still missing my fren..

yest nite lie down on my bed. n e lying down act must haf triggered some tear glands or sth. coz i was still crying after tt. wen i've supposedly stopped after chatting w ancestor for some time on skype after i blogged n b4 i slept.. hmm. yep. n i missed norine alot!

this morn wake up. emo emo. coz v tired. bt couldn't slp le. so decided to get up n do sth. den if tired den go back n slp again in e afternoon. i like e feeling of napping!:P hehe. makes me feel good. coz i'm nt sleeping for e sake of sleeping. hehe. yep.. n still miss bearbear!

yep. after eating breakfast w my bro. was ok. coz we were talking n stuff. den came back on comp. den see my skype's profile pic. n starting to miss norine again! bt it's really better than yest le la! haiz.. 1more hour! b4 she lands! yep! n begins her new life there! jiayou bearbear!:D

yep! yest finally realised why m i missing bearbear so so much! it's coz i've always taken her for granted in e past! coz i noe she loves me as always. bt i was so pre-occupied w my yitong n jade in JC. yep. n wen kaka left on tues, tt kind of bu she was partially transferred to her. nt e bu she, bt rather missing element. like haven't cherished kaka enuff. shld haf jus 义无返顾 de be with them. nvm even if kaka n norine seem closer! yep. bt really alot was for bearbear alone. nt transferred over frm kaka de. suddenly realise i need bearbear! haiz.. yep..

n tt's why for e past week, i've been trying so hard to be ard her! yep! bearbear! i really really hope tt things dun change too much. tt we'll forever be this close.. i really tink tt a overseas experience n nt physically tgt in e same country will change things.. just like kaka, in tt retarded "outlook" for norine, lies a very very mature her! a very sensible her.. wen i thot of how she hugged her mum and gave her a kiss b4 she went in finally, really tink tt she's so sensible! n can't help but feel her worry for her parents, who dunno english n haf no other children to take care of them n her parents' upset-ness for havin their only child away. bt i guess n really believe tt e relationship between them will nv change,norine will still haf her entire life to be filial to her parents. n she'll love her parents always.

yep. maybe i shld worry more bout whether i'll change rite? haf faith in bearbear!

yep. coz of this late realization tt i've taken her for granted.. i really dun haf time to absorb e fact tt she'll be away studying sth different. in fact i'm only being upset over her departure. yest(as i told ancestor on car).. for kaka, i was still constantly telling myself she's gng to leave for UK for 9mths, studying sth totally diff frm me n being in a diff culture frm me. n i can no longer take comfort in her living so near to me.. yep. bt my tears tt day were simply coz of hers.. nt coz of all these thots.. bt yest norine's.. i tried to hold them to e last min le. bt just couldn't.. yep.. n i wasn't even thinkin of all these, den i alr weep alr! haiz.. if i thot bout all these, i tink yest i wouldn't haf stopped.. yep..

n this naturally leads me to tink tt ancestor's will be as bad. after e realization yest tt my missing for norine was coz of this late realization tt i've taken her for granted, it explains tt ancestor's wun be as bad. coz i've really taken ancestor as my very very very good fren, thru-out e JC days n e past 9months. so maybe i wun b weeping as badly.. bt i believe ancestor n i r gng to spend a lot of time tgt in e coming months. so i guess wen she leaves, e impact is gng to be very big again!

yep. n dunno whether izzit fate or wat. haha. my mum just took my blanket to wash. n passed me my SIA blanket. maybe a kind of connection of sort.. coz i told norine n kaka to take e SIA blanket w them. coz they said their hostel maybe no blanket. haf to go buy. so i told them to take so tt they can use it for e time being first! haha. n i dun wan to wash e jacket i wore last nite.. hehe. yep. at least for a few days or a week la. i wun b so disgusting as to nt wash it! hehe. yep.

n yest nite wen i was lying there. i wanted to tink of my story. bt just dun haf e "mind" for it. it's like i told myself tt i'll put norine aside for e time being. bt tt emo feeling didn't go away. until i eventually fell asleep.. yep.. n a few moments ago, i thot of norine's "kheng!...." wen she saw me sobbing away yest.. man! i'm missing her again! there's just this teary feeling.. haiz.. norine!!

yest her 潇洒-ness was really commendable. like wat ancestor pointed her, she tends to walk away wen she's bout to cry.. den it's like i guess tt's why she gave her mum e hug n e kiss only at e end, so tt at least for e few moments wen she walk in to haf her bags checked, she could hold her tears back.

n i so wanted her to look at me properly wen she waved good bye, bt she didn't.. she just glanced across.. bt it's ok la.. coz she noes i love her! haha. yep.

tink kheng has really grown! coz of ka's departure tt triggered this den-appreciation and realization n now missing for norine! i guess i've grown to realise tt it really doesn't matter whether ur frens put u first or not. love should b unconditional.. it's ok even if kaka n norine seem closer. as long as i can be there, beside them to 守护 them. it's ok even if i can't enter karen's world.. as long as she noes i'm still there. even if she doesn't pour her heart out to me. at least she wun crumble coz she noes tt at least we're here, just hope tt wen she's really gng to crumble, she'll tell us! so tt we can offer her real physical support! yep.

n of coz. recently my bro was telling me how bad he felt to haf treated my mum tt way for e past few years.. it's like my mum brought us up, frm just a baby, help us wipe our buttocks.. really is nt just to hear us scream at her! yep. n it's just a kind of positive energy, 正能量， i treated my mum better too. so wat if she doesn't make us feel loved, e way we want it. it's still undeniable tt she loves her. n i can see tt she's really happy wen my bro talks to her n treats her better n stuff.

bt yest i was still a little rude to her in e afternoon wen i was busy doing norine's card n she kept talking to me. still didn't hold my temper v well. bt i'll do it now! i will try! to my best ability! coz yest i saw norine n her mum.. i really tink tt my mum deserves better! yep.

yep.. bearbear.. kheng'll move on in her life! will work hard! n await ur return!

it's like wat she wrote.. yest nite b4 i slept, i re-read e letter again. felt e touch le. coz she wrote quite mature stuff. so e card didn't make me weep further actually. it stopped my tears in fact. bt only momentarily. coz after tt.. my tears came down again as i blogged, looked at photos... bt b4 i slept, wen i read e letter again, tho she's so sensible in wat she wrote. bt could see tt she still views us v impt-ly. n me of coz! haha. n i realised tt she wrote v similar stuff to me.. our breakfast clique, bmt, OC, you hui dang. n she thanked me for walking thru all these.. n i wrote tt too. n i also wrote i'll await e partial reunion of OC n full reunion of you hui dang! yep. n as norine correctly pointed out..

we'll wait.. patiently yet eagerly!

kheng(:
20-09-10
status: eyes were swollen, n small n painful n tired, bout to close just like e day after sending kaka off, cried like mad tt nite while bloggin also! n woke up e nxt morn havin e same eyes as i've this morn! bt jiayou kheng! loves kaka n norine!