness, bt i did feel enemity too. & i totally gave up too! I feel tt there is a possibility tt e person dun quite wan to interact w me. So i shld jus shut up & stand aside, perhaps tt person was fearful to approach me. Bt it din appear tt way, & i hardly take chances wen it comes to such stuff.
Yep! & actually i was totally like this thru out e day. Except at ... & perhaps dun haf, give u le den take it away.. Tt kind of feeling will make u more aggressive ba! Yep! So.. I got v aggressive jus nw! Really! To e extent of ignoring!
Hahahah! Omg! I really dead le! I tink wen this intensity was at its highest, i really couldn't control my emotions at all! I dun tink i've ever lost control to this extent! I may haf been more emo, bt today was really e worst - in terms of wat i was feelin inside.
Yep! Nw i haf to 收拾残局！i can only b partially honest! Bt at least i wun lie! I tink it's so useless & meaningless to lie! & even if i lie to cover things up, nobody will b deceived. Yep! So honesty is e best policy!
Yep! I rmb yest while bathin, i looked into e mirror & asked myself, "someone like me, nothin attractive & haf such bad tantrums, i 何得何能 can b so lucky to haf a bongz family & come on a trip tgt w them? Y m i blessed with such happiness?" yep!
Bt well. I still cannot overcome certain things!
I tink it's e feelin of wanting to win! It's nt bout wat is e competition ground! It's bout wantin to win!
Haiz.. Bt anw well.. At least i m gg to b honest! I jus dun wan to make anyone lose anything.. Tt's e best outcome i can possibly achieve liao! Yep! Bt at least for nw, i wun b initiating anything! Coz i tink my 心理建设 nw totally cannot handle anythin!
Actually e last incident really shows tt i m totally a failure wen it comes to managing my emotions! I wonder whether w other ppl, can i manage anot! I seriously doubt my ability & "positivism" tt if e target audience is different, i will b able to manage leh!
Bt anw, nxt time b4 i go on a trip w anyone, i will warn in advance! Hmm..
Yep! Actually after tt, e hearin of chongchong their chit-chat was really v fun! I really love this grp of ppl! It was like i could feel hw special they are individually & as a team. Made me wan to b part of them, near them for 很长很长的一段时间！bt i wun get to see sup & chongchong for e remaining of this yr. maybe e rest too! I will see hw! & maybe nxt yr things will change le! Yep! & i mean possibly dashen's quiting!
Bt at least b4 she leaves, we mus celebrate chongchong's bdae first! My b-dae will b e last one to complete this round of celebration! Bt 4 months can b a very long time for many things to change!
Yep! I've got to take my mind off this! It's nt use reflecting alr! I've thot a lot bout it, all my strategies dun work! Maybe i still dunno myself well enuff, or maybe i aren't facing them ba! Hmm!
Sometimes i m really v unsure! M i a v confident girl or m i someone who haf v low self-esteem? Hmm! M i an optimistist or pessimist? Hahahhaah!
Yep! Feelin quite tired actually! Like i slept for 7hours yest bt this shag-ness! Maybe coz it's still a trip ba! Hee!
Yep! Nw go do damage control first! & then i will go rest! Tmr do @27's stuff, go visit grandma & den e actual @27's event, & then sat MP's event! & at 2pm, i will b free! Give myself time to b off this issue! Maybe i m, bt my intention is not to avoid, bt really to give myself a break! Coz i tink 再想下去，也是徒劳无功的！
Yep! & who noes? 退一步可能海阔天空呢？
Yep!
我只能说，我完完全全是个 heart over head 的人！
好！damage control time!
Kheng.
15/12/11
2250
Yep! So so many points tt i gave up! In e sense tt i tink no matter hw hard i try, i wun b able to control my emotions, i can only avoid it! Hw to avoid? Minimise interaction! I can mind certain stuff a lot & this minding over-powers e possibility of losing! Maybe if sun i did control my emotions well enuff, this time round wun b so bad. Bt yep! Everything piled up!
Maybe is my own biasness, bt i did feel enemity too. & i totally gave up too! I feel tt there is a possibility tt e person dun quite wan to interact w me. So i shld jus shut up & stand aside, perhaps tt person was fearful to approach me. Bt it din appear tt way, & i hardly take chances wen it comes to such stuff.
Yep! & actually i was totally like this thru out e day. Except at ... & perhaps dun haf, give u le den take it away.. Tt kind of feeling will make u more aggressive ba! Yep! So.. I got v aggressive jus nw! Really! To e extent of ignoring!
Hahahah! Omg! I really dead le! I tink wen this intensity was at its highest, i really couldn't control my emotions at all! I dun tink i've ever lost control to this extent! I may haf been more emo, bt today was really e worst - in terms of wat i was feelin inside.
Yep! Nw i haf to 收拾残局！i can only b partially honest! Bt at least i wun lie! I tink it's so useless & meaningless to lie! & even if i lie to cover things up, nobody will b deceived. Yep! So honesty is e best policy!
Yep! I rmb yest while bathin, i looked into e mirror & asked myself, "someone like me, nothin attractive & haf such bad tantrums, i 何得何能 can b so lucky to haf a bongz family & come on a trip tgt w them? Y m i blessed with such happiness?" yep!
Bt well. I still cannot overcome certain things!
I tink it's e feelin of wanting to win! It's nt bout wat is e competition ground! It's bout wantin to win!
Haiz.. Bt anw well.. At least i m gg to b honest! I jus dun wan to make anyone lose anything.. Tt's e best outcome i can possibly achieve liao! Yep! Bt at least for nw, i wun b initiating anything! Coz i tink my 心理建设 nw totally cannot handle anythin!
Actually e last incident really shows tt i m totally a failure wen it comes to managing my emotions! I wonder whether w other ppl, can i manage anot! I seriously doubt my ability & "positivism" tt if e target audience is different, i will b able to manage leh!
Bt anw, nxt time b4 i go on a trip w anyone, i will warn in advance! Hmm..
Yep! Actually after tt, e hearin of chongchong their chit-chat was really v fun! I really love this grp of ppl! It was like i could feel hw special they are individually & as a team. Made me wan to b part of them, near them for 很长很长的一段时间！bt i wun get to see sup & chongchong for e remaining of this yr. maybe e rest too! I will see hw! & maybe nxt yr things will change le! Yep! & i mean possibly dashen's quiting!
Bt at least b4 she leaves, we mus celebrate chongchong's bdae first! My b-dae will b e last one to complete this round of celebration! Bt 4 months can b a very long time for many things to change!
Yep! I've got to take my mind off this! It's nt use reflecting alr! I've thot a lot bout it, all my strategies dun work! Maybe i still dunno myself well enuff, or maybe i aren't facing them ba! Hmm!
Sometimes i m really v unsure! M i a v confident girl or m i someone who haf v low self-esteem? Hmm! M i an optimistist or pessimist? Hahahhaah!
Yep! Feelin quite tired actually! Like i slept for 7hours yest bt this shag-ness! Maybe coz it's still a trip ba! Hee!
Yep! Nw go do damage control first! & then i will go rest! Tmr do @27's stuff, go visit grandma & den e actual @27's event, & then sat MP's event! & at 2pm, i will b free! Give myself time to b off this issue! Maybe i m, bt my intention is not to avoid, bt really to give myself a break! Coz i tink 再想下去，也是徒劳无功的！
Yep! & who noes? 退一步可能海阔天空呢？
Yep!
我只能说，我完完全全是个 heart over head 的人！
好！damage control time!
Kheng.
15/12/11
2250
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
haiz
haiz.. 心又再阴沉沉了！:( 在 fb post 了 “是改变的开始吗？”
不过这次并不是在说开心，正面的改变。 是因为大婶为了今天发生的事情而哭了，也说了不会再留在快乐学堂，是提早结束了我们这段在快乐学堂所建立的友谊吗？是我悲观吗？不过大婶走了以后，很多事情都会改变，虽然我们和 Chongchong 还有 sup 她们都还算谈得上话，可是大婶始终还是很关键的桥梁。少了她，很多事情会改变！
然后又去听了 "那些年" 再加上看了电影的片段（在 MV 里头），看到故事里头的遗憾，虽然这事件也称不上 ‘遗憾’两个字，但始终对我而言，是一种 ‘失去’，是一种不完美，看了 MV 还真的有点想掉泪！haiz.
现在，希望能放下自己正在在意的事，好好珍惜吧！否则失去了，还在乎现在在乎的事情吗？
可能只可以说一句 ‘天下无不散之筵席’。不过其实我真的好讨厌这句话。尤其是此时此刻。
可能大婶只是像平时一样，说说就算了。可是这次感觉真实得多了。
haiz. 看到 lizhu post le 一句 “对完美起疑，对不完美深信不疑" - 怎么觉得和我现在的心情一样呢？
可能到最终，还是得放手的吧。只是提早了些！haiz!
kheng.
不过这次并不是在说开心，正面的改变。 是因为大婶为了今天发生的事情而哭了，也说了不会再留在快乐学堂，是提早结束了我们这段在快乐学堂所建立的友谊吗？是我悲观吗？不过大婶走了以后，很多事情都会改变，虽然我们和 Chongchong 还有 sup 她们都还算谈得上话，可是大婶始终还是很关键的桥梁。少了她，很多事情会改变！
然后又去听了 "那些年" 再加上看了电影的片段（在 MV 里头），看到故事里头的遗憾，虽然这事件也称不上 ‘遗憾’两个字，但始终对我而言，是一种 ‘失去’，是一种不完美，看了 MV 还真的有点想掉泪！haiz.
现在，希望能放下自己正在在意的事，好好珍惜吧！否则失去了，还在乎现在在乎的事情吗？
可能只可以说一句 ‘天下无不散之筵席’。不过其实我真的好讨厌这句话。尤其是此时此刻。
可能大婶只是像平时一样，说说就算了。可是这次感觉真实得多了。
haiz. 看到 lizhu post le 一句 “对完美起疑，对不完美深信不疑" - 怎么觉得和我现在的心情一样呢？
可能到最终，还是得放手的吧。只是提早了些！haiz!
kheng.
"update"
hehe. it's a different ball game now that DS is gg to tender! hehe. today din haf time to b home to tink bout how i will handle emotions to avoid sun's incident from happening again! hehe. & now still haf to tink bout e poster & banner for @27! hehe. i haven't pack for batam trip tmr also! hehe.
tt day decided tt i can lose everything.. bt now wen u r really facing e possibility of losing, the feeling is different! hmm! & maybe coz tt day in e low mood so everything can b given up upon.. hmm..
it used to be...* but i guess it's coz i wasn't outside?
hahahah! bt anw! still can manage! hehe. realisations made tt day could haf helped me to cope w emotions tt might be happening, but now tt the game rules have changed.... hmm.. maybe it gives me additional reason to not b affected hor? hmm...
talkin in riddles now! hahaha.
bt tt's my style wen it's sth i feel "ashamed" to b saying everything out! hehehe.
ok! well! now doing sth else! less time to b thinkin bout this! bt anw i wasn't broodin! hahaha. jus had e 不吐不快 feel! hehee.
anw i feel tt it's a little weird w DB now! i dunno if she really dun feel like talkin to me now or i 先入为主! bt anw i asked in a v weird way yest liao! bt ans was
she is not offended by me! hehe. well. maybe she also buhaoyisi say or maybe she dunno she is resistant to me alr. hehehe. jus presenting possibilities.. hehe. bt well. prepared for e worst! hahaha. just let things be! hehe. brings me back to e times wen i felt tt she seem to b dislikin me! hehehe. bt well. this time round is different, coz at least i seem to haf really done sth wrong! hahaha. throwing tantrums! heheh. maybe made her feel tt i m v unpredictable or v tiring to b hoaxing me all e time! hehe.
i also dunno! or maybe e taxi incident! or maybe really nothing la! haha. i also dunno! bt i m not gg to brood bout it! hehehe.
today i realised tt m i adopting a defeatist attitude? coz wen i saw tt DS was behaving so weirdly.. it din occur to me tt sth happened leh. my first sentiment was things haf changed.. coz nobody from office entertained us today.. everyone like so doing their own stuff & e 3 of us jus like 自生自灭. it is this kind of feeling tt i m afraid of tt's why i hesitate to go back to yah! alone at times! bt den wen we left den DS apologised den it became like "is sth happen leh.. if not she wun b like tt" - jus like my emo times, bt definitely nt as frequent & serious as mine..
hehe. bt point is.. maybe DB's incident is nothing happen, or even if sth is weird, it isn't sth tt i did. maybe is still her bf? hehe. i also dunno! bt i realised sth bout myself today again! hahaha.
bt well. yep! tt's it! hehe. shall get down to stuff! feel better after typin things out & seeing whatsapp convo so active! at least can dun brood bout certain stuff!(: hehehe.
alright-dee! hehe. nelle asked me nt to nua whole day at hm & kun all e time & do sth productive! hehe. seems like i really shld give some serious thot bout it! hehe. bout 2-3 more wks!! (:
kheng(:
tt day decided tt i can lose everything.. bt now wen u r really facing e possibility of losing, the feeling is different! hmm! & maybe coz tt day in e low mood so everything can b given up upon.. hmm..
it used to be...* but i guess it's coz i wasn't outside?
hahahah! bt anw! still can manage! hehe. realisations made tt day could haf helped me to cope w emotions tt might be happening, but now tt the game rules have changed.... hmm.. maybe it gives me additional reason to not b affected hor? hmm...
talkin in riddles now! hahaha.
bt tt's my style wen it's sth i feel "ashamed" to b saying everything out! hehehe.
ok! well! now doing sth else! less time to b thinkin bout this! bt anw i wasn't broodin! hahaha. jus had e 不吐不快 feel! hehee.
anw i feel tt it's a little weird w DB now! i dunno if she really dun feel like talkin to me now or i 先入为主! bt anw i asked in a v weird way yest liao! bt ans was
she is not offended by me! hehe. well. maybe she also buhaoyisi say or maybe she dunno she is resistant to me alr. hehehe. jus presenting possibilities.. hehe. bt well. prepared for e worst! hahaha. just let things be! hehe. brings me back to e times wen i felt tt she seem to b dislikin me! hehehe. bt well. this time round is different, coz at least i seem to haf really done sth wrong! hahaha. throwing tantrums! heheh. maybe made her feel tt i m v unpredictable or v tiring to b hoaxing me all e time! hehe.
i also dunno! or maybe e taxi incident! or maybe really nothing la! haha. i also dunno! bt i m not gg to brood bout it! hehehe.
today i realised tt m i adopting a defeatist attitude? coz wen i saw tt DS was behaving so weirdly.. it din occur to me tt sth happened leh. my first sentiment was things haf changed.. coz nobody from office entertained us today.. everyone like so doing their own stuff & e 3 of us jus like 自生自灭. it is this kind of feeling tt i m afraid of tt's why i hesitate to go back to yah! alone at times! bt den wen we left den DS apologised den it became like "is sth happen leh.. if not she wun b like tt" - jus like my emo times, bt definitely nt as frequent & serious as mine..
hehe. bt point is.. maybe DB's incident is nothing happen, or even if sth is weird, it isn't sth tt i did. maybe is still her bf? hehe. i also dunno! bt i realised sth bout myself today again! hahaha.
bt well. yep! tt's it! hehe. shall get down to stuff! feel better after typin things out & seeing whatsapp convo so active! at least can dun brood bout certain stuff!(: hehehe.
alright-dee! hehe. nelle asked me nt to nua whole day at hm & kun all e time & do sth productive! hehe. seems like i really shld give some serious thot bout it! hehe. bout 2-3 more wks!! (:
kheng(:
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Haiz dislike dislike
Haiz.. 怎么办？总不能每次都找借口嘛！可是我承认，我真的是放不下，又没能控制好情绪！我无所谓，只不过不想说话，可是不说话也不行，不说话就等于把情绪给全写在脸上！haiz! ＂ 阵做＂！至少不要成为问题的来源！好！成熟一点！:))
Friday, December 9, 2011
Hmm..
Hmm! Was "locked out" of e blog app twice = this is my 3rd attempt at writing e same thing! So i guess it is a signal not to post the thingy ba! Hmm! Yep! So i din post! Hehe! Bt jus write down e above! :))
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
潜行狙击
Omg! Jus finished e drama! Also dunno wat to say! Shld i say tt e drama is good? Well!! It ended w a stupid abrupt scene! 4 main leads, 2 died, 1 pseudo death & one in jail! & e ending was super abrupt w laughin & another prisoner! So Sudden - feel like scolding "WTF?"
Well. At least paris din die & at least despite all e evils in this show & everythin, at least their love was real! Really dilemma max, both of them r e baddies, bt their love is so strong, so real! & at least it wasn't e one tt got betrayed in e end! Wen michael shot paris, i really thot he din love her as much! Well, at least there is still this little bit of positive strength i can find in him! Hahaha!
Yeah! At least paris din die! I shld say this rite? & at least she din jus die in e sea or sth! Hehe! At least she got addressed in e end!
Bt yep! Maybe coz i like xu zi shan, so even tho she v bad in this show, bt wat i saw was tt even tho she is always trying to 上位 & she can do so many bad things, she is still a woman who is weak & needs protection & she really loves michael! I guess it's all bout perspective! Maybe this provokes more thot tt she took on e role! Coz i m more inclined to see e positive aspect of her!
& jodie's death really made me cry! Cry coz i din wan her to die! It's jus like this little step! & they could haf saved her! Bt she died! At least she died 光荣-ly & w value, unlike e girl in forensic heroes 3, she died like u will jus ask "for wat?" as in she died also to save her bf, bt den e death is like so unimpactful! She need not haf died at all!
Yep! & this one, of coz jodie need nt haf died, bt i guess e arrangement had value! At least in movin e plot forward! For laughin to go find michael! Yep!
& tt michael deserved to die, bt y mus it b at e expense of laughin's imprisonment?
Bt this show made me see things frm a different perspective, nw i believe less tt things can b so white & black, so clearly! Being a undercover, u might haf to break ur 底线 anytime & for a bigger goal in mind, u might haf to make certain sacrifices!
Yep! Perhaps tt's why i could accept better tt laughin had to b jailed! & jodie's death! Or maybe jus coz i saw e advertisement & all e promotional films & everythin jus right b4 i watched e final 2 episodes ba! Hmm!
Bt really! E endin is like... A good ending! I m satisfied! As in of coz nt a happy ending, bt it ended properly! Like addressed all e possible concerns..everythin was logical! At least better than FH3! :p yep! & e techniques used within e show bout tracing & checkin! All good & awesome & impressive! & at ep15, wen laughin became undercover! I thot it was gg to b e "omg! UC again ah? Izzit gg to b draggy & boring?" bt it turned out well! 30 Ep, managed v well! :D
Yep! Nw tt i take some time to review e show, at least it is a proper closure! It's a kind of mixed feelings coz i love e show! V much coz of xu zi shan tho! :p bt it doesn't make me wan to rewatch it coz of e bad ending! Bt at e same time, it's a good thing coz if nt i will b v addicted to e show & sufferin frm e 后遗症, like xia yi zhan xing fu like tt! Yep!
Learnin to accept negative endings for dramas & movies better nw! Perhaps coz i noe tt actually real life cannot b like dramas! It's impossible to always haf a happy ending! Yep! Bt of coz really could haf a happy ending! & doesn't mean tt i can accept it well in life la! :p bt at least in dramas i can accept! Hehe! ( like a even if i can't accept, so?)
Hahaha! Nw haf a "damn sucky" feel! Like a v negative feel! Hmm! Bt seems to haf disappeared! Hmm! Wat m i gg to tink of right b4 i fall asleep? Nt gg to tink of e show coz of e ending! Nt gg to tink of my story coz no mood! Hmm..
Actually really din expect a good ending for e show! Jus nt for madam jo tt side! Yep! Hmm.. Haiz..
Well! Let me go & sleep first! Today's mood ~ BAD! Maybe tmr might b able to figure out why!
Bt anw jus nw tt negative feel is like nothin bout life is great! Like everythin will nt haf a happy endin leh! Michael & paris loved each other so much! Bt so? Bt of coz is coz of e route they chose! I really tink tt xu zi shan being e one takin on e role of paris changed e way i interpreted e show! If it wasn't her, maybe i wun haf enjoyed e parts tt were bout her & michael, coz usually wen it switches to 2nd male & female leads whom i dun like, i will feel like "can skip this part?" feel! Like for tan qing shuo an! Tho e show is still v nice! Yep! Bt this time round coz it is xu zi shan, so i enjoyed both e 1st & 2nd male & female leads' parts! Yep! :D & perhaps coz i m nt a very objective person! I reviewed halfway wen i was watchin e serial, i realised tt xu zi shan actually took on baddie roles for quite a no of show! Bt i saw her as a nice person coz of e turnin back she always went thru at e end of e show! & in this show, tho she really is doin bad things, i m seein her strength again!
& dunno if it is coz it is her, bt i feel tt she isn't tt bad after all! Still tt kind of u wan to see things btw her & michael 开花结果 tho they r baddies! Jus a v dilemma-ic feel! Hahaha!
Hmm! Bt well! Yep! At least i really enjoyed this show! I only stopped all e nights coz i really v tired! Never did i tink of wantin to stop watchin this drama coz it's borin! :P
I tink i will watch this drama a 2nd time wen it's released perhaps! On starhub i mean! Hehe!
& it's time to b prepared for negative endings for HK dramas! In case i feel disappointed! This time round e feelin is nt v strong coz i haf been 预告-ed! :P yep! :p
Kheng
A kind of dunno hw to express feelin! :P
Well. At least paris din die & at least despite all e evils in this show & everythin, at least their love was real! Really dilemma max, both of them r e baddies, bt their love is so strong, so real! & at least it wasn't e one tt got betrayed in e end! Wen michael shot paris, i really thot he din love her as much! Well, at least there is still this little bit of positive strength i can find in him! Hahaha!
Yeah! At least paris din die! I shld say this rite? & at least she din jus die in e sea or sth! Hehe! At least she got addressed in e end!
Bt yep! Maybe coz i like xu zi shan, so even tho she v bad in this show, bt wat i saw was tt even tho she is always trying to 上位 & she can do so many bad things, she is still a woman who is weak & needs protection & she really loves michael! I guess it's all bout perspective! Maybe this provokes more thot tt she took on e role! Coz i m more inclined to see e positive aspect of her!
& jodie's death really made me cry! Cry coz i din wan her to die! It's jus like this little step! & they could haf saved her! Bt she died! At least she died 光荣-ly & w value, unlike e girl in forensic heroes 3, she died like u will jus ask "for wat?" as in she died also to save her bf, bt den e death is like so unimpactful! She need not haf died at all!
Yep! & this one, of coz jodie need nt haf died, bt i guess e arrangement had value! At least in movin e plot forward! For laughin to go find michael! Yep!
& tt michael deserved to die, bt y mus it b at e expense of laughin's imprisonment?
Bt this show made me see things frm a different perspective, nw i believe less tt things can b so white & black, so clearly! Being a undercover, u might haf to break ur 底线 anytime & for a bigger goal in mind, u might haf to make certain sacrifices!
Yep! Perhaps tt's why i could accept better tt laughin had to b jailed! & jodie's death! Or maybe jus coz i saw e advertisement & all e promotional films & everythin jus right b4 i watched e final 2 episodes ba! Hmm!
Bt really! E endin is like... A good ending! I m satisfied! As in of coz nt a happy ending, bt it ended properly! Like addressed all e possible concerns..everythin was logical! At least better than FH3! :p yep! & e techniques used within e show bout tracing & checkin! All good & awesome & impressive! & at ep15, wen laughin became undercover! I thot it was gg to b e "omg! UC again ah? Izzit gg to b draggy & boring?" bt it turned out well! 30 Ep, managed v well! :D
Yep! Nw tt i take some time to review e show, at least it is a proper closure! It's a kind of mixed feelings coz i love e show! V much coz of xu zi shan tho! :p bt it doesn't make me wan to rewatch it coz of e bad ending! Bt at e same time, it's a good thing coz if nt i will b v addicted to e show & sufferin frm e 后遗症, like xia yi zhan xing fu like tt! Yep!
Learnin to accept negative endings for dramas & movies better nw! Perhaps coz i noe tt actually real life cannot b like dramas! It's impossible to always haf a happy ending! Yep! Bt of coz really could haf a happy ending! & doesn't mean tt i can accept it well in life la! :p bt at least in dramas i can accept! Hehe! ( like a even if i can't accept, so?)
Hahaha! Nw haf a "damn sucky" feel! Like a v negative feel! Hmm! Bt seems to haf disappeared! Hmm! Wat m i gg to tink of right b4 i fall asleep? Nt gg to tink of e show coz of e ending! Nt gg to tink of my story coz no mood! Hmm..
Actually really din expect a good ending for e show! Jus nt for madam jo tt side! Yep! Hmm.. Haiz..
Well! Let me go & sleep first! Today's mood ~ BAD! Maybe tmr might b able to figure out why!
Bt anw jus nw tt negative feel is like nothin bout life is great! Like everythin will nt haf a happy endin leh! Michael & paris loved each other so much! Bt so? Bt of coz is coz of e route they chose! I really tink tt xu zi shan being e one takin on e role of paris changed e way i interpreted e show! If it wasn't her, maybe i wun haf enjoyed e parts tt were bout her & michael, coz usually wen it switches to 2nd male & female leads whom i dun like, i will feel like "can skip this part?" feel! Like for tan qing shuo an! Tho e show is still v nice! Yep! Bt this time round coz it is xu zi shan, so i enjoyed both e 1st & 2nd male & female leads' parts! Yep! :D & perhaps coz i m nt a very objective person! I reviewed halfway wen i was watchin e serial, i realised tt xu zi shan actually took on baddie roles for quite a no of show! Bt i saw her as a nice person coz of e turnin back she always went thru at e end of e show! & in this show, tho she really is doin bad things, i m seein her strength again!
& dunno if it is coz it is her, bt i feel tt she isn't tt bad after all! Still tt kind of u wan to see things btw her & michael 开花结果 tho they r baddies! Jus a v dilemma-ic feel! Hahaha!
Hmm! Bt well! Yep! At least i really enjoyed this show! I only stopped all e nights coz i really v tired! Never did i tink of wantin to stop watchin this drama coz it's borin! :P
I tink i will watch this drama a 2nd time wen it's released perhaps! On starhub i mean! Hehe!
& it's time to b prepared for negative endings for HK dramas! In case i feel disappointed! This time round e feelin is nt v strong coz i haf been 预告-ed! :P yep! :p
Kheng
A kind of dunno hw to express feelin! :P
Monday, November 28, 2011
Tweet
Haiz! I tink i watch too many 火爆 & violent dramas alr! Tt's why mood so bad now! :S
I tink i hate to haf my plans spoilt! Haiz! My bro nv say earlier whether gg out anot! Den nw say go MBS! & nv tell me at all! :S
I tink nt enuff slp! Mood a bit bad! Sometimes i really aren't emo-ing, bt i jus haf a bad mood & i dun vent it out! & it becomes such tt i m emo-ing! Wat e hell! Damn it!
I tink i hate to haf my plans spoilt! Haiz! My bro nv say earlier whether gg out anot! Den nw say go MBS! & nv tell me at all! :S
I tink nt enuff slp! Mood a bit bad! Sometimes i really aren't emo-ing, bt i jus haf a bad mood & i dun vent it out! & it becomes such tt i m emo-ing! Wat e hell! Damn it!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
:D
Yay! Cleared disgustin 3211! Tink wrote as badly as 1101 & 2101! Hehe! Bt nt sure if can secure e B- but heck! Hee! At least it's over! :D nw 2 more papers! Not morn paper, so hopefully no need wake up so early like this morn! :S
Hehe! Nw haf to see if my sis was irritated by me yest! :P heheh! Den i can really relax! :p even tho is 2 more papers! :P
Hehe! Nw haf to see if my sis was irritated by me yest! :P heheh! Den i can really relax! :p even tho is 2 more papers! :P
Tweet
Haiz! Sian! I m nt in e blamin attitude nw! I m jus sian! Sian tt i did nt weigh e consequences properly! I was worried, pek chek & so din wan to talk! Really wrong ah? I tink i haf to re-adjust e way i behave in e comm! I jus tink tt there is nth wrong w nt wantin to talk! Bt i tink wen it's a communal livin, u jus can't do sth like this! Haiz.. It's nt tt i wan to show attitude, bt wen u r tired & worryin bout e tonnes of things u've to study, & alr wasted so much time jus nw wen u wanted to to work hard coz it's e very last min alr, it really doesn't help tt u spend another 1hr more out there nt studyin! Maybe i m in denial or i really haf low self-awareness, bt i really aren't blamin! I m jus sian on e whole! Dunno la, dunno if i offended anyone, bt i jus dun feel like openin my mouth! Sian! & wat? I m gg to slp! :S
Monday, November 21, 2011
法证先锋3 ending!
Hehe! Hmm! Why fazhengxianfeng3's endin nt as impressive? Maybe coz they found pro sir's method too not scientific! As in was jus a recollection by e cute guy! Hehe! & madam so never 发挥! All let wu zhuo xi do e job & save her! Aiyo! Hehe! & coz e guessin of e final killer nt tt hard! As in quite expected! Realised this show they caught e killer v easily esp towards e back! Only e front cases took longer time! Hehe!
& angel died! She also nt main lead, die like tt, e impact nt big enuff! & y mus she die? Like so not worth it! Maybe she can't act for e 4th one ba! Bt yep! At least e other 2 couples got tgt! :D & e way they ended, seems like there's gg to b e 4th episode! Hehe!
& i tink they din play up e police role in this show! Previously maybe also! Bt seem to rmb meng jia hui & then subsequently she shi man havin more cool roles! Madam in this episode seems more mild! Bt ok la, at least is nt 女强人！had a cute love story! I like! Heehhehee!
& still v happy! Hehe! Really dunno y xu zi shan is my idol! Bt jus like her a lot! Tt day suddenly had this "flash across thought" - it came on its own - tt liangwenyin & her like go e same 路线 kind! Heheheh! Maybe my idols all same style de ba!! Hehe! Awesome! 😄
Hehehe! I m gg to watch e qianxing sth sth even tho she is actin as 坏人! Hehehe! Yay! I realised actually xu zi shan altho got take on main lead roles, bt nt big shows! & those big shows, her roles nt v striking kind! Hmm.. Bt nvm! At least she is actin in a lot of big shows! At least more! Hehe! Means i can watch more shows! :D
& dunno whether izzit coz exams den can watch so find e Show esp nice! Hehe! Den tonight coz had kinda like free time, so feel tt endin nt impressive! Hehe!
Bt anw i tink e show is nice! & i m satisfied! 1st episode is still e best - maybe coz idea fresh! Bt at least this is better than e 2nd episode! & it is nice on its own! Hehe! Give it 9 stars! ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
Hehe!
Yay! & went to watch tu wei xing dong certain scenes again jus nw! :P aww! Sweet max! :D
Hehe! *
kheng:D
Shld sign off as tv fanatic! :P
It feels good to b able to write essays! Coz it rep e good grasp of e eng lang i haf! Hahaha! Totally struggled to write e malay essay today! Hahaha! Yep! Bt it's over! 1 paper down! 5 more days to go! & it will b time to execute all my grand plans!!!!! :DD
& angel died! She also nt main lead, die like tt, e impact nt big enuff! & y mus she die? Like so not worth it! Maybe she can't act for e 4th one ba! Bt yep! At least e other 2 couples got tgt! :D & e way they ended, seems like there's gg to b e 4th episode! Hehe!
& i tink they din play up e police role in this show! Previously maybe also! Bt seem to rmb meng jia hui & then subsequently she shi man havin more cool roles! Madam in this episode seems more mild! Bt ok la, at least is nt 女强人！had a cute love story! I like! Heehhehee!
& still v happy! Hehe! Really dunno y xu zi shan is my idol! Bt jus like her a lot! Tt day suddenly had this "flash across thought" - it came on its own - tt liangwenyin & her like go e same 路线 kind! Heheheh! Maybe my idols all same style de ba!! Hehe! Awesome! 😄
Hehehe! I m gg to watch e qianxing sth sth even tho she is actin as 坏人! Hehehe! Yay! I realised actually xu zi shan altho got take on main lead roles, bt nt big shows! & those big shows, her roles nt v striking kind! Hmm.. Bt nvm! At least she is actin in a lot of big shows! At least more! Hehe! Means i can watch more shows! :D
& dunno whether izzit coz exams den can watch so find e Show esp nice! Hehe! Den tonight coz had kinda like free time, so feel tt endin nt impressive! Hehe!
Bt anw i tink e show is nice! & i m satisfied! 1st episode is still e best - maybe coz idea fresh! Bt at least this is better than e 2nd episode! & it is nice on its own! Hehe! Give it 9 stars! ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
Hehe!
Yay! & went to watch tu wei xing dong certain scenes again jus nw! :P aww! Sweet max! :D
Hehe! *
kheng:D
Shld sign off as tv fanatic! :P
It feels good to b able to write essays! Coz it rep e good grasp of e eng lang i haf! Hahaha! Totally struggled to write e malay essay today! Hahaha! Yep! Bt it's over! 1 paper down! 5 more days to go! & it will b time to execute all my grand plans!!!!! :DD
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Tweet
It's 21st alr! So fast! Tho it means cui for exams! Bt it also means tt i m 5days away frm freedom! :D hehe! Dun dare tweet coz i feel tt quite wrong! Hehe! Coz i haf been slackin! Heh
4 things on my mind nw
1) dabongz's whatsapp msg! Wat is she referrin to?
2) Malay notes! In time to type out for pingping & pau?
3) hw to get to venue tmr?
4) haven't send peer evaluation form
Sometimes i really wonder why i am like that! Haiz!
2) Malay notes! In time to type out for pingping & pau?
3) hw to get to venue tmr?
4) haven't send peer evaluation form
Sometimes i really wonder why i am like that! Haiz!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
love
haven't blogged from comp for ages! hehe.
i've learnt to cherish things more! hmm. esp after gor has gotten married! nt the time nw to blog everythin in full! coz gotta do my paper! hehe. bt tt still will haf tt emo, tears whelming up feel wenever i tink of gor no longer stayin in this hs! it's a happy thing! his wedding ceremony went pretty smoothly! no hiccups except for the post-realisation tt the rice was served wrongly! nw still undergoin investigation whose fault it was! hehe.
yep! happy! perhaps coz e few days b4 his wedding, was busy chionging his video.. could feel his emotions wen he was busy preparing, burnt out, tired, pek chek, thankful, worried, excited.. everything.. & coz he was super sweet to us, helped me cover blanket wen i slept in e living room, bought me 7-11 food wen i was chionging his video (reminded me of the times wen we always go to 7-11 to buy this $1.50 combo, had the habit coz of badminton & i brought the "culture" home).. yep.. coz was so interconnected, could feel e break wen i told myself he is nt gg to stay w us anymore..
den mon after malay meeting supposed to come back & do 3105, den see him & shulin around, so happy & jus wanted to spend time being ard them.. so din do.. at nite could haf done it bt already no mood. so no one to blame! hehe. end up marian help me do quite a bit of e parts.. grateful bt nt guilty leh! as in i noe i was at fault, bt i dun tink i m a slacker! hahahah. bt.. more things to share on this topic.. nxt itme!
yep.. den yest thankfully i went to malay w juian! coz if nt i might haf stayed in sch & ate w dabongz or stayed till v late.. luckily i went & after tt came back, timing jus nice! met them for dinner!:D hehe. had good food!:P haha.
yep! & e emo feeling comes wenever i see my bro & shulin in my hs, same old scene, bt i noe tt after this, they would b gg back home.. back to shulin's hs.. & nt gg stay here anymore.. den will get this feeling of..... haiz..
yep! it's really 物以稀为贵！if my bro continues living here, maybe i wun appreciate it as much.. bt coz i noe i m nt gg to see him as often, den e feeling comes.. haiz.. a bit teary! tt day thot coz lack of sleep! bt seems like i m nt tired nw, bt still will haf tt feelin! & coz of tt, i m cherishin my sis more! hehehe. i will text her wen i can make it for dinner to see if she wants dinner! hahaha.
maybe jus a few wks, after this den will b back to norm! bt at least at this v present moment & for the past few days, i did & am feeling upset tt my bro is no longer staying w us! maybe wen he annoys me den i wun haf these feelings anymore, bt now.. really quite emo!:(
yep! & coz of e phone saga, hahaha. textin my sis! rare tt i can b e one tt can help, tt is helpin & not being helped! hehehe. yep..
haiz.. yep! feeling e feeling of love!
yep! bt anw, need to go do 3105 paper! do my part for e paper! so slack! hehe. my greatest source of motivation is to finish it so tt i dun haf to bring laptop to sch, den later can b happily walking ard w esther! haha. good exposure indeed! & jus like being w esther! hehe.
actually nt a lot of motivation, bt dun wan go sch coz wan see my sis! hahaha. so sticky now! wun last for long i tink!:P hehehe. bt yep! tink i m ponning later's tutorial! hehe.
kheng.
02.11.11
i've learnt to cherish things more! hmm. esp after gor has gotten married! nt the time nw to blog everythin in full! coz gotta do my paper! hehe. bt tt still will haf tt emo, tears whelming up feel wenever i tink of gor no longer stayin in this hs! it's a happy thing! his wedding ceremony went pretty smoothly! no hiccups except for the post-realisation tt the rice was served wrongly! nw still undergoin investigation whose fault it was! hehe.
yep! happy! perhaps coz e few days b4 his wedding, was busy chionging his video.. could feel his emotions wen he was busy preparing, burnt out, tired, pek chek, thankful, worried, excited.. everything.. & coz he was super sweet to us, helped me cover blanket wen i slept in e living room, bought me 7-11 food wen i was chionging his video (reminded me of the times wen we always go to 7-11 to buy this $1.50 combo, had the habit coz of badminton & i brought the "culture" home).. yep.. coz was so interconnected, could feel e break wen i told myself he is nt gg to stay w us anymore..
den mon after malay meeting supposed to come back & do 3105, den see him & shulin around, so happy & jus wanted to spend time being ard them.. so din do.. at nite could haf done it bt already no mood. so no one to blame! hehe. end up marian help me do quite a bit of e parts.. grateful bt nt guilty leh! as in i noe i was at fault, bt i dun tink i m a slacker! hahahah. bt.. more things to share on this topic.. nxt itme!
yep.. den yest thankfully i went to malay w juian! coz if nt i might haf stayed in sch & ate w dabongz or stayed till v late.. luckily i went & after tt came back, timing jus nice! met them for dinner!:D hehe. had good food!:P haha.
yep! & e emo feeling comes wenever i see my bro & shulin in my hs, same old scene, bt i noe tt after this, they would b gg back home.. back to shulin's hs.. & nt gg stay here anymore.. den will get this feeling of..... haiz..
yep! it's really 物以稀为贵！if my bro continues living here, maybe i wun appreciate it as much.. bt coz i noe i m nt gg to see him as often, den e feeling comes.. haiz.. a bit teary! tt day thot coz lack of sleep! bt seems like i m nt tired nw, bt still will haf tt feelin! & coz of tt, i m cherishin my sis more! hehehe. i will text her wen i can make it for dinner to see if she wants dinner! hahaha.
maybe jus a few wks, after this den will b back to norm! bt at least at this v present moment & for the past few days, i did & am feeling upset tt my bro is no longer staying w us! maybe wen he annoys me den i wun haf these feelings anymore, bt now.. really quite emo!:(
yep! & coz of e phone saga, hahaha. textin my sis! rare tt i can b e one tt can help, tt is helpin & not being helped! hehehe. yep..
haiz.. yep! feeling e feeling of love!
yep! bt anw, need to go do 3105 paper! do my part for e paper! so slack! hehe. my greatest source of motivation is to finish it so tt i dun haf to bring laptop to sch, den later can b happily walking ard w esther! haha. good exposure indeed! & jus like being w esther! hehe.
actually nt a lot of motivation, bt dun wan go sch coz wan see my sis! hahaha. so sticky now! wun last for long i tink!:P hehehe. bt yep! tink i m ponning later's tutorial! hehe.
kheng.
02.11.11
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Evil
I did sth evil! I din pick up qimin's call! I broke my promise tt i will b here anytime for her.. Bt i really not in e mood to pick up.. If i pick up i also wun haf e mood to engage in a talk w her.. I will try v hard to respond bt i really a bit zone off alr.. Maybe jus excuses bt i really nt in e mood..
Haiz. I hope i wun regret.. I hope she jus wants a casual talk.. Nt tt time of big thing.. Sorry.. Bt i really not in e mood.. If pick up le den i sound v sian.. Nt v nice also rite? Haiz. She called again. Bt i still din pick up.. I will say i on 2nd line or sth! Sorry qimin.. Haiz..
After this sem, i learnt tt i actually need time! Esp wen i m busy! I tink everyone needs it, jus tt i nv knew i will b busy to e extent tt i will need time to myself! Heh! Lol! Maybe jus excuses. Bt i can only say sorry.
Kheng.
Haiz. I hope i wun regret.. I hope she jus wants a casual talk.. Nt tt time of big thing.. Sorry.. Bt i really not in e mood.. If pick up le den i sound v sian.. Nt v nice also rite? Haiz. She called again. Bt i still din pick up.. I will say i on 2nd line or sth! Sorry qimin.. Haiz..
After this sem, i learnt tt i actually need time! Esp wen i m busy! I tink everyone needs it, jus tt i nv knew i will b busy to e extent tt i will need time to myself! Heh! Lol! Maybe jus excuses. Bt i can only say sorry.
Kheng.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Tweet
KPI got hit 到哦！i think xiaobongz will 被感动到！i think! I felt it! Hehe! Yes! I m pretty sure! Hehe!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Tweet
At least it isn't the very worried feel.. Jus tt i will tink.. Coz i tink quite afraid of losin e rapport ba! Haha! Bt jus go w e flow! Hehe! Will noe tmr! ^^
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Tweet
Omg! I realise i m v broke! I din save any money at all durin months at placement!:S splurged too much!! I better tink of hw i wan to save money! If nt nxt yr's $1800 dunno hw to pay!!:S jiatlat!!
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
:D
Omg! The rainbow tees really super pretty! My mood is totally brightned up! N now i haf total faith even WYH will say it's nice!:D omg! Awesome max!!!!!!!! :D really v happy! Wanted to tmr nite den surprise dashen! Bt she involved in e printin too! So she shld b aware of e plan! Hehehe! Tmr!:D yay! Dun tink anyone will 拆穿 me!:P hahahah! Yay!
开心爆了！hahahahha!
YAH! YAY!
Kheng.zhong bongz. Wu xie.
开心爆了！hahahahha!
YAH! YAY!
Kheng.zhong bongz. Wu xie.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
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Okay la. My 心 is 安的！:) hehe! Jus tt in a hurry here n there so still a little energy high I think! Really is 7788 le! Yep!:) 放手！i have faith in xiaobongz! Hehe! Jus tt still wan to b involved rite till e end! Hahaha! Bt ok de ^^
Monday, August 8, 2011
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Somethings dun last for life.. Tt's wat i m seekin understandin for.. Bt i guess nt many ppl noe where i m comin frm.. Oh well..
Bt i guess maybe this is jus my excuse.. I tink i m confusin myself between e real reason n excuse.. Hehe.
Bt does it matter? I haf decided isn't it?
Bt i guess maybe this is jus my excuse.. I tink i m confusin myself between e real reason n excuse.. Hehe.
Bt does it matter? I haf decided isn't it?
emotional roller coaster!
today went on an emotional roller coaster again! hehe. start frm last nite! suddenly received xiaobongz sms say wanna go back YAH in e morn.. quickly woke up to finish e camp booklet n her card! haha. den dashen came back!:D n was crappin w dabongz! haha. n den dabongz said dashen might nt bt gg for BBQ today! disappointment max! haha. bt still finished camp booklet! n den slept! woke up to do xiaobongz card.. didn't finish bt decided tt sunday might b a better day to give her e card! hehe. so din chiong! hehe.
went YAH! den waited for daxiaobongz to appear! had fun doin minor prep for camp.. n den went to meet baby they all.. fear.. guilt.. n den seeked comfort from tong(:P) hehe. den went back n tried thinkin of actions for 细水长流！as usual.. laughed n screamed!:p HEHE. den went in to finish up on e warm fuzzy board! so disappointed wen dashen told me nt to go collect e rainbow tee!:( bt i noe no use to fuss or beg!:( n she sick. din wan to piss her off. so was jus disappointed alone there.. a bit upset.. bt i noe i can't expect dashen to come n hoax me.. so no use being angry or pout.. yep.. n den after gg to supermarket to buy stuff w daxiaobongz.. cheered up! thot of e positive side.. can go earlier n haf fun w everyone!(: hehe. yep! so i jus accepted it! n laughed so hard w dabongz esp on bus n at bus stop while waiting for 176! hahaha. best! hahaha. n of coz xiaobongz ard to lose e "猫抓老鼠抓几只” & “你我他” game! hehe. love daxiaobongz!:D hehe.
n den reached flora's hs! n started exploring her house! WOW non-stop! haha. n screamed for "mdm tan" frm flora' balcony! hehe. my sup is so cute! haha. her husband's hair really so unexpected.. haha. bt can still feel(my sup will clap if she sees this word) tt he is a nice n guai1 guy! hehe. n mr chin! hahaha. funny! i tink somethings is got 6th sense de! xiaobongz see him wanted to call out for him alr! end up he really gao4 xiao4 kind! hahaha. maybe xiaobongz gt hear WYH share bout her husband!:P hehe. n dr lee 见过了！ hehe!
yep! tho spent e whole while BBQ-ing.. bt at least dashen was helping us!(: hehe. n i had fun also la!(: tho stand beside e BBQ pit e whole while! jus tt din haf time to interact w my sup n flora.. hehe.n had a new PA - jiejie/lee han! hahaa. she damn cute! n kids can "bully"!:P hehe. bt no la.. she's helpful ma!:P so i ma fan-ed her to help me take stuff n all tt! hehe. she did it gladly can! hahaha.
n i tink i fang4 kai1-ed.. i tink after last wed.. i tink i m starting to accept tt my nice nice colleagues at YAH! aren't perfect! hehe. n i shld expect less from them! & i will b happier.. n who m i to expect.. no matter wat.. i m still only an intern.. we only noe each other for less than 3months? haha. today 3months exact!:D hehe. yep!
so today happier! hehe. felt a lesser need to b talking w dashen all e time.. bt really still enjoyed e moments of "over over" w her tho was sitting next to e BBQ pit! hehehe. yep! 就学会了不要那么贪心 & 不实际！yep!(: happy!:D hehe. n tho couldn't b talkin n interacting w e rest while BBQ-ing.. bt enjoyed my moments w bongz!:D hehe. yep!:D
n of coz v happy wen we went in for tt short 15mins!:D hehe. talk bout "unhappy"/"worrying" de first! hehe. we were talking bout PR.. n i told my sup straight in her face tt she is a bit fierce to PR.. hehe. it's like tho will feel e tendency to join e crowd n gossip.. bt i noe xiaobongz v nice n dun like to gossip de.. i tink she's afraid she will hurt others.. hehe. yep.. so i tried to b v "fair".. hehe. n i told flora tt PR might b afraid of her coz of her authority.. coz of her experience n ability. hehe. den my sup 刚好 walk away.. wen she came back.. she asked.. n i told her maybe she a bit fierce to PR.. i wanted to be fair n be honest.. i guess i felt tt it's okay to speak up.. tink she will accept honest feedback plus we haf to speak up ma.. if nt she wun noe e reason.. n i feel tt tt is my way to b fairer to PR.. coz i enjoy interacting w dashen they all more.. hehe. so a bit mean to PR at times also!:P hehe.
n after i said.. also dunno 心里作用 or wat.. felt a little distant from my sup! hehe. i dun tink she was angry.. not sure if e message went down well w her! i rmb i did add on tt she isn't fierce to me.. bt maybe a little to PR.. hehe. maybe after tt coz no chance for interaction or i din dare to go fren-fren w her.. bt felt a little distant.. hehe..
bt it's nt tt kind of "aiya! i regretted saying kind!" nt like last wk wen i was a little fierce to dashen n said, "不然你是要怎样？" tt time too anxious to calm her down n wanted her to relax.. den in e end shoot sth out like this! hehe. quite mean! hehe. tried to bu jiu4 after tt.. hehe. i tink ok le.. maybe she din even feel it. bt i kinda regretted!:P
bt today.. i tink if given another chance.. i might still say.. coz i feel tt this is 适当的 disclosure.. i mean if i try to hide n stuff. my sup will feel tt i m nt honest.. n perhaps dabongz will still say in e end.. bt i decided to b nice to PR to make up.. hehe.. n nw tt i haf said it.. i hope my sup sees it as honest feedback.. she herself said tt she dun believe tt age decides who is e teacher.. n sometimes she will look a little pekchek.. hehe. maybe.. maybe it is blind spot?
i m nt sayin she is wrong to b a little fierce.. i m jus pointing it out.. i understand wat she means wen PR approaches her at e wrong time.. hehe. of coz i m still on my sup's side! haha. bt i jus feedback.. n like wat she said.. wen ppl give feedback.. process it n if u agree, accept n do sth bout it.. if nt.. dun take it to heart.. ppl might nt b right! hehe. n i agree w her totally!:D hehe..
yes.. bt if she felt a little upset.. i mean i will feel upset if someone points out sth nt so positive bout me.. perhaps all tt little rapport we've built up over e past few weeks(i repeat.. past few weeks coz this was e period wen i really felt tt we were closer than jus sup-student) was ruined just nw by my comment.. bt it's nt tt kind of "i regret!".. i kinda feel tt if i din speak up, it would haf indicated tt level of trust was nt there n maybe rapport wun haf further break-through also.. will only remain at "who is more auntie?" debate everytime we meet! hehe. aiya i tink i thinkin too much.. bt both sides also tinkin too much.. n i took e pick of saying it out! hehe. maybe wen i said i also din tink tt much.. bt somehow there were reasons behind my decision to speak! hehe. tryin to allocate reasons to both sides now! hehe. n reason it out n justify!:P hehe.
是! jiu4 feel tt rapport got break-through.. it's like nw my sup will talk v proudly of me as her student.. she will tap me to like joke n all tt. i feel tt body contact is a signal of comfort level.. like i will lean on dashen wen we laugh n stuff. hehe. yep! n i dare to stand close to my sup n tap her! hehe. n perhaps everything tt was built up.. however little tt was.. was ruined jus nw! hehe.
bt.. still tt's it.. no matter wat. i haf said it.. n it's nt tt kind of full of regrets.. hehe. so still ok.. jus tt wanted to blog! hehe. maybe to show tt i care? hehe.
ya lo.. n if i feel upset tt tt little rapport has been lost.. jus tink of e awkward silence on wednesday.. there were still times wen i did not dare to approach my sup however much i wanted to talk to her! hehe. nt fear... definitely nt coz she is fierce to me k! i really mean it wen i said tt she is not fierce to me! nt to 圆场！yep.. bt jus dunno if she will entertain me.. still tt little feeling tt she loves us all. at first felt tt she liked daxiaobongz more than me.. like she nt v interested to talk to me like tt. bt over time it became better n now she will 认 me as her student specifically! hehe. n tell me things bout her auntie-ness! i tink it's different! hehe.
bt still nt sure if i m being too irritating to talk to her.. still feel tt perhaps she prefers to b part of e bigger convo. if i go to her.. will become private convo!:P hehe.
i really tink a lot! haha. bt tt's hw complicated human beings are isn't it? hehehe.
bt anw! yep! tmr i will find her her articles n email her! hopefully tmr can clear all tuitions! hehe. den wed i will go test test n see hw things r! if tt rapport really disappeared.. den... hmm.. i asked dabongz if i was being rude jus nw wen i told my sup tt she is a little fierce to PR.. dabongz said i wasn't. hehe. so dun tink tt much rite? hehe. nt sure if i wan to include in email an "apology" anot.. more of wanting to tell my sup all e above i've written! haha. bt definitely wun write everything! hehe.
still contemplating.. hehe.
bt wed will go test test! hehe.
if really lose 掉.. also no choice.. it's nt tt i dun care.. i still care! hehe. bt really nothin i can do.. hehe. b realistic! haha. bt of coz hopin tt rapport will still b there! hehe. n will improve frm there!:D hehe.
was on cab w PR jus nw.. didn't wan to ask qn tt will make her feel like i m interrogating her.. haha. i tink she fears talkin to no 1-4.. coz i tink she feels tt they're better/more experienced? sth along tt line.. den if i ask e same thing.. like i on e same line as e rest! haha. bt had to talk on e cab mah.. haha. i wanted to talk! hehe. n jus talk lo.. din wan her to feel v uncomfortable.. like we r one big family except her. hehe. n luckily she asked bout social work.. n i jus self-disclosed.. hehe. sometimes i will nt say everything. hehe. coz i tink my sup shld noe best bout this issue coz she is my sup! haha. hw can she nt noe tt this thing bothers me e most n others noe?! hahaha. bt i will still share! hehe. n i told PR v honestly.. hehe. n i tink my self-disclosure made her ok to share.. maybe wat she shared jus nw was still not v deep into her heart.. bt it's ok for me.. we 什么交情？ expect her to 掏心掏肺？! i wun towards her either.. hehe. this kind of thing takes time. haha. bt at least i tink she shared.. din wan to probe too deep also.. i tink she might haf reservations coz of our close-ness to dashen they all also! hehe.
yep.. bt at least i showed her tt i can support her at least on e v superficial level.. like help her give out pamphlets for e 2nd briefing for Batch 20's LLL. hehe. maybe in e end i wun go also.. coz of camp n sch work. bt i really haf e intention of gg to help her this friday.. if timing allows! hehe.
n i will write her a card/letter to encourage her also! hehe. i tink encouragement helps! n support! tt feeling of being supported! hehe. dashen n my sup did give me tt feeling before! n i noe how empowering tt is! of coz nt forgettin daxiaobongz's support! hehe.
yep! n PR said tt my sup will keep callin me for help! haha. gladly gladly!:D hehe. actually sometimes wondering whether it is good to cut e connection w YAH/@27.. perhaps e learning n exposure has been enuff. n if i remain connected.. i will b so busy.. n i wun haf time for studies... for my tutees & for my frens! esp wen i m so addicted to being at YAH w them! hehe. bt i guess i will try to 重新规划(flora's 座右铭） my coming semester n see hw i can plan my time well! hehe. bt i still hope to b able to go back to eat lunch w them. help them n laugh/scream w them! hehe.
v cool & i like e feeling of them introducing us to their husbands! hahaha. mdm tan! hahaha. she told her ah lao how noisy YAH! is w us around wen we were laughin n screaming jus nw over e photos! hehe. n WYH did a one by one intro of us.. bt we jus continued w our BBQ-ing! hehhe.
love tt feeling. hehe. coz i tink there is a connection there.. so v happy. n love e grp photo we took jus nw! hehe. coz it's taken at a house.. so got e v sweet feeling! hehe. esp wen there r couples.. n children.. n youngsters like us!:P hehehe. like like like! hehe. might upload e photo here!(: hehe.
yep! n can continue talkin bout my sup! very happy coz she bought me rubber bands from HK! hehe. i tink WYH bought sth for eileen. hehe. so was wondering if my sup will. bt i thot she wun. hehe. bt she did! n v happy wen she said she had sth for me.. hehe. n i knew it was rubber bands! hehe. bt it's really nt bout e item.. it was really bout e xin1 yi4! n rubber bands! i like them! hehe. coz it's like only she n dashen will buy me rubber bands.. n it's sth like e reason behind it is our internal joke! hehe.
jus nw was a little throwing tantrum.. i was hoping dashen will buy tee shirts for us.. den in e end i wanted dabongz to take e winnie the pooh iphone casing so i was left w polka dots. nt my style.. hehe. bt i still love e angry bird thumbdrive!:D hehe. n nw tink bout it! love e polka dots casing also! jus nw jus v disappointed bout e cannot collect tee-shirt!:( hehehe. bt nw.. “发完小姐脾气了" so.. ok!:D hehe. n v happy n touched w e gifts!:D hehe.
no expectations really is 好的！tt's why i was so happy w my sup's rubber bands! hehe. coz they came as a surprise!:D hehe. n i really appreciate dashen n flora's thought k! hehe. love them for lovin us!:P hehe. n i really like e gifts as well! really!:D hehe.
n i tink i broke in into jiejie's world! haha. coz she asked me wen is my bdae! let's see if nxt yr we will still remain as connected for me to receive a bdae card frm her!(: hehe. i will make her one! haha. for sure! a simple one!(: haha.
i really v happy w today!:D hehe. coz i enjoyed myself.. had fun.. did "work" by BBQ-ing.. hehe. made new frens - jiejie.. hehe. n had a certain level of self-disclosure - w PR & sup.. hehe. sup part is kinda like a “危机” － 有危才有机！hehe! it's like tt honesty might destroy tt little rapport built.. bt it might also bring about an increased level of trust.. hehe.
yep! so it's like.. nt only fun! bt at least i felt tt got improve 到 relationship.. i feel.. haha.
n i noe i m v irritating.. bt i still wanna say.. there's a reason why i dun wan to sleep n would rather sit here n blog tho tmr morn need go climb bukit timah hill! hahaha. coz these things really did touch me.. n i really enjoy all these feelings..
yep.. love a feeling wen dashen came to tell me tt she is taking e photo of my sup's auntie-ness to show me! hahaha. tho is let me laugh.. bt love e way she n my sup address me as "her girl".. haha. it's like a v personalised feeling.. it's nt w e word "girl".. bt it's e fact tt my sup acknowledges me as HER intern..hahaha. there's a difference between this n me being YAH!'s intern k! hahaha. n my sup did intro me to her husband.. tho is bout e way i tie my hair.. haha. see me den can tell le can! coz i was doin e tie into 2 parts again! hahaha. bt happy n proud coz of tt attachment! hehehe.
n i v listen to my sup de can.. she asked me to eat watermelon i got eat lo. haha. i listen to dashen also!:D hehe. n i told her i like power rangers! hahaha. n luckily she still rmb i like pink! hehe. even jiejie could tell i like pink ranger coz i jus told her a few moments ago i liked pink!:P hehehe. bt ya.. hehe. is all these small things tt make me happy! hehe. n she told me she went HK wanted to look for chicken wing alike model for me to 望梅止渴！hahaha. 感动! hehe. coz it means tt she did tink of me!:P hehe. i went USS i also got tink of her lo! haha. wanted to get her a not-so-auntie bag! heheheh.
n these are e things which make me feel tt there is this little bit of improvement in terms of rapport:D hehehe.
i really hope i didn't lose them jus nw! haha. doesn't make sense.. i only gave my sup honest feedback.. n i said it nicely.. bt i will worry whether i offended her! hahaha. bt yep! i m still immersed in tt kind of 小小感动！:P hehe. e rest just 听天由命！ heheh! yep!
hahaha. n jus want to record everything down! everythin tt i can rmb!:P hehe. jus nw wen she asked if i ate my chicken wings.. i said not really. den she was like, "har.. why?!" den dabongz did say tt i sick. haha. bt i said no la.. coz v hot!:P hahaha. n of coz wen dashen said tt i eat less than 5 chicken wings is below my standard.. i jus like tt kind of identity.. tho is linked to chicken wings.. bt i tink at least they link me to things tt actually i acknowledge as my identity.. i actually like it wen others can tell tt i love chicken wings!:P hahahaha.
n i can feel(sup will clap hands again!) tt she cares.. hehe. it's jus nt tt initial "constant eye-rolling" feel! hehehe. n it's really tt kind of she bothers kind!:D hehehe. maybe coz she tapped me wen she asked hw i was! hahaha. bt body contact is powerful de can! hehehe.
是的！really hope tt rapport will still b there! hehe. bt coz got tt worry so seems like jus nw she like a bit distant frm me towards e end! hmm. maybe tink too much! hehe. bt really coz i care k!
yep! n no matter wat.. i will still write a lot on her bdae card! time to brainstorm for ideas!:P hehe. n nw haf to finish up xiabongz's card.. baby n qimin's farewell gifts! plus prepare for camp n sch! hahaha. a lot of things! hopefully tmr can clear tuitions den thurs fri go for kl's n gerald's! hehe. busy! bt shld b can manage still!(: hehe.
ltr will try to recall all e happy moments i had jus nw! yeah! having tt "counting my blessings" feel again!:D thank God for everything! thanks for blessing me w such a good bunch of colleagues n frens! n all e moments today! all e 感动 moments.. esp w my sup! hehe. n i love them all k! hehe.
i can feel e end drawing near.. coz after this weekend's camp.. hehe. maybe nxt sat will go back for the presentation! hehe. den see hw! n definitely a wk later for xiaobongz-cum-my-sup's bdae celebrations! hehe. need to plan need to plan! hehe. 希望这份联系能够维持下去！多一天是一天，我都会珍惜。。 上个星期三的感受是不知如何珍惜，如何放手。。可是现在很像有一点懂了。。不敢奢求太多，也知道不可能太多/一辈子， 不过都还是会珍惜！
希望彩虹部队能够一直一直地发亮！（就算日后会分开，会各散东西。。。还是会像 7 月 14 日那天的感动一样，一直一直地陪伴我走下去！）很开心，很感动能够拥有这一段感动。 会特别地珍惜，特别地感慨，因为知道且害怕它的结束，但这也让我更加地珍惜这个过程，这份联系，这份友情，这份感动，这个回忆！
谢谢你们！
1) Sup TYM!
2) dashen Crystal Tan!
3) Flora aka 运花老师！
4) WYH aka manager
5) Pei Rong
& of coz nt forgetting my dearest da xiao bongz - Vivian & Eileen! <3
是的！
Thank God!
Kheng/zhongbongz/i m my sup's girl! :P
08.08.11
感动满满！
went YAH! den waited for daxiaobongz to appear! had fun doin minor prep for camp.. n den went to meet baby they all.. fear.. guilt.. n den seeked comfort from tong(:P) hehe. den went back n tried thinkin of actions for 细水长流！as usual.. laughed n screamed!:p HEHE. den went in to finish up on e warm fuzzy board! so disappointed wen dashen told me nt to go collect e rainbow tee!:( bt i noe no use to fuss or beg!:( n she sick. din wan to piss her off. so was jus disappointed alone there.. a bit upset.. bt i noe i can't expect dashen to come n hoax me.. so no use being angry or pout.. yep.. n den after gg to supermarket to buy stuff w daxiaobongz.. cheered up! thot of e positive side.. can go earlier n haf fun w everyone!(: hehe. yep! so i jus accepted it! n laughed so hard w dabongz esp on bus n at bus stop while waiting for 176! hahaha. best! hahaha. n of coz xiaobongz ard to lose e "猫抓老鼠抓几只” & “你我他” game! hehe. love daxiaobongz!:D hehe.
n den reached flora's hs! n started exploring her house! WOW non-stop! haha. n screamed for "mdm tan" frm flora' balcony! hehe. my sup is so cute! haha. her husband's hair really so unexpected.. haha. bt can still feel(my sup will clap if she sees this word) tt he is a nice n guai1 guy! hehe. n mr chin! hahaha. funny! i tink somethings is got 6th sense de! xiaobongz see him wanted to call out for him alr! end up he really gao4 xiao4 kind! hahaha. maybe xiaobongz gt hear WYH share bout her husband!:P hehe. n dr lee 见过了！ hehe!
yep! tho spent e whole while BBQ-ing.. bt at least dashen was helping us!(: hehe. n i had fun also la!(: tho stand beside e BBQ pit e whole while! jus tt din haf time to interact w my sup n flora.. hehe.n had a new PA - jiejie/lee han! hahaa. she damn cute! n kids can "bully"!:P hehe. bt no la.. she's helpful ma!:P so i ma fan-ed her to help me take stuff n all tt! hehe. she did it gladly can! hahaha.
n i tink i fang4 kai1-ed.. i tink after last wed.. i tink i m starting to accept tt my nice nice colleagues at YAH! aren't perfect! hehe. n i shld expect less from them! & i will b happier.. n who m i to expect.. no matter wat.. i m still only an intern.. we only noe each other for less than 3months? haha. today 3months exact!:D hehe. yep!
so today happier! hehe. felt a lesser need to b talking w dashen all e time.. bt really still enjoyed e moments of "over over" w her tho was sitting next to e BBQ pit! hehehe. yep! 就学会了不要那么贪心 & 不实际！yep!(: happy!:D hehe. n tho couldn't b talkin n interacting w e rest while BBQ-ing.. bt enjoyed my moments w bongz!:D hehe. yep!:D
n of coz v happy wen we went in for tt short 15mins!:D hehe. talk bout "unhappy"/"worrying" de first! hehe. we were talking bout PR.. n i told my sup straight in her face tt she is a bit fierce to PR.. hehe. it's like tho will feel e tendency to join e crowd n gossip.. bt i noe xiaobongz v nice n dun like to gossip de.. i tink she's afraid she will hurt others.. hehe. yep.. so i tried to b v "fair".. hehe. n i told flora tt PR might b afraid of her coz of her authority.. coz of her experience n ability. hehe. den my sup 刚好 walk away.. wen she came back.. she asked.. n i told her maybe she a bit fierce to PR.. i wanted to be fair n be honest.. i guess i felt tt it's okay to speak up.. tink she will accept honest feedback plus we haf to speak up ma.. if nt she wun noe e reason.. n i feel tt tt is my way to b fairer to PR.. coz i enjoy interacting w dashen they all more.. hehe. so a bit mean to PR at times also!:P hehe.
n after i said.. also dunno 心里作用 or wat.. felt a little distant from my sup! hehe. i dun tink she was angry.. not sure if e message went down well w her! i rmb i did add on tt she isn't fierce to me.. bt maybe a little to PR.. hehe. maybe after tt coz no chance for interaction or i din dare to go fren-fren w her.. bt felt a little distant.. hehe..
bt it's nt tt kind of "aiya! i regretted saying kind!" nt like last wk wen i was a little fierce to dashen n said, "不然你是要怎样？" tt time too anxious to calm her down n wanted her to relax.. den in e end shoot sth out like this! hehe. quite mean! hehe. tried to bu jiu4 after tt.. hehe. i tink ok le.. maybe she din even feel it. bt i kinda regretted!:P
bt today.. i tink if given another chance.. i might still say.. coz i feel tt this is 适当的 disclosure.. i mean if i try to hide n stuff. my sup will feel tt i m nt honest.. n perhaps dabongz will still say in e end.. bt i decided to b nice to PR to make up.. hehe.. n nw tt i haf said it.. i hope my sup sees it as honest feedback.. she herself said tt she dun believe tt age decides who is e teacher.. n sometimes she will look a little pekchek.. hehe. maybe.. maybe it is blind spot?
i m nt sayin she is wrong to b a little fierce.. i m jus pointing it out.. i understand wat she means wen PR approaches her at e wrong time.. hehe. of coz i m still on my sup's side! haha. bt i jus feedback.. n like wat she said.. wen ppl give feedback.. process it n if u agree, accept n do sth bout it.. if nt.. dun take it to heart.. ppl might nt b right! hehe. n i agree w her totally!:D hehe..
yes.. bt if she felt a little upset.. i mean i will feel upset if someone points out sth nt so positive bout me.. perhaps all tt little rapport we've built up over e past few weeks(i repeat.. past few weeks coz this was e period wen i really felt tt we were closer than jus sup-student) was ruined just nw by my comment.. bt it's nt tt kind of "i regret!".. i kinda feel tt if i din speak up, it would haf indicated tt level of trust was nt there n maybe rapport wun haf further break-through also.. will only remain at "who is more auntie?" debate everytime we meet! hehe. aiya i tink i thinkin too much.. bt both sides also tinkin too much.. n i took e pick of saying it out! hehe. maybe wen i said i also din tink tt much.. bt somehow there were reasons behind my decision to speak! hehe. tryin to allocate reasons to both sides now! hehe. n reason it out n justify!:P hehe.
是! jiu4 feel tt rapport got break-through.. it's like nw my sup will talk v proudly of me as her student.. she will tap me to like joke n all tt. i feel tt body contact is a signal of comfort level.. like i will lean on dashen wen we laugh n stuff. hehe. yep! n i dare to stand close to my sup n tap her! hehe. n perhaps everything tt was built up.. however little tt was.. was ruined jus nw! hehe.
bt.. still tt's it.. no matter wat. i haf said it.. n it's nt tt kind of full of regrets.. hehe. so still ok.. jus tt wanted to blog! hehe. maybe to show tt i care? hehe.
ya lo.. n if i feel upset tt tt little rapport has been lost.. jus tink of e awkward silence on wednesday.. there were still times wen i did not dare to approach my sup however much i wanted to talk to her! hehe. nt fear... definitely nt coz she is fierce to me k! i really mean it wen i said tt she is not fierce to me! nt to 圆场！yep.. bt jus dunno if she will entertain me.. still tt little feeling tt she loves us all. at first felt tt she liked daxiaobongz more than me.. like she nt v interested to talk to me like tt. bt over time it became better n now she will 认 me as her student specifically! hehe. n tell me things bout her auntie-ness! i tink it's different! hehe.
bt still nt sure if i m being too irritating to talk to her.. still feel tt perhaps she prefers to b part of e bigger convo. if i go to her.. will become private convo!:P hehe.
i really tink a lot! haha. bt tt's hw complicated human beings are isn't it? hehehe.
bt anw! yep! tmr i will find her her articles n email her! hopefully tmr can clear all tuitions! hehe. den wed i will go test test n see hw things r! if tt rapport really disappeared.. den... hmm.. i asked dabongz if i was being rude jus nw wen i told my sup tt she is a little fierce to PR.. dabongz said i wasn't. hehe. so dun tink tt much rite? hehe. nt sure if i wan to include in email an "apology" anot.. more of wanting to tell my sup all e above i've written! haha. bt definitely wun write everything! hehe.
still contemplating.. hehe.
bt wed will go test test! hehe.
if really lose 掉.. also no choice.. it's nt tt i dun care.. i still care! hehe. bt really nothin i can do.. hehe. b realistic! haha. bt of coz hopin tt rapport will still b there! hehe. n will improve frm there!:D hehe.
was on cab w PR jus nw.. didn't wan to ask qn tt will make her feel like i m interrogating her.. haha. i tink she fears talkin to no 1-4.. coz i tink she feels tt they're better/more experienced? sth along tt line.. den if i ask e same thing.. like i on e same line as e rest! haha. bt had to talk on e cab mah.. haha. i wanted to talk! hehe. n jus talk lo.. din wan her to feel v uncomfortable.. like we r one big family except her. hehe. n luckily she asked bout social work.. n i jus self-disclosed.. hehe. sometimes i will nt say everything. hehe. coz i tink my sup shld noe best bout this issue coz she is my sup! haha. hw can she nt noe tt this thing bothers me e most n others noe?! hahaha. bt i will still share! hehe. n i told PR v honestly.. hehe. n i tink my self-disclosure made her ok to share.. maybe wat she shared jus nw was still not v deep into her heart.. bt it's ok for me.. we 什么交情？ expect her to 掏心掏肺？! i wun towards her either.. hehe. this kind of thing takes time. haha. bt at least i tink she shared.. din wan to probe too deep also.. i tink she might haf reservations coz of our close-ness to dashen they all also! hehe.
yep.. bt at least i showed her tt i can support her at least on e v superficial level.. like help her give out pamphlets for e 2nd briefing for Batch 20's LLL. hehe. maybe in e end i wun go also.. coz of camp n sch work. bt i really haf e intention of gg to help her this friday.. if timing allows! hehe.
n i will write her a card/letter to encourage her also! hehe. i tink encouragement helps! n support! tt feeling of being supported! hehe. dashen n my sup did give me tt feeling before! n i noe how empowering tt is! of coz nt forgettin daxiaobongz's support! hehe.
yep! n PR said tt my sup will keep callin me for help! haha. gladly gladly!:D hehe. actually sometimes wondering whether it is good to cut e connection w YAH/@27.. perhaps e learning n exposure has been enuff. n if i remain connected.. i will b so busy.. n i wun haf time for studies... for my tutees & for my frens! esp wen i m so addicted to being at YAH w them! hehe. bt i guess i will try to 重新规划(flora's 座右铭） my coming semester n see hw i can plan my time well! hehe. bt i still hope to b able to go back to eat lunch w them. help them n laugh/scream w them! hehe.
v cool & i like e feeling of them introducing us to their husbands! hahaha. mdm tan! hahaha. she told her ah lao how noisy YAH! is w us around wen we were laughin n screaming jus nw over e photos! hehe. n WYH did a one by one intro of us.. bt we jus continued w our BBQ-ing! hehhe.
love tt feeling. hehe. coz i tink there is a connection there.. so v happy. n love e grp photo we took jus nw! hehe. coz it's taken at a house.. so got e v sweet feeling! hehe. esp wen there r couples.. n children.. n youngsters like us!:P hehehe. like like like! hehe. might upload e photo here!(: hehe.
yep! n can continue talkin bout my sup! very happy coz she bought me rubber bands from HK! hehe. i tink WYH bought sth for eileen. hehe. so was wondering if my sup will. bt i thot she wun. hehe. bt she did! n v happy wen she said she had sth for me.. hehe. n i knew it was rubber bands! hehe. bt it's really nt bout e item.. it was really bout e xin1 yi4! n rubber bands! i like them! hehe. coz it's like only she n dashen will buy me rubber bands.. n it's sth like e reason behind it is our internal joke! hehe.
jus nw was a little throwing tantrum.. i was hoping dashen will buy tee shirts for us.. den in e end i wanted dabongz to take e winnie the pooh iphone casing so i was left w polka dots. nt my style.. hehe. bt i still love e angry bird thumbdrive!:D hehe. n nw tink bout it! love e polka dots casing also! jus nw jus v disappointed bout e cannot collect tee-shirt!:( hehehe. bt nw.. “发完小姐脾气了" so.. ok!:D hehe. n v happy n touched w e gifts!:D hehe.
no expectations really is 好的！tt's why i was so happy w my sup's rubber bands! hehe. coz they came as a surprise!:D hehe. n i really appreciate dashen n flora's thought k! hehe. love them for lovin us!:P hehe. n i really like e gifts as well! really!:D hehe.
n i tink i broke in into jiejie's world! haha. coz she asked me wen is my bdae! let's see if nxt yr we will still remain as connected for me to receive a bdae card frm her!(: hehe. i will make her one! haha. for sure! a simple one!(: haha.
i really v happy w today!:D hehe. coz i enjoyed myself.. had fun.. did "work" by BBQ-ing.. hehe. made new frens - jiejie.. hehe. n had a certain level of self-disclosure - w PR & sup.. hehe. sup part is kinda like a “危机” － 有危才有机！hehe! it's like tt honesty might destroy tt little rapport built.. bt it might also bring about an increased level of trust.. hehe.
yep! so it's like.. nt only fun! bt at least i felt tt got improve 到 relationship.. i feel.. haha.
n i noe i m v irritating.. bt i still wanna say.. there's a reason why i dun wan to sleep n would rather sit here n blog tho tmr morn need go climb bukit timah hill! hahaha. coz these things really did touch me.. n i really enjoy all these feelings..
yep.. love a feeling wen dashen came to tell me tt she is taking e photo of my sup's auntie-ness to show me! hahaha. tho is let me laugh.. bt love e way she n my sup address me as "her girl".. haha. it's like a v personalised feeling.. it's nt w e word "girl".. bt it's e fact tt my sup acknowledges me as HER intern..hahaha. there's a difference between this n me being YAH!'s intern k! hahaha. n my sup did intro me to her husband.. tho is bout e way i tie my hair.. haha. see me den can tell le can! coz i was doin e tie into 2 parts again! hahaha. bt happy n proud coz of tt attachment! hehehe.
n i v listen to my sup de can.. she asked me to eat watermelon i got eat lo. haha. i listen to dashen also!:D hehe. n i told her i like power rangers! hahaha. n luckily she still rmb i like pink! hehe. even jiejie could tell i like pink ranger coz i jus told her a few moments ago i liked pink!:P hehehe. bt ya.. hehe. is all these small things tt make me happy! hehe. n she told me she went HK wanted to look for chicken wing alike model for me to 望梅止渴！hahaha. 感动! hehe. coz it means tt she did tink of me!:P hehe. i went USS i also got tink of her lo! haha. wanted to get her a not-so-auntie bag! heheheh.
n these are e things which make me feel tt there is this little bit of improvement in terms of rapport:D hehehe.
i really hope i didn't lose them jus nw! haha. doesn't make sense.. i only gave my sup honest feedback.. n i said it nicely.. bt i will worry whether i offended her! hahaha. bt yep! i m still immersed in tt kind of 小小感动！:P hehe. e rest just 听天由命！ heheh! yep!
hahaha. n jus want to record everything down! everythin tt i can rmb!:P hehe. jus nw wen she asked if i ate my chicken wings.. i said not really. den she was like, "har.. why?!" den dabongz did say tt i sick. haha. bt i said no la.. coz v hot!:P hahaha. n of coz wen dashen said tt i eat less than 5 chicken wings is below my standard.. i jus like tt kind of identity.. tho is linked to chicken wings.. bt i tink at least they link me to things tt actually i acknowledge as my identity.. i actually like it wen others can tell tt i love chicken wings!:P hahahaha.
n i can feel(sup will clap hands again!) tt she cares.. hehe. it's jus nt tt initial "constant eye-rolling" feel! hehehe. n it's really tt kind of she bothers kind!:D hehehe. maybe coz she tapped me wen she asked hw i was! hahaha. bt body contact is powerful de can! hehehe.
是的！really hope tt rapport will still b there! hehe. bt coz got tt worry so seems like jus nw she like a bit distant frm me towards e end! hmm. maybe tink too much! hehe. bt really coz i care k!
yep! n no matter wat.. i will still write a lot on her bdae card! time to brainstorm for ideas!:P hehe. n nw haf to finish up xiabongz's card.. baby n qimin's farewell gifts! plus prepare for camp n sch! hahaha. a lot of things! hopefully tmr can clear tuitions den thurs fri go for kl's n gerald's! hehe. busy! bt shld b can manage still!(: hehe.
ltr will try to recall all e happy moments i had jus nw! yeah! having tt "counting my blessings" feel again!:D thank God for everything! thanks for blessing me w such a good bunch of colleagues n frens! n all e moments today! all e 感动 moments.. esp w my sup! hehe. n i love them all k! hehe.
i can feel e end drawing near.. coz after this weekend's camp.. hehe. maybe nxt sat will go back for the presentation! hehe. den see hw! n definitely a wk later for xiaobongz-cum-my-sup's bdae celebrations! hehe. need to plan need to plan! hehe. 希望这份联系能够维持下去！多一天是一天，我都会珍惜。。 上个星期三的感受是不知如何珍惜，如何放手。。可是现在很像有一点懂了。。不敢奢求太多，也知道不可能太多/一辈子， 不过都还是会珍惜！
希望彩虹部队能够一直一直地发亮！（就算日后会分开，会各散东西。。。还是会像 7 月 14 日那天的感动一样，一直一直地陪伴我走下去！）很开心，很感动能够拥有这一段感动。 会特别地珍惜，特别地感慨，因为知道且害怕它的结束，但这也让我更加地珍惜这个过程，这份联系，这份友情，这份感动，这个回忆！
谢谢你们！
1) Sup TYM!
2) dashen Crystal Tan!
3) Flora aka 运花老师！
4) WYH aka manager
5) Pei Rong
& of coz nt forgetting my dearest da xiao bongz - Vivian & Eileen! <3
是的！
Thank God!
Kheng/zhongbongz/i m my sup's girl! :P
08.08.11
感动满满！
Sunday, August 7, 2011
har..
haha. was sleeping jus nw den decided to check phone n daxiaobongz asked if we meetin in e morn! haha. = i have to get up nw to do camp booklet n xiaobongz's card! haha. yep! so i woke up! actually still ok coz doin things i like plus haf been slackin for e past 2 days! hehe. i like this! it's like no deadline.. n i m entitled to slack! hehe.
bt dabongz told me tt dashen said she might nt be goin tmr for BBQ coz she nt feelin well.. n asked her.. oh.. if she nv go den wun b as fun.. n i haf a feelin she really wun go! hopefully she goes.. if nt also dunno whether to go collect e tee n wear or not! mus go check w tt person if it's ready also or not!:S
har.. suddenly a bit sian.. i wan dashen to go!!:(
bt yep.. tt's it.. cut e sai1-nai-ing.. yep! i tink got FC n dabongz ard shld b fine de! n i will b happy w my sup ard! hehe. n FC's children! haha. jus tt dashen always e loudest n create qi4 fen4 de mah.. so w her ard definitely will b different! yep.. bt tt's it! she said see how first.. see hw bah!(:
kheng(:
hehe. seeing things slightly differently now.. :|
bt dabongz told me tt dashen said she might nt be goin tmr for BBQ coz she nt feelin well.. n asked her.. oh.. if she nv go den wun b as fun.. n i haf a feelin she really wun go! hopefully she goes.. if nt also dunno whether to go collect e tee n wear or not! mus go check w tt person if it's ready also or not!:S
har.. suddenly a bit sian.. i wan dashen to go!!:(
bt yep.. tt's it.. cut e sai1-nai-ing.. yep! i tink got FC n dabongz ard shld b fine de! n i will b happy w my sup ard! hehe. n FC's children! haha. jus tt dashen always e loudest n create qi4 fen4 de mah.. so w her ard definitely will b different! yep.. bt tt's it! she said see how first.. see hw bah!(:
kheng(:
hehe. seeing things slightly differently now.. :|
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
:(
:( don't like don't like. Doin both e fishball face n WYH's 高低眉 nw! Hmph! Don't like!:(:(
Maybe i feel tt she/they is/r defensive coz i myself am decisive ba.. Can feel e barrier.. 感动 is no longer there.. I tink this is hw things work ba.. Wen r/s improves, it'll move on frm e nitty gritty things.. N maybe expectations increase.. N i become more particular bout certain things!:(:( dun like dun like..
Maybe some things do too many times den no 新鲜感 alr! N some things experience le den become nth special..
Hmm. Losin feel. Sth which i dun wan..
Bt jus nw i realised i m sb who nv does try too hard to control my feelings n emotions.. Wen it's strong, i let it be.. To e expense of forsakin everythin else.. Wen it's nt.. I let it be.. To e expense of forsakin this which i forsaked everythin else for..
Tt's why i tink i m nt tt ideal a fren? Lover? Hmm. Coz i hardly make e effort.. I jus follow my heart! Hmm..
Good awareness here! In future if i ever get into a relationship, i better make sure i can sustain e commitment.. Hmm..
Bt nw.. Jus dun like dun like.. Hmph.. It's a bit like wen reality comes in n shatters all e dreams/unrealistic beliefs..
Bt e most impt thing here is i still WANT to believe in it..
yep.. I too busy/tired till i dunno wat does it mean to nt b ard them izzit? Hmm. E thing which i held on so strongly to.. Hmm.. Did my hypothesis of strong friendship needs to b built on HTHT come true again? Hmm..
Ya lo.. I didn't mention names at all. Coz i dun wan to 'betray'.. It's like lettin go of sth i haf been holdin on so strongly towards!:(:( no. I dun wan!
Bt okay.. After 'lashin out'(jus feel like using this phrase).. I feel better.. N more certain of myself n wat i wan..
N e decision is i still wan to hold on to it!
Kheng.
为什么会说，＂放手才会幸福呢？＂是因为一开始抓得太紧吗？是松手，不是放手对吗？这是一门好深的学问！至少现在的我还不完全理解！
Maybe i feel tt she/they is/r defensive coz i myself am decisive ba.. Can feel e barrier.. 感动 is no longer there.. I tink this is hw things work ba.. Wen r/s improves, it'll move on frm e nitty gritty things.. N maybe expectations increase.. N i become more particular bout certain things!:(:( dun like dun like..
Maybe some things do too many times den no 新鲜感 alr! N some things experience le den become nth special..
Hmm. Losin feel. Sth which i dun wan..
Bt jus nw i realised i m sb who nv does try too hard to control my feelings n emotions.. Wen it's strong, i let it be.. To e expense of forsakin everythin else.. Wen it's nt.. I let it be.. To e expense of forsakin this which i forsaked everythin else for..
Tt's why i tink i m nt tt ideal a fren? Lover? Hmm. Coz i hardly make e effort.. I jus follow my heart! Hmm..
Good awareness here! In future if i ever get into a relationship, i better make sure i can sustain e commitment.. Hmm..
Bt nw.. Jus dun like dun like.. Hmph.. It's a bit like wen reality comes in n shatters all e dreams/unrealistic beliefs..
Bt e most impt thing here is i still WANT to believe in it..
yep.. I too busy/tired till i dunno wat does it mean to nt b ard them izzit? Hmm. E thing which i held on so strongly to.. Hmm.. Did my hypothesis of strong friendship needs to b built on HTHT come true again? Hmm..
Ya lo.. I didn't mention names at all. Coz i dun wan to 'betray'.. It's like lettin go of sth i haf been holdin on so strongly towards!:(:( no. I dun wan!
Bt okay.. After 'lashin out'(jus feel like using this phrase).. I feel better.. N more certain of myself n wat i wan..
N e decision is i still wan to hold on to it!
Kheng.
为什么会说，＂放手才会幸福呢？＂是因为一开始抓得太紧吗？是松手，不是放手对吗？这是一门好深的学问！至少现在的我还不完全理解！
Monday, August 1, 2011
圆满成功
yay! 超开心的！今天的小叮当surprise 计划成功！:D 开心的当然不只是成功的surprise 到大婶，bt also w all e lame jokes n 谈初恋 jus nw! Haha! It's always so enjoyable n fun at YAH! with 彩虹部队！ like like like!:):)
Tho nw need go home write report! Bt kinda relieved a little tt daxiaobongz also slackin like me.. We r pretty similar in this aspect.. Even xiaobongz also slack kind de! Haha! N dabongz also v easily distracted! Hehe.
I tink they will work harder than me ba!:p i still half give up.. N coz gg into nite time le.. N i really nt v motivated le.. So i tink i gg give up.. As in i will still complete everythin.. Bt e effort isn't gg to be much.. N i alr give up on e grades side le!:p hehe!
I tried askin myself wat if this is wen i go out to work, hw can i anyhow anyhow? E responsibility towards client? Bt this is diff.. This report only counts to my grades.. N watever i could haf done for my client, i did nt.. Nw then 挖空心思 to apply theory n try to squeeze things in got wat use? N i feel tt i alr reflected n noe wat i shld b workin on le(for e reflections part)..
Hehe. Bt nw tt as i write.. Seems like tho nw too late to apply theory.. Bt if i dun try.. I wun even haf tried tt once.. It's better to b late than never right?
Bt my internal resistance is super strong! Coz i tink my grades is gg to b poor w my lousy like mad process recording.. N then sup's evaluation B+.. so i kinda give up liao.. I m like prepared to get B-?
Bt i noe if i give up, i really will end up gettin tt grade.. Hw? Haha! Bt i guess i m still nt chiongin? motivation 在那里？
Din ask vivian e grade.. Coz i tink no diff. Coz i alr decided nt to ask bout the difference in grade le.. At first i was worried tt my attitude or anythin was bad.. Bt i looked at yest's interaction.. They were ok w me!:p hehe. So i m leavin things e way they are..
Some other things which i realised n wan to work on are:
-not being so ego! Nt tt i see myself as v impt or m self-centered.. Bt i usually will see things i like n use n neglect tt i m nt seein things frm others' perspective - like e usin of photos for e farewell video n also wen we take photos! Hehe.
-dun b so last-min! Work harder n give myself less excuses!! Hehe!
Yep! N i will continue to explore n improve on my weaknesses! Bt firstly! I mus detect them first n this i will need help frm others!:) hehe!
Yes! 算是放下了！:D nw only wan to finish e report n b over n done w!:S sounds v useless n wrong.. Bt.. I m nt willin to try v hard!:P hehe! Bt actually i will still do finish everythin.. Swee swee.. Jus tt i wun burn midnight oil to go tt extra last min mile!:p hehe..
Kheng:P
Sorry! I noe i can work on it.. Bt..
Bt anw! I m still happy! I noe i dunno hw to prioritise! Bt i jus like to play!:P hehe!
Tho nw need go home write report! Bt kinda relieved a little tt daxiaobongz also slackin like me.. We r pretty similar in this aspect.. Even xiaobongz also slack kind de! Haha! N dabongz also v easily distracted! Hehe.
I tink they will work harder than me ba!:p i still half give up.. N coz gg into nite time le.. N i really nt v motivated le.. So i tink i gg give up.. As in i will still complete everythin.. Bt e effort isn't gg to be much.. N i alr give up on e grades side le!:p hehe!
I tried askin myself wat if this is wen i go out to work, hw can i anyhow anyhow? E responsibility towards client? Bt this is diff.. This report only counts to my grades.. N watever i could haf done for my client, i did nt.. Nw then 挖空心思 to apply theory n try to squeeze things in got wat use? N i feel tt i alr reflected n noe wat i shld b workin on le(for e reflections part)..
Hehe. Bt nw tt as i write.. Seems like tho nw too late to apply theory.. Bt if i dun try.. I wun even haf tried tt once.. It's better to b late than never right?
Bt my internal resistance is super strong! Coz i tink my grades is gg to b poor w my lousy like mad process recording.. N then sup's evaluation B+.. so i kinda give up liao.. I m like prepared to get B-?
Bt i noe if i give up, i really will end up gettin tt grade.. Hw? Haha! Bt i guess i m still nt chiongin? motivation 在那里？
Din ask vivian e grade.. Coz i tink no diff. Coz i alr decided nt to ask bout the difference in grade le.. At first i was worried tt my attitude or anythin was bad.. Bt i looked at yest's interaction.. They were ok w me!:p hehe. So i m leavin things e way they are..
Some other things which i realised n wan to work on are:
-not being so ego! Nt tt i see myself as v impt or m self-centered.. Bt i usually will see things i like n use n neglect tt i m nt seein things frm others' perspective - like e usin of photos for e farewell video n also wen we take photos! Hehe.
-dun b so last-min! Work harder n give myself less excuses!! Hehe!
Yep! N i will continue to explore n improve on my weaknesses! Bt firstly! I mus detect them first n this i will need help frm others!:) hehe!
Yes! 算是放下了！:D nw only wan to finish e report n b over n done w!:S sounds v useless n wrong.. Bt.. I m nt willin to try v hard!:P hehe! Bt actually i will still do finish everythin.. Swee swee.. Jus tt i wun burn midnight oil to go tt extra last min mile!:p hehe..
Kheng:P
Sorry! I noe i can work on it.. Bt..
Bt anw! I m still happy! I noe i dunno hw to prioritise! Bt i jus like to play!:P hehe!
Saturday, July 30, 2011
affected:(
hmm. still affected.. i keep feeling tt e difference in grade is due to my attitude.. like inability to prioritise n all tt.. too noisy? insenstive? immature? my worries are all along this line.. if it's becoz of my lack of skills n all tt. i tink it's less serious coz i can always improve on them.. plus i already noe them.. not blind spots.. m pretty afraid tt it's along the line of attitude.. things which my sup has yet to point it out to me maybe coz she scared i m not ready for it? hmm. very scared..
yep.. bt hw do i phrase it to vivian?
Vivian, can do me a favour later? can u help me kapo kapo ask flora why i got B+? hehe. is it because of my skills? coz i m very afraid tt it's because of my attitude.. like..
haha. vivian just texted me.. i still tink a bit weird to get her to help me ask! bleh! maybe just 算了吧.. haha.. tmr see hw! nw focus on report first! if i feel tt my grade might haf been a result of attitude.. den do a better report.. change now! (:
KHENG.
Like to caps my name nw!:P hehe.
yep.. bt hw do i phrase it to vivian?
Vivian, can do me a favour later? can u help me kapo kapo ask flora why i got B+? hehe. is it because of my skills? coz i m very afraid tt it's because of my attitude.. like..
haha. vivian just texted me.. i still tink a bit weird to get her to help me ask! bleh! maybe just 算了吧.. haha.. tmr see hw! nw focus on report first! if i feel tt my grade might haf been a result of attitude.. den do a better report.. change now! (:
KHENG.
Like to caps my name nw!:P hehe.
not motivated.. but..
omg! really v not motivated to do my report! i really like just 算了.. wrong wrong wrong! haha. bt reminded of e difference in grade.. n my "reason"/justification for gg for durians later.. i sat up! shall do my report now! no matter hw shitty it gets.. i mus still write! n make it not shitty kheng!
yep! still unsure of whether i wan get vivian to help me check w flora.. bt i tink i will.. hehe.. nt sure if i will get e ans i want.. n nt sure wat r e implications of e action of asking itself.. bt i tink a high tendency of me askin! hehe...
是的！do ur report nw! :D
KHENG.
bleh!
yep! still unsure of whether i wan get vivian to help me check w flora.. bt i tink i will.. hehe.. nt sure if i will get e ans i want.. n nt sure wat r e implications of e action of asking itself.. bt i tink a high tendency of me askin! hehe...
是的！do ur report nw! :D
KHENG.
bleh!
Extra!
Hmm! Soolah asked me to go tmr! I a bit scared i v extra leh! Coz da xiaobongz shld b nt gg! Den i so extra.. N keep appearin like v irritating n presence wun b so much appreciated n cherished coz always appear! Hehe.
N if nv finish report go like v dunno hw to prioritise.. Den wen e implications of e diff in grades comes in, i feel affected..
Bt i m v tempted to go coz my sup is gg! Haha! N dashen n flora.. Plus nw 想反悔 also too late! Coz i promised soolah i will go! Hehe!
Aiyo.. Nw only prayin tmr wun b too extra! I alr told dashen to entertain me liao! Haha! Bt my sup gg mah! Haha! Extra 就 extra rite? If i feel weird i will siam early! Hehe! Maybe if dun feel weird i also will siam early! Hehe!
Aiyo! Weird weird max! Hopefully wun b weird la hor? Heh! Prayin!
Jus nw jus fell asleep at kl's hs! 敢敢sleep till 7pm! Jus ended tuition n waitin for bus hm! Bt at least really was power nap n i haf e patience n she has e mind to listen.. Hehe! So worthwhilr nap! Plus i din waste e time since i was nappin! Hehe! Yep! So later go home! Bath n hit e sack! Den tmr chiong report!
Ok la.. Gg n e worry along e line of e implication of e grades(e one i mentioned above) is givin me extra motivation to stay focused tmr n chiong my report! Den tmr nite can do dashen's card first den mon touch up n complete report! Hehe!
Pray hard kheng! Tt u finiah everythin!
Actually a little bit give up! Jus nw felt tt report a bit meaningless coz it doesn't aid learnin.. Plus i feel tt it wun pull my grades up.. N will only pull it down! Haha! Of coz e thot is, den why dun put in more effort to pull it up? Coz i feel tt i wun succeed? Haha. Coz my casework n e process recordin were really badly done maybe it's jus tt i wan to slack so findin so many excuses! Bt i will still work hard tmr! Yes! Hw can give up jus like tt? So unlike my character! Hehe! Wat is my character actually? Hmm..
是的！努力吧！
Kheng
How long will this attachment n 爱来爱去 last?
N if nv finish report go like v dunno hw to prioritise.. Den wen e implications of e diff in grades comes in, i feel affected..
Bt i m v tempted to go coz my sup is gg! Haha! N dashen n flora.. Plus nw 想反悔 also too late! Coz i promised soolah i will go! Hehe!
Aiyo.. Nw only prayin tmr wun b too extra! I alr told dashen to entertain me liao! Haha! Bt my sup gg mah! Haha! Extra 就 extra rite? If i feel weird i will siam early! Hehe! Maybe if dun feel weird i also will siam early! Hehe!
Aiyo! Weird weird max! Hopefully wun b weird la hor? Heh! Prayin!
Jus nw jus fell asleep at kl's hs! 敢敢sleep till 7pm! Jus ended tuition n waitin for bus hm! Bt at least really was power nap n i haf e patience n she has e mind to listen.. Hehe! So worthwhilr nap! Plus i din waste e time since i was nappin! Hehe! Yep! So later go home! Bath n hit e sack! Den tmr chiong report!
Ok la.. Gg n e worry along e line of e implication of e grades(e one i mentioned above) is givin me extra motivation to stay focused tmr n chiong my report! Den tmr nite can do dashen's card first den mon touch up n complete report! Hehe!
Pray hard kheng! Tt u finiah everythin!
Actually a little bit give up! Jus nw felt tt report a bit meaningless coz it doesn't aid learnin.. Plus i feel tt it wun pull my grades up.. N will only pull it down! Haha! Of coz e thot is, den why dun put in more effort to pull it up? Coz i feel tt i wun succeed? Haha. Coz my casework n e process recordin were really badly done maybe it's jus tt i wan to slack so findin so many excuses! Bt i will still work hard tmr! Yes! Hw can give up jus like tt? So unlike my character! Hehe! Wat is my character actually? Hmm..
是的！努力吧！
Kheng
How long will this attachment n 爱来爱去 last?
Friday, July 29, 2011
A little disappointed:(
Hmm. A little disappointed.. W e grading side.. Nt tt i wan dabongz to do e same as me bt a little disappointed tt my grade is nt e same as theirs.. Hmm..
I dunno.. Wen they discussed, they alr decided this grading? Hmm. N wat does it say? Is e poorer grading coz i m really lousier? Or izzit tt my skills side jus need to work harder? As in i dun care bout e grade.. Bt i care bout wat the grade tells..
Hmm. A little upset.. Findin out wat i m upset bout.. I dunno. I keep thinkin of it as they discussed.. N eventually they all agreed tt my sup's gradin was accurate? Tt i m still B+? hmm.. It's really nt bout e grades.. It's bout wat they tink of my performance.. :(
I m nt sayin i m better or tt i m as good as them.. Bt i feel tt we die1 die1 zhuang4 zhuang4 tgt.. Bt they can still see tt they r better.. Hmm.. 哪里错了？ feel like talkin to someone.. Bt dunno if ppl will understand wat i m tryin to say.. I tink i aren't expressin myself well enuff also.. Hmm..
I swear k! I wun feel better if dabongz gets e same grade as me.. Coz wen they discussed.. They alr decided wat grade to give n it wasn't B+.. Maybe.. Maybe my sup wanted to give me tt also.. Jus tt after she graded.. She had to give me tt.. Bt i dun tink tt is v likely..
Hmm. 是的！so where is e room for improvement? Haiz. Die liao. I takin others as my benchmark, nt myself as e 假想敌！hmm.
有一点难过，一点失落！
Bt it is really bout growing n nt broodin! My sup always says this! Yep! Actually u noe where to work on kheng! Dabongz n xiaobongz grades shldn't affect u coz u were B+ to start with..
Hmm. Bt wat izzit tt affects me?* hmm.. Yep! E only way to noe is to ask.. Bt i wun ask.. Coz grades v sensitive.. N like i v despo bout my grades.. Nt true! Can ask bout on e whole.. Bt i will look v competitive..
Hmm. This time round i feel tt i m really nt competing w them.. Bt on e whole.. E 3 of us worked tgt as a team for most of e things.. If i dun do as well, it does signify tt i really didn't do as good a job as them rite? Or izzit tt my sup evaluated my MP's performance as well? Hmm..
Yep! Don't brood. Tink of improvement k kheng!;) yeah! Ok! Feelin better nw! It's jus tt if i can rant bout it, i will feel better.. Bt no one will b able to listen.. I dun need comfort.. I only need someone to understand wat this news mean to me.. Tt i care nt bout grades but bout wat e grades signify.. Hmm.. Nvm.. It's ok!:)
Yep! Was my attitude bad? No rite? Tt's e thing i value most.. Perhaps can still improve! Work harder nxt time!:) go kheng!:):)
Yep! I swear i m nt jealous/envious of da xiao bongz k!:) n i still hope da bongz can do well! N i still love YAH!, my sup n e ppl there!:)
Kheng:)
Still tt little bit upset! Bt really little bit.. :)
I dunno.. Wen they discussed, they alr decided this grading? Hmm. N wat does it say? Is e poorer grading coz i m really lousier? Or izzit tt my skills side jus need to work harder? As in i dun care bout e grade.. Bt i care bout wat the grade tells..
Hmm. A little upset.. Findin out wat i m upset bout.. I dunno. I keep thinkin of it as they discussed.. N eventually they all agreed tt my sup's gradin was accurate? Tt i m still B+? hmm.. It's really nt bout e grades.. It's bout wat they tink of my performance.. :(
I m nt sayin i m better or tt i m as good as them.. Bt i feel tt we die1 die1 zhuang4 zhuang4 tgt.. Bt they can still see tt they r better.. Hmm.. 哪里错了？ feel like talkin to someone.. Bt dunno if ppl will understand wat i m tryin to say.. I tink i aren't expressin myself well enuff also.. Hmm..
I swear k! I wun feel better if dabongz gets e same grade as me.. Coz wen they discussed.. They alr decided wat grade to give n it wasn't B+.. Maybe.. Maybe my sup wanted to give me tt also.. Jus tt after she graded.. She had to give me tt.. Bt i dun tink tt is v likely..
Hmm. 是的！so where is e room for improvement? Haiz. Die liao. I takin others as my benchmark, nt myself as e 假想敌！hmm.
有一点难过，一点失落！
Bt it is really bout growing n nt broodin! My sup always says this! Yep! Actually u noe where to work on kheng! Dabongz n xiaobongz grades shldn't affect u coz u were B+ to start with..
Hmm. Bt wat izzit tt affects me?* hmm.. Yep! E only way to noe is to ask.. Bt i wun ask.. Coz grades v sensitive.. N like i v despo bout my grades.. Nt true! Can ask bout on e whole.. Bt i will look v competitive..
Hmm. This time round i feel tt i m really nt competing w them.. Bt on e whole.. E 3 of us worked tgt as a team for most of e things.. If i dun do as well, it does signify tt i really didn't do as good a job as them rite? Or izzit tt my sup evaluated my MP's performance as well? Hmm..
Yep! Don't brood. Tink of improvement k kheng!;) yeah! Ok! Feelin better nw! It's jus tt if i can rant bout it, i will feel better.. Bt no one will b able to listen.. I dun need comfort.. I only need someone to understand wat this news mean to me.. Tt i care nt bout grades but bout wat e grades signify.. Hmm.. Nvm.. It's ok!:)
Yep! Was my attitude bad? No rite? Tt's e thing i value most.. Perhaps can still improve! Work harder nxt time!:) go kheng!:):)
Yep! I swear i m nt jealous/envious of da xiao bongz k!:) n i still hope da bongz can do well! N i still love YAH!, my sup n e ppl there!:)
Kheng:)
Still tt little bit upset! Bt really little bit.. :)
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