Wednesday, March 28, 2012
hehe
hehe. goodness! i went to sleep! maybe coz totally dun feel e urgency to write e paper! & coz thot it will b a good way to take my mind off e viv's thing! hehehe. & dreamt of me having to go bintam w baby they all & chia hong! hahaha. & was like thinkin damn, paper due tmr still go bintan! tmr 10am lesson leh! hahah. & den baby still say mus haf debrief tmr morn b4 i come back to sg for lessons! i was like "WTF?!" lol! wat kind of dream is this man! mus b e things tt was happening b4 i went to slp! hahaha. & i dreamt tt viv told me her essay left w 50 words! haha.
jus nw b4 sleep i told myself, if i wake up she din even talk to me on MSN.. haha. den it shows sth or some shit. haha. nt show sth.. bt she totally nv talk to me. haha. nw i tink i like so lame.. like so dying for ur fren to talk to u! siao! hahaha. & i also dunno whether m i nt thinkin bout it anymore or wat.. haha. coz nw really need to write my child assn liao! hahaha. 7pm!! shit! hahahah. jus nw jus kept sleepin despite the phone ringing & ringing! hehe. alarm i mean! hahahah.
bt well.. maybe better also! coz perhaps if i din sleep, i wun b doin anythin also! hahaha. nw time to do stuff! heh!
ya la..perhaps some things if cannot retrieve back, jiu suan le! haaha. dun try too hard! anw i feel tt i'm like this despo tryin to make up liao! hahaha. shld strike some balance back also! hehe.
k! nw really is shun qi zi ran! hahaha. sleeping really does help!(: hehe.
i dun care! i'm nt gg to be so hard on myself liao!
hahaha. i really tink i'm a mad person! can't believe i was bloggin bout this issue so much! like 5 posts today? hahahah.
perhaps other than the person, there is sth else tt matters a lot alot? some underlying issue? haha. bt no matter wat.. i believe nt as jiatlat as fiona & wat gege has to go thru! hehe. yep! (:
k!:D
hehe. relieved & happy nw!
nw jus haf to chiong assn!(: hehe..
goodness! e dream was really scary! havin to go bintan at this last min!:S really can die!:/
kheng!:)
jus nw b4 sleep i told myself, if i wake up she din even talk to me on MSN.. haha. den it shows sth or some shit. haha. nt show sth.. bt she totally nv talk to me. haha. nw i tink i like so lame.. like so dying for ur fren to talk to u! siao! hahaha. & i also dunno whether m i nt thinkin bout it anymore or wat.. haha. coz nw really need to write my child assn liao! hahaha. 7pm!! shit! hahahah. jus nw jus kept sleepin despite the phone ringing & ringing! hehe. alarm i mean! hahahah.
bt well.. maybe better also! coz perhaps if i din sleep, i wun b doin anythin also! hahaha. nw time to do stuff! heh!
ya la..perhaps some things if cannot retrieve back, jiu suan le! haaha. dun try too hard! anw i feel tt i'm like this despo tryin to make up liao! hahaha. shld strike some balance back also! hehe.
k! nw really is shun qi zi ran! hahaha. sleeping really does help!(: hehe.
i dun care! i'm nt gg to be so hard on myself liao!
hahaha. i really tink i'm a mad person! can't believe i was bloggin bout this issue so much! like 5 posts today? hahahah.
perhaps other than the person, there is sth else tt matters a lot alot? some underlying issue? haha. bt no matter wat.. i believe nt as jiatlat as fiona & wat gege has to go thru! hehe. yep! (:
k!:D
hehe. relieved & happy nw!
nw jus haf to chiong assn!(: hehe..
goodness! e dream was really scary! havin to go bintan at this last min!:S really can die!:/
kheng!:)
I noe i noe!
I noe, i noe! Relationships r trivial matters rite? I also noe tt maybe nth is wrong! & it's v likely! Jus tt i jus can't seem to b able to get myself out of it! Will watchin drama help? Or a sleep? Or a chat w someone? Jus need a distraction! Den i'll b able to get out of it! & look at it frm another perspective! Arghh!!
Hahaha! Bt okay la! After i've e above awareness, i'm feelin.. Better? Hahaha! Nw is child assn! Sian max! Lol!!
Kheng.
Hahaha! Bt okay la! After i've e above awareness, i'm feelin.. Better? Hahaha! Nw is child assn! Sian max! Lol!!
Kheng.
past..
haha. hmm.. i jus went to look at fb photos! obviously coz i no motivation to do child assn! hahaha. bt well. i saw e photos we took of the past.. for e past like 1 yr, i really had a lot of shared happy memories w vivian! bt shld i say 好景不长?
well. i jus feel tt we'll nv go back to e past! haha. it's jus a feeling! maybe we can.. maybe we can't.. bt shld we really not b able to go back, i will jus say "往前看！" rite? perhaps it's only wen we worked tgt more, den did we realise tt we perhaps haf more differences than we thot? or perhaps it's jus my prob ba. haha. for almost all my frens, i will go thru a period where i get real uncomfortable w them? haha. bt perhaps tt's wat makes e r/s stronger in e end? if it does last till then!
hmm.. actually 以前那样，无忧无虑的！不是很好吗？bt i jus can't get pass myself for certain things, & well! not sure if wen I erupted tt time, seeing all these pictures might haf changed anythin or not.. i think it's jus a post-event, lose the things den regret liao kinda feeling? hmm. maybe I just haf to tell myself, certain things jus cannot restart.. hmm. I'm saying all these on e basis tt I feel tt my behaviour has had an impact on e way we interact.. hmm..
maybe not? maybe it's sth else tt changed our interaction pattern? i guess I'll not b able to find tt ans? & there's still a limit to how much m i willing to work hard to build back our r/s... if i keep getting 白眼, i really wun try anymore! hmm..
bt at this time, certain things r alr lost.. i tink i'm feeling even more 不舍 very much coz I saw YAH! photos.. esp wen i jus had quite a good day w chongchong & sup at YAH's booth last sat! jus made me feel tt actually e r/s is still there.. even tho i aren't my sup's intern now.. & recently haven't been gg back YAH! as often! hmm.. it's kinda like my r/s w yah's ppl is also contigent on my r/s w dabong! coz it's like, ya.. without her i can still go back.. bt it's different wen everyone is back.. plus xiaobong... hmm..
bt I guess this is jus a stage i've to go thru? if we emerge out of it, maybe our friendship will become stronger.. maybe we'll remain like this forever.. will i regret? perhaps! bt as i said jus nw, what's done cannot b undone! & if i was able to control my emotions.. haha. i wun haf been going thru so much all my life.. haha. bt well. i tink this is jus sth i've to overcome!
well.. dabong isn't gg to b my only fren in this world! haha. so no need to get depressed! haha. & who noes.. maybe tmr after we submit e assn, we'll b back to norm! hahahaha.
bt okay.. say it out le.. den nothin as much to brood bout..
hehe. perhaps it's like those pictures bring back a lot of happy memories.. bt actually.. things weren't perfect then too? it's jus tt e photos locked up only e good ones so wen I see this, haf e urge to go back to this fairytale land? hmm.. bt who is perfect? chongchong isn't.. my sup isn't.. esther isn't.. dashen isn't.. tard isn't.. marian isn't.. xue en isn't.. not even tong, matilda, fy, ancestor, bearbera, kaka... nobody.. so why shld i hold so strongly, so tightly to this extent of suffocating myself? haha. ya rite?
jus saw e quote on fb, "style is thinking what you want to think, say & leave it." haha. i choose r/s over style of coz! haha. jus tt certain times I must learn to let go? hahaha.
ya lo.. e things which i strongly believe in are never truths.. haha. nt tt i'm in denial.. bt experience really told me so.. so nw i believe tt dabong sensed my weirdness.. so it mus b untrue rite? hahaha. well.. i did ask her jus nw, bt she really din say.. perhaps she jus dun wan to say? hahaha. bt well. i've to learn to let go.. she isn't perfect also.. so why shld i be holding on so tightly?
lol.. if i look at my posts like last wk.. haha. i tink i'll b sayin a totally different thing
so i say lo, i'm 犯贱！lose sth le den will cherish.. haha..
bt, 人是要往前看的！ ok!
sometimes i also dunno whether m i letting myself too loose, or being too harsh on myself! bt well..
this will get me nowhere! if u ask me to go tell dabong, "Can we go back to the past?" while this might get me back e friendship i want, bt this is jus nt sth tt i'll do leh.. tho i tink pride sometimes is nothing.. bt den.. this is jus nt sth tt i'll do.. izzit coz 要回来的东西 wun b sth i wan? or perhaps i jus wun like e new dynamics ba! hmm.. well. nxt sem see hw ba! even if i make her feel uncomfortable, it's only gg to b 2 weeks more! nxt sem perhaps we wun b taking e same things alr! haha. & she will b spared! hahaha.
really is 180 degree change in my own attitude leh.. izzit 犯贱 or willing to repent? hahahaha.
nvm! as i said, i can't control my emotions.. so i shalln't look down on myself! hahahaha.
yep! & i thot i was jus laughin at dashen for spending her time thinkin bout useless relationship stuff? why m i doin e same thing here? isn't there sth worth my time more? hahaha. lol! perhaps mine is jus someone tt is worth my time thinkin bout how it will turn out in e future ba! haha. bt anyway, STOP! hahaha.
aiyo! stop la! go do ur assn!
i really no sense of urgency de leh! lol! mus wait till like 10pm sai4 gun4 alr den will panick & chiong & den regret why in e day time i so lag! lol!
k.. STOP! hahaha.
let it be..
顺其自然！
(:
kheng (:
can't wait for liberation tmr! hopefully i can finish b4 child lecture! hehe. so i shall put this timing as liberation: 10am! :D hehehe.
well. i jus feel tt we'll nv go back to e past! haha. it's jus a feeling! maybe we can.. maybe we can't.. bt shld we really not b able to go back, i will jus say "往前看！" rite? perhaps it's only wen we worked tgt more, den did we realise tt we perhaps haf more differences than we thot? or perhaps it's jus my prob ba. haha. for almost all my frens, i will go thru a period where i get real uncomfortable w them? haha. bt perhaps tt's wat makes e r/s stronger in e end? if it does last till then!
hmm.. actually 以前那样，无忧无虑的！不是很好吗？bt i jus can't get pass myself for certain things, & well! not sure if wen I erupted tt time, seeing all these pictures might haf changed anythin or not.. i think it's jus a post-event, lose the things den regret liao kinda feeling? hmm. maybe I just haf to tell myself, certain things jus cannot restart.. hmm. I'm saying all these on e basis tt I feel tt my behaviour has had an impact on e way we interact.. hmm..
maybe not? maybe it's sth else tt changed our interaction pattern? i guess I'll not b able to find tt ans? & there's still a limit to how much m i willing to work hard to build back our r/s... if i keep getting 白眼, i really wun try anymore! hmm..
bt at this time, certain things r alr lost.. i tink i'm feeling even more 不舍 very much coz I saw YAH! photos.. esp wen i jus had quite a good day w chongchong & sup at YAH's booth last sat! jus made me feel tt actually e r/s is still there.. even tho i aren't my sup's intern now.. & recently haven't been gg back YAH! as often! hmm.. it's kinda like my r/s w yah's ppl is also contigent on my r/s w dabong! coz it's like, ya.. without her i can still go back.. bt it's different wen everyone is back.. plus xiaobong... hmm..
bt I guess this is jus a stage i've to go thru? if we emerge out of it, maybe our friendship will become stronger.. maybe we'll remain like this forever.. will i regret? perhaps! bt as i said jus nw, what's done cannot b undone! & if i was able to control my emotions.. haha. i wun haf been going thru so much all my life.. haha. bt well. i tink this is jus sth i've to overcome!
well.. dabong isn't gg to b my only fren in this world! haha. so no need to get depressed! haha. & who noes.. maybe tmr after we submit e assn, we'll b back to norm! hahahaha.
bt okay.. say it out le.. den nothin as much to brood bout..
hehe. perhaps it's like those pictures bring back a lot of happy memories.. bt actually.. things weren't perfect then too? it's jus tt e photos locked up only e good ones so wen I see this, haf e urge to go back to this fairytale land? hmm.. bt who is perfect? chongchong isn't.. my sup isn't.. esther isn't.. dashen isn't.. tard isn't.. marian isn't.. xue en isn't.. not even tong, matilda, fy, ancestor, bearbera, kaka... nobody.. so why shld i hold so strongly, so tightly to this extent of suffocating myself? haha. ya rite?
jus saw e quote on fb, "style is thinking what you want to think, say & leave it." haha. i choose r/s over style of coz! haha. jus tt certain times I must learn to let go? hahaha.
ya lo.. e things which i strongly believe in are never truths.. haha. nt tt i'm in denial.. bt experience really told me so.. so nw i believe tt dabong sensed my weirdness.. so it mus b untrue rite? hahaha. well.. i did ask her jus nw, bt she really din say.. perhaps she jus dun wan to say? hahaha. bt well. i've to learn to let go.. she isn't perfect also.. so why shld i be holding on so tightly?
lol.. if i look at my posts like last wk.. haha. i tink i'll b sayin a totally different thing
so i say lo, i'm 犯贱！lose sth le den will cherish.. haha..
bt, 人是要往前看的！ ok!
sometimes i also dunno whether m i letting myself too loose, or being too harsh on myself! bt well..
this will get me nowhere! if u ask me to go tell dabong, "Can we go back to the past?" while this might get me back e friendship i want, bt this is jus nt sth tt i'll do leh.. tho i tink pride sometimes is nothing.. bt den.. this is jus nt sth tt i'll do.. izzit coz 要回来的东西 wun b sth i wan? or perhaps i jus wun like e new dynamics ba! hmm.. well. nxt sem see hw ba! even if i make her feel uncomfortable, it's only gg to b 2 weeks more! nxt sem perhaps we wun b taking e same things alr! haha. & she will b spared! hahaha.
really is 180 degree change in my own attitude leh.. izzit 犯贱 or willing to repent? hahahaha.
nvm! as i said, i can't control my emotions.. so i shalln't look down on myself! hahahaha.
yep! & i thot i was jus laughin at dashen for spending her time thinkin bout useless relationship stuff? why m i doin e same thing here? isn't there sth worth my time more? hahaha. lol! perhaps mine is jus someone tt is worth my time thinkin bout how it will turn out in e future ba! haha. bt anyway, STOP! hahaha.
aiyo! stop la! go do ur assn!
i really no sense of urgency de leh! lol! mus wait till like 10pm sai4 gun4 alr den will panick & chiong & den regret why in e day time i so lag! lol!
k.. STOP! hahaha.
let it be..
顺其自然！
(:
kheng (:
can't wait for liberation tmr! hopefully i can finish b4 child lecture! hehe. so i shall put this timing as liberation: 10am! :D hehehe.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Hehe!
Hehe! I tink i kinda relieved myself le! Hee! E only reason why i'll think so much is coz i feel tt if we cannot go back to hw we were like in e past, & i feel tt i'm a bad person coz i caused her to feel hurt! & she is e victim, i'm e evil person & tt other ppl wun like me! V childish thots bt these r e ones tt r really affectin me!
Jus nw went to marian to science coz she wanted to repair her laptop! Den passed by e canteen & smelled e canteen smell tt smelled like my pri sch de! & reminded of hw "lonely" i was in pri sch! Perhaps tt's why i'm like tt nw? Haha! Underlying issues! Hahaha
Bt e thot of tt reminded me of hw much i dun wan to b like dashen, always thinkin of small stuff! E whole out there really is more complicated & sufferin & undergoin troubles of higher intensity & so on... Why m i troublin myself over such stuff?
My realisations did nt leave me, jus tt in this case, i cannot apply it! Coz i feel tt i hurt someone! Haha!
Bt well, i thot bout it also, i might haf made a mistake, bt nw tt i'm tryin to make up for it, if tt fren is nt willin to forgive, perhaps this fren jus isn't meant to stay?
Or if i still cannot bring myself out to say e very very truth, den perhaps it is jus fated tt perhaps is jus 有缘无份？i'm jus particularly bothered coz i dun wan her to feel tt she is e cause of it! Well! It was jus me! Haha!
Bt yep! I'll jus try! If cannot, den i mus spare myself! What's done cannot b undone, what's e pt of brooding? & nt loved by frens den nt lo! Why b so bothered?
Lol! & i guess it's really not wat i did! Haha! I tink is jus she felt bad for nt contributing to projects & for "screwin it up" yest for 2106!
Bt anw, since i'm repentent! Or at least i'm nt gg to (i hope i can!) 发作 again! Hehe! If things still dun work out, at least i can pardon myself coz i tried rite? As i said, e mistake is alr made! Hehe!
I'll try nt to make this mistake on others! Haha! I hope i can control my emotions though! :P hehehe!
Yep! I'm still self-centered! I jus haf to admit it! Bt at least i nt tryin to hurt ppl leh! Hehe! Yep! I jus haf to accept it! Accept myself! I'll see hw it goes tmr! :) hehe!
Yep! Anw, tt's it! Time to focus on child assn! Hehe!
& jus hope marian will b able to get out her files to work on! If nt due tmr is really hell! E gek part is she did half le! :/
Yep! & jus one final sentence! Haha! Yest viv was fine b4 grp work rite! So i shld stop thinkin too much! Hahahahahah!
Bt yep! I'm nt so BYL to expect things to go back to norm coz nw i 过 myself tt 关 alr! Haha! I jus hope she will b fine! No matter hw selfish i'm, i'll nv wish anyone bad k! Hehe! At least nt for nw! :P
Yep! Tho it will kinda like spare me frm e mental torment, at least she is ok! Hahahah! Tt's nt askin too much rite? :P hehehe!
Bt anw! Yep! Dun brood over it le! Bt i'll see hw things go! Maybe non stop spammin of blog again, bt nvm! It's jus a process i've to go thru! I jus hope i'll b able to be able to nt b affected! Nt like b able to detach bt nt b affected coz she is fine le! Hehe! Hope so! *cross fingers*
E regret moment after makin a wrong decision! Haha! Bt at this current moment, i really feel less affected! Hehe!
Ya lo! Tt time i said i jus cannot bring myself to b totally honest, coz we jus haven't been thru enough. So if she really has sth & dun wan to tell me, why shld i force it or be upset rite? I might haf really affected her, bt i also opened up e grounds for her to talk bout it! It was her choice rite? Hehe!
Yep! Jus tryin to find all e possible reasons to spare myself! :p heheh!
Lol! I'm jus self-centred, STILL! :P
Kheng!
Haha! Bt still hopin ppl who do love me continue to love me! :p heheh! Tt's jus e spoilt brat in me! So nt kind still expect ppl to love me! Haha! Well! I'll see hw again! :p
Jus nw went to marian to science coz she wanted to repair her laptop! Den passed by e canteen & smelled e canteen smell tt smelled like my pri sch de! & reminded of hw "lonely" i was in pri sch! Perhaps tt's why i'm like tt nw? Haha! Underlying issues! Hahaha
Bt e thot of tt reminded me of hw much i dun wan to b like dashen, always thinkin of small stuff! E whole out there really is more complicated & sufferin & undergoin troubles of higher intensity & so on... Why m i troublin myself over such stuff?
My realisations did nt leave me, jus tt in this case, i cannot apply it! Coz i feel tt i hurt someone! Haha!
Bt well, i thot bout it also, i might haf made a mistake, bt nw tt i'm tryin to make up for it, if tt fren is nt willin to forgive, perhaps this fren jus isn't meant to stay?
Or if i still cannot bring myself out to say e very very truth, den perhaps it is jus fated tt perhaps is jus 有缘无份？i'm jus particularly bothered coz i dun wan her to feel tt she is e cause of it! Well! It was jus me! Haha!
Bt yep! I'll jus try! If cannot, den i mus spare myself! What's done cannot b undone, what's e pt of brooding? & nt loved by frens den nt lo! Why b so bothered?
Lol! & i guess it's really not wat i did! Haha! I tink is jus she felt bad for nt contributing to projects & for "screwin it up" yest for 2106!
Bt anw, since i'm repentent! Or at least i'm nt gg to (i hope i can!) 发作 again! Hehe! If things still dun work out, at least i can pardon myself coz i tried rite? As i said, e mistake is alr made! Hehe!
I'll try nt to make this mistake on others! Haha! I hope i can control my emotions though! :P hehehe!
Yep! I'm still self-centered! I jus haf to admit it! Bt at least i nt tryin to hurt ppl leh! Hehe! Yep! I jus haf to accept it! Accept myself! I'll see hw it goes tmr! :) hehe!
Yep! Anw, tt's it! Time to focus on child assn! Hehe!
& jus hope marian will b able to get out her files to work on! If nt due tmr is really hell! E gek part is she did half le! :/
Yep! & jus one final sentence! Haha! Yest viv was fine b4 grp work rite! So i shld stop thinkin too much! Hahahahahah!
Bt yep! I'm nt so BYL to expect things to go back to norm coz nw i 过 myself tt 关 alr! Haha! I jus hope she will b fine! No matter hw selfish i'm, i'll nv wish anyone bad k! Hehe! At least nt for nw! :P
Yep! Tho it will kinda like spare me frm e mental torment, at least she is ok! Hahahah! Tt's nt askin too much rite? :P hehehe!
Bt anw! Yep! Dun brood over it le! Bt i'll see hw things go! Maybe non stop spammin of blog again, bt nvm! It's jus a process i've to go thru! I jus hope i'll b able to be able to nt b affected! Nt like b able to detach bt nt b affected coz she is fine le! Hehe! Hope so! *cross fingers*
E regret moment after makin a wrong decision! Haha! Bt at this current moment, i really feel less affected! Hehe!
Ya lo! Tt time i said i jus cannot bring myself to b totally honest, coz we jus haven't been thru enough. So if she really has sth & dun wan to tell me, why shld i force it or be upset rite? I might haf really affected her, bt i also opened up e grounds for her to talk bout it! It was her choice rite? Hehe!
Yep! Jus tryin to find all e possible reasons to spare myself! :p heheh!
Lol! I'm jus self-centred, STILL! :P
Kheng!
Haha! Bt still hopin ppl who do love me continue to love me! :p heheh! Tt's jus e spoilt brat in me! So nt kind still expect ppl to love me! Haha! Well! I'll see hw again! :p
Hmm
Hmm! Hahaha! Useless! Totally affected! Bad to e past or even tt day wen we met dashen, i totally dun dare to look at viv's direction! It's jus tt kind of awkwardness! Wen we pushed e chairs back, felt tt our eyes met bt she blinked away! Bt after tt we were back to talkin! Still felt uncomfortable! It was only after tt wen we discussed child assn den was ok!
Hmm.. I tink i've swung frm extremes to extremes! At first super care, den to super heck care! & nw back to super care! Her coldness towards me jus make me feel like i'm v bad! Like to a fren! Like i'm v evil! Jus dun like being imperfect!
Hmm.. I've to neutralise myself soon! If nt i'm gg to b so dead! I dun wish to b stuck in this cycle at all! Hate friendship prob! Haha! Bt well, i got into it myself! Hahahah! Where did e heck-care-ness after all e realisations came go to? I tink i jus cannot accept it if i'm imperfect! As in ok if i'm nt perfect, bt nt ok if i'm not a nice person! Can i give myself e "leeway" to say tt i'm repentin & shld b forgiven? Hahahah!
Jus v sian of e thot of possible cold-ness on her side if i were to b enthu! Bt u wan to rebuild it rite? Den u've to do it lo! Haha!
U wan to b e evil/unfriendly one who destroyed e friendship or e one who is being poured cold water? At least in e 2nd case tho i'll feel quite insulted, i'm tryin rite? Den i can pardon myself!
Haha! It's back to selfish motives again! Lol! Maybe tt's why i'll nt b able to b spared! Lol! I need to grow up! Grow sone more!!!
:/
Kheng.
Hmm.. I tink i've swung frm extremes to extremes! At first super care, den to super heck care! & nw back to super care! Her coldness towards me jus make me feel like i'm v bad! Like to a fren! Like i'm v evil! Jus dun like being imperfect!
Hmm.. I've to neutralise myself soon! If nt i'm gg to b so dead! I dun wish to b stuck in this cycle at all! Hate friendship prob! Haha! Bt well, i got into it myself! Hahahah! Where did e heck-care-ness after all e realisations came go to? I tink i jus cannot accept it if i'm imperfect! As in ok if i'm nt perfect, bt nt ok if i'm not a nice person! Can i give myself e "leeway" to say tt i'm repentin & shld b forgiven? Hahahah!
Jus v sian of e thot of possible cold-ness on her side if i were to b enthu! Bt u wan to rebuild it rite? Den u've to do it lo! Haha!
U wan to b e evil/unfriendly one who destroyed e friendship or e one who is being poured cold water? At least in e 2nd case tho i'll feel quite insulted, i'm tryin rite? Den i can pardon myself!
Haha! It's back to selfish motives again! Lol! Maybe tt's why i'll nt b able to b spared! Lol! I need to grow up! Grow sone more!!!
:/
Kheng.
Lol
Lol! Is this resolution? Hahah! I totally couldn't take vivian's replies so i went to "talk" to her bout it! Ask her if she is fine! At first she gave me e "?" reply! Wah! Totally felt tt she was rude! Hahaha! Bt nw i okay! Bt wen tt reply comes, it's like a slap in ur face! Maybe i did slap her previously also! Hahah! Tt's why i said, karma max!
Bt i talked to her bout it! I jus told her we do wan her to speak up & aren't blamin her! & can see tt she's tryin v hard to speak up & make up in other areas! V glad tt she has this self awareness & is tryin!
I asked her if she felt tt i was treatin her v weirdly, i kinda lied? Haha! Said i dunno wat is wrong yet! Paiseh, i jus dun wish to unfold this & talk bout it! & i really dunno why will i react so strongly to her small actions like lendin me staplet to staple e notes also! Hmm.. Or rather i dunno why i'll lose control! Hahah!
Bt hmm.. I opened e floor up! & i even honestly said i felt tt she is avoidin me! If she says no, it's either she really din feel anythin. I gave her an honest response bout wat i've been gg thru le! Jus nt e reason behind it! OR she dun wish to b honest! If she's nt honest, i can't do anythin also rite?
& i cannot expect too much! Coz i aren't honest too!
Well! So is this settled? I also dunno! I'll see hw it goes later!
Actually i'm more concerned whether will i be able to stop feelin bad! ie whether i'll still feel her "blink-away"s! Well! She isn't replyin me.. So i also dunno! & she din give a positive response of whether she wants our help or not!
I aren't sure whether her rejection of help is coz she dun wan to bother us or coz she dun feel e trust!
Hmm.. Hahaha! I jus aren't a kind soul! I'm jus self-centered! Lol! Bt i dun care! This is jus me! I still stand by e same thing! As long as i aren't hurtin anyone w my evil-ness can alr!
I still jus feel tt my behaviour has an impact on her! If it's jus e not speakin up part, den i dun care! Coz it's really sth she has to work on! Hmm.. I'll see hw! See whether can i build back e trust/r/s or not! Attemptin to build it back coz i dun wan her to feel tt i'm abandonin her or anythin!
Maybe i'm really thinkin too much! Even if i'm sendin those signals out, maybe she din catch them rite! I'll try again to probe bout this! As in probe deeper & try to help her to overcome e speakin up issue! Tho it's client self-determination, help really is impt! It's my conviction! Bt i wun force her too hard also, i'll try for e first time! Bt if she really dun wan, den i wun force also!!
I shall count upon her statement of "we are all at our "breaking point" now coz of assn"! Bt if after this, she is still like this! After i try to remedy, i shall leave it as it is loh! No pt tryin too hard also!
Yep! So see la, even if i open up e grounds to talk bout it, it always amounts to nothin! At least i dun feel better or tt e thing is resolved! Bt at least i dun feel worse after talkin bout it rite?
Yep! I'll still talk if i see e need in future for any other frens! Bt well, maybe is coz i nv really do say out e most most most inner feelings, tt's why such thrash-out or "HTHT" nv do work out rite? I also dunno! Haha!
I'll see hw! Bt at least i've talked bout it! Ltr i'll try to b enthu or at least, nt b "weird" & i'll see hw! & i'll do this test for multiple days/times! If it still doesn't work out, den i'll "certified dead" as in i wun try too hard anymore bt of coz wun give up totally! Hahah! & maybe by then i'll say, "certain things r best left e way they are." yep! :)
Ok jus nice! Reach clementi le! :)
Kheng.
Bt i talked to her bout it! I jus told her we do wan her to speak up & aren't blamin her! & can see tt she's tryin v hard to speak up & make up in other areas! V glad tt she has this self awareness & is tryin!
I asked her if she felt tt i was treatin her v weirdly, i kinda lied? Haha! Said i dunno wat is wrong yet! Paiseh, i jus dun wish to unfold this & talk bout it! & i really dunno why will i react so strongly to her small actions like lendin me staplet to staple e notes also! Hmm.. Or rather i dunno why i'll lose control! Hahah!
Bt hmm.. I opened e floor up! & i even honestly said i felt tt she is avoidin me! If she says no, it's either she really din feel anythin. I gave her an honest response bout wat i've been gg thru le! Jus nt e reason behind it! OR she dun wish to b honest! If she's nt honest, i can't do anythin also rite?
& i cannot expect too much! Coz i aren't honest too!
Well! So is this settled? I also dunno! I'll see hw it goes later!
Actually i'm more concerned whether will i be able to stop feelin bad! ie whether i'll still feel her "blink-away"s! Well! She isn't replyin me.. So i also dunno! & she din give a positive response of whether she wants our help or not!
I aren't sure whether her rejection of help is coz she dun wan to bother us or coz she dun feel e trust!
Hmm.. Hahaha! I jus aren't a kind soul! I'm jus self-centered! Lol! Bt i dun care! This is jus me! I still stand by e same thing! As long as i aren't hurtin anyone w my evil-ness can alr!
I still jus feel tt my behaviour has an impact on her! If it's jus e not speakin up part, den i dun care! Coz it's really sth she has to work on! Hmm.. I'll see hw! See whether can i build back e trust/r/s or not! Attemptin to build it back coz i dun wan her to feel tt i'm abandonin her or anythin!
Maybe i'm really thinkin too much! Even if i'm sendin those signals out, maybe she din catch them rite! I'll try again to probe bout this! As in probe deeper & try to help her to overcome e speakin up issue! Tho it's client self-determination, help really is impt! It's my conviction! Bt i wun force her too hard also, i'll try for e first time! Bt if she really dun wan, den i wun force also!!
I shall count upon her statement of "we are all at our "breaking point" now coz of assn"! Bt if after this, she is still like this! After i try to remedy, i shall leave it as it is loh! No pt tryin too hard also!
Yep! So see la, even if i open up e grounds to talk bout it, it always amounts to nothin! At least i dun feel better or tt e thing is resolved! Bt at least i dun feel worse after talkin bout it rite?
Yep! I'll still talk if i see e need in future for any other frens! Bt well, maybe is coz i nv really do say out e most most most inner feelings, tt's why such thrash-out or "HTHT" nv do work out rite? I also dunno! Haha!
I'll see hw! Bt at least i've talked bout it! Ltr i'll try to b enthu or at least, nt b "weird" & i'll see hw! & i'll do this test for multiple days/times! If it still doesn't work out, den i'll "certified dead" as in i wun try too hard anymore bt of coz wun give up totally! Hahah! & maybe by then i'll say, "certain things r best left e way they are." yep! :)
Ok jus nice! Reach clementi le! :)
Kheng.
Weird
Haiz! Yest was sleepin & received vivian's whatsapp in grp convo! Really weird max! :/
She sent a long whatsapp tellin all of us wat we need to do, like i need to do hist, pau need to upload SS slides.....
& i replied sayin i sleepin, asked fiona to upload & she said "i would love to help but..."
So nt her style of speakin! :/ dunno whether did i affect her or not! Nt tt i wan to tink tt i've such great influence over others, bt i feel real uncomfortable seeing such whatsapp msg-es! :/
Well, another possibility is tt she is feelin inferior again or feelin bad coz she felt tt she screwed up e grp work session coz she din lead v well? Bt we all knew she was nt feelin well! Hmm...
I tink i need to talk to her liao! Whether was it me or nt, her behaviour is affecting me. If it's me who caused it, i need to go address it, whether i can solve it or not! If it wasn't me, den she mus b deeply affected by some stuff? I need to address it too, whether i can help or not!
Last nite so wanted to tell someone bout it, bt who can i tell? Pau? Bt tt means i mus disclose wat i felt previously towards viv! First, i'll look idiotic, 2nd, it might affect our interactions in future! & i guess viv din tell anyone she felt tt sth was wrong w me also b4 this, so i tink i shldn't tell anyone? Karma la! Maybe she felt v xin1 ku tt time also? :/
Haiz.. If it was like previously wen she suddenly give me attitude, still nt so bad, coz i really couldn't recall wat i did wrongly! Nw i noe i did do wrong stuff, bt i can't be sure whether is tt e reason why she is behavin like this or nt! :/
Really is karma max!
Lol! Bt it is nt as if i could control myself on e spot rite? If i could, i would haf done it! Lol! Bt hopefully this serves as a reminder for me in future! Hopefully i'll b able to control in future!! :/
Kheng.
(think tonight gg to die writing child assn! :/ slept non-stop frm 6pm last nite till nw! :/)
She sent a long whatsapp tellin all of us wat we need to do, like i need to do hist, pau need to upload SS slides.....
& i replied sayin i sleepin, asked fiona to upload & she said "i would love to help but..."
So nt her style of speakin! :/ dunno whether did i affect her or not! Nt tt i wan to tink tt i've such great influence over others, bt i feel real uncomfortable seeing such whatsapp msg-es! :/
Well, another possibility is tt she is feelin inferior again or feelin bad coz she felt tt she screwed up e grp work session coz she din lead v well? Bt we all knew she was nt feelin well! Hmm...
I tink i need to talk to her liao! Whether was it me or nt, her behaviour is affecting me. If it's me who caused it, i need to go address it, whether i can solve it or not! If it wasn't me, den she mus b deeply affected by some stuff? I need to address it too, whether i can help or not!
Last nite so wanted to tell someone bout it, bt who can i tell? Pau? Bt tt means i mus disclose wat i felt previously towards viv! First, i'll look idiotic, 2nd, it might affect our interactions in future! & i guess viv din tell anyone she felt tt sth was wrong w me also b4 this, so i tink i shldn't tell anyone? Karma la! Maybe she felt v xin1 ku tt time also? :/
Haiz.. If it was like previously wen she suddenly give me attitude, still nt so bad, coz i really couldn't recall wat i did wrongly! Nw i noe i did do wrong stuff, bt i can't be sure whether is tt e reason why she is behavin like this or nt! :/
Really is karma max!
Lol! Bt it is nt as if i could control myself on e spot rite? If i could, i would haf done it! Lol! Bt hopefully this serves as a reminder for me in future! Hopefully i'll b able to control in future!! :/
Kheng.
(think tonight gg to die writing child assn! :/ slept non-stop frm 6pm last nite till nw! :/)
& e cycle starts again!
Hahaha! Oops! & e cycle starts again! Haha! Not sure if viv was feelin unwell or upset/angry/sian w me! Hehe! There were varyin responses & i can't really gauge bt i feel there was definitely e contribution frm e latter component! Hehe
Well! There is nth i can do nw, coz yest i alr couldn't control my emotions & manifested it out onto my actions! Hehe! & it's too late! Actually to b fair to her, y shld she b at my mercy of emotions! Haha! I've nv wanted tt to happen! Jus dun like e feeling of being disliked & causing discomfort to others! & her awkward look makes me feel awkward too!
Nw considerin whether i shld process it w her as in tell her e deepest deepest feelings towards her tt i've! Bt jus nt sure can i control wat will happen eventually or not!
I'm really 反贱！only wen ppl 退 den i'll feel bad! Hahahah! Bt wat i wan to say is tt, i jus dun wan to see her in discomfort! Arghh! Dun like! For v selfish reasons i guess! Coz i dun wan to feel tt i'm hurting others! So i seriously think i shldn't get into a r/s in future!! Omg!!
& of coz i've my pride issues! Dun wan to text her & den see all e cold replies! Tho this might alr b jus viv's way of communicatin, i still can't shake off e possibility of tt being a sign tt she is BS or feelin some other negative emotions towards me!
Wen i couldn't control my emotions & everythin, i alr knew i might lose this friendship & was prepared for it! I'm nt tryin to hold on to everythin! Jus feel bad if i were to like make her feel tt i drifted away for no APPARENT reason! :/
Yep! Wat i wan rite? Behave so selfishly bt still hopin tt it wun haf any negative consequences? Bt i really tink i can't control my emotions & really will be in e "i dun care hw she feels!" & "i dun mind losin this friendship" kind of rash-ness! Over e yrs, it has always been like tt! Certain things get forgotten, certain things get covered... Haiz! Why m i like always hurting ppl ah? Haha! Nt as if i'm impt or popular also!
*jus wantin to b e spoilt brat who can enjoy havin many frens & yet nt take responsibility wen i make others sad
Lol! Hmm. I'll see hw it goes on thursday! Coz w.o a good r/s, it will b hard for me to bring up e topic & help viv w her low self-esteem prob also! :/ hmm..
Still self-centered reasons! :/
Hmm.. Bt.. Tt's jus me! Even tho i tink i'm an ass, bt tt's really jus me leh! Like no sense of guilt like tt!!! :/
Kheng.
Well! There is nth i can do nw, coz yest i alr couldn't control my emotions & manifested it out onto my actions! Hehe! & it's too late! Actually to b fair to her, y shld she b at my mercy of emotions! Haha! I've nv wanted tt to happen! Jus dun like e feeling of being disliked & causing discomfort to others! & her awkward look makes me feel awkward too!
Nw considerin whether i shld process it w her as in tell her e deepest deepest feelings towards her tt i've! Bt jus nt sure can i control wat will happen eventually or not!
I'm really 反贱！only wen ppl 退 den i'll feel bad! Hahahah! Bt wat i wan to say is tt, i jus dun wan to see her in discomfort! Arghh! Dun like! For v selfish reasons i guess! Coz i dun wan to feel tt i'm hurting others! So i seriously think i shldn't get into a r/s in future!! Omg!!
& of coz i've my pride issues! Dun wan to text her & den see all e cold replies! Tho this might alr b jus viv's way of communicatin, i still can't shake off e possibility of tt being a sign tt she is BS or feelin some other negative emotions towards me!
Wen i couldn't control my emotions & everythin, i alr knew i might lose this friendship & was prepared for it! I'm nt tryin to hold on to everythin! Jus feel bad if i were to like make her feel tt i drifted away for no APPARENT reason! :/
Yep! Wat i wan rite? Behave so selfishly bt still hopin tt it wun haf any negative consequences? Bt i really tink i can't control my emotions & really will be in e "i dun care hw she feels!" & "i dun mind losin this friendship" kind of rash-ness! Over e yrs, it has always been like tt! Certain things get forgotten, certain things get covered... Haiz! Why m i like always hurting ppl ah? Haha! Nt as if i'm impt or popular also!
*jus wantin to b e spoilt brat who can enjoy havin many frens & yet nt take responsibility wen i make others sad
Lol! Hmm. I'll see hw it goes on thursday! Coz w.o a good r/s, it will b hard for me to bring up e topic & help viv w her low self-esteem prob also! :/ hmm..
Still self-centered reasons! :/
Hmm.. Bt.. Tt's jus me! Even tho i tink i'm an ass, bt tt's really jus me leh! Like no sense of guilt like tt!!! :/
Kheng.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Arghh
Arghh! Pissed! E entire post jus disappeared!! Arghh!
Bt anw, wat is e sig of it? Anw, summary is:
I still asked vivian bout it! She said she understands tt it is jus a stressful period for all of us! Tho tt isn't e reason i identify to explain my hostility, i dun tink there's a need to clarify! It's a 美丽的误会！
I jus hope i wun b hurting her! Haha! Bt i'm such a loser at controlling my emotions rite? :/ bt i'll jus try! Coz i dun really wan to b sendin another of this msg again! Nw i noe hw hard it's to get out of a FV cycle!
Shall talk bout e child tut again i guess? Or maybe it shld b better left unsaid! Haha!
Kheng.
Bt anw, wat is e sig of it? Anw, summary is:
I still asked vivian bout it! She said she understands tt it is jus a stressful period for all of us! Tho tt isn't e reason i identify to explain my hostility, i dun tink there's a need to clarify! It's a 美丽的误会！
I jus hope i wun b hurting her! Haha! Bt i'm such a loser at controlling my emotions rite? :/ bt i'll jus try! Coz i dun really wan to b sendin another of this msg again! Nw i noe hw hard it's to get out of a FV cycle!
Shall talk bout e child tut again i guess? Or maybe it shld b better left unsaid! Haha!
Kheng.
Oops!
Haha! Opps! Kinda "闯祸＂ again today! Today wen vivi came, dunno why i was so hostile, i actually refused her help to help me sort out e photocopied lecture notes & her stapler! Under norm circumstances, i won't reject her! Bt wen tt "I don't wan ur help" antenas r up, i become v hostile! & opps! Dunno wat's wrong w me also! Haha!
Den after tt, i tink she kinda sensed sth wrong w me? Haha! I actually felt this revengeful me who was tryin to make her feel hw i feel wen i sincerely wan to help her, bt she jus keep rejecting & wen e help i'm offerin is by no means troubling me. I get irritated coz she always goes the extra mile to help me! This is kindness bt i get irritated by it actually! Coz i jus dun like e feelin of needin other ppl to take care of me! As in nt take care, bt help! Maybe coz i've always been playin e big sister/leader role! I dun like anythin tt displaces me frm this position! & tt's why my huge response wen marian changed e grp work proposal!
Yep! Nw there's self-awareness, i'll see whether I wan & whether I can change it or not. Coz inside me is jus resistance & i dun wan to change.
Den of coz towards e back, i was okay! & i'm jus 自作践(term by HMD)! Wen ppl start to react hostily, den i start to feel bad & start to wan to treat ppl nicely! Hahaha!
So well, bt i did feel tt she wasn't quite herself. Be it a result of me or not. Bt i've decided to not sms her to say sorry or anythin! Wat's e use of doin it? Last fri i jus did it. & e reality jus proved tt i cannot manage my emotions! I'm hostile half e time! Lol! & i dun even bother to keep it in check until sth happens! :/
Tho it's mean to her, i guess it's better than like keepin her in this cycle of 喜怒无常 frm me! It's like family violence! Lol! Maybe she will feel v upset, tt things jus changed & despite her tryin so hard to find out wat happened, i din say.
I noe nt sayin might jus lead to further distancing frm each other, bt i'm nt ready to face wat might happen if I say! Lol!
Hmm. Feel tempted to ask her if she is ok! Haha! Tho even if she says she is ok, i also wun believe it as it is. I jus feel bad to make her feel awkward! Bt i'm jus so lousy at controllin my emotions & behaviour.. Hmm..
Shld i ask? If I ask, izzit my agenda or hers? Izzit to her benefit or jus for myself to feel better?
Anw, i really hope to nt b a prob in her life(not hoping to b e angel anymore) & jus hope to b able to help her improve, esp in terms of self-esteem & workin in grps! Bt, is tt e right agenda?
Hmm..
I'll think bout tt ltr! :)
Kheng.
Den after tt, i tink she kinda sensed sth wrong w me? Haha! I actually felt this revengeful me who was tryin to make her feel hw i feel wen i sincerely wan to help her, bt she jus keep rejecting & wen e help i'm offerin is by no means troubling me. I get irritated coz she always goes the extra mile to help me! This is kindness bt i get irritated by it actually! Coz i jus dun like e feelin of needin other ppl to take care of me! As in nt take care, bt help! Maybe coz i've always been playin e big sister/leader role! I dun like anythin tt displaces me frm this position! & tt's why my huge response wen marian changed e grp work proposal!
Yep! Nw there's self-awareness, i'll see whether I wan & whether I can change it or not. Coz inside me is jus resistance & i dun wan to change.
Den of coz towards e back, i was okay! & i'm jus 自作践(term by HMD)! Wen ppl start to react hostily, den i start to feel bad & start to wan to treat ppl nicely! Hahaha!
So well, bt i did feel tt she wasn't quite herself. Be it a result of me or not. Bt i've decided to not sms her to say sorry or anythin! Wat's e use of doin it? Last fri i jus did it. & e reality jus proved tt i cannot manage my emotions! I'm hostile half e time! Lol! & i dun even bother to keep it in check until sth happens! :/
Tho it's mean to her, i guess it's better than like keepin her in this cycle of 喜怒无常 frm me! It's like family violence! Lol! Maybe she will feel v upset, tt things jus changed & despite her tryin so hard to find out wat happened, i din say.
I noe nt sayin might jus lead to further distancing frm each other, bt i'm nt ready to face wat might happen if I say! Lol!
Hmm. Feel tempted to ask her if she is ok! Haha! Tho even if she says she is ok, i also wun believe it as it is. I jus feel bad to make her feel awkward! Bt i'm jus so lousy at controllin my emotions & behaviour.. Hmm..
Shld i ask? If I ask, izzit my agenda or hers? Izzit to her benefit or jus for myself to feel better?
Anw, i really hope to nt b a prob in her life(not hoping to b e angel anymore) & jus hope to b able to help her improve, esp in terms of self-esteem & workin in grps! Bt, is tt e right agenda?
Hmm..
I'll think bout tt ltr! :)
Kheng.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Omg!
Omg! Was initially quite pissed w gerald! Bt realised maybe i too stern w him! I tink i've to take into account his self-esteem level also! So i decided to b nicer to him! & could only point out where to get e ans for him! Coz if i were to guide him, he will only piss me off further! So to make myself nt b angry, i had to compromise a little! Bt i din jus feed him w ans! I've my bottomline for doin things! :P
Yep! & jus nw was so angry felt this sudden urge of scolding "F! Dun even noe this!" & definitely v much coz of his attitude, like I owe him like tt! So i really got a bit 火大 alr! Same as e attitude ginny gives me! Bt luckily i din, coz b4 i gave him his break, he told me he quite depressed! :/
Ya lo.. See so many ppl w low self-esteem ard me. Sometimes feel quite helpless wen ard them! Coz i really wan to wake them up! Bt i realise it's their self-esteem 在作祟, so i can't confront them w reality also! :/
Bt thanks to vivian & fiona for makin me realise this! Really cannot expect everyone to haf such good positive self-image like myself & be able to handle criticism! As in i also will feel quite BS wen i kena criticised, bt i'm able to manage it as in absorb it if i agree, ignore if if i tink it isn't valid! Bt they will jus accept everythin & blame themselves! Of coz i might nt b able to put down my pride at times la! :P
Yep!
& also coz i still feel quite tired! Tho yest slept for quite a bit le, bt e sleep lag frm e day b4 still hasn't clear yet! :/
Yep!
Bt luckily i din flare up! I really feel grateful coz gerald has been an easy tutee to teach! Nt in terms of 举一反三， bt at least he listens & does his hw! Quite innocent i feel! Bt e smartest tutee i've now is yuxiang! Haha! Bt gerald is still easier to interact & teach! Haha!
Yep! Bt there r also times wen he drives me mad! Wen i've to keep repeatin & goin back to basics! Hw m i gg to push him on & further? :/
Bt ya! Luckily i din flare up! Nt tt i'm afraid of losin this tuition & e income, bt more of if i flared up jus nw, i would nt haf heard e part bout him feelin depressed!
I'll check w him ltr why he is feelin so! If it's me who is stressin him too much, i will moderate it!
Yep! :)
Yep! & jus nw was so angry felt this sudden urge of scolding "F! Dun even noe this!" & definitely v much coz of his attitude, like I owe him like tt! So i really got a bit 火大 alr! Same as e attitude ginny gives me! Bt luckily i din, coz b4 i gave him his break, he told me he quite depressed! :/
Ya lo.. See so many ppl w low self-esteem ard me. Sometimes feel quite helpless wen ard them! Coz i really wan to wake them up! Bt i realise it's their self-esteem 在作祟, so i can't confront them w reality also! :/
Bt thanks to vivian & fiona for makin me realise this! Really cannot expect everyone to haf such good positive self-image like myself & be able to handle criticism! As in i also will feel quite BS wen i kena criticised, bt i'm able to manage it as in absorb it if i agree, ignore if if i tink it isn't valid! Bt they will jus accept everythin & blame themselves! Of coz i might nt b able to put down my pride at times la! :P
Yep!
& also coz i still feel quite tired! Tho yest slept for quite a bit le, bt e sleep lag frm e day b4 still hasn't clear yet! :/
Yep!
Bt luckily i din flare up! I really feel grateful coz gerald has been an easy tutee to teach! Nt in terms of 举一反三， bt at least he listens & does his hw! Quite innocent i feel! Bt e smartest tutee i've now is yuxiang! Haha! Bt gerald is still easier to interact & teach! Haha!
Yep! Bt there r also times wen he drives me mad! Wen i've to keep repeatin & goin back to basics! Hw m i gg to push him on & further? :/
Bt ya! Luckily i din flare up! Nt tt i'm afraid of losin this tuition & e income, bt more of if i flared up jus nw, i would nt haf heard e part bout him feelin depressed!
I'll check w him ltr why he is feelin so! If it's me who is stressin him too much, i will moderate it!
Yep! :)
(delayed post)
This post was meant to b out on 5th jan, on chongchong's bdae i think! Hehe
其实今天挺开心的！早上有点倒霉！回到学校后，发觉图书馆没开！然后鞋子也给我问题！不过其实应该算是塞翁失马！因为我终于把那双鞋丢掉了！hehe! 重点是因为图书馆没开，所以有了时间做chongchong 的卡！不错哦！做完了还有时间换衣服，慢慢地出门去拿蛋糕！
然后好像好久没看到大bong 似的！然后就嘻嘻哈哈啊！她问到了大婶和cayden的事，起初我是说让大婶自己说，可是后来她忍不住在小bong面前说，而小bong毫不知情！反应超大的！我只好先如实禀报！
可能自己过虑了，可是说完后，感觉到大bong 对我有点怪怪的！可能是我自己想多了！可是那种情况，我只可以选择坦白！而且大婶一开始就说要和bongz 说了！所以，我没有未经过她的同意就说！hehe! 而且我明明就懂，如果假装不知道，岂不是要说更多的谎来圆这个谎？对啊！而现在的我，可能可以放开一直以来在影响我的事哦！：D 所以是做得到的，连我都放得下！
然后就到了chongchong家，hehe! 大婶好不正常！从电话和简讯中，就感受到了！可是chongchong回来后，大家就自然多了！:)
其实今天挺开心的！早上有点倒霉！回到学校后，发觉图书馆没开！然后鞋子也给我问题！不过其实应该算是塞翁失马！因为我终于把那双鞋丢掉了！hehe! 重点是因为图书馆没开，所以有了时间做chongchong 的卡！不错哦！做完了还有时间换衣服，慢慢地出门去拿蛋糕！
然后好像好久没看到大bong 似的！然后就嘻嘻哈哈啊！她问到了大婶和cayden的事，起初我是说让大婶自己说，可是后来她忍不住在小bong面前说，而小bong毫不知情！反应超大的！我只好先如实禀报！
可能自己过虑了，可是说完后，感觉到大bong 对我有点怪怪的！可能是我自己想多了！可是那种情况，我只可以选择坦白！而且大婶一开始就说要和bongz 说了！所以，我没有未经过她的同意就说！hehe! 而且我明明就懂，如果假装不知道，岂不是要说更多的谎来圆这个谎？对啊！而现在的我，可能可以放开一直以来在影响我的事哦！：D 所以是做得到的，连我都放得下！
然后就到了chongchong家，hehe! 大婶好不正常！从电话和简讯中，就感受到了！可是chongchong回来后，大家就自然多了！:)
Tsk!
Haiz! Jus ended tuition w ginny! Only had 3 hrs if sleep last nite so alr a signal tt i've to watch my emotions le! Jus nw she still piss me off, at a pt, i was quite angry, den i was frustrated, den i felt like cryin, den i felt like giving up!
Haiz! Bt towards e end i'm ok! I mean better, not ok! Today e staff frm PAVe, siew fong, shared tt we cannot expect e same frm a child! Expect e child to b of e sAme maturity level as us! So i cannot expect ginny, tho nt a child, a teenager to b able to treat ppl w respect rite?
I come, i teach. She is truly brilliant. Bt she every wk also forget things. I cannot imagine, teachin her e things i taught gerald last yr! Dun tink she will catch it!
Actually she is jus a youth facin many issues. She is havin self-esteem issues, she is extremely reliant on others for ans, for solutions, for help. She dun like her mum, her grandma & most prob even esther. She is being bullied in sch. So wat's left of her?
Dr nair taught bout havin a constant in one's life. I'm thinkin of being e constant. Bt, i'm here to tutor, nt to counsel. I dun wan to haf double roles. Bt there doesn't seem to b anyone in e family i can approach to talk bout it. To help ginny w it. & dr nair talked bout givin e child a voice rite? I wrote my lesson plan, write till wat: "u mus ask, don't assume!" bt, hw m i gg to ask? Is she gg to open up? & i dun wan to haf role confusion! I dun wan to b emeshed in e r/s actually! & e most impt thing is, there is no one whom i can talk to within her family to deal w e issue. I dun wan to b involved in all these. Bt i dun wan to give up on her. & it's so hard to b jus a tutor. Look at all her issues. & perhaps my issues too!
Jus nw talk to gege, den understood e social work values of: self determination, clients noe best.... Whose agenda is it? Client's or urs?
Bt nevertheless, i had a good chat w gege! I tried to empower him by recognisin his strengths! He really does haf quite a bit of resilience in him! & he inspires me too! & glad tt he still saw me as a good listenin ear & advisor! Always glad to be of use & to feel trusted & appreciated! :D
K! I need a nap! If nt i'll jus breakdown any time! :/
Kheng.
Haiz! Bt towards e end i'm ok! I mean better, not ok! Today e staff frm PAVe, siew fong, shared tt we cannot expect e same frm a child! Expect e child to b of e sAme maturity level as us! So i cannot expect ginny, tho nt a child, a teenager to b able to treat ppl w respect rite?
I come, i teach. She is truly brilliant. Bt she every wk also forget things. I cannot imagine, teachin her e things i taught gerald last yr! Dun tink she will catch it!
Actually she is jus a youth facin many issues. She is havin self-esteem issues, she is extremely reliant on others for ans, for solutions, for help. She dun like her mum, her grandma & most prob even esther. She is being bullied in sch. So wat's left of her?
Dr nair taught bout havin a constant in one's life. I'm thinkin of being e constant. Bt, i'm here to tutor, nt to counsel. I dun wan to haf double roles. Bt there doesn't seem to b anyone in e family i can approach to talk bout it. To help ginny w it. & dr nair talked bout givin e child a voice rite? I wrote my lesson plan, write till wat: "u mus ask, don't assume!" bt, hw m i gg to ask? Is she gg to open up? & i dun wan to haf role confusion! I dun wan to b emeshed in e r/s actually! & e most impt thing is, there is no one whom i can talk to within her family to deal w e issue. I dun wan to b involved in all these. Bt i dun wan to give up on her. & it's so hard to b jus a tutor. Look at all her issues. & perhaps my issues too!
Jus nw talk to gege, den understood e social work values of: self determination, clients noe best.... Whose agenda is it? Client's or urs?
Bt nevertheless, i had a good chat w gege! I tried to empower him by recognisin his strengths! He really does haf quite a bit of resilience in him! & he inspires me too! & glad tt he still saw me as a good listenin ear & advisor! Always glad to be of use & to feel trusted & appreciated! :D
K! I need a nap! If nt i'll jus breakdown any time! :/
Kheng.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Unresolved issues
Haha! Unresolved issues 的人，何止一个！amazing isn't it to see tt actually ppl all haf tonnes of challenges! Prob which aren't theirs bt they've to handle! Ppl like gege, ah boon, fiona. & then there is viv & dashen! :/
Yep! Even me myself! Jus tt mine is really definitely manageable!
Tt day as i was prayin, i realised actually i din wan to die! I din wan to become a burden! I din wan to leave this world w.o making my contributions! I really tink i've been blessed w a lot! & i definitely can contribute & make a difference! So i really 不甘心！yep! Nt sayin i deserve more to live on, jus tt i really feel tt i'm wastin things tt haf been bestowed upon me if i jus die nw!
Yep! So i'll work hard somehow luh? Haha! So much for 不甘心 rite? Haha!
Anw, shocked to b havin everyone ard me havin so many issues to deal w! Serious issues! Illnesses, debts, danger, emotional issues, r/s issues! Friendship issues! Haha! Jus exposed at one go! Haha! Bt luckily got a bit of trg by e previous dashen & esther incidents liao! Plus mayday's concert, songs & many other ppl & inspirations/realisations! :)
Yep! Actually i realised it's a bit hard for me to go back to norm now! As in w my tt fren! Things still irritate me! Bt i'm hopin nt to haf to talk bout such deep things again le! I dunno tt cold-ness/hostility is a response to me or her unhappiness & inability to b friendly! Bt well, i jus feel tt i shld act responsibly! If i'm wrong, i apologise! Yep! & tt's it, no more brooding! I tried w e opportunities provided by God, bt 怎样就讲都说不过去！& wat can i do? Wen my frens haf self-esteem issues! I cannot just act e way i like & irresponsibly! Nw is really like "civic society" learnt in SS!
Yep! Maybe it's really not me! I'll go ask! Anw if she chooses nt to say, i wun b affected wat! As in if she is really pissed w me & dun wan to say, den i'll jus let it slide! Bt maybe really not me hor? :P haha!
Bt yep! As long as those things dun trigger me, it's fine! & wen those triggers come, it's hw i react to them! Actually shldn't b so passive rite! Shld make active moves to solve them? Bt, 谈何容易？if so easy, i would haf talked to ginny, esther & dashen(at e first try!) yep! I'm jus nt ready to handle e consequences! & of coz, i'm prepared for e lost tt might come! Coz i dun dare to face it! So tt's it!
Yep! Bt ok la! Actually i really still m v happy! Happy w e things i'm blessed w! :D heheh! At least i'm blessed w intelligence, kind-heartedness which gets me friendships! Yep! I dun haf to deal w issues ppl leave for me! & frm all these, i get e self-esteem & confidence tt is needed! :D
So, a happy bt really tired kheng is gg to go hm nw for lunch, meet gege & oh man! 2 tuitions, 2 ppt & 2 papers! All due nxt wk! :/ hahahah! Jiayou kheng! :D
Kheng.
Yep! Even me myself! Jus tt mine is really definitely manageable!
Tt day as i was prayin, i realised actually i din wan to die! I din wan to become a burden! I din wan to leave this world w.o making my contributions! I really tink i've been blessed w a lot! & i definitely can contribute & make a difference! So i really 不甘心！yep! Nt sayin i deserve more to live on, jus tt i really feel tt i'm wastin things tt haf been bestowed upon me if i jus die nw!
Yep! So i'll work hard somehow luh? Haha! So much for 不甘心 rite? Haha!
Anw, shocked to b havin everyone ard me havin so many issues to deal w! Serious issues! Illnesses, debts, danger, emotional issues, r/s issues! Friendship issues! Haha! Jus exposed at one go! Haha! Bt luckily got a bit of trg by e previous dashen & esther incidents liao! Plus mayday's concert, songs & many other ppl & inspirations/realisations! :)
Yep! Actually i realised it's a bit hard for me to go back to norm now! As in w my tt fren! Things still irritate me! Bt i'm hopin nt to haf to talk bout such deep things again le! I dunno tt cold-ness/hostility is a response to me or her unhappiness & inability to b friendly! Bt well, i jus feel tt i shld act responsibly! If i'm wrong, i apologise! Yep! & tt's it, no more brooding! I tried w e opportunities provided by God, bt 怎样就讲都说不过去！& wat can i do? Wen my frens haf self-esteem issues! I cannot just act e way i like & irresponsibly! Nw is really like "civic society" learnt in SS!
Yep! Maybe it's really not me! I'll go ask! Anw if she chooses nt to say, i wun b affected wat! As in if she is really pissed w me & dun wan to say, den i'll jus let it slide! Bt maybe really not me hor? :P haha!
Bt yep! As long as those things dun trigger me, it's fine! & wen those triggers come, it's hw i react to them! Actually shldn't b so passive rite! Shld make active moves to solve them? Bt, 谈何容易？if so easy, i would haf talked to ginny, esther & dashen(at e first try!) yep! I'm jus nt ready to handle e consequences! & of coz, i'm prepared for e lost tt might come! Coz i dun dare to face it! So tt's it!
Yep! Bt ok la! Actually i really still m v happy! Happy w e things i'm blessed w! :D heheh! At least i'm blessed w intelligence, kind-heartedness which gets me friendships! Yep! I dun haf to deal w issues ppl leave for me! & frm all these, i get e self-esteem & confidence tt is needed! :D
So, a happy bt really tired kheng is gg to go hm nw for lunch, meet gege & oh man! 2 tuitions, 2 ppt & 2 papers! All due nxt wk! :/ hahahah! Jiayou kheng! :D
Kheng.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Tweet
E last thing i wan to do nw is to b embroiled into any more others' r/s prob! Baby's reply to yx sounds mature! Bt i tink sounding & doin is different! Say till 天花乱坠 i also can! Hehe! Bt whether i can do or not is another issue! Ie, i dunno if she wat she is sayin is wat she can do, bt of coz.. I'm nt doubtin her or anythin! Hehe! I jus dun wish to be involved! Haha
I'm only concerned in giving qimin support! Support not as in sayin she is right, bt jus support to get pass this! Bt of coz, yest i was in meeting & i din reply her text tho she sounded quite helpless le! Coz if i reply her, it's gg to b a long chat again! & i jus tink she has to learn to b strong! & i've to do my project!
Yep!
I'm not selfless. That's all i've to say! Hehe! & i tink we all need & haf e capacity to grow & cope! Hee!
I'm only concerned in giving qimin support! Support not as in sayin she is right, bt jus support to get pass this! Bt of coz, yest i was in meeting & i din reply her text tho she sounded quite helpless le! Coz if i reply her, it's gg to b a long chat again! & i jus tink she has to learn to b strong! & i've to do my project!
Yep!
I'm not selfless. That's all i've to say! Hehe! & i tink we all need & haf e capacity to grow & cope! Hee!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Tweet
Everytime i read ppl's fb, or rather tweets. I remind myself tt actually my life is great! & i shldn't b brooding over e small lame things! Some of them tweet bout everythin small little thing, some of them really r facing e suckiest things on earth. E former reminds me to not enlarge things to look at(coz i dun wan to b so "whiny" - my choice, not tt they r wrong to b talkin bout it). E latter reminds me to that my problems r nothing compared to theirs. Either way, i'm reminded! I'm thankful! At least my family members aren't facing life & death issues. :)
Tweet
Everytime i read ppl's fb, or rather tweets. I remind myself tt actually my life is great! & i shldn't b brooding over e small lame things! Some of them tweet bout everythin small little thing, some of them really r facing e suckiest things on earth. E former reminds me to not enlarge things to look at(coz i dun wan to b so "whiny" - my choice, not tt they r wrong to b talkin bout it). E latter reminds me to that my problems r nothing compared to theirs. Either way, i'm reminded! I'm thankful! At least my family members aren't facing life & death issues. :)
Tweet
Everytime i read ppl's fb, or rather tweets. I remind myself tt actually my life is great! & i shldn't b brooding over e small lame things! Some of them tweet bout everythin small little thing, some of them really r facing e suckiest things on earth. E former reminds me to not enlarge things to look at(coz i dun wan to b so "whiny" - my choice, not tt they r wrong to b talkin bout it). E latter reminds me to that my problems r nothing compared to theirs. Either way, i'm reminded! I'm thankful! At least my family members aren't facing life & death issues. :)
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Tweet
Communication breakdown. Jus wen it was seemingly gettin better last friday?
Plain pekchek! I really din need vivian to wait for me. She say mus say rite? Bt i say le she also dun get it! She wan me to say v crudely izzit? Haix. Watever, i din type e most nasty way i could haf said it!
Pekchek-ness thru-out! Bt at least i'm not manifestin it on e outside! I shld appreciate this fren who can take my frequent 发作-ness rite? Haiz. Sian! I this kind of person, deserves good frens who understand me meh?
Chill! 放下！loads of stuns happenin nw! Nvm, "smooth seas make good sailors"!
Plain pekchek! I really din need vivian to wait for me. She say mus say rite? Bt i say le she also dun get it! She wan me to say v crudely izzit? Haix. Watever, i din type e most nasty way i could haf said it!
Pekchek-ness thru-out! Bt at least i'm not manifestin it on e outside! I shld appreciate this fren who can take my frequent 发作-ness rite? Haiz. Sian! I this kind of person, deserves good frens who understand me meh?
Chill! 放下！loads of stuns happenin nw! Nvm, "smooth seas make good sailors"!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
<3
Jus watched concert w tong! Hehe! & had a nice HTHT w her! :) hehe! We always HTHT! Hahah!
Jus nw wasn't v happy at kish's hs! Haha! As in wasn't really enjoyin myself! Haha!! Coz i was quite sensitive to tard's responses & all tt. Felt a little subordinated to her! Maybe coz was pretty scared she will b angry & i noe i was at fault for being late! Hehe! Yep! & on train, she said she was du lan w me for spreading her & yile! Well! I tink i did tell zixiang & jiayi & of coz fy coz she was e one who asked me bout it in e first place! Hehe! She said they all pointed finger at me! & tho she is du lan, if i said it, i cannot deny rite? & she was so aggressive, i jus said "ya, den tt's me(who said it)" & looked down coz i was close to tears & re took out my phone to continue whatsapp-ing! Haha! Bt wen she alighted, we were ok! Haha!
Bt really clashes in thinkin! She is e representative of my new world after all e realisations! I appreciate her honesty bt her frankness is sth i can yet take it yet! Yep!
E guitar concert wasn't too bad! Hehe! I loved e 5th & 11th songs & e flute-player! Hehe! & e entire performance was jus nt bad! Hehe!
Coz was at UCC, i thot of my sis's grad! I really hope my grandma can b at my grad ceremony! God please bless her! :)
Yep! Bt wat was even more precious(than e performance) was tong's understanding! She knew i wasn't ok on train & asked me immediately after tard alighted! Hehe! & i kinda tear-ed bt i refused to allow myself to cry tho i knew tong will stand by me no matter wat! Learnin to b braver & even if someone is there for me, dun b a brat & 撒野! Yep!
& proud! I did it! Except for e few drops of tears which i could no longer contain! Esp after e entire afternoon's built up! Heh
& den durin intermission & after e concert, talked to tong bout dashen & esther! Haha! Yep! Coz she asked! Told her bout dabong too! Heeh! Yep!
Really sweet & touched! & tt nearly made me cry wen i heard her say tt it's so unfair tt i've to shoulder e burden of dashen & esther's "prob"! Haha! She feels tt they shld settle their own prob! Coz she saw hw affected i was all these while!
Bt i told her, i'm ok nw! Fully appreciated why all these happen now! Hehe! Coz i can come to terms w them alr! 放下-ed for dashen & decided to jus 放过 myself for esther's case after all e realisations! Hehe! Yep! & i made so many realisations which i believe not everyone will b able to make in his/her life! Yep! So i'm grateful! Tho i feel tt it makes me more aware of reality nw & more unhappier of coz, i'm still happy coz i've grown! & now i'm nt as naive! I thank God for my ability to see positive things out of dire situations & remain happy! & no longer think tt it's coz ppl dunno hw to appreciate life! Nw i noe tt life can indeed b unhappy, jus tt i'm still able to see more positivity than negativity! :D hehe! Yep!
Really thank tong for being so concerned bout me all these while! Being able to accept wat i told her jus nw(or not?) yep! I told her bout esther! Tt i can't face her actually! & tt my impression of her couldn't stand e challenge of doubt! & tt's why i tink tt no one can ensure he/she will love another person no matter wat! Coz even i change! Without a valid reason! Yep! It takes me a lot of trust to b able to say it coz i fear tt ppl will lose faith in me coz i'm so easily swayed! Bt tt's jus e truth! So i told her, while i wan to b best frens w her for life, i really can promise NOTHIN! Yep!
Bt i guess tong accepted it! So i really feel v loved tt she can accept me for who i'm! (i hope! :D)
Hhe! Yep! So thank God once again! Tt there r ppl whom i can count on & love & be loved by no matter hw upset i'm! Hehe! I'm thankful! :D hehe!
& e fb status which i wanted to post:
The feeling of being understood! <3 @yap yi tong
Kheng. :)
Jus nw wasn't v happy at kish's hs! Haha! As in wasn't really enjoyin myself! Haha!! Coz i was quite sensitive to tard's responses & all tt. Felt a little subordinated to her! Maybe coz was pretty scared she will b angry & i noe i was at fault for being late! Hehe! Yep! & on train, she said she was du lan w me for spreading her & yile! Well! I tink i did tell zixiang & jiayi & of coz fy coz she was e one who asked me bout it in e first place! Hehe! She said they all pointed finger at me! & tho she is du lan, if i said it, i cannot deny rite? & she was so aggressive, i jus said "ya, den tt's me(who said it)" & looked down coz i was close to tears & re took out my phone to continue whatsapp-ing! Haha! Bt wen she alighted, we were ok! Haha!
Bt really clashes in thinkin! She is e representative of my new world after all e realisations! I appreciate her honesty bt her frankness is sth i can yet take it yet! Yep!
E guitar concert wasn't too bad! Hehe! I loved e 5th & 11th songs & e flute-player! Hehe! & e entire performance was jus nt bad! Hehe!
Coz was at UCC, i thot of my sis's grad! I really hope my grandma can b at my grad ceremony! God please bless her! :)
Yep! Bt wat was even more precious(than e performance) was tong's understanding! She knew i wasn't ok on train & asked me immediately after tard alighted! Hehe! & i kinda tear-ed bt i refused to allow myself to cry tho i knew tong will stand by me no matter wat! Learnin to b braver & even if someone is there for me, dun b a brat & 撒野! Yep!
& proud! I did it! Except for e few drops of tears which i could no longer contain! Esp after e entire afternoon's built up! Heh
& den durin intermission & after e concert, talked to tong bout dashen & esther! Haha! Yep! Coz she asked! Told her bout dabong too! Heeh! Yep!
Really sweet & touched! & tt nearly made me cry wen i heard her say tt it's so unfair tt i've to shoulder e burden of dashen & esther's "prob"! Haha! She feels tt they shld settle their own prob! Coz she saw hw affected i was all these while!
Bt i told her, i'm ok nw! Fully appreciated why all these happen now! Hehe! Coz i can come to terms w them alr! 放下-ed for dashen & decided to jus 放过 myself for esther's case after all e realisations! Hehe! Yep! & i made so many realisations which i believe not everyone will b able to make in his/her life! Yep! So i'm grateful! Tho i feel tt it makes me more aware of reality nw & more unhappier of coz, i'm still happy coz i've grown! & now i'm nt as naive! I thank God for my ability to see positive things out of dire situations & remain happy! & no longer think tt it's coz ppl dunno hw to appreciate life! Nw i noe tt life can indeed b unhappy, jus tt i'm still able to see more positivity than negativity! :D hehe! Yep!
Really thank tong for being so concerned bout me all these while! Being able to accept wat i told her jus nw(or not?) yep! I told her bout esther! Tt i can't face her actually! & tt my impression of her couldn't stand e challenge of doubt! & tt's why i tink tt no one can ensure he/she will love another person no matter wat! Coz even i change! Without a valid reason! Yep! It takes me a lot of trust to b able to say it coz i fear tt ppl will lose faith in me coz i'm so easily swayed! Bt tt's jus e truth! So i told her, while i wan to b best frens w her for life, i really can promise NOTHIN! Yep!
Bt i guess tong accepted it! So i really feel v loved tt she can accept me for who i'm! (i hope! :D)
Hhe! Yep! So thank God once again! Tt there r ppl whom i can count on & love & be loved by no matter hw upset i'm! Hehe! I'm thankful! :D hehe!
& e fb status which i wanted to post:
The feeling of being understood! <3 @yap yi tong
Kheng. :)
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Aiyo
Aiyo.. Sian.. I din noe will piss waimin off! Shit! Aiya.. I thot they can meet first mah.. Like tt also kena scolding.. Sian leh.. Dun feel like goin anymore.. Bt sure kena slaughtered if i dun go.. Bt go nw sure kena suan.. Bt better than dun go..
Why wait for me? Jus go & do watever they shld b doin? I really thot tt was e case.. No intention of making anyone wait for me.. Haiz..
Bt after e realisations recently, nt as affected.. If she wants to b angry, den jus let her be.. Nt my intention to make anyone wait/angry.. I take responsibility & i apologise.. Bt if she still wants to b angry.. Den really nth i can do, or i wan to do..
Haiz.. Sian.. Spoil my mood. I think i spoilt hers first.. Lol!
Why wait for me? Jus go & do watever they shld b doin? I really thot tt was e case.. No intention of making anyone wait for me.. Haiz..
Bt after e realisations recently, nt as affected.. If she wants to b angry, den jus let her be.. Nt my intention to make anyone wait/angry.. I take responsibility & i apologise.. Bt if she still wants to b angry.. Den really nth i can do, or i wan to do..
Haiz.. Sian.. Spoil my mood. I think i spoilt hers first.. Lol!
Friday, March 9, 2012
Lol
Lol! Irony isn't it? I used dashen as a 掩饰 to avoid answerin dabong's qn directly! Den it became e topic of our discussion! Hahah!
& e thing is, nw i'm feelin ok w dabong! 当时的感觉回来了！can only say i really 善变！bt yep! Hehe! Hope e feelin will last! Heh!
& e thing is, nw i'm feelin ok w dabong! 当时的感觉回来了！can only say i really 善变！bt yep! Hehe! Hope e feelin will last! Heh!
Lol!
Lol! Cannot control & cannot take it why i dun get any reponse! So i jus spammed viv w it! Tellin her nt to put it upon herself! Haha! Jus coz i wan to jus vent it out! Also dunno wat kind of ventin method tt is wen i dun even reveal e slightest of wat i'm feelin
Nw she is sayin she really hopes i'll tell her wat i truly feel & tt she cherishes this friendship! Wat can i say? I dun wish to say anythin tt 违背 wat i truly am feeling now, bt if i brush it aside, den it will only b obvious tt things r no longer e same! Arghh! Spam la! Bt at least i feel tt she say this out le, den got chance for me to try to behave normally wen we meet nxt wk! Coz it jus shows tt she dun believe she has nothin to do w wat is happenin for these few wks!
Yep! So wat shld i reply nw?
Haha! I really m v mean! She said she cherishes this friendship a lot! & i'm lettin small things affect/jus lack of faith in relationships on e whole get transposed onto her? Bt i really did give a lot to this friendship in e past! & tt day after i 发作-ed after e work & apologised, wat i got was jus "np" wah, really was damn gek & pekchek! Well! It was me who fa zuo so i couldn't really "confront" her! & things jus snowballed frm there! :/ & e u town bus stop luh!
I hope if ppl read this chain of posts, they can still recognise tt i really haf grown! I really haf! I feel la! Hehe! At least i wun b broodin over all these issues anymore! Or perhaps tt is a sign if negative growth? Coz i've learnt to b selfish & ignore wat others r feelin? Bt watever, i jus feel tt i did grow!
Aiya.. Watever.. This is is! Nw shall tink of wat i shld reply! Seems like i'm inclined towards lying wor! Jus nw suddenly feel tt JJ's 蹙学不会 seems to fit my situation:
总是学不会，再聪明一点！
记得自我保护，必要时候讲些，善意谎言！
Tsk.
Nw she is sayin she really hopes i'll tell her wat i truly feel & tt she cherishes this friendship! Wat can i say? I dun wish to say anythin tt 违背 wat i truly am feeling now, bt if i brush it aside, den it will only b obvious tt things r no longer e same! Arghh! Spam la! Bt at least i feel tt she say this out le, den got chance for me to try to behave normally wen we meet nxt wk! Coz it jus shows tt she dun believe she has nothin to do w wat is happenin for these few wks!
Yep! So wat shld i reply nw?
Haha! I really m v mean! She said she cherishes this friendship a lot! & i'm lettin small things affect/jus lack of faith in relationships on e whole get transposed onto her? Bt i really did give a lot to this friendship in e past! & tt day after i 发作-ed after e work & apologised, wat i got was jus "np" wah, really was damn gek & pekchek! Well! It was me who fa zuo so i couldn't really "confront" her! & things jus snowballed frm there! :/ & e u town bus stop luh!
I hope if ppl read this chain of posts, they can still recognise tt i really haf grown! I really haf! I feel la! Hehe! At least i wun b broodin over all these issues anymore! Or perhaps tt is a sign if negative growth? Coz i've learnt to b selfish & ignore wat others r feelin? Bt watever, i jus feel tt i did grow!
Aiya.. Watever.. This is is! Nw shall tink of wat i shld reply! Seems like i'm inclined towards lying wor! Jus nw suddenly feel tt JJ's 蹙学不会 seems to fit my situation:
总是学不会，再聪明一点！
记得自我保护，必要时候讲些，善意谎言！
Tsk.
Tsk
I jus went to read e short convo i had w dabongz! Feel like tellin her
"see! This is wat i mean! I dunno whether u can't convince me or wat, bt tt's hw u always reply to my talk! Lol! I say sth meaningful, u give me e feeling u've sth to say/sth to object, bt u jus leave it tt way! Perhaps u aren't, bt tt's jus e way i get ur msg! I aren't clarifyin w u either, i noe.
& ya lo! U tink if i'm frustrated, it's coz u put in e wrong things into google docs meh? Or coz u keep buggin me to do history? Haha! It's more underlying issues! I feel irritated coz u guys dun get wat i'm tryin to bring across! Why dun u guys understand e demands of e assn? & i look irritated coz my heart is already rejecting ur help, so i dun wan to hear u remind me!"
Lol! I really are mean.
Bt really! Tt's e truest feelings & thots i've!
&
"neh! This is wat i get lo! No replies! Hw different r u frm dashen? Wen u dun reply my msg? This is nt e first time! I dun feel cherished! & wen things accumulate, this is wat it becomes!"
I noe a lot of them r perhaps jus my 胡思乱想. Bt well, tt is jus e feeling i get! In e past, i would feel a little upset & bothered y u always dun reply my msg-es, or give v cold replies. Now i dun care anymore, coz i no longer feel e need to wait!
Yep! This is jus wat i mean! I can really 放下 wen i give up on a r/s! Like dashen, HAHA! In e past i yearn for her msg & replies, nw i no longer even look forward to msg her!
Haha! Jus nw viv took private photos w jiahui & fiona! Haha! She din come over! So i dun care also! Anw i dun feel like takin! I guess she was jus scared? Haha! Bt i dun wish to alleviate her fears.. & wen i dun cherish ppl, i dun expect ppl to cherish me either! Heh! So whereas i would b v bothered in e past whether she tells me bout her things first or not, or whether she tells me or not, now i jus let things be e way it is. She is scared, so she dun tell me! I dun get updates, so i wun b involved! I wun b as impt & she wun tell me things. & this will jus go on lo. A vicious cycle!
Yep! I jus wish to say tt, it's not her fault! I'm frustrated w her, bt it isn't her fault! Jus tt there r things which i used to b able to accept & take it, bt nw i can't!
Yep! So i said, i aren't an angel! So i'm fine w anythin tt will happen to me.
Yep! Maybe she thinks she is botherin me w e emotions she is feelin. Bt why didn't she feel tt way in e past? Haha! & truth is jus, she did tell fiona! Haha! Bt she jus din tell me! Maybe tt was after i 发作-ed, so she din dare to tell me. Haha!
Yep! I nt fren enuff meh? I went down to her mum's funeral everyday leh. Maybe i jus wan to feel tt i'm e most impt fren to her, so i kept gg down.
For all e trust she placed in me, i placed back e same amt. i told her everythin in e past. She noes a lot bout my emotions & emotional struggles.
I feel tt i recipocrated. & in terms of emotion-investment, i feel tt i did more! I really saw her as my best fren in uni!
Bt, nw.. Things r jus different, it's like dashen! I invested everythin for her! I felt like i cherished her more than she did me. I needed her more than she did, now? Scram aside! Really is disgust wenever i tink of hw she jus brushes us aside! Maybe she is jus being blinded or controlled by e guy, bt i can only say, she is HOPELESS!
Haha! 越讲就越激动，越生气！jiat lat! Lol!
Anw feel tt i keep bloggin & bloggin! Really helped me vent out quite a bit! & feelin tired nw! & got e, "再写下去也不过如此！＂ feel = i'm feelin better! Hehe! Can go slp nw! Shall see if i can b back to norm on mon! Haha! Rmb: if u dun wan to hurt ppl, achieve it urself! Dun wait for God to help u do tt while u continue to do wat u wan!
Yep
"see! This is wat i mean! I dunno whether u can't convince me or wat, bt tt's hw u always reply to my talk! Lol! I say sth meaningful, u give me e feeling u've sth to say/sth to object, bt u jus leave it tt way! Perhaps u aren't, bt tt's jus e way i get ur msg! I aren't clarifyin w u either, i noe.
& ya lo! U tink if i'm frustrated, it's coz u put in e wrong things into google docs meh? Or coz u keep buggin me to do history? Haha! It's more underlying issues! I feel irritated coz u guys dun get wat i'm tryin to bring across! Why dun u guys understand e demands of e assn? & i look irritated coz my heart is already rejecting ur help, so i dun wan to hear u remind me!"
Lol! I really are mean.
Bt really! Tt's e truest feelings & thots i've!
&
"neh! This is wat i get lo! No replies! Hw different r u frm dashen? Wen u dun reply my msg? This is nt e first time! I dun feel cherished! & wen things accumulate, this is wat it becomes!"
I noe a lot of them r perhaps jus my 胡思乱想. Bt well, tt is jus e feeling i get! In e past, i would feel a little upset & bothered y u always dun reply my msg-es, or give v cold replies. Now i dun care anymore, coz i no longer feel e need to wait!
Yep! This is jus wat i mean! I can really 放下 wen i give up on a r/s! Like dashen, HAHA! In e past i yearn for her msg & replies, nw i no longer even look forward to msg her!
Haha! Jus nw viv took private photos w jiahui & fiona! Haha! She din come over! So i dun care also! Anw i dun feel like takin! I guess she was jus scared? Haha! Bt i dun wish to alleviate her fears.. & wen i dun cherish ppl, i dun expect ppl to cherish me either! Heh! So whereas i would b v bothered in e past whether she tells me bout her things first or not, or whether she tells me or not, now i jus let things be e way it is. She is scared, so she dun tell me! I dun get updates, so i wun b involved! I wun b as impt & she wun tell me things. & this will jus go on lo. A vicious cycle!
Yep! I jus wish to say tt, it's not her fault! I'm frustrated w her, bt it isn't her fault! Jus tt there r things which i used to b able to accept & take it, bt nw i can't!
Yep! So i said, i aren't an angel! So i'm fine w anythin tt will happen to me.
Yep! Maybe she thinks she is botherin me w e emotions she is feelin. Bt why didn't she feel tt way in e past? Haha! & truth is jus, she did tell fiona! Haha! Bt she jus din tell me! Maybe tt was after i 发作-ed, so she din dare to tell me. Haha!
Yep! I nt fren enuff meh? I went down to her mum's funeral everyday leh. Maybe i jus wan to feel tt i'm e most impt fren to her, so i kept gg down.
For all e trust she placed in me, i placed back e same amt. i told her everythin in e past. She noes a lot bout my emotions & emotional struggles.
I feel tt i recipocrated. & in terms of emotion-investment, i feel tt i did more! I really saw her as my best fren in uni!
Bt, nw.. Things r jus different, it's like dashen! I invested everythin for her! I felt like i cherished her more than she did me. I needed her more than she did, now? Scram aside! Really is disgust wenever i tink of hw she jus brushes us aside! Maybe she is jus being blinded or controlled by e guy, bt i can only say, she is HOPELESS!
Haha! 越讲就越激动，越生气！jiat lat! Lol!
Anw feel tt i keep bloggin & bloggin! Really helped me vent out quite a bit! & feelin tired nw! & got e, "再写下去也不过如此！＂ feel = i'm feelin better! Hehe! Can go slp nw! Shall see if i can b back to norm on mon! Haha! Rmb: if u dun wan to hurt ppl, achieve it urself! Dun wait for God to help u do tt while u continue to do wat u wan!
Yep
Haha! So i'm nt such a good actor after all!
Haha! Really a lot of realisations recently! They hit me real hard, made me go true quite a bit of negative emotions for bout a wk to a mth? Hehe! Bt i feel tt i came out of it, changed & matured! & tt's why i 深深地体会 wat ppl mean by 吃得苦中苦，方为人上人！yep! If i'm always happy, hw will i learn to deal w adversity? We need to go thru crisis in life to cherish wat we've & become better persons!
Yep! So i feel tt nw, i'm really sick of havin to pacify ppl! It's like i wan to tell ppl e truth! I nv throw wat i see as facts right into their faces! Bt i wun b tryin to say only positive things! Coz tt isn't helpful at all! I might nt say all coz i tink it's hurting, bt well, i'm nt tryin to hide my anger/frustration anymore!
Yep! Perhaps i'm nt such a good actor after all! Viv sensed tt sth is wrong! Tho i feel tt i tried my best to hide it! I'm hopin e feelin will subside, bt seems like it isn't workin! Bt i fear e consequences of sayin! So i still aren't gg to say it!
I'm nt a nice person at all! Haha! I'm emotional! I let my feelings rule me! If i dun like u, i can't rationalise & make myself love u! I guess i will jus get karma in future ba! Bt well, i really can't control it!
Yep! Everythin started w all e she not replyin my msges, den w her words wen we worked tgt(failin to recognise tt tho i really was tired, i really felt tt i cannot slack too much (i admit i was slackin) coz i told e rest to work hard, & i rest inside?!) & den wenever we talk bout dashen, i wan to continue e convo bt she alr moved on to another topic. I wan to tell her i really fang xia le, bt perhaps e way i say it isn't convincin ba, so i din feel tt she caught wat i was tryin to tell her! Yep! So i felt v un-understood. & den i jus got v sick coz tt day wen i was in a bad mood, she din(or did she?) believe i was jus in a bad mood.. Den she kinda got v scared of me & started to keep apologising which got me real disturbed! OS tt went thru my head was: why can't she be more confident? I really hate her tryin to apologise wen i alr feel v bad for nt being able to control my emotions! It's f-ing nt her fault! Why is she applogising? & perhaps feel nt right, everythin seemed nt right too. I swear it's tt moment at e bus stop at utown after history! I swear i wanted to smile at her bt she looked away! Maybe she was scared, bt her tt moment of lookin away jus made me recall e moments where she made me feel tt she dun like me! A period during placement & tt friday of her mum's funeral onwards(for a few days/ a wk or so).. Perhaps it's jus my own defense tryin to fight back? Bt yep! Bt anw i jus got real sian..
I noe i will get karma.. Haha! & i really dun like to b treated e same way! Like we say, if got anythin tell e other party! Bt i jus realised tt our trust level jus nt level! & it's like i was thinkin, if i jus say tt sth wrong to piss a fren i cherish a lot off, den frm den on, tt person behaves e same way i do! I hope to noe e truth! I also will b fearful!
Bt.. Sorry. I'm jus nt sayin it out! I'll jus b prepared to receive all e bad karma! :/
Anw, i really aren't an angel! So, i dun deserve a good ending! Haha! Bt nw, jus let me tink i'm smart, a little capable & popular! Heeh! Wen reality hits, i will see hw i cope!
Yep!
Bt i will try to get rid of all these feelings nxt wk! & b back to norm! Coz i jus dun wish to hurt anyone! I'm a heart over head person, i can't control my emotions bt i can & shld control my behaviour!
Haiz.
Really lo, haf to admit dabongz really noe me quite well! Coz like jus nw on google docs, she could catch tt i was a little different frm norm! Bt i jus felt tt i couldn't get my point across! So was really frustrated!
I noe, it's e same for esther, she treats me like a sister bt i nv tell her wat is exactly happening! Bt well, i asked 3 ppl, all 3 told me not to tell! Perhaps coz wrong sample size! Haha! Maybe if i tell chongchong/dabongz, they will ask me to say! Izzit a social worker vs non social worker thingy? Bt perhaps pau will ask me nt to say? Haha! Nt tt pau is nt social-workish bt i tink pau can remain pretty neutral & objective!
Yep! I feel tt dabongz has these not v positive traits bt i aren't tellin her! & coz of this, i let our friendship fade! Bt too bad lo.. I'm jus nt e right one who dares to confront & change things!
Actually come to tink of it, each time i thrashed out, it came to nothin! Maybe coz i only thrashed e tip of e iceberg out each time! Be it ah boon in e past or e recent dashen! Bt anw dashen really make me feel v disappointed! She sincere in meetin meh? Until now, nv say a single shit! I can only say i'm v disappointed! & i shalln't care bout her anymore! Nxt time her sms comes in, i will jus show my displeasure! There's no point in hidin & waitin for a meet up to properly say things liao! No need! & i officially declare i dun wan this friendship anymore! Whether she stays w cayden or not! Dun care wat will turn out between e 2 of them! Maybe i put them tgt, land her in e 万丈深渊, i shld pull her out or be there wen she crawls out rite? Bt sorry! I tink she is nt deservin of tt! I cannot apply my social work skills & knowledge all e time & see everyone like tt! Plus there r indeed hopeless ppl ard! Jus like e case of family violence, wen one day she is willing to come out of it, den we will talk things out or sth! Or i'll jus ignore her frm nw on!
Yep! I noe i aren't angelic! Bt i'll jus admit! I will try to 把伤害减到最低! Do my best luh! & e rest, i can only say, "i'll wait for my karma!"
I really feel tt i've learnt meaningful things recently! Maybe i pieced them tgt myself w.o guidance & might haf 扭曲-ed certain things! Bt nobody is sayin tt to me( so far i've only told ancestor & yitong in depth) & i really haf no way of noe-ing whether did i or nt! So i'm jus gg to see it as i really concluded & learnt meaningful stuff! Hehe!
Can only say, life is really nt up to u to control! Feelin mixed feelings, can't even haf feelings of my own w.o hurtin others! Perhaps tt is actually God's way of ensuring tt ppl dun get hidden frm e truth? Haha! I also dunno.. Perhaps an in-built check for myself too - so tt i face my emotions & realise e consequences of emotions/feelings! Hehe. Yep!
So if u wan to ensure ppl dun get hurt, face it! Dun pray for God to help u solve e prob!
Yep! & suddenly feel like throwing dashen a bomb! Tellin her hw disappointing she is.. Tsk tsk.
Yep! So i feel tt nw, i'm really sick of havin to pacify ppl! It's like i wan to tell ppl e truth! I nv throw wat i see as facts right into their faces! Bt i wun b tryin to say only positive things! Coz tt isn't helpful at all! I might nt say all coz i tink it's hurting, bt well, i'm nt tryin to hide my anger/frustration anymore!
Yep! Perhaps i'm nt such a good actor after all! Viv sensed tt sth is wrong! Tho i feel tt i tried my best to hide it! I'm hopin e feelin will subside, bt seems like it isn't workin! Bt i fear e consequences of sayin! So i still aren't gg to say it!
I'm nt a nice person at all! Haha! I'm emotional! I let my feelings rule me! If i dun like u, i can't rationalise & make myself love u! I guess i will jus get karma in future ba! Bt well, i really can't control it!
Yep! Everythin started w all e she not replyin my msges, den w her words wen we worked tgt(failin to recognise tt tho i really was tired, i really felt tt i cannot slack too much (i admit i was slackin) coz i told e rest to work hard, & i rest inside?!) & den wenever we talk bout dashen, i wan to continue e convo bt she alr moved on to another topic. I wan to tell her i really fang xia le, bt perhaps e way i say it isn't convincin ba, so i din feel tt she caught wat i was tryin to tell her! Yep! So i felt v un-understood. & den i jus got v sick coz tt day wen i was in a bad mood, she din(or did she?) believe i was jus in a bad mood.. Den she kinda got v scared of me & started to keep apologising which got me real disturbed! OS tt went thru my head was: why can't she be more confident? I really hate her tryin to apologise wen i alr feel v bad for nt being able to control my emotions! It's f-ing nt her fault! Why is she applogising? & perhaps feel nt right, everythin seemed nt right too. I swear it's tt moment at e bus stop at utown after history! I swear i wanted to smile at her bt she looked away! Maybe she was scared, bt her tt moment of lookin away jus made me recall e moments where she made me feel tt she dun like me! A period during placement & tt friday of her mum's funeral onwards(for a few days/ a wk or so).. Perhaps it's jus my own defense tryin to fight back? Bt yep! Bt anw i jus got real sian..
I noe i will get karma.. Haha! & i really dun like to b treated e same way! Like we say, if got anythin tell e other party! Bt i jus realised tt our trust level jus nt level! & it's like i was thinkin, if i jus say tt sth wrong to piss a fren i cherish a lot off, den frm den on, tt person behaves e same way i do! I hope to noe e truth! I also will b fearful!
Bt.. Sorry. I'm jus nt sayin it out! I'll jus b prepared to receive all e bad karma! :/
Anw, i really aren't an angel! So, i dun deserve a good ending! Haha! Bt nw, jus let me tink i'm smart, a little capable & popular! Heeh! Wen reality hits, i will see hw i cope!
Yep!
Bt i will try to get rid of all these feelings nxt wk! & b back to norm! Coz i jus dun wish to hurt anyone! I'm a heart over head person, i can't control my emotions bt i can & shld control my behaviour!
Haiz.
Really lo, haf to admit dabongz really noe me quite well! Coz like jus nw on google docs, she could catch tt i was a little different frm norm! Bt i jus felt tt i couldn't get my point across! So was really frustrated!
I noe, it's e same for esther, she treats me like a sister bt i nv tell her wat is exactly happening! Bt well, i asked 3 ppl, all 3 told me not to tell! Perhaps coz wrong sample size! Haha! Maybe if i tell chongchong/dabongz, they will ask me to say! Izzit a social worker vs non social worker thingy? Bt perhaps pau will ask me nt to say? Haha! Nt tt pau is nt social-workish bt i tink pau can remain pretty neutral & objective!
Yep! I feel tt dabongz has these not v positive traits bt i aren't tellin her! & coz of this, i let our friendship fade! Bt too bad lo.. I'm jus nt e right one who dares to confront & change things!
Actually come to tink of it, each time i thrashed out, it came to nothin! Maybe coz i only thrashed e tip of e iceberg out each time! Be it ah boon in e past or e recent dashen! Bt anw dashen really make me feel v disappointed! She sincere in meetin meh? Until now, nv say a single shit! I can only say i'm v disappointed! & i shalln't care bout her anymore! Nxt time her sms comes in, i will jus show my displeasure! There's no point in hidin & waitin for a meet up to properly say things liao! No need! & i officially declare i dun wan this friendship anymore! Whether she stays w cayden or not! Dun care wat will turn out between e 2 of them! Maybe i put them tgt, land her in e 万丈深渊, i shld pull her out or be there wen she crawls out rite? Bt sorry! I tink she is nt deservin of tt! I cannot apply my social work skills & knowledge all e time & see everyone like tt! Plus there r indeed hopeless ppl ard! Jus like e case of family violence, wen one day she is willing to come out of it, den we will talk things out or sth! Or i'll jus ignore her frm nw on!
Yep! I noe i aren't angelic! Bt i'll jus admit! I will try to 把伤害减到最低! Do my best luh! & e rest, i can only say, "i'll wait for my karma!"
I really feel tt i've learnt meaningful things recently! Maybe i pieced them tgt myself w.o guidance & might haf 扭曲-ed certain things! Bt nobody is sayin tt to me( so far i've only told ancestor & yitong in depth) & i really haf no way of noe-ing whether did i or nt! So i'm jus gg to see it as i really concluded & learnt meaningful stuff! Hehe!
Can only say, life is really nt up to u to control! Feelin mixed feelings, can't even haf feelings of my own w.o hurtin others! Perhaps tt is actually God's way of ensuring tt ppl dun get hidden frm e truth? Haha! I also dunno.. Perhaps an in-built check for myself too - so tt i face my emotions & realise e consequences of emotions/feelings! Hehe. Yep!
So if u wan to ensure ppl dun get hurt, face it! Dun pray for God to help u solve e prob!
Yep! & suddenly feel like throwing dashen a bomb! Tellin her hw disappointing she is.. Tsk tsk.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Tweet
I v inactive meh? Damn! Hahaha! Ok la! Jus admit it lo! Anw! I'm referrin to valerie's msg! I went for last mth's pathetic 小猫三两只 meetin k! Haha! Bt nth to b proud of! Coz tt's my responsibility! Heheheh! Yep! Bt i dun care! Bt aiyo.. E msg jus contains certain 映射 for me & i dun like it! Haha! Bt i also noe i've to take it! For nt gg for stuff, like e bonding event! Haha! Bt yep! I jus wan to complain! :P
Friday, March 2, 2012
Shock again
Haiz! Shock again! Wen wyh give tt stun look wen she heard tt seow hong they all noe bout dashen gg HK b4 she actually flew off! Why did dashen lie to them? I thot she said she wun lie? It feels bad to b keepin things?
I'm gg to ask her to meet nxt wed! If she dun wan, den 拉倒！i'm nt gg to meet her anymore!
Hw can she lie even to them? Still 演戏！too much! Haiz! Wyh asked y i so 愤愤不平 wen she was e one who was being lied to! Hmm... Of coz la! Dashen's all those rubbish promises!
I did ask them, wat if after sayin dashen feels ashamed & wan to quit? Chongchong said it's ok, wyh said she probably wun! I'm nt gg to 客气！i'm gg to make dashen 无地自容！
Actually i got a bit worried! Go there & open up her stars bottle! Like a bit rude! Den keep gossipin! Scared of karma & scared tt they will find me a nuisance! Hahaha! Bt heck! I mus rmb nt to b too affected by a lot of things!
& slacked whole day! Jiatlat! Mus work hard tmr & on sun liao!!!!! ://
Well! Yep! 失望！no! It was anger! Why dashen become like tt! Tsk tsk! Bt nt to e previous extent where i really so affected liao! Nw i only wan to see her on wed & 谈！谈 alr jiu suan le! Actually i did wonder leh, so wat if i say everythin, will i wan dashen back as a good fren. I dun tink so! Bt tt doesn't mean i cannot say! & shldn't say! I personally m usin e argument of sayin e truth to her! As a fren, i shld b doin it! I dun see anythin wrong w it! Maybe i'm being too stubborn ba! I also dunno! Bt i'm gg to say! This time round, shalln't 退缩 anymore!
Yep! She decide for herself!
Yep! Tho i aren't someone who will speak e truth to everyone for his/her own good all e time(sth i'm ashamed of) bt i'm gg to say this time! Hahahah! "受死＂ ba! Heheh!
Yep! Today i say this, one day if i get karma, i can only blame it on myself! Yep! If i feel tt i'm doin sth wrong in future, den i will face it too! Regret or sth.. Bt tt will b in e future! My sis said, sometimes 就是需要一股冲动！i'm doin it!!!!!
Kheng.
I'm gg to ask her to meet nxt wed! If she dun wan, den 拉倒！i'm nt gg to meet her anymore!
Hw can she lie even to them? Still 演戏！too much! Haiz! Wyh asked y i so 愤愤不平 wen she was e one who was being lied to! Hmm... Of coz la! Dashen's all those rubbish promises!
I did ask them, wat if after sayin dashen feels ashamed & wan to quit? Chongchong said it's ok, wyh said she probably wun! I'm nt gg to 客气！i'm gg to make dashen 无地自容！
Actually i got a bit worried! Go there & open up her stars bottle! Like a bit rude! Den keep gossipin! Scared of karma & scared tt they will find me a nuisance! Hahaha! Bt heck! I mus rmb nt to b too affected by a lot of things!
& slacked whole day! Jiatlat! Mus work hard tmr & on sun liao!!!!! ://
Well! Yep! 失望！no! It was anger! Why dashen become like tt! Tsk tsk! Bt nt to e previous extent where i really so affected liao! Nw i only wan to see her on wed & 谈！谈 alr jiu suan le! Actually i did wonder leh, so wat if i say everythin, will i wan dashen back as a good fren. I dun tink so! Bt tt doesn't mean i cannot say! & shldn't say! I personally m usin e argument of sayin e truth to her! As a fren, i shld b doin it! I dun see anythin wrong w it! Maybe i'm being too stubborn ba! I also dunno! Bt i'm gg to say! This time round, shalln't 退缩 anymore!
Yep! She decide for herself!
Yep! Tho i aren't someone who will speak e truth to everyone for his/her own good all e time(sth i'm ashamed of) bt i'm gg to say this time! Hahahah! "受死＂ ba! Heheh!
Yep! Today i say this, one day if i get karma, i can only blame it on myself! Yep! If i feel tt i'm doin sth wrong in future, den i will face it too! Regret or sth.. Bt tt will b in e future! My sis said, sometimes 就是需要一股冲动！i'm doin it!!!!!
Kheng.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Yec
Yec ah yec! Haha! I've alr told myself.. I'll do e bare minimum! Haha! Meetings i wun pon, events i try to go! Haha! teambuildin? Hmm.. Consider first! If it was on a free wk, i dun mind! Bt nw, project due on tues, paper due on mon & xueen's bdae on tues! :/
I admit, i 一开始 alr no heart to go alr! Plus nw papers all piling up! Wen i met valerie on mon, i really did consider going! Jus tt nw really cannot go! Haha! & of coz e tinge of dun wan go!
Sorry! I v skeptical & disheartened nw! E grp dynamics totally nt wat i envisioned. & internally got BS w one another de.. Sorry! I really dun like it..
I can only say, in future make decisions mus b extremely careful! Dun everythin also listen to fren say.. If my fren sticks it thru in e shit w me, i dun mind. Bt.. Wen it doesn't & u're left alone.... Of coz i can go make my own frens.. Bt..... HAHA!
Bt it's ok! Tt's it! & of coz it doesn't quite do wat i envisioned also! Of coz i can make things work.. Jus dun tink e environment is conducive! I cannot appeciate its culture!
Hehe!
Yep!
Kheng.
I admit, i 一开始 alr no heart to go alr! Plus nw papers all piling up! Wen i met valerie on mon, i really did consider going! Jus tt nw really cannot go! Haha! & of coz e tinge of dun wan go!
Sorry! I v skeptical & disheartened nw! E grp dynamics totally nt wat i envisioned. & internally got BS w one another de.. Sorry! I really dun like it..
I can only say, in future make decisions mus b extremely careful! Dun everythin also listen to fren say.. If my fren sticks it thru in e shit w me, i dun mind. Bt.. Wen it doesn't & u're left alone.... Of coz i can go make my own frens.. Bt..... HAHA!
Bt it's ok! Tt's it! & of coz it doesn't quite do wat i envisioned also! Of coz i can make things work.. Jus dun tink e environment is conducive! I cannot appeciate its culture!
Hehe!
Yep!
Kheng.
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