Disappointment

After one round of disappointment by dashen they all, my parents r another!

Yest my dad ACCUSED me of nt wakin him up to keep e clothes wen there r alr signs of thunderstorm! I straight away shot him "i jus woke up!"

Wen he came back, he saw tt i was asleep, bt he expects me to wake him up if there is rain! f! Wat if i went out? Why shld i be assumin e responsibility to wake him up? F!

Den he said "luckily i wake up!" hello! Tt's ur responsibility! U wan to bring e clothes out, u jolly well make sure u keep a lookout for them! It's nt as if we agreed upon me doin it! We din k! If it's an assumed norm, den why spend so much time naggin on other times?! Isn't it an assumed norm?! Angry!

Den jus nw show my mum photos of my fren, she also nt interested! Parents simply dun understand e joy of sharing! I noe there r extremes like kaka's mum who wants to noe everythin bout kaka's frens & life! Bt is it tt boring?! Can't she jus show some fuckin concern for her children?! Maybe i aren't interested in her photos too ba, bt isn't it supposed to b child centric? M i makin a ridiculous expectation? Maybe i m ba.

Haiz. It's jus a cycle, we dun feel e concern, we go out, she gives up more on us, we go out more! Yeah! We r lucky tt at least our parents dun give us problems, bt shldn't they feel lucky tt we aren't worryin them? At least we r all gettin by in life well & fine! We aren't perfect bt we haf our strengths! I noe she'll b thinkin e same way rite?

Bt is it really tt hard/too much to be expectin some love & concern?! Haiz! Hello! I'm ur daughter leh! I'm really very very hurt!

Perhaps it's jus e recent developments ba. So freakingly weak!

Some things, u jus wun b able to let go even after 10 yrs, 20yrs.

& why shld i care tt i'll b hurtin them if i call my grandma up to cut my 21st bdae cake w me rite?

Anw i forgot to say, my mum was rushin us to leave e coffee shop coz it was 9pm alr. Fuck off la! Ur son came back to haf dinner w u leh! Does it matter if u dun hang ur clothes out & get to bed early enuff? Does it matter whether ur beloved husband gets home early enuff? In e end to do wat? Watch tv?! If u tink u wan ur son to go back early to rest, do u noe hw hurtin it is for him to hear u rushin to go home, for a reason tt totally doesn't express tt concern?! Really is F leh!

& she jus came in to ask me whether i'm sleepin right after meal. Isn't it obvious i'm using my phone?!

& wen my bro slipped & fell, firstly they laughed. I hate this response e most, e last thing u shld do is to laugh. U shld show ur concern first. Ppl jus dun understand this, they tink others will b fine. Sometimes ppl jus wan tt little bit of concern at points of vulnerability. Maybe my bro don't need tt, bt i need.

2nd is to blame & teach! Pls la! Do we look like we wan to fall down?! & yes, all tt u ppl say bout avoiding fallin down, we all noe. Bt tt's nt wat we r interested in at tt time! Please!

Maybe my bro din mind, bt i minded a lot bout my dad speculating his injury & sayin it for so sure like he is e guru & both of them tellin my bro he shldn't haf walked tt place coz it's a slope/it's slippery! Please! These r e least things ur children need in times of vulnerability. I tink i'm like experiencing transference! Bt yeah! This is hw my parents react & hw i perceive their actions! Never encouragin!

Yes, they give us money, let us haf good food, my mum treats herself like a maid, do everythin for us! Bt i dun need a maid! Maybe if my mum is e other way round, then i'll say i need a maid right? Bt at this pt in time, i really do nt need a maid! I was tellin her bout dashen, she halfway thru went back to her papers, jus like my sis. I alr tried to summarise my story wen i talk to e 2 of them le, WHY ARE THEY STILL TREATING ME LIKE THIS?! Damn! I'm really really v upset! Why don't they understand me?! Who'll ever noe hw i feel?! & they'll jus dismiss it as me being emo again, why don't they ever bother to probe?! If life's so hard/tiring, why bother to give birth to me?! Y can't u even spend some time on me?! Wat's e pt of me being at home?! Y shld i even feel sad tt i dun eat dinner w these ppl?! There's no pt. they aren't even interested in me! They're only interested in e company. In havin someone listen to them. Who can then listen to me?!

& i swear i wasn't even talkin bout dashen's incident for more than 2mins! Is this e way u treat ur daughter?! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

I noe i'm nt along in this! Bt i can complain for e very least, right?! Wat haf i done wrongly?! Why do i deserve all these?!

Ok! I tink i'm overdoin it! Be strong! Be brave! U r lucky enuff alr! & u're suffering, alr v little alr, coz it's to make u stronger! Stop whining.

Kheng.