(:

yay!:D hargao agreed to go shopping for tong's present on sat!:D hehehe. dunno y so happy also! maybe coz someone is gng w me? bt actually i believe i'll b able to find someone to go w me de. hehe. i didn't ask ancestor coz i dun wan her to haf e feelin of being used. like every time i need someone to do sth w me n tt person isn't/can't b tong den i go after her.. yep.. maybe it's jus fate coz ah boon can't again. i alr approached her 1st le.. bt she can't.. too bad.. hehe. bt anw v happy hargao can make it coz really wan to catch up w her..

Decided to type here(as in in e microsoft word). Coz aaron there. Realized tt he might go after Raihanah n scold her, n I know what will be my next lecture topic from her. Hehe. Yep.

Coz tt day hargao didn’t talk much. At first I was okay with her de.. I mean I thot she’s normal.. but she went to make that call n then e rest were sayin how distant they felt with hargao recently n stuff.. den I can’t help but feel very strongly that she’s having on. Something bad most prob. N I’m guessing relationships.. n I mean BGR. Coz baby has been sayin that gargao is v different at work n wen she’s outside.. as in e way she treats baby.. n I can only say baby really cares a lot bout her.. jus like me that time wen I felt very distant from tong. So I just feel that from her ‘symptoms’, she cares a lot for hargao as a friend. Yep. So I’ll be able to talk to hargao this Saturday. Even if she doesn’t tell me what’s she going through, if there’s sth.. at least catch up. Lame a bit, suan each other a bit. I believe she’ll feel happier? If there’s nothing going on, also won’t harm for her to feel happier(: hehe. Yep.

N I think she damn shocked that day when I passed her the card! Haha. I bet she must be feelin damn bad. Haha. Coz according to baby, she said she didn’t wan to do me e card coz I didn’t do for her. Haha. But this one I won’t feel bad at all coz I’ve been wanting n thinking of doing e card for her.. just that if baby didn’t tell me, I guess I might have dragged on even more n maybe end up not doin it for her. Hehe. Yep. But no matter what, e thought was there n I really did it!:P hehe. But her spiteful reason for nt wanting to do e card for me was enough to make me feel quite happy. As in I noe very well tt we aren’t n might never become each other’s buddies, so as long as she treat me as a better than normal frens, I’m quite satisfied already(: hehe. Yep. N tt’s why I won’t feel bad for giving her a lower budget for b-dae presents or lesser effort, compared to tong’s. haha. I mean tong’s is really e max, e extreme. Don’t think anyone else’s will be comparable to hers:P hehe.

Yep.. but anw I felt that that card was 1 of my lousiest production, but baby said it’s damn nice! Haha. Think coz of e effort ba! Haha. Tho it’s really nothing compared to my usual productions. Hehe. N also coz of her effort spent on MY card.. haha. But se mentioned again bout how much her parents adored me, so I’m satisfied enough with e card!:P hehe. N she said that she really thinks I’m beautiful, inner beauty, n she said(wen we went home on mrt tgt) with so much sincerity, so I’m very happy(: hehe. Plus I noe e degree of closeness of our friendship.. hehe. Her pile of gifts 4 hargao from Australia as compared to ours already showed everything(I’m okay coz I looked at mine 4 tong.. hehehe…yep. N on normal occasions, I already can see and know very well n accepted perfectly fine-ly that hargao n baby r closer frens compared 2 me w either 1 of them. Yep.. heh.

Anw jus nw tt security guard walked past, maybe coz I didn’t smile fully, or he didn’t see me. But he just gave me tt face.. but don’t care.. don’t really like him anyway.. coz he’s a little extreme in seeing things.. yest I kindly reminded him to stand at e spot he was supposed to stand coz VIP was coming in.. den he still kinda scorned at me.. maybe nt tt extent, jus asked me why is there e need n jus ignored my kind reminder.. n well. Gona or jamil jus came in n told him to stand at tt spot.. yep.. nt tt I wan to kapo. But jjus out of kindness.. it’s ok if he doesn’t appreciate it, coz it doesn’t pain me. Yep. N during taking over time. Man. he’s new coz he wun b able to take over. So I was waitin for deployment change. N nobody came. At 610, I really couldn’t take it alr coz e VIPs already left n there were 2 guards at north tower! N he said he’ll take over. But he came in, I had to spend time explainin to him.. nearly fainted.. not tt I wan to be unkind, but I was already boiling coz it’s already past e time I was supposed to knock off. At first I told myself jus 2 make up for e time e guards stand in for me wen I’m late n stuff. But well, I saw jamil n gona send off e VIPs alr n den went back to B1, I really couldn’t take it.. den my impression of tt guard alr nt so good.. plus he also nt v humble in wanting to learn.. plus I also nt v familiar w their way of reporting pass status. So everythin jus sucked.. luckily halimah came n she gave a v pissed off attitude to tt guy also. N if I’m not wrong, that guy didn’t even do anything then ran to the toilet.. or he moved on to e nxt deployment. Haha. Should really look at halimah’s irritated-ness wen she spoke to him! Haha. I noe I’m mean, but I can’t help but feel happy when people r on my side.. not that I wan them to hate each other, but at least someone on my side gives me assurance tt I’m nt e 1 with problem, jus like w TL, jega on my side made me a little more glad bout things.. hehe..

Yep. Well. N after tt I was like throwing things down quite hard-ly. N complainin to suzy but she didn’t get y was I pissed n stuff.. so well, it’s ok. Bt jega saw tt I was quite pissed. N after tt sweetly called to tell me nt to take it personally coz I’m still young. Haha. Dunno where e “young” came in nw tt I tink of it. Hehe. Bt e nt to take it 2 personally part really calmed me down. Hehe. Yep. Actually I’m also nt someone who needs to rushed off all e time. In fact I was still helping halimah with e indication of the passes that were in after she came.. jus tt I dun like it coz I felt tt my effort n kind thoughts weren’t appreciated, very much spiced up by my siblings e previous day wen they were complaining how much they felt that their bosses dun appreciate them.. hehe. Yep.. but well.. nw I tink of it.. no point being angry n stuff also!(: yep..it’s a small thing in e first place.. so I shldn’t be such a petty asshole!:P hehe..

Talking bout this, wait, let me finish on my TL thingy first. Hehe. Sat morn I came I jus ignored n let her n liya talk, didn’t even attempt to appear interested in their conversation by standing there n listen to them as they rattle on in tamil. Hehe. Like normally. Yep.. I jus sat there n ate my ya kun toast.. n at 8am, jus went to my counter. After work came back, she asked me bout scheduling stuff, we laughed it off n she talked a little bit more bout casual stuff. N things seemed norm.. but I’ve already decided tt I wun let my emotions be manipulated by her n let it go onto a roller coaster ride on Friday.. yep.. bt this week she seemed really back to normal.. bt I dunno. N I constantly remind myself to control.. coz on tues, we went for a meeting. Damn fun. I jus shoot.. hehe. I mean this thing really concerns me. If I don’t clear my doubts, I’ll have problems wen changing passes. problems which e security side can’t help coz half e time, they dunno also n diff ppl haf diff style of doing things.. yep. I dun wan to feel desperate again. Yep. So I jus asked.. plus I also leaving end of e coming month, nothing to lose.. nt tt mindful of hw e rest thinks of me also.. not my CROs, nt Raihanah n not e security side ppl. Anw, I’ve nv been v close w any 1 of them, I’m nt tt popular among the cleaners, security ppl here anw.. except maybe jega? Hehe.

N I had fun.. after that, was it e feeling of impressed? Tt’s why mr ishak kept lookin at me wen he spoke? Maybe not, bt it’s ok. Coz at least I felt tt I’ve shown tt I do noe my things well n take note of things, tt’s why I could speak during e meeting. Hehe. N Raihanah still asked me to work w sunitha on this to keep record of e contents of e meetin n spread it out to e other gals. Maybe coz my English better? Dunno.. bt anw, I was feelin happy n smug at tt pt of time, bt after tt did consider e awkward level btw her n me.. as in I dunno when will she throw me a black face again. Yep. Probation period nt over yet..

Yep.. plus I felt that I talked a lot during the meeting. So much so that I was like dominating the rest. N I dun think she would feel good bout it. N wen they moved on beyond e passes to other stuff like cheques which I dun handle a lot coz I’m hardly at helpdesk. Hehe. Yep. N I jus did my own things, to show my bo-chap-ness n tt I aren’t tryin to dominate e rest.. yep.. hehe. Esp my TL. Yep. Bt tho I wanted to go n meet baby they all, I enjoyed e meeting coz I felt tt we were discussing bout solid things tt will bear results n I felt tt my level of contribution made me feel useful. Hehe. Yep..

Wah. 844pm alr.. aaron still talking to faizal here. I can’t facebook n eat my bread eh!:( bleh.

Anw after tt, I kinda regretted feelin happy to b in e meetin contributing coz I realized tt e amt of fun I’ve missed out coz of e meeting was so much!:( bt anw, still glad tt I had tt short hour to crap n play ard w xinru!:P hehe. N hargao even tho it’s really quite little w her.. hehe. Bt it’s ok, I’ll c her on sat:P hehe. N love e card xinru made. Jus realized this year, only ch wrote a letter for me n xinru n baby did cards for me.. n baby’s card…. Hahahah. Was waitin for tong’s coz every year she would write me 1. hehe. N I thot she will write this year, esp wen I thot she won’t have money to buy me gifts. Hehe. But it’s ok. Coz e gifts she got for me already made me so happy!:P hehe.

Yep. Anw jus nw managed to talk to liya for a while. Very happy(: hehe. Jus feel v comfortable wen with her. Most impt-ly is definitely coz of her direct-ness. She wun keep secrets n jus shoot. Hehe. At least tt’s wat I feel bout her. Yep. Like means like, dun like means dun like. So I feel quite safe w her. After that dunno if TL felt unhappy. Bt I dun care.. anw I figured out tt last Friday her slammin should b very much directed to jega, but I don’t care coz I jus dun like ppl to be slammin behind me. n she already made me so tired of things tt nw, i won’t even like hope for things to change for e better. Yep.

After tues’s meeting, I kinda felt tt things were really back to normal. Bt coz of my vocal-ness durin e meetin, I was quite afraid tt she wld be unhappy w me again. So I thot myself to remain neutral. Jus nw wen I came, she was ok. N I wanted to talk to her v happily or approach her first. Bt I reminded myself not to, coz no more manipulation. Hehe. Yep. I believe tt’s e best way to protect myself. Coz I can do w.o her friendship, jus tt I dun wan to give her a face coz she might tink I unhappy n e cycle goes again.. yep.. bt if it’s others, like boon n ka they all in e past, n tong! Den can’t. I would rather get hurt again den to give up. Hehe. Yep. Coz these ppl r jus v impt to me!(: hehe.

Yep. N anw this morn I realized tt I’ve been too reliant on tong alr. Yest I was using e free 20 sms-es to complain. Hehe. She said tt we’ll chat again wen e nxt day starts n I’ve my free sms-es. Hehe. She said tt on mon. yep. So I jus went n told her bout things. N in e morn I did msg her w my phone bout bein back at symbiosis n tuition being cancelled!:P hehe. N will web-sms her wen I’m hm. N she replied sayin ok. Hehe. Yep. Bt as I talked in e web sms, I was quite afraid tt she would tink I’m a prob gal coz I’ve issues w so many ppl at work, even liyana whom I was rather close with. Hehe. Yep. I was afraid tt I would appear to her like my mum does to me. coz my mum seriously had issues with all e ppl she worked with.. n is a bit of instinct, no reasons/petty reasons to back-up her dislike de.. n really v big change.. frm her initial ok-ness to e eventual unhappiness. Yep. So I was quite afraid tt I was jus another replicate of her.. coz I was also havin issues w so many ppl. N e reasons might not seem as valid/nt petty to tong.. hehe. Yep. But well, I still said.. n will say more wen we meet, coz face-to-face will b clearer n lesser miscomms n if she doesn’t agree w me, I would be able to tell n nt keep harpin on it. Yep.. but anw I thot bout it, seems like tong has always been on my side n doesn’t seem to b fu-yan-ing me only. Hehe. Yep. N tho she hasn’t reply until nw, I dun tink it’s coz she’s fed-up w me.. hehe. I guess I’ll get her sms soon.. last week wen she didn’t msg me for e whole week, I really was feelin so weird, a little worried, upset n anxious. Coz I was afraid tt I was buggin her too much. Hehe. N so happy to haf received her sms. Still asking me how was I at work, = she wasn’t v irritated by my whines of work stuff. Hehe. Yep. But anw, even if tong is really irritated this time, I would still haf said yest coz I feel there’s nth 4 me to hide in front of my buddy. Yep. If she is my buddy coz I only show her my good side, den she wouldn’t be considered my buddy at all. Yep.. hehe. Tho it might turn her off if I show her too many bad sides!:P hehe.

Yep. I’ll have faith in my buddy.. but wen rameesah called me bout e a star guy stuff after a few times, I really got so irritated.. as in I was really nt interested in tt guy’s stuff anymore coz I felt tt e way she handled it wasn’t good. N she kinda didn’t heed my advice also.. yep.. n I really dun like her “why is my life like this….” Attitude/statements.. I’m actually a little skeptical towards ppl who complain bout how sad their lives ah, coz I feel tt these ppl haven’t really seen wat a terrible life is.. n actually I tink I’m also 1 of them.. bt I wun really complain n say tt I’ve a sad life n stuff. N interestingly, tong does say such stuff. Bt I’m still on her side:P hehe. Double standards eh:P hehe.

N I wonder if money is really e issue tt is makin me quite turned off w these 3 ppl who r borrowing $ frm me. for tt cmb guy, it’s really like everythin he comes to me,it’s for money. Tt turns me off.. n i

Mr ishak jus called to complain bout B3 carpark’s lamppost switchin off automatically at 12am instead of 7 in e morn. I called FCC n tt guy told me to listen properly coz B3 doesn’t have lamppost, but ishak really said lamppost mah. Wah. I dun like myself to be following after e rest to be callin him MR ishak wen we call e rest by names.. so luckily I made a mistake on tt FRF tt’s why I can with reason, write another piece of FRF. Hehe. Yep. Bt I made another mistake on e time n I’ve wasted 3 pieces of paper already:S argh. Bt well. Aaron is gone.. can eat my bread. Bt I’ve so much more to blog. Tink dun farm alr. Go hm den farm. Bt shit. Haven’t planned tong’s present, look at photos, tmr still zi4 gao4 fen4 yong come in at 10am. Sat nite gng ben’s hs to help him w maths, hw to do her present? Man. n I made a promise tt day nt to last min n tt I mus go for my mothers’ day dinner w.o e worry of havin to don e nite to do tong’s present again. Hehe. Yep. Can de. Jus do a bit of planning n I can get around this prob(: hehe. Wah, tt FCC guy jus came up. Sux.. sometimes I really can’t help bt make e stereotype tt Indians r a little 2 prideful lo. Luckily my 3 CRO colleagues n most of e initial security guards here n jega not like this.. rah..

Man. really dun tink I shld blog, for e sake of tong’s present. Actually is more of for my slp!:P hehe. Really dun wan to b so tired on mon n make tong feel bad again for e amt of effort I’ve put in n e sleep I’ve lost. E rest I’ll blog n another day(: hehe.

Yep.

Kheng(:
29/04/10
Status: lookin forward to my mothers’ day dinner n e completion of tong’s b-dae book!:P hehe. Man, wat bout e cookies?!