haiz.. 真的走不到最后。。

真的走不到最后。。

怎么一个星期里头，会发生这么多事情呢？

Starting to ask myself whether was it the right decision to have asked the 2 of them to try it out! Bt the "no regrets" is worth all the hurt it is causing now rite? haiz.. bt tt time i really felt tt if i dun try, it is really a waste..

haiz.. everyday also will haf sth happening.. i told dashen is coz they skipped the stage of being frens, so they really dunno each other well. plus there is pressure coming from all aspects, ex-gf, work place, having to be underground r/s, dashen being so not a xi xin girl & cayden jus e direct oppo, the way they started......

bt i really really 一度 you xiang guo they will b able to walk till the end de.. bt.. dunno why, last nite wen dashen told me she decided to tell chong chong, i started to tink of all e possible responses chongchong might haf.. & i started to wonder whether will she object to them being tgt.. coz chongchong is really v good at seeing ppl(direct translation:P), & she shld b able to tell whether they suit each other or not, & whether is dashen doing too much, too little...

yep.. & i started to haf my reservations bout this r/s tho I dun even noe wat will chongchong tink of it..

& yest was all happy stuff, den this morn wen i woke up, 晴天霹雳！e Saturday's incident is affecting Cayden.. he wants to give up now..

I dunno if dashen sensed it, bt this time round my stance is less supportive alr.. tt day on train, after mamasan's event, I kinda got a little irritated w Cayden coz he was really mean.. & b4 tt dashen said she dun wan to sit w him.. den totally ignore him coz i tink she shy, i thought dashen's stance was more of not wanting to b tgt, bt it turned out to b e other way, dashen really 心动了, so I jus supported her.. I mean wat else can I do? Who am i to decide for dashen whether this guy suits her or not..

I tink i sound like I am 马后炮-ing.. bt it's jus tt tt time wen they decided to try, I chose to report e positive things I believed in..

yep.. bt nw, seems like.. really, if I were him, I wun haf minded my bf leavin me behind to say hello to his frens, coz I feel tt it's only 1 week & it was supposed to be an underground r/s　(maybe not in front of outside frens).. maybe he really did a lot for dashen & dashen's straight face makes him feel v insecure ba. & this thing jus adds on to the fears.. omg.. I really hope if one day, such things happen to me, I will b able to prove tt I can take it de leh..

wat's more I m a girl leh, if I can take it...... haiz.. maybe coz this is only a "if" scenerio ba..

bt I thot I told him & dashen told him too tt dashen isn't tt kind of girl who will do things for him? I thot he will understand wat I mean leh.. bt perhaps while he read my words, he also believed tt he can touch dashen.. bt 1 week leh! I still tink tt it is too short to b expecting sth..

For me, I tink as long as I noe I haf it, I will b satisfied alr.. bt maybe dashen hasn't given him enuff xing fu de gan jue ba.. bt.. ONE WEEk!

maybe 1 week will b able to reveal how the next 10000weeks will b like ba.. izzit 三岁定八十　ｏｒ　女大十八变？

haiz.. & i m stoppin to push coz dashen is 后之后觉！ not her fault, coz cayden wants dashen to b happy & dun tell her anything wen he is actually feelin so hurt inside.. how will dashen noe if he doesn't say? & everytime sth happen le, dashen 不以为然，den cayden covers it & den thinks a lot, cannot take it & den thinks of giving up.. den dashen do sth to make up for it, den he feels tt dashen is pitying him.. HAIZ...

oopss! suddenly tink of wat chongchong will say if she knew I encouraged them on.. maybe she will haf been able to tell tt they wun work out & will ask me why I encouraged them on in e first place.. haiz.. den i will feel v bu hao yi si leh.. will she tink I geh kiang? bt dashen approached me de leh.. as in if let me choose again, I would still haf supported dashen coz without tryin, we really wun noe where it will go towards.. bt maybe e point is "it's between e 2 of them, I shouldn't haf intervened"?

hahaha. i m startin to tink a lot also.. coz i mind whether I make the right decisions or not.. esp wen it concerns other ppl.. hmm. bt well.. this is nt e main point.. jus my own personal concern.. nw dashen's more impt..

haiyo.. 当初是不是太　ｋａｐｏ　了？

i tink dashen is hoping he wun give up, tmr's talk will b like an impt battle! I've a feelin dashen wun b able to convince him.. 有哪一次他们谈了之后，是成功的？

haiz.. die la.. all e regret feeling coming up! bt at least they tried rite? my decision still wasn't wrong tt time rite?

I really m v different this time round, I aren't encouraging dashen to try harder or anything.. bt i tink she understands ba.. coz she said she feels "力不从心＂　too.. bt dashen said "he's worth me trying for".. so I guess I didn't make the wrong decision tt time! haiz..

yep! dunno if he will meet dashen today or not, I dun wish to intervene le.. coz I tink bout it.. he also like quite fragile.. & tho is he qian da, bring this up to dashen first, bt he also deserves to haf his happiness.. I keep askin him to tink for dashen, who tink for him? he is so fragile I scared dashen's every small little action will hurt him.. plus I already did do my part tt time le.. & maybe coz I tink thiz time round I wun succeed in convincin him.. hehe. so to prevent 吃败仗。。。 bt also coz I tink if I say, he might feel more 挫败　or sth.. 当时插手一次了，这次就不要了。　有缘自然会走在一起，而且走到最后。。　况且，真的不是我的事，不是想置身事外，可是我真的不想再做任何有可能伤害到他们俩的事。

dunno if i sound v selfish.. bt i really aren't.. it's jus tt this time round, I really dun haf much confidence in their r/s.. yes.. it might b misunderstandings.. bt this kind of misunderstandings can happen again & again.. tt time after I successfully convinced Cayden, all I had were hopes for their future.. bt now.. even b4 I attempt to convince him, all I haf all worries for them.. I can imagine even if they get married, he is gg to b affected by things.. I picture him stayin at home to take care of kids, & become those 孤独中年人。。。

dunno whether I will 越说越错　or not.. I m not sayin any of them is at fault.. I tink their characters r perfectly fine.. jus tt they r not e one for each other.. at least tt is wat I feel now..

bt no matter wat decision dashen makes, I will still b behind her.. if she wants to talk to Cayden, I will still do it. bt I don't tink she will make tt decision..

my aim is very simple, I only wan the 2 of them to b happy!

(haiz.. my mum keeps naggin.. I wan to tell her, I also wan to go & bath, my I really cannot jus leave dashen alone! :S)

haiz.. why is his confidence level so low? he really isn't as "great" as he tinks he is.. as in he said, he is willin to follow dashen's pace, bt actually he cannot.. nothin wrong la.. jus wrong estimation.. bt he really isn't as bad as he tinks.. haiz.. I feel tt I m doin real time report here. as things happen..

haiz. shall stop bloggin..

kheng.
02.01.12