"dreamy"

man. still a little tired. n i slept in e living room again yest! haha. bt this time round, smarter, i continued 2 wear e long pants i was wearing n wore my jacket. coz i suspect e cold tt i had was coz i slept on e sofa w.o a blanket e day b4! haha. yep. i slept on it for 2 days! woah.. haha. a bit dirty, bt at least i didn't sleep on my bed u c!:P hehe. n nw still wearing my jacket. after farmin den go bath..

hehe. yep. anw yest b4 sleep, i had a debate w my sis over tong's education.. coz we were talkin bout her sleeping bag, den i mentioned her education or my sis asked.. bt anw my sis was sayin tt she feels tt tong shldn't be angry w her dad, coz her dad's thot of wanting to send her overseas was so worth respecting alr.. bt i said she has nv wanted to go, it was her dad who put tt thot into her brain n she studied for it, nw her dad can't let her go.. den my sis was sayin tt maybe he wanted to motivate her to study hard(i had this thot too), bt he still made e promise.. my sis said i also like to commit(bt at least e things i commit to, aren't so serious isn't it? bt i guess she jus wanted to bring across e point tt nt all promises can b kept) n she was sayin tt things change, look at e economy. n it's nt as if her dad isn't trying, her dad IS trying, jus tt he maybe needs another year or so..

den she said things like we're naive, dunno how much it costs, bt i believe tong n i both noe. at least after hearing her tell me of coz!:P hehe. n her dad definitely noes wat.. n if he made e promise, he mus haf thot of how to afford it, isn't it? my sis said maybe he wanted tong to get scholarship w her results? bt impression doesn't tell me so..

bt anw i was quite fired up after debating w her. bt say really angry. bt a bit cannot take it why did i "lose" e debate.. her last rebuttal i didn't respond, i jus sat there n thot bout it, den went to e living room n slept. n it didn't take me long to fall asleep. nw after e sleep, things fresh, n no longer so upset bout e lost of pride. i guess my sis jus makes sense ba. esp e part bout e economy ever-changing..

yep.. so i'll go tell tong wen i meet her after she's back frm shanghai ba.. tho i would quite mind e fact tt my sis made more sense than me, bt it doesn't matter ba. if tong can concur w wat my sis says, she would b able to understand her parents better n be happier(: yep. n maybe it isn't bout who is more broad-minded or anythin, bt about perspectives.. coz i haf been hearing frm tong, so maybe i also took for granted tt her dad will send her overseas.. n so wen his dad can't deliver e promise, i'm also feeling e same as her.. bt my sis is diff. n i jus haf to admit tt my sis has seen more things than me, better able to tink thru things..

bt durin e debate yest, it's like nasty things do come out.. like she said tt we're naive, haf we gone out to earn money on our own, to see hw hard it is to earn money? yep.. i mean those things're true.. tho this fusion job is quite relaxed n i earn my money rather easily, bt i've done tt sucky banqueting job b4.. yep.. bt of coz i haven't slog yet la.. so i most prob can't understand.. bt yep.. those things r true. i also do agree tt i'm naive.. bt it's like e more she says such stuff, e more defensive i'll get.. yep.. nt e spirit of debating eh. no personal attacks. haha. bt i tink she'll tell me it isn't a debate.. yep.

bt yep. up to this point. i'm starting to feel tt i really lack perspectives.. coz i'm always hiding in my own world. i dun feel e need. n i guess it's e biggest prob of all ba. coz i dun feel e need. it's like i dun intend to go overseas for sch/work. so i can always remain in my small world. i dun intend to work at some big shot companies or rise up thru e ranks. so i dun need it.. so i've nv done anythin to make myself more "broad-perspectived".. n jus happy n satisfied like this.. aiyo.. n i guess this tong's incident jus showed if i can see things better, i might haf been able to make my fren understand things better.. hmm.. i guess this is why my sis can earn e respect of more ppl ba.. bt again, i would say, i dun care.. coz i can still hide in my own world, n jus depend on my fren.. bt it isn't healthy, bt how do i break out of it? as in to b able t c things frm a more neutral perspective? or izzit tt ignorance is bliss? hmm..

yep.. n another thing i'm concerned bout is whether jie will haf a bad impression of tong n whether tong will b worried tt jie will haf a bad impression of her. bt i guess nt rite, coz she said herself tt she isn't saying tt my fren is wat or tryin to defend her dad.. yep. n i guess tong isn't impt to my sis at all ba. she's jus impt to me. hahaha. n i guess maybe my sis doesn't matter to tong? i hope nt. hehe. coz tong has said tt she really admires my sis.. yep.. haha. tt's why i'm thinkin tt she'll think tt my sis is so pro n look at me..... hmm. bt i guess if tt really happens, tt i really pale in comparison to my sis.. i can't do anythin ba.. coz i jus dun haf e ability tt of my sis.. n maybe i shld do sth bout it n nt let it grow into a fact for e rest of my life, bt again.. i dun c e need.. heh.. n i guess tt's why i wan to be a low-level social worker, coz i can only/only wan to use my labour to help ppl, nt exactly my brains... hehe..

yep. jus hope tt this perspective might b able to help tong.. i shldn't b thinkin bout how it'll make my sis seem more like a pro... no no.. i shld think of only benefitting tong. n actually it benefited me also ba.. yep..

hmm.my dad is in e toilet i hope he comes out in time,coz ade is gng to wake up n would need to use e toilet. bt anw ade didn't help my sis tune e iphone back to e clock page n her alarm didn't ring, n she's late today.. i guess my sis'll b quite upset w it.. bt i hope it wun last(:

hmm. tt evil tong still dun wan to reply me. she replied ka yest lo. sucks. tt's y i told ka to msg her instead, coz she might reply to ka..maybe coz ka's sms requires a quick reply. or maybe jus a short one.. bt it doesn't make sense tt she dun reply me until now rite? hmm. i hope it's jus tt she missed out my msg or sth. if she really deliberately ignore my sms. i would b quite upset.. bt if she really ignored it, i wun noe also. coz she definitely wun say rite?:P hehe.yep. dun tink tong is angry w me or anythin. dun tink too much. hehe.

bt anw yest's OC outing was a failure. karen was sick n didn't go. i still bear-ed my flu n appeared eh!:( n norine was ultra late.. so we only got to meet her on mrt. n ancestor had alr gone to take bus le.. yep. bt wen ka went to buy food, i jus talked to ancestor bout a lot of stuff. i told her bout ka n tong.. bt nt bad things.. i rmb once tellin myself i would nt say bad things bout a close fren to another close fren coz if e former close fren noes, she would b quite upset tt i actually go n tell other ppl bout her.. yep. bt yest's wasn't bad things.. tong's thing was like a "i'm upset, bt nw see thru n ok" thingy.. ka's was a "always happening" thing. hehe. n at least glad tt i managed to talk to ka. again, she provided me w a lot of perspectives, tt's why i always say tt she's more matured than me n can c things tt i cannot, so i dun haf to like "advise" her. coz she would haf seen those things alr... yep. n all i could do was to share w her things tt my bro/sis has gone thru to let her haf some takeaways also.. man. jus realised tt my frens all seem to haf thot bout so many things.. i dun haf to worry bout anythin coz my path is kinda clear-cut n planned by me alr.. so i've nv thot bout things, n i guess tt's where i dun learn, coz i dun face all e prob n m nt forced to make a decision... yep.. bt tt's how talkin to ppl help ba. they help to enrich ur life w their experiences...

yep..bt it's like so hard for me to go develop new perspectives isn't it? it isn't an easy thing, nt u wan to den u can de lo.. maybe settin my attitude right will help n is e only way out? well. i'll haf to try n test. hehe. bt again, i dun c e need for nw.. so will jus haf to wait n see..... (:

yep.. yep.. dun haf to feel too upset bout it ba. coz i dun measure my life w e amt of things tt i learn or how much i've been impacted, it's bout how much i've impacted others' lives.. tho i tink w e perspectives, i'll b able to impact more ppl.. haha. bt for nw, still a bit diao4 er lang1 dang1.. hehe. yep. i'll jus haf to admit to it n tt i dun intend to do anythin to change it for nw!:P heh.

yep. tong, reply me! so bad. keep ignoring my sms.. sux.. yep..

kheng(:
13.05.10
status: kheng jus learnt yest tt if tong puts in e same amt of importance in our friendship, it might turn out quite tiring for both of us n i might nt b able to handle it, i guess tt's y relationships(no matter wat kind) are always lobbed-sided:P yep.