omg! i miss norine alot alot alot alot alot! how? i blogged on my open blog alr. bt didn't dare to write too much. coz kaka leave i also nt tt sad. i dun wan her to risk thinking she's nt as impt to me. n also for karen.. yep. n also coz i dun wan kaka or any1 to tink tt i keep whining. like keep crying n cryin. as in nt e crying part. bt no need to keep saying i'm sad n stuff. yep.. n in case i make them even sadder over there!
yep.. wah jus nw was terrible! it's like wen i saw norine's grandma saying in a bit nt v zhun chinese, telling her sth like "ah ma will...." n i got reminded of how much my grandma loves me too n how sad her grandma would b.. den tears welled up. bt i held them back.. yep.. n den we walked w norine there.. n i 4got wat was e other thing tt got my tears welling up again, den i went to take e changi airport feedback form to read..
bt really couldn't take it wen norine came to our side to hug us. qimin, ningxin, emily, karen, ancestor n I. it's like i kept gng to to e back.. to be e last few to be hugged. significance la.. like last always most impt mah. haha. bt also coz i noe after she hug me, i'll b weeping! dun wan to b e first few to weep(nt coz of face reason) n also dun wan to stand there crying after she hugged me.. yep. bt ok la. quite e last few le.. haha. bt yep.. wen she hug ancestor. jade was crying like mad alr! expected! coz i was alr sobbing.. den wen she turned ard.. she was like "kheng......" i tink she got a shock tt i was tearing to tt extent le.. yep..
n i jus hugged her.. really really v upset.. n i jus like cuddled in.. norine has 1 of e most comfortable shoulders n i really love taggin along her.. holding her arms.. n leaning on her shoulders.. oh man.. yep. n she told me to take care. i couldn't like say any words coz i knew if i said. i would cry even more. n after v long v long. den i said u too. n she told me, "love you".. it's like these words u always say.. tho i always made sure i mean it wen i say it.. it's like so different wen she said it.. n i really jiang bu chu kou coz alr cannot control my tears le.. yep n i thot she wun wan to hug me for so long, so i kinda wanted to pull away.. bt eventually i realised she didn't haf any intention to push me away.. so i jus clinged on to her arms n continued huggin.. haiz..
i also dunno why. why norine will make me miss her more than kaka.. it's like for e JC years.. we really didn't maintain in v regular contact.. tho we loved each other dearly. n tt's sth tt i knew v well! i wrote tt to her. n on my open blog too.. it's like i noe she loves me coz she always calls me "kheng" so dearly wen we meet. n it's like even tho we dun like msg each other regularly, i just noe v well tt she loves me alot! n it works for me too k! just tt e feeling is really intensified over e past 2weeks! esp this week! i tink ka's departure really made me realise some stuff. nt some v significant realizations.. or anything groundbreaking.. n it's nt tt kind of "shit! i shld haf spent more time w kaka! so i better make sure i spend more time w norine now!" tt kind. bt maybe just reality ba? i also dunno. jus those realizations at IMM, tt i dun care watever we do now, as long as i'm w norine! tt being able to crap w her, saying "you're my fren" is also sth blessed..
yep. n i'm really feeling it now! i dunno why.. it's like this feeling suddenly came into my life.. n make me miss norine so much so much! i really wan to spend some more time crapping w her! seeing her retarded reactions.. taking photos w her.. just a lot of things.. why ah?
n ancestor just nw commented on our photo.. haha. coz i wrote "i shalln't be jealous".. den she told us to try pronouncing "shalln't". haha. den i realised tt at least i can still see ancestor.. bt i can't see Norine. it's like ya, there's web cam. bt i'm pretty afraid we'll just talk on skype. i'm afraid tt internet will b slow like ka's.. den she wun haf e mood to be surfin it. coz tt means she wun b online so readily. hopefully her iphone helps! man! i wonder wen can i see her on skype! i really dun understand.. why am i missing norine so much more than kaka? haiz..
yep yep.. jus nw wen i reached airport, i just tried to hold on to karen's arm. n she let me hold it. hehe. so happy! coz i rmb wen we were in sec 3 or 4, i did tt, den she asked me if i can stop doing tt. i tink it makes her feel uncomfortable ba! yep.. so i kinda pulled away frm karen. just nw i treat it as an act of acceptance into her heart. i dun tink i'll ever be determined enuff to get past all e obstacles n get into her heart.. bt at least one line of defence broken. sth to make me miss karen more!(: yep.
n i guess i could feel karen's "weakness".. coz wen norine was slowly walking towards e gate after all her hugs n stuff. karen jus stood at e same spot.. i wanted v badly to walk over.. bt i saw tt norine was still waving goodbye and stuff. so i jus stood w karen there. coz i was holdin on to her. nt v nice to let go.. yep.. n i just kept inching forward.. nt sure if it's my over-sensitivity or wat. bt i jus felt tt she didn't wan to move forward. tink it was jus pure 6th sense. yep. bt anw i tink karen was tryin to hold back her tears just nw also. wen norine was bout to hug her or sth.. man.. haiz. thank goodness ancestor wrote tt note. n thank goodness she shared w us karen's reply. if nt i tink i would haf thot of karen as super brave.. haiz. yep..
yep. looking at tt photo ancestor was commenting jus nw. tink i'm feeling better. coz just nw saw tt photo, see bearbear's smiling face, i felt like crying! yep(: bearbear, u're my fren! kheng will miss u super terribly! i noe i'll b ok soon de! i noe myself pretty well!:P hehe. bt i will really miss u! i guess e terrible missing is coz it's only on tues den i realised how impt bearbear is to me.. n i've been trying v hard to like cherish every possible moment.. n nw she's like suddenly taken away frm me.. yep..
dilemma nw. i really hope tt she'll enjoy her uni life! bt i also hope tt she'll miss me alot! hahahaha. k! shalln't be selfish! i hope she'll love her life there! bt still wan to come back!(:(:
suddenly feel like i've alot to tell her. bt actually i tink e thing i wanted to say most was in e first (few) para(s) i wrote to her! yep! n seeing her letter, actually her letter made me more calm. coz i was expecting some kind of emo stuff like wat kaka wrote.. bt norine was pretty mature in wat she wrote.. n it's kinda like a sign tt she'll brave through it all de!(: n tt's wat i love bout norine ba. she has tt sensibility, bt she's also v warm n adorable n loving! all at e same time! tt's why she's my bearbear!
yep yep!n so i shall haf faith in my card for having relayed my msg tt i really really love her alot alot! i guess my tears showed it all just nw le ba! yep.. can't celebrate her b-dae!:( OC, you1 hui4 dang! really glad tt this departure came about. coz it made me realise tt i really love these few frens alot alot! n e realization n e real act of "love should be unconditional".. tho i'm still pretty sad tt i can't spend time w them physically.. bt yep. i shall pray n haf faith n hope tt things will remain unchanged wen they are back.. n kheng can continue to love her frens!
it's really a very good feeling tt u've ppl around u who love you! kheng really hopes she'll be tt fortunate all her life!
bearbear, i love you!:D
kheng(:
20.09.10
status. a new day has arrived. yep. bt still crying.. haiz..
P.P.S.: 太习惯依赖你的肩膀了，也太习惯能随时依赖你了，所以到了要说分开的时候，才会特别地难过， 这么地难过！：（
P.P.P.S: haiz. came back to upload e photos den made me tear again! haiz! e thot of nt being able to take photos w bearbear for quite some time is making me upset again! n after 9months, there will b another 9months. n den another 9months. by den, how would things haf become? will we still be able to say "you're my fren"? suddenly feel so full of regrets why didn't i cherish bearbear earlier? bt it's always wen u're bout to lose things then u will cherish them. n why m i havin tt feeling tt i wun b able to fang xia for quite some time? it's just e usual worry rite? tmr wen i wake up, i'll still b happily farming.. rite? i will still be v happy de rite? yep. it's just e night emo-ness thingy again! yep. wat a long PPPS! haha. n i tink i stunned emily n ningxin just nw w my tears! n can't believe i could still tear on e car just nw at e slightest thot of bearbear, n seein her sms-es. oh ya. missed this out.. in both her replies to me. she said "love you".. i took it as e one she said wen she was huggin me. as in her seriousness in meaning tt. yep.. or did she write tt in her first reply? haha. dunno la. bt just tt. i guess she really doesn't noe wat else to write.. coz she's flyin n we can't be maintain a normal sms conversation. we hardly do it i realise!:P hehe. yep. or maybe she's really upset n emo n she really feels v touched n warm w my sms-es tt's why she said tt. bt i jus can feel her heart n soul in it. dun tink i'm thinkin too much!:P hehe. yep. k. tt's it. bearbear!
No comments:
Post a Comment