Biggest realisation!

Omg!! Today's supervision was actually good! V good! Coz i tink it really taught me a v big lesson! I tink it will help me a lot in movin on into my next life stage! I cannot remind in adolescence le. Nt cannot. Bt haf got to b more mature. More humble. N less self-flattering!

Actually i aren't tt good. I pride myself over my intelligence (nv study also can do so well), my frens (so many good frens), my abilities(eng nt too bad n exposure during gift)! I keep thinkin i m good. Nt humble. Had so much difficulties sharing becoz i tink i m tellin ppl sth.. Totally nt bout sharin. N nt thinkin of discussin w other ppl to learn. I tink i m so good. Haiz. Feel ashamed to haf thot so highly of myself! Today shall b e wake-up call!

It's nt cute to b ignorant!
It's nt sweet to still b in adolescence stage!
It's nt proud to b able to do admin work, type in good english!

I actually really tink i was too sure of myself in e past! I really tink i m good leh! In comparison to my social work frens, my other frens. Actually wat m i man? So wat if yeeseng got A2 for maths? I noe it's nt my credit.. Bt i aren't doin anythin bout it. Self-centered - only wan to watch dramas. Cancel tuition at my free will. Goodness!

I haf nv gone out to boast, bt i really thot v highly of myself in e past. Really!

I m gg to unlearn eveything! Nt everythin! Bt all e sureness n confidence i haf in myself! I m gg to learn wat is humility! Goodness! This is really a v hard lesson!

Goodness. Jus nw durin tuition, i really nearly wanted to cry! I wanted to look for ways to improve myself n stuff.. Bt all i saw was tt kl still dun understand wat i haf taught her twice! :( i noe i got her v stressed/unhappy n maybe a little bushuang.. Bt i haf gotta b firm n make sure she understands. I admit i was a little makin her suffer e consequences of my emotions.. Bt she really hasn't learnt e things i haf been repeatin!:(

Haix. Humility! Suddenly feel v tired! Wan take leave bt this week no hope of tt!:( coz after this realisation. I wan to sit down n really reflect. N also write my reflections! N also to look thru placement stuff. N also to b better prepared to meet my client on mon!

Yep! It feels like suddenly everythin is wrong! N i wan to fix it! Wan to get rid of this negative mentality! No! It's nt acceptable! Haix..

N my stomach isn't feelin tt well after all e dtowning of latte jus nw! I tink my sup got me tt jus nw! Coz is she buy de. So i totally dunno wat it is.. N she gave me e diao look wen i asked her is lafte bitter! Ppl noob mah!

Bt at this v moment, i m glad i got yuemin as my sup! Reasons i will elaborate again! I believe i will sit down to reflect upon all these soon! Hopefully really soon! My biggest lesson:

Humility!

Kheng
Jus haf this wanna cry feeling. Nt emo,. Bt really feel like i need to release these emotions. Wat do i wan to cry about? I really dunno. Bt jus this feelin.

Emo ttm

Hmm. Leavin work so emo-ly again today! Hmm. Perhaps all of these r my imagination. Izzit tt i 多号入座-ed? If i m nt wrong, hw do i balance up w myself regarding this discrepency i see in them? Hmm. Izzit really tt 1 person's prob? If it isn't. Why do i see this formation of coalition there?

Hmm. Ok. Settle one by one. E one tt doesn't concern me first. I noe i wun ask them. Nt fit to ask them also. So wat shld i do? I still wan to love them. So i jus treat them nicely! Treat them all v well. N i will b jus exceptionally nice to this other person.

Sayin all these assumin tt i was right in my assumption ah..

Observe harder. Let me nt think of it as zhen1 dui4. perhaps it's like lanxiang like tt. Perhaps tt person indeed has things to improve on? Right? Haha. Ok.. So observe. If it's really biasness. Hmm. I guess i still dun haf e courage to sideline myself. I will still b nice to them. Coz i still tink they r nice ppl.

Hmm. I tink i wun publish this. I like mad like tt. Bt i really feel it leh. Hmm.. Let me try. Like my own prob like tt. Let me try to assume there isn't such a thing.. N let me see if i can find another logic of explaining all these.. Hee..

I dunno leh. I feel mixed feelings bout all these. I feel so strongly about them i can't tell myself nt to feel it. Bt wen i write it out. I tink i m a joke. Lol! Dumb!

E other side. Hehe. I seem to haf forgotten i wasn't supposed to talk unless i perceive e need hor? Hahahah. Let me try on saturday. Tmr..... Hmm.. Try as well! Haha.

Stop tellin grandmother stories! Den things might b easier:)

Hmm. Anw so sad. Tmr at first thot haf to go down. Den vivian said yah yee said she can meet us on mon. So happy den in e end haf to go down again. Go down to mp = less sleep! N tmr after work haf tuition leh! Hmm. Dun cancel! Tho i feel like cancellin coz i feel like havin a break. Nt coz i lazy dun feel like gg. Bt.. Jus go kheng!

Yep.. Jus go la:) b a good girl!

Anw yep! New case. Under another person! Good wat. Can learn under another person! Wat was i feelin upset about ah? Siao already! Hahah.

Hmm. I tink i jus dun like e idea of tt there is only one case.. Den hw? Who is gg to take?

Hmm. I tink i haf to learn to share.. Share kheng, share! Dun b so black n white n draw lines non-stop kheng!! :)

Anw today managed to stay at YAH whole day liao! Be thankful for all e delay tt allowed us to stay at YAH! :P haha.

Bt anw. It's a learnin journey. Nt bout comparison. Nt bout slackin n havin a nearer place to go home. Nt bout getting recognition n attention. N nt bout doin only admin! No use being perfect w admin work kheng! Get priorities right wor! Venture into e field tt is right n tt u r more afraid of!

Ya la. There is nothin i can do to control. Sorry i wun b able to help. N tho moral values r impt to me. Non-discrepancy is impt to me. I still wan to love them. It's nt bout grades.. I admit is bout recognition n e need for in-grp feelin! Heh. So.. Sorry! Unless i really tink it's overboard!

Maybe dun haf la. Crazy! Haha.

Bt anw. Nt sayin i m impt. Tt if i stand by her it will make her totally happy. Bt i feel tt i m nt standin by my principles.. Bt i m really nt standin by them. Hmm. Heh! Hehe.

Self-disclosure! Hw do i show my sup tt i really m feelin more things? Tt i m reflectin. So many things tt i can't say! Bt anw. Might b gd tt i self-limit.. Hmm. These r workers' emotions. My sup is nt my counsellor! Woohoo.

Bt yep! Really hope to b thinkin bout things n can ask my sup things durin indiv supervision this sat! Nt tryin to copy vivian. Bt i realise i can ask. N i shld try to ask. Dun waste tt oppportunity! Hehe.

Yep.. So i m hopin tt i will haf time to sit down to tink bout things. N i wan to sit down to plan my sat activity also! Yep! N most impt-ly! I wan to haf time to rest n slack! Tuition yest n tmr. Today is like e rest day. So was hopin tmr can report to YAH. den really like maximum restin time.. Haha. Coz can wake up late. Bt gotta report to MPFSC. bt nw. I 调整 my 心态 alr! Yep! U r gg there to learn! Dun grumble! Yep! N dun complain bout tuition! If u were incapable n jugglin them, dun take them up! Since u chose. Make sure u r capable of managin them! N it's nt my style to say i can't, plus i really can. Jus can't slack. Hehe.


Yep. So i actually feel tt i dun haf enough time coz i can't slack! Muahahah. Mad! Bt ok la. I balance up myself le! Actually everythin ok! V fun!:):) so cheers!:D jus tt tt 1 thing. I m sorry bout it fren!:) smiley is e hope for forgiveness n understandin. Hehe.

Yep!:)

Kheng:)

Paiseh ttm

Paiseh ttm! My cousin asked me if i wanted to leave first coz her lady boss ard. Omg! I feel damn paiseh. Coz i was so insensitive. Actually coz i had nth to say to her w her buzzing ard n i din noe hw to tell her i wanted to go off first - haf tuition ltr. So i jus stayed ard.. N in tt process, i neglected sth else, really need to think bout things more wholly. While i spend time thinkin bout my personal issues. Mustn't neglect e rest also!

Yep! Sth else:) this afternoon felt it again! Shld come up w a name for it soon! Hehe. Yep. So i jus minimised talkin.. N ltr on was ok. I dunno if my actions really will bring it up. Bt jus gotta b more careful! B more sensitive! If i can feel e courage n a strong enuff friendship base to bring this issue onto e table, den i will b able to sort this out! Bt b4 tt. Jus appreciate it wen it  n be quieter wen it  yep!:)

Still experiencin internal turmoils. Today chow yin shared tt to haf self-growth, we need self-awareness, self-reflection n self-disclosure. Bt nt ready for e last part!

Anw. Task for this week: speak less! Listen more! Sometimes, or rather many times today i could feel my talkativeness makin me look like a clown coz i end up disclosing too much. I fear judgement.. So i really need to talk less. Nt hide things. Bt certain things really dun haf to say. Even if say. Mus rmb to control volume! Heh.

I tink i m too used to e notion of e task assigned sayin sth bout ur character.. So i always tink a lot into e tasks i m assigned. I compare.. Hmm. Perhaps really no need to read so much into it! I shld really learn to balance up! I mean it might say sth. N hw do i make good use of this guess tt it might say sth?

I guess i will infer wat is seemingly missin frm me n improve on it. Hopefully i will end up bein an all-rounder(really nt easy) yet at e same time nt losing my style. I m less worried bout e 2nd part. Haha.

Faints. My sup said tt i really like to write! Hahaha. Bt true. Blog entries haf always been long! Wat to include for reflections today? Hmm. Shall tink bout it ltr! Go home prep for tuition first! After tuition go home liao bath. Maybe eat a bit den can write reflections. Dun delay! Go kheng! Tmr morn shld really wakr up for a run! So heavy this morn!:S

Nice colleagues! Continue to break barriers! Go! :)

Kheng:)
Need to think of wat qn i haf to ask so tt i can make good use of e individual supervision this sat! Bt so far ok leh. Hmm!

why e anger?

i dunno why on earth did my sis get so worked out. basically i tink wat my dad did was wrong. n in fact, it's against e law eh. it's nt bout moral values. it's bout legal responsibilities leh. as a social worker, i learn tt i shld advocate. not watch in silence.. so even if it's wrong. i shld say! lol. say so much i dun tink i will go confront my dad.

bt e pt is.. i noe she is in a bad mood. so i ate my breakfast in silence this morn.. jus nw. i didn't even try to talk to her coz i noe she isn't in e mood to listen. she was feeling so unbalanced to e extent tt she curse someone else to die.. izzit wrong tt i say she is being extreme? is this bout moral values? it's bout humanity bah. i noe she might be said it out of anger* but still..

i wasn't tryin to tell her things like dun eat chicken or return money u see on e street or quitting tuition if e kid isn't performing under u.. n i wasn't even gg on n on. maybe she thot i was. bt no matter wat. no reason for her to get so worked up at me.

i understand her disappointment. so i m ok. i m nt v bothered. n this time round. i noe i m nt insisting on my moral values over nitty gritty stuff. n i wasn't imposing my ideas on her. wen i said tt tt person dun deserve to die.. i wasn't talking to her. i was talking to my bro.. so come on..

i mean i m really nt v angry. even tho it might nt b so clear nw here. really. i also aren't ranting here coz i feel v pissed off or trying to speak up for myself. i jus feel tt even if i decide to ren and nt get angry w her over this, i reserve e right to at least write bout it. coz i m nt in e wrong. yep. li zhi n qi zhuang. yep.. bt i really aren't gg to ji4 chou this time. really. i accept tt e blow on her is great. i m nt offering comfort becoz i dun feel e same disappointment/emotions as her.. n neither do i wan to do anythin bout it coz i tink she feels tt i dun understand plus she is too extreme liao.. n i've enuff work on my side..

yep. tt's it! (:

kheng(:
first time bloggin bout a "dispute" so calmly n can still smile after ending e post!:P hehe. nt tt i m gloating over her encounter. i m jus glad bout my ren ge xiu1 yang this time round!

Tweet

Actually i would prefer me myself to inform my sup bout our plans tmr. Bt.. Doesn't matter la hor. It's nt bout who is e leader. Bt my sup mah. I prefer to contact her myself. Bt well. Shld see tanyehmin as e coordinator for all of us, not MY sup.

Yep. 小事 bt it bothers me. So mus 'tweet'! N after this. 算了! :)

Esther THE social worker!

Haha. On way hm nw. Esther boarded e same bus as us jus nw so was chattin w her thru-out! She impressed me once again! Haha. Nt say impressed. Shld say inspired. If i get e chance. I will work under under/with her in e future at @27FSC. before i branch out to deal w other sectors!

Hehe. I admire my sup too la. Jus tt hers is nt e kind of social work i haf been exposed to. N i aren't interested in elderly. Plus nw under her. If in future work with her, e initial phase might b nt comfortable.

Yep! N i feel super bad jus nw wen fran asked wat else will we b doin for e period of june. I jus gave her e 'omg. Wat r u up to?' look! E first thing tt came to my mind was tt i didn't wan to leave YAH all e time.. I will miss my sup, colleagues there, da shen esp. Hehe.

2nd thing was tt e 'me to u' wasn't at all a pleasant exp. Nt tt i wan to b a loser n escape. Bt i see little value in wat i can do in tt short 1hr w naughty students like jus nw! Yep. So i dun wan to like add no value. Tho stay at YAH do admin also add no value. Bt i dun wan e 挫败感！

Bt e most impt reason was really coz i dun wan to b nt at YAH most of e time!:p hehe. Tho i noe this isn't right coz at YAH I aren't maximisin my learnin..

Bt.. It's like tt kind of i m prepared to do admin work kinda feelin liao. Den suddenly bring me away frm YAH. n jus nw was like immediately go do house visit.. Yep. Bt still ok. Like wat vivian said.. This was e kind of learnin n exposure we wanted. So shld b happy!:) hehe. Yep! Excited like totally! Hehe.

Anw feelin more norm n ok w vivian liao. Yest her reply had 'okie :))' n this was a sign of normal-ness n today she really appeared more norm w me! Glad! Bt happy for this episode. Made me learn e impt of bein reserved at times. I wasn't tryin to fight to speak up first to impress all e time. Jus tt i do feel sth n wan to reply to others' qn/share. Bt sometimes it might b a bit tryin to speak all for urself. N if i speak all e time. Hw to listen? Yep.

Tho i can't confirm still if vivian was pissed w me n if so, wat was e reason for it, my 钻牛角尖-ness has brought me valuable lessons!:) hee.

Yep!:) glad. 2 wks. Bt learnin so much. Might nt b real case work. Bt learnin is really everywhere n has alr been so fruitful n awesome! No more complaints of long hours/low pay! Tho i haf nv really minded(esp e pay part) bt shalln't even jokingly complain! Coz it's all worthwhile n i shldn't even be jokingly whinin!:P hehe.

Yep!;) awesome:)

anw! I felt bad to haf gave fran tt look. I wanted to convey e msg to esther n hopefully esther help me pass e message on to fran tt it's nt tt i dun wan to help her, dislike her work or anythin. Nothin negative bout hers. Jus tt i really totally dun wan to leave YAH for more days. Bt i didn't wan vivian to feel tt i m like so jian4. Like makin use of esther like tt. Coz i shared w her my fear b4 tt. Jus b4 we reached e bus stop. Bt anw glad tt i din do it. Coz i suddenly feel tt i m so manipulative! Omg! Hw can i make use of esther? Hahaha. Like i m so pro like tt. An intern can make use of a social worker. A trained n experienced one. Bt jus wanted to borrow her mouth. Bt i feel v bad nw to even haf tt thot!:S sorry! I 知道错了！

Bt anw. Yep. I m still sorry to haf given fran e wrong idea. Bt i thot bout it. I really din wan to join her for more work. Coz i wan to be at YAH. tt was instinctive reaction which reflects my true thinkin. N i tink it's so embarrassin of me(like care bout such small stuff) to go apologise to her! Haha. So forget bout it! N if she misunderstands me - dislikes me/thinks badly of me - e consequences tt i m worried bout. I can't do anythin also. E price i haf to pay for nt thinkin b4 shootin my expression off! Haha. Bt wr learn thru mistakes n along e way luh hor? Hehe.

Kheng:)
All smiles nw ^^

Er..

Er.. So wat's happenin nw? Lost! Hmm. This morn woke up, was thinkin maybe vivian really nt referrin to me. Bt why e seeming hostility? Bt this morn woke up felt less burdened. Hmm. N was thinkin bout this bein a learnin exp! If it's true i m jus experiencin some interpersonal relationship prob earlier. If nt, den my 6th sense really got prob sia! Bt shall try out today nt interpretin things so sensitively! Hmm. B more gracious! Even if i still get cold shoulders, it only reinforces my guess. If nt den really i over-sensitive. Honestly even if i really get cold shoulders. It might still b nt a sign tt e hostility is towards me. Maybe she jus thinks tt i m slightly closer to her. She dun haf to b hidin my emotions? Hmm. Jus pretend nth has happened first. N see hw.

I dun dare to comment on her statuses tt reflect her emotions. Coz maybe tt might well b referrin to me. Will end up in e stage of e post i retweete yest! Dun dare to comment on 大婶 related convo. Dun wan to invade social space.. Yep. N let's see.

If really like tt wa4 ma la wu bian?

Haha. Yep. Bt more positive today!:D haf a task to do for LLL. meetin w qm cancelled = i haf time to go home n clear my reflections! Next tues meetin melvin for insurance stuff. Can't proofread n stuff. Wed got new tuition. Need to prep for this too! Hmm. Bt nw got extra time!:) yay!;) nt tt i dun wan meet qimin! Haha. Bt jus glad i haf extra time!:D

Haha. Woots! Mac yest cleared my ulcers! 以毒攻毒！ bt nw a bit of sore throat kind of symptoms liao!:S oh man. Shoes r tight! I gotta get new shoes!! Strugglin like mad! Massively usin plasters as e caption for my photo uploaded yest says. Haha. Yest's 2 paper cuts din help!

Hehe. Bt yep! Yest's breakfast talk was like e breakthrough! Feel more comfortable w my sup nw!:D hehe. Yay! Awesome! Lookin forward to more fun interactions at work! Bt mon nt gg back YAH, tues morn off, afternoon haf needs assessment, wed morn got seminar! Haha. Missin YAH uh? Haha. Or rather e staff there! Really awesome ppl there! Bt wen it ends it ends. Unlikely to b workin in e elderly sector again/at MPFSC! haha. @27FSC den possible!:P haha. Shall see!

Hopefully prob w vivian can b cleared asap too! Maybe jus misunderstandin! Hopin it's so nw! It's gg to b another 8wks of attachment n 2-3 yrs of NUS! Nt jus for e awkwardness. Bt will wan to keep this fren also! Hmm..

Kheng:)
830am! Brand new day awaits!

Omg!

Omg after reading vivian's fb. I m gettin more scared.. I only noe there r two possibilities.. One tt she is referrin to me. E other being her bro.. Bt today i nv leave her out. Shldn't b me rite?

I m being so careful till i dun even dare to tag 大婶 in my photo of plasters!

I dunno. I only noe tt tho e bro possibility now seems v likely.. Her behaviour today only serves to reinforce e other possibility leh:( hmm. Hw ah? Haix. Dun wan to go up tmr alone! Bt i dun wan to go 'bother' her anymore. Haix..

Rahh! Wanna talk to someone! Fangyi!! Tong!! Nt tong first coz i dun wan to give her e feelin tt i always haf prob w work. Tho i also complained bout fusion to ah boon b4.... Bt nt as intense to my level of whinin to tong! Haha. Hmm..

See if i get e chance luh.. Haha.

Wan to slp. Dun feel like reflecting coz i dun feel like thinkin back about work!:(

Kheng.

haiz.. dun understand e ppl around me!:(

haiz.. dun understand! my entire family is sayin tt singtel dun wan us to win. as much as i m concerned n noe. i dun tink they will b so lame.. n i believe tt it's a fair competition n e fact is tt louis wang did manage to get more votes on the last day.. n i dun tink his comments tt he mus win is kaobei.. my sis said tt maybe we dun find it tt way. bt she does. sorry. bt i really dun.. i tink it's jus being v petty n immature to be suspecting tt singtel purposely didn't let us win coz of our email to them.

i accept my sis's argument tt they aren't letting us win coz they only see 35 friends on my sis's facebook page.. bt e rest.. i really tink it's being v immature.. links me up w elections. i tink i m too used to accepting it.. tt's why i accept PAP's policies.. n e impact it brings. it does nt make me a critical thinker i noe.. bt.. haiz..

yep. bt shalln't comment any further.. end up i will only quarrel w them n make e convo v weird. n they most prob will tink i m too naive or wat.. so jus keep quiet..

bt i dun understand why my sis appears so not objective.. perhaps i m being gullible or not seeing things as far as she does ba... bt well.. haiz..

yep..

n at work.. i jus hope it's not a self-fulfilling prophecy.. bt i dun tink i m being overly sensitive. i tink i need to tink of how to work things out... like tt how? i wan to go see e dance class. bt i dun even dare to like support my point.. will i in e bid of not crossing e boundary end up drawing too small a boundary for myself? will i end up limiting my growth? i jus hope tt at least everything will b fine.. perhaps e anger wasn't towards me.. bt i feel it towards me.. bt let's see. i dun tink it will break thru. hmm. mus think bout wat to do.. or hopefully nature will take its own course ba!(: hehe.

hmm.. rahh..

bt had a nice talk w sup n peirong jus nw! ^^ feel like using this emoticon nw! hehe.

kheng(:
...
haven't blogged from comp for ages!

2nd major emotional issue faced during placement!

Haiz. Facin my 2nd issue for placement! E first was actually i felt tt my sup doesn't seem to like me alot! Haha. She always dun look at me n doesn't seem interested in talkin to us/me more than wat is required. Bt after yest's supervision. I tink it's ok!:) hehe. Still ok!:) haha. N hopefully more supervision I will feel more ok.

Nw is w vivian. Yest on our way down to telok blangah for needs assessment. She seemed pretty tired n i dunno if i rmb wrongly, she seemed to haf sent me e signal tt she doesn't wan to talk to me. So i jus used my phone thru-out e train journey..

This morn she asked if i was allowed to wear polo tee. Den i asked if mine was a polo tee. N she rolled her eyes at me. Really was the '?!?!?!' feelin den i jus said 'den i dun wear it e next time.' n i nv did dare to talk to her again. Coz i could feel e enemity. It wasn't e first time n if it's true, i didn't wan to irritate her any furher, jus give each other some coolin space. N she was ol thru-out e day. She seemed pretty sian w e kickin of us ard to do admin stuff n stone.

N i tink i finally m makin sense of her frustration n apparent enemity towards me. Might b e feelin tt she is e calefare. Coz yest i was asked by peirong to help w e timekeepin whereas she jus handled e door n do nth. I did nt share much info w her after e competition coz peirong kept reminding me to keep it a secret. Perhaps she felt excluded.

Today crystal gave us things to do. N it was nt tt i wan to slack n do e printing n nt e pasting job. Bt coz she was sitting there n i wanted to see wat crystal was doin.. So i went over n after tt crystal asked me to sit down. Den in e end her labelin job ended nowhere whereas i was busy helpin crystal right till lunch.

Den jus nw she commented on crystal's comment of askin me to b her pa tmr, sayin tt she is calefare. Den i said let her do it coz i can do data base. N her comment was like ' no ty! L O L ....' i feel tt it is all sacarsam. N a few days ago she posted 'wrong to feel this way' n she twittered again jus nw.. Everythin is jus fittin in too nicely..

Yep! Thot of writin her a letter to clarify. Bt thot might b better if i let her see tt i do nt haf any intentions of leavin her alone naturally. It's a fact. N i haf no intention of doin everythin n leave her w none.

I dun tink i made her feel stupid also. Yest's grp supervivision. I looked more like e joke coz almost everythin i said was wrong.. Haiz.. Bt it's ok. Coz seminar tutor said there's no need to compete w frens. Yep. I wan to b outstandin. In my own ways. I wan to b a good social worker. By improvin over time n really effecting changes, nt to b better than my frens. At least i m tryin to 调整 my 心态. Bt this time, i really didn't try to shine at e expense of her. In fact after yest's grp supervision, i felt tt i was lettin my experience n ego take over me. N feelin a little upset/lost/experiencin low confidence..

Haix.. After e gap tuition provided. I nw feel tt i m like thinkin too much. Bt it's too much of a coincidence..

Haix. My stand nw is i will neither confront nor explain. Jus gg to b more sensitive n more alert. I m gg to minimise my 'speech'. Whoever e audience is. Maybe she feels tt i m tryin to perform all e time by speakin up first or v rude tt i m interruptin her..

Bt all i wan to say is. I might haf gotten everythin wrong. N it jus shows hw sensitive/petty/retarded i m. Bt this kind of things. I would rather BE sensitive n realise it's a misunderstandin rather than think i m bein overly sensitive n continue to incur wrath. 宁可杀错, 不可放过!

Rah. Jus stunned totally why on earth such things happen. I m nt e victim because i dun tink i m being bullied. Maybe her anger isn't towards me.

Too many possibilities. Bt i m open to challenges to my choice.. Haiz. Shalln't avoid. I m gg to re-read e message. I mean this isn't e first time i feel tt sth is wrong. Even if jus nw tt message i mis-read it, there is still sth i need to work on.. Hmm.

Bt no matter wat. It is a learnin process. Let me see...

Kheng:)

..

I m nt emo-ing. I jus dun wish to comment. I tink it's nt funny. So i dun wish to comment. Even i can't tell tt it's a joke. Wat will e others think? Omg. Bt watever. Say i m sensitive ba. Nt tryin to spoil ppl's mood. Bt i dun wish to comment, stand up for my principles. Or rather i aren't even standin up. I m only standin by..

Omg!

Omg! I think they are bein a little over-sensitive n really not objective! I wan to win too. Bt i dun say those stuff. Haiz. Faints..

Haiz.

Haiz. Really is shu mu bu ke diao!:( this contest brought realisations to my sis. N i tried to reset e whole thing. Or rather rewind! Bt seems like nth has changed. E cause is still there. Ok la. Sth has changed. Bt i m still nt heard. Tried v hard to control my displeasure n disappointment. Ok la. Today pretty happy. So i managed to control it! N dun zuan1 niu jiao jian1! Shld cherish rare times like this when i can control my emo-ness. Coz really nt everyday will haf de!

Jiayou kheng!:D well done!:D

Kheng:)
More dramas after writing reflections!:)

Whinin in progress..

Haiz. Sian at e thot of more work to do wen i m home!:S haiz.. N it's 10. N i m still on bus. Positive reframe. Positive reframe!:S

Hungry coz tmr need to liang alr.. Dun dare eat. Hopefully can drop 200g back to buffer zone!:S

Hmm. Pouting in progress too. PIP!

i guess it's nt to do w my mood. It's e things said. i guess i m sick of demands.. Haiz.. N i thot i was v AA for my attachment liao. N ppl still do ask me wat attachment. No no, wait. It has got to do w ppl. Some i really didn't tell. So can't blame. Bt i didn't tell this fren? Bt tt's beside e pt. Jus need to see less of '*****' n accusations! Wonder if i ever pissed tong off in this same manner! Bt i hope i wasn't being this un-understandin. Maybe it's jus cheeky way of replyin. Bt dunno why. It always strike me as being v serious!:S wah.

Cannot. After short meetup w tong on thurs, i told myself i haf gotta cherish.. Not only her.. Bt everyone ard me. Bt really dislike dislike dislike tt kind of convo!:S wah. Sian. Ok la. Feel better after whinin. Control. Appreciate. Dun over-react!

Rah.
Kheng.
WIP + PIP!

Tweet

This is a private tweet coz i tink i m whining too much n it's time to stop spreadin negative energy! Hehe. Yep! Bt anw:

I spent $2.50 on a piece of bread tt is so spicy tt i can feel my tongue burning!:S :(


07.05.11
1242h

Tweet

Haiz. Sian! I tink i m stayin admist a grp of oppo! Tsk! Maybe i m biased. I deserve e scream! Bt i m really pissed! Haiz! I noe i m a loser to b stayin in e livin room! Coz e room is full of oppo! Haiz. At first kinda thot tt my bro was like avoidin coz he noes da jie is pro-pap. Haix in e end like become i m e avoider by seekin refuge in e livin room.

Bt anw i dun care! I m nt objective! Sian. Norine stood up for e results reporter. Tho nt shootin at me. Bt felt damn sian..

Den my sis shooted back at me. Jus v obvious she thinks i m nt objective. I noe. Haix. I noe i m a loser. Bt i dun care! I jus wan to b this way! Call me a loser. I dun care!

Rahh! Angry! Felt like this election is another thing tt is contributin to e split!:S haix

Kheng!
08.05.11
0101h

Watershed

Yes! This elections is a watershed in sg politics. Let's see of coz. Bt it's def a watershed for me! I told df i m joinin yec! I m gg to show my love for sg thru real actions! Haiz! N e divide jus nw. My bro n parents in e room. Me n my cousin in e living room.

Haiz. Sian! I wanted to tweet george yeo to ask him to make a final speech. Bt thot bout it. I haven't noe much bout him. Jus coz ppl say he is good. So went to ask ade n df n val! Seems like we r all on e same side! Hehe. Wen is he gg to hold e speech? Hopefully nt mon/tues/wed! I wan go hear him one last time n cheer him on!

Maybe is jus e heart tt will go out to ppl who lose bah. Glad he made a gentlemanly speech! Awesome! N tears jus whelmed up hearin tt we lost 2 ministers. Haix.

Emo. K! Go reply tweets! I promise to make my meanin out of my life! N nt garang nw jus for e sake out of it! Jus tt haven't think thru it. Dun make empty promises!

Yep!

Kheng!
I love george yeo!

Angry. Angry. Angry

Angry angry angry! Really angry! Angry bout everythin! Angry bout anythin! Rahh!! I tink i really need to scream! To get everythin out! I will b fine tmr morn. Bt this is a vicious cycle! Equifinality. Haiz.

Rah!!!!!!!!!

Haiz

Rah!!!!!!!

Can i jus leave e F word here?

Kheng.
Fuck!

Haiz..

Rahh! Jus nw i really got real pissed talkin to my bro bout politics! Nt coz he was bein unreasonable. Bt coz i couldn't refute his arguments! Even tho kaka, tong n valerie seemed to haf totally convinced me tt we r on e right side n our arguments are totally valid! Bt wen i debated, i still couldn't defend! I was damn angry. Angry w myself!

Haix. Bt no matter wat. Nw i m ok. Bt anw i haf decided. I MUST BECOME A COMMITED SOCIAL WORKER IN FUTURE! I WAN TO STAND UP FOR E UNDERPRIVILEDGED! I hope to stand up for wat i believe in - tt e PAP govt's policies are really good for e country. Haiz. I dunno. Let me blog tmr or sth. Nw i m feelin v disturbed. Rahh!

Kheng.
haiz

Awesomeness!

ToDay is really awesome! Haha. Except for e wakin up part to study n e stunnin qn 1 for 2101! Hehe. Bt no more papers!:D e feelin didn't really settle in while i was out w social work frens. I guess coz i haf been gg out normally also. Jus tt i go out to study! Haha. Bt still. I enjoyed myself!

Haha. Enjoyed e lunch n e breeze n e buyin popcorn w fiona n vivian! Awesome man! So proud tt i can actually go w jus e 2 of them - frens whom i haf barely noe after 1 sem out to buy stuff n no gan1 ga-ness or worry! Certain ppl really haf more circle w me! Hehe. Bt maybe coz of our character given tt we r social workers! Heheheh.

N den came over. Tuition. Eat ah ma's home-cooked dinner. N jus crap ard. Watch tv.. Hehe n finally managed to catch up w tong! Haha. Omg! So happy! So glad tt she is on my side. Was thinkin she might b those opposition type de! Haha.

Bt well. Really haven't talked to her properly for ages! Didn't noe sth big happened to her! Bt in e past will look at e part tt she forgot to tell me. Nw is lookin frm e part tt she thot she has told me! Haha. Yep! Positive reframe. Bt nt a conscious action. Haha. Good i guess:D

Hehe. Bt thank God! Really thank God tt everyone is fine! Tt she learnt this lesson so much earlier in her life. It's really a very fortunate thing! N glad tt she realised her mistake! Tho i didn't really felt it was a mistake!:P i trust her too much! Haha. Bt it really felt v safe!

Haha. Yep! Count our blessings!

Yep! For tt. Shall b really thankful! Yep! Hehe. Love e hug jus nw! Haha. Yay!:D these r times when i feel tt we r still awesome frens!:D haha. No la. Nt tt normally i dun feel tt way. Bt this is really e magic of touch! Tt's why i will cling on to small fellows like fann also! Heheh. Yep!

Awesome! N we had this discussion bout politics! Awesome! Glad tt we r on e same side! Tink tt tong offered awesome points! N definitely a rationale thinker! Awesome! Hehe. Woah! Can see tt she really felt for e topic! Hahahah. Could see e word tt comes out frm my mouth too wen i m playin my vegsamurai n harbor master! Hahahaha.

Yep! Thank God tt i haf this fren w me!:D really dunno wat else to say except:

Count my blessings
Kheng:)

Haiz

Judgemental

Inferior

Defensive


Unheard.

OOPSIE!

Oopsie! I guess i m dead this time! Hahaha. Slacked e whole day. Nt studyin much for 2105. Haha. Nt gg thru readings.. N lecture notes also nt memorisin much!:S coz this mod is jus so common-sensical. Haha. Bt given my effort at e 30% assn which most prob gg to cui. N effort this time round. I guess it is gg to b like SW last sem? Haha. Goodness. B- or worse! C! Pls dun fail me! Haha. Goodness!

N i dun seem to b carin bout my CAP. I tink i too happy w e effort put in for e 1st 3 papers n e sense of satisfaction w hw e paper went! Hahaha, shit! Wat if i cui for all? Bt after those 3 papers. I realised e feelin of havin done ur part is really enuff to cover up for e bad results, oops! Izzit true? Scarly at e end of e day i will still b thinkin of FCH, my sis's inbal-ness n nt keepin my record at uni n losin to relatives/ frens.. Haha. Bt for nw. I m throwin it aside. Hehe. Jus hopin i wun regret. Bt regret also too late liao by then! Haha. Bt nw. I m nt feelin e regret/sense of urgency! Tt's e really terrible thing!:S

Oops! Nt usin oppo mentality this time. Haha. Bt really e heck-ness n lack of concern for B- or C!:p hehe. Tink i m jus too confident bout myself/my luck! Hehe.

Bt i dun wan to die!:p hehe.

Kheng:)
Maybe e bloggin effect will take place hor? Bt tt's nt my intention. Bt i wun delete this post!:p nor m i gg to draft it! Hehe. Jus publish!:P
Maybe i m relaxed coz i m thinkin of hw insig this is to elections, to gettin more opinions(learnin e skills plus it's bout elections) n my dream( i really mean more of the day-dream) of becomin a MP! haha. Oops! Time for dinner!:P