Ended tuition w clifton! Nt sure if it's e last! Bt as i said in my tweet, i was as stern as i was w ginny on her last tuition! Tt one wasn't quite supposed to b e last! Bt i nv went back again & told her only after she got her results! Yep!
Wen i feel tt someone is hopeless, tt's hw i react! I dun tink he is hopeless! Bt i dun tink i still need to harbour any hopes!! 2 days away frm psle, & he is still e same! Wat can i do? Still can't do e qn! Still e same attitude! Dun wan tink, dun wan check! Yes! I fierce him it might nt work, bt if i'm nice to him also wun work wat! So why dun i risk? At least he is more afraid & might try? Hahaha! At least i din haf to keep tellin him to focus jus nw! I really dun wan tuitions to b like this! Wat's e point? I need to b like tt stern! I tink i sulk so much i feel so sian & down also! Vicious cycle! I felt down, so i sulk, i sulk so i become more sian!
Yeah! Ironic! He has always wanted to see my pissed off look! I showed him jus nw! Apart frm wen i'm in front of family members, i hardly flare up even wen i'm pissed off! Yeah! So wat i do? I either get emo or bochap! Yep! I bo chap-ed him jus nw!
If he dun wan tink, his business, if he dun wan to do, his business. I din dare to push him too hard also! Coz i can't ascertain his parents' attitude! I reflect upon it, i dun tink he is only weak in his maths! Sekali he is good in everythin else except maths! Tho i dun tink so! :p nt despising him, bt i tink e way he does maths reflects his attitude, & i dun believe his attitude will get him good grades for his other subjects! Bt this is only my speculation! If he is hardworkin, he deserves his grades! I'm nt cursin him!
Yeah! So i told myself, his parents also nv do anythin! Maybe they intended to send him to some other tuition? I dunno! Bt at least wen i started teachin him, he was tutor-less! Yeah! & he was e one who asked me for tuition! Not e other way round! Yep! So i started to wonder whether r his parents okay & prepared to let him do like nt tt well! Yeah! Initially i felt v bad! Like wasted his parents money & din teach him well! Den felt tt i'm a lousy tutor! Bt den as time passed, my defence mechanism set in! Nw is i did my part! I tried to talk to him bout e impt of doin well! Bt i tink i could haf done it better! Plus i'm only a tuition teacher! I would hope to do more than wat a tutor shld do! Bt tt isn't my basic jobscope! & it din quite succeed!
Yeah! Maybe he lacks discipline & i can instill in him! Bt his parents din do anythin also! Maybe i shld haf complained to his parents right? Bt i din! Coz nt my style! Maybe he jus din find e right tuition teacher bah! Haiz!
Yeah! I'm jus tinkin of yuxiang & his bro wen i make e comparison! Yuxiang is like cui for all his subjects! He doesn't do his work for all his subjects( at least most), i try to make him do his work! Bt it's nt a "with maths only" problem! So it's bout his attitude to all his subjects, to studies on a whole! Gerald also, he does his work! He does e bare minimum! Izzit only w maths, no, it's w everythin else! Because i tink he doesn't haf much expectations! Yeah! I can do my part to motivate them! Bt i din succeed! I could haf instilled discipline, bt not my style! Yeah!
Bt still, i feel tt i could haf done a better job for clifton's case! Bt it's too late nw! & i learnt my lesson! For yuxiang & gerald, no more such nonsense! Last min chiong b4 e major papers is no use de! Yep! Must pace them properly!
Yep! I'm jus hopin clifton's parents wun blame me! Bt i alr absolve myself frm e guilt le! If i was more experienced, & knew his style better, maybe he would really haf made e leap! Bt he made e wrong choice in selectin him as his tutor! It wasn't my intention to cheat his money! & i did try my best! Jus tt i'm perhaps nt e right one bah! Yep! Bt to make myself a better person, i'm gg to improve on e way i tutor my other tutees! Yep! Do it kheng! Dun NATO!
Yeah! Bt i alr said, at most they sack me as gerald's tutor loh, i'll go find other tutees! Gerald is easy to teach! He does his work! Bt his unwillingness to tink also does drive me crazy! Jus tt i've changed my attitude & expectations towards him after nelle said me tt time! Yep!
Bt yep! Anw! I feel tt i still haf unfinished business w clifton! E remainin psle qn! & his speed qn! I noe impossible to finish gg thru all e qn in e world! Bt i feel tt e psle de nt v hard yet leh! Bt those r psle standard! & he is so freaking careless! Those qn tt he noes hw to do he also will end up gettin them wrong! Haiyo! Bt i will text him tmr! Bout all these! I tink i shalln't go back on thurs for another tuition! Yep!
If he does well, good, if not, den i'll jus say "he has to learn it e hard way!" i keep thinkin he is only like 10yr old mindset(coz they say guys slower than girls in maturity by 2yrs), normal tt he jus wants to play right? Bt, i really cannot stand it! Haiz! I tink i've been patient & tolerant liao! It's w his attitude lah! Rahh!!!
K lah! Stop! Shall stop bloggin bout him! I'm lettin go! Tt's it! I wun ask bout anythin else bout him after his psle! Yep! Hahah! I'm heartless! Bt actually, was else is there for me to f/u? I'm jus a tutor! & i din teach him long enuff to wan to b concerned bout other things!
Bt ok! W gerald & yuxiang, i'm gg to b more strict! Esp nxt yr! Teach them for 2/3 years liao leh! If still dun produce results eventually, so embarrassin! & it's a testimony to my teachin abilities also! Yep!
K! I'm 70% set no askin for another tuition w clifton liao! Hehe! Tho i actually believe in & do practise 临时抱佛脚! Bt yep, i shalln't ask! See him bah! Yep! & goodbye to him! I'm movin on! Wish him all e best! Yeah!!
Jus nice! Reachin hs's bus stop! Buy dinner! Hungry max! Wat shall i eat? :)
Kheng :)
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Tweet
Perhaps tt person(i forgot who) was right! E value of tuition is like (uncertain).. E whole world is havin tuition! Bt does it make e whole world more outstandin?
Maybe yes! Given e inflation of grades..bt my tutees all super cui! M i e factor? Haiz!
Maybe yes! Given e inflation of grades..bt my tutees all super cui! M i e factor? Haiz!
Tweet
E last time i was this stern during tuition was my last session w ginny! I tink wen tutees drive me to e edge, this is how i will react! & perhaps it's jus a sign, it's always e last tuition i've w tt tutee? Heh!
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Tweet
心情不好不好，特不好！jus plain pek chek! Pek chek tt i'm playin like shit! & pek chek tt e others r playin like shit also! Damn pek chek! After playin for so long, they're still e same! Jus pek chek!
Pair w jie fu play against nelle & eefu also can lose! Dunno wat e shit is happenin! Jus plain pek chek! & feelin a little stuffy w all e chicken rice, sittin down & still air! :/ jus pekchek!
I noe i shld control, bt i really feel v sian! Wan to complain also dun dare! Feel tt i'm v evil if i were to write certain things! Why can't i 勇敢地面对我自己！y m i afraid of karma? Y m i afraid of hw other ppl Judge me? Why why why? Why don't they understand tt i'm sian, pek chek, nt tt i'm nt feelin well! Jus pekchek!
I pek chek still nt enuff, they've to bicker! I noe i sound super unreasonable! Only i can b bs, e rest cannot! Bt aiyah, ius pek chek!
I tink shld pause playin bmt for some time! Everytime i play bmt, it brings out e worst in me! Nt only playin bmt, wen i work w certain ppl also lah! I mus overcome rite? Nt avoid rite? Haiz! Jus plain sian! Ltr need to go out & meet daxiaobong! Mood jus bad! :/
Really feel like ventilatig! Feel like screamin! Feel like scoldin vulgarity! Feel like throwing things! FUCK! M i really too self-conscious?!
I feel like playin a good game! I wan to hear e shuttle get whacked at e right sound! Really v sick of all these half-hearted whacks! This is nt a good game for me! Pek chek! Go change my shoes!
Sian!
I noe this sounds super immature! Bt really is:
Nobody understands me!
Sian!
Kheng.
Pair w jie fu play against nelle & eefu also can lose! Dunno wat e shit is happenin! Jus plain pek chek! & feelin a little stuffy w all e chicken rice, sittin down & still air! :/ jus pekchek!
I noe i shld control, bt i really feel v sian! Wan to complain also dun dare! Feel tt i'm v evil if i were to write certain things! Why can't i 勇敢地面对我自己！y m i afraid of karma? Y m i afraid of hw other ppl Judge me? Why why why? Why don't they understand tt i'm sian, pek chek, nt tt i'm nt feelin well! Jus pekchek!
I pek chek still nt enuff, they've to bicker! I noe i sound super unreasonable! Only i can b bs, e rest cannot! Bt aiyah, ius pek chek!
I tink shld pause playin bmt for some time! Everytime i play bmt, it brings out e worst in me! Nt only playin bmt, wen i work w certain ppl also lah! I mus overcome rite? Nt avoid rite? Haiz! Jus plain sian! Ltr need to go out & meet daxiaobong! Mood jus bad! :/
Really feel like ventilatig! Feel like screamin! Feel like scoldin vulgarity! Feel like throwing things! FUCK! M i really too self-conscious?!
I feel like playin a good game! I wan to hear e shuttle get whacked at e right sound! Really v sick of all these half-hearted whacks! This is nt a good game for me! Pek chek! Go change my shoes!
Sian!
I noe this sounds super immature! Bt really is:
Nobody understands me!
Sian!
Kheng.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Thots..
Jus discussed gek response paper w bong! I noe she is really stressed! Heheh! Hopefully e discussion helps! Jus whack! I dun quite care! Coz can SU! Hehehe! Oops! Shldn't b too relaxed also rite? Later dun get my C can't SU! Bt e discussion helped! :) for myself!! ;)
Hehe! Gor jus told me i shld haf informed him tt i cannot make it back wen we've an appt! & nt wait for him to call me. He put :) & added his personal opinion! I'm takin it quite well! Nt e usual defences up! Heheh! Yeah! Bt was jus tinkin wait for him to call me den tell him! Coz he said we talk bout it tonight whether to eat dinner or nt, so i suppose he would text me first!
Hehe! Yeah! Bt coz discussion took longer than expected! Hehe! Bt i noe is still my fault! He made sense! Hehe! & din wan to appear defensive also! So apologised! Hehe! Yeah! Quite ok! Nt takin it as hard as i would usually! Hehe! Tink is coz of e way my bro put it also! :) hehee! Yeah! Bt jus feel this little bit of urge to write it down! Hehe! Yeah! :)
Was lookin at photos jus nw! Max max is real cute! Hehe! & i miss imh! & kaiyi! Hehehe! Long time since i last seen her! Sometimes will feel all e eefy feeling coz those times like a separate section of my life! As in wen i was internin! Hehe! Like a bit of the lost memories kind of feel! Heheh! Bt i will still tink of them ocassionally! Heheh! Those were e times! :)
Yeah! Tt's it! Tonight hopefully i'll do my response paper! A way to support bong also! Hehe! Apart frm me needin to complete it myself also! :p hehe! Yeah! See hw! :))
Kheng :)
Hehe! Gor jus told me i shld haf informed him tt i cannot make it back wen we've an appt! & nt wait for him to call me. He put :) & added his personal opinion! I'm takin it quite well! Nt e usual defences up! Heheh! Yeah! Bt was jus tinkin wait for him to call me den tell him! Coz he said we talk bout it tonight whether to eat dinner or nt, so i suppose he would text me first!
Hehe! Yeah! Bt coz discussion took longer than expected! Hehe! Bt i noe is still my fault! He made sense! Hehe! & din wan to appear defensive also! So apologised! Hehe! Yeah! Quite ok! Nt takin it as hard as i would usually! Hehe! Tink is coz of e way my bro put it also! :) hehee! Yeah! Bt jus feel this little bit of urge to write it down! Hehe! Yeah! :)
Was lookin at photos jus nw! Max max is real cute! Hehe! & i miss imh! & kaiyi! Hehehe! Long time since i last seen her! Sometimes will feel all e eefy feeling coz those times like a separate section of my life! As in wen i was internin! Hehe! Like a bit of the lost memories kind of feel! Heheh! Bt i will still tink of them ocassionally! Heheh! Those were e times! :)
Yeah! Tt's it! Tonight hopefully i'll do my response paper! A way to support bong also! Hehe! Apart frm me needin to complete it myself also! :p hehe! Yeah! See hw! :))
Kheng :)
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Resilience workshop!
Hee! Ended e helping out for resilience workshop! Hehe! Quite okay! Mama was ok w me wen i saw her in e morn! So worry removed!
Had fun man-ing e station! Some of e kids quite cute! Bt i tink i still like kids who r 6 yrs & younger! Or maybe dun love kids as much le! Coz can't quite stand their high-ness! They're innocent & it's only normal of them, bt i've lost quite a bit of patience after these few yrs of givin tuition! Heheh! Or rather more specifically, this yr of tuitionin bah! Hehe! Yeah!
& made a super insensitive remark to one of e kids! Felt super bad! So i was v nice to him during e station! Hehe! Hope it was ok in e end! :p
I also ter-kan one of e girls! I explained to her durin debrief! Bt still felt super bad! Thot for super long whether to apologise or nt! One main reason for apologisin would b role-model(i made a mistake i shld apologise!) bt i was afraid tt i would pass e wrong message tt it's ok for her to nt participate also! & i felt tt i wanted to apologise coz i din wan her to hate me! Hehe! Eventually decided to leave it to fate! Tink she was ok in e end! She did smile at me! Bt yeah! I feel quite okay! & i told myself jus nw step out of e workshop & i'm nt thinkin bout it anymore! Whether i apologise or nt! Coz no chance liao! & no point broodin! Hehe! Yeah!
Everythin else was ok! Debrief i shared! Hehe! Of coz will b thinkin whether e rest will tink i v idealistic or nt! & i jus haf this fear tt they'll gossip! Bt debrief is for feedback! My intention wasn't to shine! No plus points for speakin up also! So i could speak as i wish! Hehe! Yeah! & i was thinkin if i dun say, den let this go on & on, den i tink i'm nt doin my part! :p hehe! If i dun haf thots bout it, suan le! Bt since i had, if i dun say, a bit dui bu qi zi ji & e prog i felt! :p hehe! Yeah!
Dunno why felt e blush heat in my ears after sayin! Nt too sure if it really turned red! Bt i felt it! Bt jus stayed calm of coz! Den cheryl explained & i nodded! Coz i understand e difficulty! Bt at least i brought it up!
I dunno leh! I'm hopin for meanin! It's like gift of readin was like tt, ocip & many of e workshops i participated! Jus hopin tt we r able to achieve e aims we set out to! Hee! & also bout accountability! Hehe! U get sponsorships, shld do e best rite? Even if e prog cannot hit e aim completely, at least do our best? I tink wen we say "at least e kids had fun!" or "at least we tried!" w.o tinkin of hw to improve, we're settlin for 2nd best! Hehe!
I tink i'm expectin too much! Hahaha! Jus so me rite? :p bt well, feedback only mah! Heheh!
& actually after tt i was thinkin whether will mama they all judge me, whether will cheryl they all judge me & all tt! Heheh! Which is actually one reason why i hesitate to return to imh! I tink i v conscious of e ppl here! I feel tt ppl jusge & gossip! Hehe! Maybe other places also will b like tt! Bt at least i confirm chop here will! Or rather i alr feel e fear of being gossiped! Hehe!
& also i feel v wary & status conscious wen i'm w ppl like cheryl! Wonder hw can we become colleagues if this is e case! Yeah! & of coz dunno w kaiyi will b like hw! Hehe!
Yest was jus tinkin kaiyi is actually very distant frm me nw! Was lookin at e bg image of my phone den was thinkin kaiyi is like "historical figure" liao! Bt i refuse to take her picture down! Hee! Coz she remains my very impt inspiration! Nt tt i'm v motivated nw! :p bt she remains impt & i'm nt removin it till i feel tt she doesn't inspire me as much! Hehehe! Yeah! Jus e "this is sb impt to me" kind of reason for keepin e photo there! :p hehe!
Yeah! Bt e 亲切感 i feel here is like so strong! Makes me really really wan to return! Maybe if i get some other internship in my nxt hol, den i wun feel so attached to this place! Bt e 10wks really too impactful & memorable! Whether it's takin e bus & sleepin on it, walkin in & out, gg into e toilet at atrium, walkin ard in imh, gg to msw department,. Everythin feels so warm & sweet & precious to me! Heheh! This is really one big motivatin factor for me to return!
Yeah! Bt shall stop here! Hehe! It's still 2yrs anyway! Hehe! Before i've to decide!
Bt today was nice! At least an exposure! Good experience! & nice to b workin w liangyi! & ben! Had more interactions w them today! Hehe! & e others were nice too of coz! :) yeah! Nice workin w liangyi! Other than kaiyi, hui en, ginn, she is e nxt person i like e most at imh! Few interactions! Bt enuff to leave an impression & it was nice learnin frm her & workin w her this time round! :) (i like e other msws too lah! As in even those nt in this workshop! Bt interactions nt as much i guess? Hehe! Bt there r definitely nice ppl ard!! Clement, roger, johney(hw to spell?), kavitha, e other sups & all! Yeah! :))
Like e title: "e resilience strikes back!"
Kheng :)
Had fun man-ing e station! Some of e kids quite cute! Bt i tink i still like kids who r 6 yrs & younger! Or maybe dun love kids as much le! Coz can't quite stand their high-ness! They're innocent & it's only normal of them, bt i've lost quite a bit of patience after these few yrs of givin tuition! Heheh! Or rather more specifically, this yr of tuitionin bah! Hehe! Yeah!
& made a super insensitive remark to one of e kids! Felt super bad! So i was v nice to him during e station! Hehe! Hope it was ok in e end! :p
I also ter-kan one of e girls! I explained to her durin debrief! Bt still felt super bad! Thot for super long whether to apologise or nt! One main reason for apologisin would b role-model(i made a mistake i shld apologise!) bt i was afraid tt i would pass e wrong message tt it's ok for her to nt participate also! & i felt tt i wanted to apologise coz i din wan her to hate me! Hehe! Eventually decided to leave it to fate! Tink she was ok in e end! She did smile at me! Bt yeah! I feel quite okay! & i told myself jus nw step out of e workshop & i'm nt thinkin bout it anymore! Whether i apologise or nt! Coz no chance liao! & no point broodin! Hehe! Yeah!
Everythin else was ok! Debrief i shared! Hehe! Of coz will b thinkin whether e rest will tink i v idealistic or nt! & i jus haf this fear tt they'll gossip! Bt debrief is for feedback! My intention wasn't to shine! No plus points for speakin up also! So i could speak as i wish! Hehe! Yeah! & i was thinkin if i dun say, den let this go on & on, den i tink i'm nt doin my part! :p hehe! If i dun haf thots bout it, suan le! Bt since i had, if i dun say, a bit dui bu qi zi ji & e prog i felt! :p hehe! Yeah!
Dunno why felt e blush heat in my ears after sayin! Nt too sure if it really turned red! Bt i felt it! Bt jus stayed calm of coz! Den cheryl explained & i nodded! Coz i understand e difficulty! Bt at least i brought it up!
I dunno leh! I'm hopin for meanin! It's like gift of readin was like tt, ocip & many of e workshops i participated! Jus hopin tt we r able to achieve e aims we set out to! Hee! & also bout accountability! Hehe! U get sponsorships, shld do e best rite? Even if e prog cannot hit e aim completely, at least do our best? I tink wen we say "at least e kids had fun!" or "at least we tried!" w.o tinkin of hw to improve, we're settlin for 2nd best! Hehe!
I tink i'm expectin too much! Hahaha! Jus so me rite? :p bt well, feedback only mah! Heheh!
& actually after tt i was thinkin whether will mama they all judge me, whether will cheryl they all judge me & all tt! Heheh! Which is actually one reason why i hesitate to return to imh! I tink i v conscious of e ppl here! I feel tt ppl jusge & gossip! Hehe! Maybe other places also will b like tt! Bt at least i confirm chop here will! Or rather i alr feel e fear of being gossiped! Hehe!
& also i feel v wary & status conscious wen i'm w ppl like cheryl! Wonder hw can we become colleagues if this is e case! Yeah! & of coz dunno w kaiyi will b like hw! Hehe!
Yest was jus tinkin kaiyi is actually very distant frm me nw! Was lookin at e bg image of my phone den was thinkin kaiyi is like "historical figure" liao! Bt i refuse to take her picture down! Hee! Coz she remains my very impt inspiration! Nt tt i'm v motivated nw! :p bt she remains impt & i'm nt removin it till i feel tt she doesn't inspire me as much! Hehehe! Yeah! Jus e "this is sb impt to me" kind of reason for keepin e photo there! :p hehe!
Yeah! Bt e 亲切感 i feel here is like so strong! Makes me really really wan to return! Maybe if i get some other internship in my nxt hol, den i wun feel so attached to this place! Bt e 10wks really too impactful & memorable! Whether it's takin e bus & sleepin on it, walkin in & out, gg into e toilet at atrium, walkin ard in imh, gg to msw department,. Everythin feels so warm & sweet & precious to me! Heheh! This is really one big motivatin factor for me to return!
Yeah! Bt shall stop here! Hehe! It's still 2yrs anyway! Hehe! Before i've to decide!
Bt today was nice! At least an exposure! Good experience! & nice to b workin w liangyi! & ben! Had more interactions w them today! Hehe! & e others were nice too of coz! :) yeah! Nice workin w liangyi! Other than kaiyi, hui en, ginn, she is e nxt person i like e most at imh! Few interactions! Bt enuff to leave an impression & it was nice learnin frm her & workin w her this time round! :) (i like e other msws too lah! As in even those nt in this workshop! Bt interactions nt as much i guess? Hehe! Bt there r definitely nice ppl ard!! Clement, roger, johney(hw to spell?), kavitha, e other sups & all! Yeah! :))
Like e title: "e resilience strikes back!"
Kheng :)
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Back to imh -/+
Goodness! Came back to imh to help out for e packin for resilience workshop! Totally bad! Keep 被讲 for everythin i do - paste scotchtape, cut scotchtape, fold wrappin paper, cut wrapping paper.. Everythin & anything! Totally like a no mood! Partly coz i a little tired, den mama & huiwen keep shooting & criticising me! Usually they say i dun mind, coz is jokin mah, bt jus nw wen they make e tsk sound, give e tsk look, everythin was "frm e bottom of their heart"! I noe normally i dun 反击, tt's why they tink i'm weak! Bt tt was a skewed portrayal! I dun feel e need to defend myself coz it's fun to jus engage in this bullyin cycle & nth is really at state coz it's jus jokin! Jus nw was really a little gettin on my nerves! They really reacted like i'm a retard, honestly, pride at stake! So was jus damn sian! Bt i'll nv 反击, coz i dun like confrontation! Even wen mama asked me if i was angry w her, i also said no! I wasn't angry w her, bt i jus tink tt they shld like control a little! Seriously e wrappin paper put until like tt, of coz is paste straight first rite? Maybe i stupid lah, bt cut scotchtape hw do i noe hw long they need? I cut too long den they say "wah so long ah?" i cut shorter then they say "so short ah?" goodness! say how long u need lah, i paste & cut they say i cui, so i dun touch loh, why shld i touch to get 讲？den they say i jus stand there & stone! Wah, really v hard to react & noe wat to do!
I tink i was so disturbed coz i tink they really tink i'm v lousy! I tink at least i've logic & can count & noe hw to divide e paper loh! I've ideas also wat, & jus coz i dun assert myself doesn't mean i'm nt good leh!
Was in e therapeutic room jus nw & wen i was wrappin i thot of it, brought a smile to my face. Den wen i started to get real perturbed, thot of wat kaiyi has been sayin. My confidence & everythin! & i thot of wat kaiyi might haf processed w me! Hahah! Yeah! She is jus like playin e little teacher role in me to help me process things! Yep!
Dunno hw mama they all will respond if they were to see this post! Maybe they'll say i also nv say, or maybe they tink e way they say is ok, jus i too sensitive! Possibly also! Coz i also tink recently i v sensitive! Every little thing triggers me & i feel like i'm losin control & stuff! Yeah!
Bt yep! I'm nt tryin to bitch bout them! I jus wan to vent e frustration & emotions inside me! I dun hate them, bt after today, i confirm chop i can't work w e 2 of them! Wen i worked w them separately for e other person's card, i alr felt sth nt right, today is double confirm chop! It's e way they talk & the way they react! Kept wonderin whether izzit like wat my sis says, poly made their students more hands on so they v fast & stuff! Bt yeah! Bt i wasn't behavin like a jc kid & not movin also ah, i was thinkin of e easiest way out! :p heheh! (jus to clarify, i'm bringin e education in nt to prove tt jc kids r more superior bt more of poly kids r more able to get tasks completed! Bt i dun tink i was inefficient jus nw! Jus tt i wasn't rushin)
Yeah! **
haiz! Yi ge sian! Coz i noe they dun like emo kids, throughout placement i've nv dared to show my emo-ness, coz i wan to b part of e in-grp! Yep! Jus nw i jus heck! Even wen mama repeatedly asked me if i was ok! Yeah! I wasn't, bt i wun admit!
Yeah! & i thot of doin projects! & i started to realise i cannot work w any of e 4 imh interns! Coz they're all e direct kind! I can stand shootin ideas - it might b a little hurtin bt if done tactfully, i can stand it! & i can work w pau(though there r times wen i do get frustrated w her also! I bet she does with me too :p) & we can accept shootin each other's ideas, bt to this extent of makin me feel tt they're implyin sth bout my capability, i cannot! Which makes me wonder hw i'm gg to work w such ppl in future even if i dun work w any of e 4 of them! Assert myself & be ready for & treat e exchange of fires as normal? Maybe rite? 让步 will get me nowhere hor? As proven by workin w e 3 of them! Bt actually we still do get things done leh! Jus tt i'll b bloggin like this after tt loh! Maybe e lesson here is bout takin e comments less personal! & havin confidence in myself regardless of wat they say! Perhaps?
Yeah! Dunno wat mama/huiwen will b thinkin! Let them b! I'm nt gg to say much! Sat finish le den suan4 le! Actually i was so lookin forward to today & sat initially! Coz i jus like imh lah, & i really love my intern frens, esp e 2 of them! Bt perhaps wen it comes to workin tgt, i cannot quite take it bah? I'm thinkin maybe they might be thinkin i'm so irritatin, will emo & maybe feel scared/sian tt they've to handle me? Hehe! Bt i wun go & like pester them again le! Hehe! Jus noe my place & i'll jus stay at where i shld!
I tink maybe really more extreme nw coz tired lah. Jus nw was thinkin whether i'll regret being emo after today or nt, bt haiya, heck lah, i decided to jus b hw i wan to b like there & then! Who cares! At least i dun care nw! Yeah! & i wondered if liangyi did sense anythin jus nw! I did try to control coz i feel tt she SW-er! Maybe will b able to sense! Dun wan to expose myself too much! Yep! & i still gave face initially coz she was in e room! After tt i jus sian! Still responded though! & as long as gossip or talk bout my sup, i would respond enthusiastically! :p
Bt there were things worth bein happy about of coz! :D go back & take tt bus route & walk tt path then feel super 亲切! Jus like it wen i feel tt i noe e place so well! Like haf a sense of mastery over it! & got a lot of 归属感！which is why i wun complain even if i've to travel all e way! Hehe!
Den went in saw e office - so 亲切 again! Hehe! Den did stuff! Tried to peep & see if kaiyi's name was still on e movemet board! Hahah! Den after tt hui en recognised my voice & came in to talk to us for a while! :D & den went to put stuff at cheryl's cubicle, walked past my sup's table & saw tt it's empty! All our seats( e 5 of us) were all taken up! By new staff i guess! :) & den said goodbye to weiping(she super cute! Said byebye "twin"! Hahaha) & also to hui en! :) den went to my fav out pt! Hehe! No more room 10! Bt there's e MSW area! Hehe! Damn cool! & saw all e 3 SWAs - michael, doris & kelly! & also ginn!!! :) heheh! Quite happy! Saw all e ppl i wanted to see! E 3 SWAs, ginn & hui en! Hehe! My sup nt ard of coz:( hehe! Yeah! & talked to them briefly! & left out pt clinic happily! It's e sense of mastery & 归属感 again! Hee! Tho nt mastery of skills in interviewin pt, jus e i've been here so often, i noe this place well & i'm nt scared of e stigma & label ppl might haf of me (later they tink i pt! :p) heheh! Yeah!
Glad i went in! Cos saw e new area! Wanted to see since e last time i came back! & saw e SWAs & got to see ginn! So lucky! Last time came back din go & find e SWAs felt a little bad! :p heheh!
& michael as funny as usual! He saw me also nv give e super surprised look, unlike e other 3! Straight away v calm ask me why i'm back & talked bout e ambulance thingy! Hahahahahah! Like like like! Other than e interns, e pt, my sup, hui en & other nice colleagues (like ginn, weiping..) e out pt clinic & e SWAs are e ppl i miss e most! Heheh! Nice rite? :p yeah!
Hehe! Ginn ended convo by askin me to come back & join them! Hahaha! & i so wanted to say yes i really said it! Tho of coz everyone noes is jus 客套话 as of nw! Let's see if i can fulfill this in e future! Hehe!
Yep! Shall see sat! Hahah! Hopefully they wun b awkward! Even if they do, only for one day! & tt's it! :) shld b wun lah! I jus make sure i dun emo can liao! Hehe!
Yeah! Tt's it! ;) sleep on my dear 156 nw! Den ltr study a bit & go mdm chia's hs for dinner( a little small sigh here over e "episode" bt i said shld 告一段落 le! Yep!)
Kheng
I tink i was so disturbed coz i tink they really tink i'm v lousy! I tink at least i've logic & can count & noe hw to divide e paper loh! I've ideas also wat, & jus coz i dun assert myself doesn't mean i'm nt good leh!
Was in e therapeutic room jus nw & wen i was wrappin i thot of it, brought a smile to my face. Den wen i started to get real perturbed, thot of wat kaiyi has been sayin. My confidence & everythin! & i thot of wat kaiyi might haf processed w me! Hahah! Yeah! She is jus like playin e little teacher role in me to help me process things! Yep!
Dunno hw mama they all will respond if they were to see this post! Maybe they'll say i also nv say, or maybe they tink e way they say is ok, jus i too sensitive! Possibly also! Coz i also tink recently i v sensitive! Every little thing triggers me & i feel like i'm losin control & stuff! Yeah!
Bt yep! I'm nt tryin to bitch bout them! I jus wan to vent e frustration & emotions inside me! I dun hate them, bt after today, i confirm chop i can't work w e 2 of them! Wen i worked w them separately for e other person's card, i alr felt sth nt right, today is double confirm chop! It's e way they talk & the way they react! Kept wonderin whether izzit like wat my sis says, poly made their students more hands on so they v fast & stuff! Bt yeah! Bt i wasn't behavin like a jc kid & not movin also ah, i was thinkin of e easiest way out! :p heheh! (jus to clarify, i'm bringin e education in nt to prove tt jc kids r more superior bt more of poly kids r more able to get tasks completed! Bt i dun tink i was inefficient jus nw! Jus tt i wasn't rushin)
Yeah! **
haiz! Yi ge sian! Coz i noe they dun like emo kids, throughout placement i've nv dared to show my emo-ness, coz i wan to b part of e in-grp! Yep! Jus nw i jus heck! Even wen mama repeatedly asked me if i was ok! Yeah! I wasn't, bt i wun admit!
Yeah! & i thot of doin projects! & i started to realise i cannot work w any of e 4 imh interns! Coz they're all e direct kind! I can stand shootin ideas - it might b a little hurtin bt if done tactfully, i can stand it! & i can work w pau(though there r times wen i do get frustrated w her also! I bet she does with me too :p) & we can accept shootin each other's ideas, bt to this extent of makin me feel tt they're implyin sth bout my capability, i cannot! Which makes me wonder hw i'm gg to work w such ppl in future even if i dun work w any of e 4 of them! Assert myself & be ready for & treat e exchange of fires as normal? Maybe rite? 让步 will get me nowhere hor? As proven by workin w e 3 of them! Bt actually we still do get things done leh! Jus tt i'll b bloggin like this after tt loh! Maybe e lesson here is bout takin e comments less personal! & havin confidence in myself regardless of wat they say! Perhaps?
Yeah! Dunno wat mama/huiwen will b thinkin! Let them b! I'm nt gg to say much! Sat finish le den suan4 le! Actually i was so lookin forward to today & sat initially! Coz i jus like imh lah, & i really love my intern frens, esp e 2 of them! Bt perhaps wen it comes to workin tgt, i cannot quite take it bah? I'm thinkin maybe they might be thinkin i'm so irritatin, will emo & maybe feel scared/sian tt they've to handle me? Hehe! Bt i wun go & like pester them again le! Hehe! Jus noe my place & i'll jus stay at where i shld!
I tink maybe really more extreme nw coz tired lah. Jus nw was thinkin whether i'll regret being emo after today or nt, bt haiya, heck lah, i decided to jus b hw i wan to b like there & then! Who cares! At least i dun care nw! Yeah! & i wondered if liangyi did sense anythin jus nw! I did try to control coz i feel tt she SW-er! Maybe will b able to sense! Dun wan to expose myself too much! Yep! & i still gave face initially coz she was in e room! After tt i jus sian! Still responded though! & as long as gossip or talk bout my sup, i would respond enthusiastically! :p
Bt there were things worth bein happy about of coz! :D go back & take tt bus route & walk tt path then feel super 亲切! Jus like it wen i feel tt i noe e place so well! Like haf a sense of mastery over it! & got a lot of 归属感！which is why i wun complain even if i've to travel all e way! Hehe!
Den went in saw e office - so 亲切 again! Hehe! Den did stuff! Tried to peep & see if kaiyi's name was still on e movemet board! Hahah! Den after tt hui en recognised my voice & came in to talk to us for a while! :D & den went to put stuff at cheryl's cubicle, walked past my sup's table & saw tt it's empty! All our seats( e 5 of us) were all taken up! By new staff i guess! :) & den said goodbye to weiping(she super cute! Said byebye "twin"! Hahaha) & also to hui en! :) den went to my fav out pt! Hehe! No more room 10! Bt there's e MSW area! Hehe! Damn cool! & saw all e 3 SWAs - michael, doris & kelly! & also ginn!!! :) heheh! Quite happy! Saw all e ppl i wanted to see! E 3 SWAs, ginn & hui en! Hehe! My sup nt ard of coz:( hehe! Yeah! & talked to them briefly! & left out pt clinic happily! It's e sense of mastery & 归属感 again! Hee! Tho nt mastery of skills in interviewin pt, jus e i've been here so often, i noe this place well & i'm nt scared of e stigma & label ppl might haf of me (later they tink i pt! :p) heheh! Yeah!
Glad i went in! Cos saw e new area! Wanted to see since e last time i came back! & saw e SWAs & got to see ginn! So lucky! Last time came back din go & find e SWAs felt a little bad! :p heheh!
& michael as funny as usual! He saw me also nv give e super surprised look, unlike e other 3! Straight away v calm ask me why i'm back & talked bout e ambulance thingy! Hahahahahah! Like like like! Other than e interns, e pt, my sup, hui en & other nice colleagues (like ginn, weiping..) e out pt clinic & e SWAs are e ppl i miss e most! Heheh! Nice rite? :p yeah!
Hehe! Ginn ended convo by askin me to come back & join them! Hahaha! & i so wanted to say yes i really said it! Tho of coz everyone noes is jus 客套话 as of nw! Let's see if i can fulfill this in e future! Hehe!
Yep! Shall see sat! Hahah! Hopefully they wun b awkward! Even if they do, only for one day! & tt's it! :) shld b wun lah! I jus make sure i dun emo can liao! Hehe!
Yeah! Tt's it! ;) sleep on my dear 156 nw! Den ltr study a bit & go mdm chia's hs for dinner( a little small sigh here over e "episode" bt i said shld 告一段落 le! Yep!)
Kheng
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Tweet
Why is it such tt wen u express urself honestly & directly, it becomes rude & mean? Bt wen i'm on e receiving end, i tink e same way too! Nt in e best of mood nw! & startin to infer interpretations ppl haf wen they make certain remarks & gettin bs w them! Tsk! Tink i need a nap! Power nap on train!
Nt gg to mdm chia's hs episode!
Haiz! E gg mdm chia or nt minor episode finally "ended"! I asked my sis for e final time jus nw whether she wanted to go or nt! She said no!
Yeah! I've been thinkin i tried to persuade her 2 times! & both times she din respond positively, den i was thinkin if i ask her again, isn't it v irritatin? Den jus nw wen i asked, she jus continued lookin at her laptop & said "no" i felt this smile frm her face disappearin, & i sense some bitterness! Sense lah! E way i make sense out of it is: maybe
1) she feels tt why shld she come & not come as i wish & dictate - she feels a loss of face OR
2) she really don't wan to make it awkward for e rest OR
3) she wants to mark her papers
Yeah! Bt of coz all e emotions came because i subscribed to e first argument! Wen she gave tt response, i wanted to persuade her bt i held myself back coz:
1) i dun understand why i need to beg her
2) i felt tt it's fruitless
3) i felt tt she is like being "revengeful", so why shld i respond to tt! (my interpretation of coz)
Yeah! So there was this sudden flood of emotions - anger, sian-ness, disappointment! I felt like why my sis can't jus give me face! Bt perhaps i'm expectin to much! Wen i asked her nt to go, maybe she felt tt i din give her face! & make her sound so desperate! & it's like i've to grant her permission b4 she can go! Maybe i shld haf phrased better then! My bad! Yeah! Bt alr did it le mah! So i tried to do remedial work! Bt useless!
I wonder hw my sis will respond if she were to see this, i hope she will feel bad, she will feel guilty! Bt i dun tink tt'll happen! Jus nw felt like cryin! Probably coz i felt a little 委屈 why i've to beg her! I tink if i were her, i wun go also! Bt i'll say it nicely! Bt we're different! Maybe she really has our interests at heart, bt i felt real exasperated wen she gave e no response coupled w all e non-verbals! It felt jus like i'm persuading my pt to accept our help! :/
Bt well, yeah! Everythin started coz of me! Hw can i b expecting someone to give me face wen i din give her hers?
Bt i guess i made e right decision to ask only at e last moment! If nt it'll b like jus nw! After she said no, i really felt this anger & jus like "F lah!" maybe i jus feel humiliated tt she jus rejected me like this & despite my persuasion & pleadin! Tink my sis is different frm me & my frens bah! Maybe she tinks i'm so "sissy", nw say dun wan later say wan.. & all my making up efforts din work, i also tink i damn no dignity by sayin things like "dun mind k!" in my first sms & den e "go lah!!!" in 2nd! & i feel tt i've no dignity coz of e response she gave! It's jus e "i'm NOT gg!" & "can u stop ur childish spams" feel! I inferred all these on my own of coz! Not sayin my sis meant tt!
I dunno why i jus feel v 不平衡！dun understand why also! It's me who asked her nt to go, it's me who chose to beg her to go!! Den u complain wat shit? Bt i jus feel v gek4! It's e really wan to slap her feel jus nw! Bt it's not her fault! Rahh!!! & it's e i really feel like ignoring u feel! & she told me to close e door after me! Bt it's noisy! I couldn't quite hear bt after repeated processin, i got wat she said! & e initial thot was to pretend i nv hear & walk away! Bt i told myself i mus behave maturely! Maturely! So i still closed in e end! & wen i close, i din smile at her, jus e try to behave maturely & put on a smile kind! & in e end i still peeped, she was lookin at her comp!
Haiz! I tink i jus feel upset tt i'm so 没骨气！& i jus feel upset tt why can't my sis see things frm my perspective!! If she can, she will understand why i asked her nt to go & why i'm askin her to go nw! & she wun haf shot me then & refuse me nw! Bt i guess i'm expectin too much! Coz i aren't seein things frm her perspective also! She was jus too excited tt time! & i felt like i've to make my request there & then!
Of coz there's all e "i shld haf checked w tong & qimin earlier!" kind of "早知道!" bt it's all too late! & i guess it's ok nw! I dun feel e "feel bad" or "regret sayin" emotion nw! Tink coz i feel tt my sis also nv care bout my emotion lah, i dun haf to feel too bad! Bt it's still my fault at first! Tsk!
Aiyah, i tink it's still coz jus nw wen i asked her, i really felt e MSW persuade pt to take up aid kind of "desperation" & den e "aiyah, i say till e cows come home he also wun accept" kind of exasperation & giving up! Yep!
Bt nw i'm a lot better! Jus nw on e way to e bus stop nearly cried! Damn useless! Bt yeah, nw nv cry! I jus kept diggin to find out why i was feelin all e emotions! Tryin to increase my self-awareness every now & then!
Nw to end off by makin a fair comment (& also to make sure i still stay a sensible & nt too irritatin person! I cannot stand myself being imperfect lah! So is still selfish gains at e end of e day! Bt there's still e intention of makin a fair remark):
It's my bad to haf asked my sis nt to go in e first place! Her responses r normal! & i noe i'm expectin a lot by hoping she would respond e way i hope she would! & it's only speculation tt she said no coz she is being petty! Yeah! Even if so, only reasonable rite? Coz i hurt her pride & dampen her spirit in e first place! Yeah!
I tink i'm feelin more balanced nw! Tmr den will see her! Shld b will b ok by tmr? :) if nt, den i'll quote frm e main lead in e movie miss ho lai peng show us in class yest: "my brain understands all these, bt can someone please tell tt to my heart?"
Yeah! Bt well, yep! Tt's it lah! Dun tink my sis will ever go w us again! It's fine! Maybe it's a blessin in disguise? At least she wun bao4 liao4 my things to mdm
Chia & my frens! & in case she thinks my frens r lame or sth! & i guess tho e rest dun mind, they'll feel more comfortable w.o my sis?(actually even w mdm chia they also feel ok, w my sis shld b no prob also de lah! Bt well..) yeah! Tt's it lah! Stop liao!
Yep! End of episode! I learn to b even more careful b4 i speak in future & perhaps understand my sis more? Bt i guess i'll nt b able to change my expectations according still de! Yeah!
Nvm! Forget bout it! Really wonder why a gatherin w SEC SCH trc can turn into a mini drama! & generate so much emotiona! Lol!
K kheng! Tt's it! Relinquish! & reinvest! Things learnt frm lecture yest! :p
Kheng :)
Yeah! I've been thinkin i tried to persuade her 2 times! & both times she din respond positively, den i was thinkin if i ask her again, isn't it v irritatin? Den jus nw wen i asked, she jus continued lookin at her laptop & said "no" i felt this smile frm her face disappearin, & i sense some bitterness! Sense lah! E way i make sense out of it is: maybe
1) she feels tt why shld she come & not come as i wish & dictate - she feels a loss of face OR
2) she really don't wan to make it awkward for e rest OR
3) she wants to mark her papers
Yeah! Bt of coz all e emotions came because i subscribed to e first argument! Wen she gave tt response, i wanted to persuade her bt i held myself back coz:
1) i dun understand why i need to beg her
2) i felt tt it's fruitless
3) i felt tt she is like being "revengeful", so why shld i respond to tt! (my interpretation of coz)
Yeah! So there was this sudden flood of emotions - anger, sian-ness, disappointment! I felt like why my sis can't jus give me face! Bt perhaps i'm expectin to much! Wen i asked her nt to go, maybe she felt tt i din give her face! & make her sound so desperate! & it's like i've to grant her permission b4 she can go! Maybe i shld haf phrased better then! My bad! Yeah! Bt alr did it le mah! So i tried to do remedial work! Bt useless!
I wonder hw my sis will respond if she were to see this, i hope she will feel bad, she will feel guilty! Bt i dun tink tt'll happen! Jus nw felt like cryin! Probably coz i felt a little 委屈 why i've to beg her! I tink if i were her, i wun go also! Bt i'll say it nicely! Bt we're different! Maybe she really has our interests at heart, bt i felt real exasperated wen she gave e no response coupled w all e non-verbals! It felt jus like i'm persuading my pt to accept our help! :/
Bt well, yeah! Everythin started coz of me! Hw can i b expecting someone to give me face wen i din give her hers?
Bt i guess i made e right decision to ask only at e last moment! If nt it'll b like jus nw! After she said no, i really felt this anger & jus like "F lah!" maybe i jus feel humiliated tt she jus rejected me like this & despite my persuasion & pleadin! Tink my sis is different frm me & my frens bah! Maybe she tinks i'm so "sissy", nw say dun wan later say wan.. & all my making up efforts din work, i also tink i damn no dignity by sayin things like "dun mind k!" in my first sms & den e "go lah!!!" in 2nd! & i feel tt i've no dignity coz of e response she gave! It's jus e "i'm NOT gg!" & "can u stop ur childish spams" feel! I inferred all these on my own of coz! Not sayin my sis meant tt!
I dunno why i jus feel v 不平衡！dun understand why also! It's me who asked her nt to go, it's me who chose to beg her to go!! Den u complain wat shit? Bt i jus feel v gek4! It's e really wan to slap her feel jus nw! Bt it's not her fault! Rahh!!! & it's e i really feel like ignoring u feel! & she told me to close e door after me! Bt it's noisy! I couldn't quite hear bt after repeated processin, i got wat she said! & e initial thot was to pretend i nv hear & walk away! Bt i told myself i mus behave maturely! Maturely! So i still closed in e end! & wen i close, i din smile at her, jus e try to behave maturely & put on a smile kind! & in e end i still peeped, she was lookin at her comp!
Haiz! I tink i jus feel upset tt i'm so 没骨气！& i jus feel upset tt why can't my sis see things frm my perspective!! If she can, she will understand why i asked her nt to go & why i'm askin her to go nw! & she wun haf shot me then & refuse me nw! Bt i guess i'm expectin too much! Coz i aren't seein things frm her perspective also! She was jus too excited tt time! & i felt like i've to make my request there & then!
Of coz there's all e "i shld haf checked w tong & qimin earlier!" kind of "早知道!" bt it's all too late! & i guess it's ok nw! I dun feel e "feel bad" or "regret sayin" emotion nw! Tink coz i feel tt my sis also nv care bout my emotion lah, i dun haf to feel too bad! Bt it's still my fault at first! Tsk!
Aiyah, i tink it's still coz jus nw wen i asked her, i really felt e MSW persuade pt to take up aid kind of "desperation" & den e "aiyah, i say till e cows come home he also wun accept" kind of exasperation & giving up! Yep!
Bt nw i'm a lot better! Jus nw on e way to e bus stop nearly cried! Damn useless! Bt yeah, nw nv cry! I jus kept diggin to find out why i was feelin all e emotions! Tryin to increase my self-awareness every now & then!
Nw to end off by makin a fair comment (& also to make sure i still stay a sensible & nt too irritatin person! I cannot stand myself being imperfect lah! So is still selfish gains at e end of e day! Bt there's still e intention of makin a fair remark):
It's my bad to haf asked my sis nt to go in e first place! Her responses r normal! & i noe i'm expectin a lot by hoping she would respond e way i hope she would! & it's only speculation tt she said no coz she is being petty! Yeah! Even if so, only reasonable rite? Coz i hurt her pride & dampen her spirit in e first place! Yeah!
I tink i'm feelin more balanced nw! Tmr den will see her! Shld b will b ok by tmr? :) if nt, den i'll quote frm e main lead in e movie miss ho lai peng show us in class yest: "my brain understands all these, bt can someone please tell tt to my heart?"
Yeah! Bt well, yep! Tt's it lah! Dun tink my sis will ever go w us again! It's fine! Maybe it's a blessin in disguise? At least she wun bao4 liao4 my things to mdm
Chia & my frens! & in case she thinks my frens r lame or sth! & i guess tho e rest dun mind, they'll feel more comfortable w.o my sis?(actually even w mdm chia they also feel ok, w my sis shld b no prob also de lah! Bt well..) yeah! Tt's it lah! Stop liao!
Yep! End of episode! I learn to b even more careful b4 i speak in future & perhaps understand my sis more? Bt i guess i'll nt b able to change my expectations according still de! Yeah!
Nvm! Forget bout it! Really wonder why a gatherin w SEC SCH trc can turn into a mini drama! & generate so much emotiona! Lol!
K kheng! Tt's it! Relinquish! & reinvest! Things learnt frm lecture yest! :p
Kheng :)
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Bad mood!
Terrible mood nw! Also dunno why so pek chek! Jus went to see girl girl at KK! She is really cute!! :D heheh! Maybe coz i noe tt's my niece! :)
Bt dunno why after tt den mood became v bad! After carryin e things down, den sis said i took gor's bag down also! Like i noe which bag is gor's! Den she told me to bring it back! Wts?! I limp all e way here & she asked me to limp back? Dun understand! Why can't she do it! Jus like to 差遣 me to do things! Usually i'm ok! Maybe coz i leech on her, so i shld do her all these services! Bt seriously, wen my mood is terrible! I really hate all these! Really no regard for me! & is her attitude, like is my fault i shld bring it back! I help her bring down her stuff tho is 举手之劳 bt take wrong things my fault ah?! Pissed nw! Though i noe piss post will b v aggitated! Bt i still wan to post! Coz i wan to ventilate! Pek chek!
Den she said wanna take bus! Wts?! I was jus feelin v tired all of a sudden! I dun wan to take e bus le please! All e way, wah lao! & kkh so out of e way! :/ so take cab!
Den plus also really pissed w my mum! Hw can she jus leave w.o us, also nv drop us a call! I was thinkin of cabbin home tgt! It's nt bout e money, bt she leave equals to cab is nt gg to b e first decision we gg to make! Damn it! & she din even tell us! Ask gor to pass message?! Wts! We live in e same household leh! Though cny all these she also leave first, today is like?! Maybe she considerin my dad, den my dad come back & watch soccer?! F*** maybe she wanna let us spend time w our cousins, bt.. ?!?!?!?! Damn! Cannot jus drop us a call ah?! Maybe she dun wan to call also coz our attitude so terrible! Den this is our prob! Bt still, haiz. Dun understand! She jus dun understand. Drop us a call really so hard meh?! Seriously!
Den come back! I take out e clothes! My sis in e toilet! I told her her clothes inside e plastic bag! Den she asked me to help her throw e contents out into e pail! Den i jus throw my plastic bag on e floor den she noe i bs! Den she said "拿来拿来，我自己弄！" den i passed it to her! I really was jus super pek chek! E things frm bp i carry all e way le leh, come back i still need to clear! Den is her dirty clothes leh! E clothes all stinkin becoz of perspiration & undergarment! Please leh! Really stinks leh! If i ask her take out for me, will she? If she wun, why shld i do it for her?
I noe i v calculative! Bt it's not e act of carrying, e act of takin out! Bt is e way my sis makes me feel! She makes me feel tt i shld do it for her! She makes me feel like it's my job! She makes me feel tt i'm so "lowly"! Maybe jus tired! So overly sensitive! & thinkin a lot!
Bt really, i so wan to tell her i really bs w jus nw stuff! Bt i tink we r all tired! Den she alight jus complain bout work again! I tink under normal circumstances, i'm okay! Bt wen i'm tired or wen i need someone to listen to me, wah! I really cannot take it! I get v v frustrated! Why is she always complainin bout her work! She needs to ventilate! I dun need meh? Y can't she listen to me?!
M i findin excuses?! Each time i get pek chek w her, i'll blog! & i'll always link back to this thing! Den i'll always tear! M i tryin to victimise myself? Haiz! Really sick of this cycle!
Bt wat can i do?
i dun wan to rock e boat by sayin anythin! & say le will change meh? Maybe she will say less lo! Will she listen? Sth tt i get frm pleading & beggin, u tink i 稀罕 meh? Maybe is cycle ba, wen we r w gor, he is e one who talks e most! So wen my sis w me, she jus rant & rant! Of coz there r times wen she talks a lot also! Bt i'm always e listener! Sometimes jus get real sick! Y can't i share also! Actually i can lah, jus tt they interested to listen meh?
Haiyo! Today girl girl 出世 leh! Is a happy day! Why m i talkin bout all these things?! So girl girl dun b like me also good! Sensitive is good, bt overly sensitve, wat's e use?
Suan le bah! There r things which wun change! No point talkin bout it also! This is nt first time liao! Over & over again! Jus like e 傻瓜 mv! Might as well sleep! Yep! K! Finish icing my leg le! :)
Yest actually had quite a nice dream! :)
Yeah! Nitex! :)
Khengs :)
Bt dunno why after tt den mood became v bad! After carryin e things down, den sis said i took gor's bag down also! Like i noe which bag is gor's! Den she told me to bring it back! Wts?! I limp all e way here & she asked me to limp back? Dun understand! Why can't she do it! Jus like to 差遣 me to do things! Usually i'm ok! Maybe coz i leech on her, so i shld do her all these services! Bt seriously, wen my mood is terrible! I really hate all these! Really no regard for me! & is her attitude, like is my fault i shld bring it back! I help her bring down her stuff tho is 举手之劳 bt take wrong things my fault ah?! Pissed nw! Though i noe piss post will b v aggitated! Bt i still wan to post! Coz i wan to ventilate! Pek chek!
Den she said wanna take bus! Wts?! I was jus feelin v tired all of a sudden! I dun wan to take e bus le please! All e way, wah lao! & kkh so out of e way! :/ so take cab!
Den plus also really pissed w my mum! Hw can she jus leave w.o us, also nv drop us a call! I was thinkin of cabbin home tgt! It's nt bout e money, bt she leave equals to cab is nt gg to b e first decision we gg to make! Damn it! & she din even tell us! Ask gor to pass message?! Wts! We live in e same household leh! Though cny all these she also leave first, today is like?! Maybe she considerin my dad, den my dad come back & watch soccer?! F*** maybe she wanna let us spend time w our cousins, bt.. ?!?!?!?! Damn! Cannot jus drop us a call ah?! Maybe she dun wan to call also coz our attitude so terrible! Den this is our prob! Bt still, haiz. Dun understand! She jus dun understand. Drop us a call really so hard meh?! Seriously!
Den come back! I take out e clothes! My sis in e toilet! I told her her clothes inside e plastic bag! Den she asked me to help her throw e contents out into e pail! Den i jus throw my plastic bag on e floor den she noe i bs! Den she said "拿来拿来，我自己弄！" den i passed it to her! I really was jus super pek chek! E things frm bp i carry all e way le leh, come back i still need to clear! Den is her dirty clothes leh! E clothes all stinkin becoz of perspiration & undergarment! Please leh! Really stinks leh! If i ask her take out for me, will she? If she wun, why shld i do it for her?
I noe i v calculative! Bt it's not e act of carrying, e act of takin out! Bt is e way my sis makes me feel! She makes me feel tt i shld do it for her! She makes me feel like it's my job! She makes me feel tt i'm so "lowly"! Maybe jus tired! So overly sensitive! & thinkin a lot!
Bt really, i so wan to tell her i really bs w jus nw stuff! Bt i tink we r all tired! Den she alight jus complain bout work again! I tink under normal circumstances, i'm okay! Bt wen i'm tired or wen i need someone to listen to me, wah! I really cannot take it! I get v v frustrated! Why is she always complainin bout her work! She needs to ventilate! I dun need meh? Y can't she listen to me?!
M i findin excuses?! Each time i get pek chek w her, i'll blog! & i'll always link back to this thing! Den i'll always tear! M i tryin to victimise myself? Haiz! Really sick of this cycle!
Bt wat can i do?
i dun wan to rock e boat by sayin anythin! & say le will change meh? Maybe she will say less lo! Will she listen? Sth tt i get frm pleading & beggin, u tink i 稀罕 meh? Maybe is cycle ba, wen we r w gor, he is e one who talks e most! So wen my sis w me, she jus rant & rant! Of coz there r times wen she talks a lot also! Bt i'm always e listener! Sometimes jus get real sick! Y can't i share also! Actually i can lah, jus tt they interested to listen meh?
Haiyo! Today girl girl 出世 leh! Is a happy day! Why m i talkin bout all these things?! So girl girl dun b like me also good! Sensitive is good, bt overly sensitve, wat's e use?
Suan le bah! There r things which wun change! No point talkin bout it also! This is nt first time liao! Over & over again! Jus like e 傻瓜 mv! Might as well sleep! Yep! K! Finish icing my leg le! :)
Yest actually had quite a nice dream! :)
Yeah! Nitex! :)
Khengs :)
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Nolstagia + excitement!
Hehehe! Jus ended tuition & was walkin along e path where i fell! Hehe! Den this ah bei cycled past me w a radio playin a hokkien song! Reminds me of sat afternoons wen i was young & at my ah ma's hs durin e hols! Coz durig those times, my cousins they all will b home! & i'll b left alone w my ah ma! Den there is e emo & oldie feelin i'll get wen i hear these songs! Tt time wasn't so emotional! Hehe! Bt wen i grew older & there r sunday times wen i stay at home & in e afternoon & hear such songs where i get reminded of those times! Hehe! Those were e days! Yep! So there's this little bit of nolstagia there!
But!!!
My niece is comin out! So excited! Wonder hw she looks like! & so excitin! MY niece! 叫姑姑！hahahahah! Yay!!!!
So nw.. Go send ancestor first! Den see whether bball is still on or nt! If nt i'll go down to KK straight after this!! :D heheheh! Yay!!
Khengs! :D
But!!!
My niece is comin out! So excited! Wonder hw she looks like! & so excitin! MY niece! 叫姑姑！hahahahah! Yay!!!!
So nw.. Go send ancestor first! Den see whether bball is still on or nt! If nt i'll go down to KK straight after this!! :D heheheh! Yay!!
Khengs! :D
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