h... (h for hmm, hehe, haha, heh)

Man. complications…

Man. can someone just tell me why are things so complicated? Actually I’m very interested to go facebook n see wat haf e rest been saying today.. no wonder they responded to my facebook tags/photos/fren request so readily. Lol.. this is interesting man. actually I’m not very bothered or frustrated by it, coz it doesn’t directly involve me. hehe. In fact I wasn’t even here when things took place!:D thank goodness I wasn’t at work!:P hehe.

Jus a bit mood spoiling tt e moment I stepped in, liyana was telling me stories.. haha. Mr ishak jus teased me by saying “excuse me”. haha. Actually I tink he very nice.. he admitted very truthfully tt will sa1 ka1 e mda n spring ppl n jus hamtam a* ppl. Yep.. to me. if someone is v truthful, unless he schemes w his truthfulness which I tink is rather challenging coz e moment u say a lot n r revealing a lot, ppl will haf impressions of u n it becomes v hard for u to pull ppl to ur side again.. yep..

Oops. V relaxed nw coz only left w tong’s book to do.. yeeseng’s hist actually dun need so intensed.. can sat morn den prep or sth. Hmm. Tink I shld web-sms him nw to c how he wants e sat/sun tuition.. hehe. Yep. Settled(: great!:D

Woah. Thank goodness I thot of web-sms-ing ys.. if nt liyana would haf seen wat I was typing coz she came back.. I dun wan to use names coz I would haf become like them if I do so. Hee. Yep. I’m waitin for a later hour to come so tt I can check out facebook. Wonder if Jega is ard. I wan to buy drinks! Hehe.

Yep. Based on wat liyana said, seems like liya’s reaction was really too big n maybe a little bit nt v nice to be badmouthin ppl behind their back. Bt who noes? Maybe she didn’t say so.. it was e rest who was telling tales? Misinterpreted her meaning? Or simply she was jus sayin Raihanah bt e rest nt she’s referring to liyana? Bt I didn’t say anything coz I dun tink I’ll b able to convince liyana n I dun wan to hear further nasty things she might say bout liya.

Wen she told me, I really started to wonder.. is liya e problematic person? Coz tt previous incident involved her also. N according to liyana, all e CROs were on facebook talking bout her. N I started to think, even hidayah? E one whom I feel tt cares least bout things? Suzi? A new gal whom shld b quite smart n able to handle relations? Bt after tt wen liya was at helpdesk packing, she was ok w me n she didn’t mention e whole incident at all. In fact she was ok w all e other CROs n VICE VERSA! Hmm. So I was really confused on wat to believe n wat not to.. dun tell me all e CROs are so fake? Or izzit jus a way to survive at workplace? Later I’ll go n see. If they really spammed like nobody’s business bout liya n can still talk to her like normal frens, sth is wrong rite?

Haiz.. n liyana can actually say she dun see a point in changing at half-day wen she even asked for a change for 2h frm symbiosis to helpdesk. N she is also one of e grp tt dun like symbiosis.. n maybe coz impression alr not good le. So it’s like wen she said things, I wasn’t v convinced.. like she was sayin ‘it’s a small thing’ n to her, nth seems big enough tho I mus agree tt this is really a small thing.. n e 1st thing I mentioned in this para.. man. looks like I’m showing tt I’m very biased. Hehe.

Bt anw.. yep.. I only knew tt it’s only her side of e story. I would only pass a judgement after hearing both sides.. but I won’t go n ask liya or in fact anyone about it. Coz I dun wan to gossip. Yes I wan to find out wat’s gng on n of coz wan to noe e truth for myself.. but definitely nt thru asking coz e more I hear, e more I’ll be involved in the thing wen I shldn’t at all. Yep. N I’ll most prob(haha. Kamari n ishak jus came to my counter. N I talked to kamari bout stuff. Haha. Or rather he started e conversation. Quite stunned he actually talked to me. haha. Tink they like me nw after e meeting tt day!:P hehe. Tink only:P) haf to take stands after I hear bout things. So I better keep my mouth shut.. n nt get involved in anything. Actually it’s nt hard, esp after tt previous incident in which I was involved.. it’s really better to b out of e picture than to noe e full story n be IN the picture:P hehe. N I’m really v afraid of tt kind of awkward-ness n confrontation e previous time. So I would jus keep out of it(: hehe. I jus said bye to halimah in e stupidiest way ever!:P hehehehehe.

Yep yep. N maybe liyana really treated me as a good fren tt’s why she’s telling me so much. Bt honestly, it’s really not mutual.. yep. In fact I dun wan to hear at all.coz afterall, I’m still her colleague. N wat she say will affect me coz wat she was sayin involved my other colleagues.. yep.. maybe she jus needed to speak her mind.. bt I’m v sorry things haf evolved to this extent whereby I aren’t v interested to listen anymore.. yep.


I really can change so drastically rite? Bt e money issue is really disturbing me a lot. Though I never give her like any warning or stuff la.. but what I dislike is her way of handling things.. though e money issue is like 1 of e most serious 1.. yep.. n it’s like now I don’t wish to owe her favours.. man. this kind of scenario has happened like countless times before w different kind of frens.. maybe tt’s wat always happens wen I become 2 close 2 others.. man.. is there sth wrong w me? lol. N I jus volunteered to lend rameesah money. N I jus told her straight in e face tt if she wants to return me money, come to work. If not so wat if she dun come n ask me for anymore money? She can’t come work n she can’t get her pay n she can’t return me money. N she jus went a bit paiseh n worried tt I would b angry.. I’m not angry but honestly just think that she needs to be able to weigh her consequences n stuff of doing things.. n dunno whether izzit really coincidence or wat, she’s always sick wen I see her.. maybe she’s really weak la. N maybe she really has some illness within her according to wat she said.. haiz. To b honest, tho it can b real mean, I’m not interested in starting conversations with her anymore also. Nt even after she returns me $, coz similarly I cannot concur with the way she handles things.. n maybe I really very mean to like take her kindness as reward for e $ tt I lend her.. coz tt time wen we were talking, I realized she only wanted to say her own stuff n wen I was speaking, she wasn’t exactly listening n kept interrupting also. It’s like I thot she would b grateful to me n like listen properly.. bt she didn’t. den it becomes she isn’t even my ideal fren type. As in nt everythin has to be there. Bt she doesn’t even listen. N e things tt she share w me, I also not interested le.. maybe coz it’s always bout negative stuff.. tt’s why I’m quite worried tt other frens will tink tt way of me. quite afraid of karma actually. Hehe. Bt izzit gng to change things? Nope. I’m still gng to be like this. For e very least, I didn’t bitch bout her. At least nt in front of my colleagues here. n wen I talk to my close frens, I’m not bitchin bout her. I’m jus tryin to get things off my chest. Coz I’m really really v afraid tt I would b an idiot to keep lending her $.. I’m v afraid tt it would turn out to b a scam 1 day. It’s like e moment I agree to lend her e $. She walked away. Izzit coz she feels ashamed to continue talking to me? or tt she feels tt she has achieved wat she wants in e conversation? Or tt she’s v happy tt she has managed to get her prob solved, so she is v relieved n jus walked away? I dunno. I cannot say, “wat else can I tink”. I shld haf control of my mind, nt e other way round.. since u’ve agreed to help her, out of ur own accord, no complaints kheng! Yep.. n anw e previous part, I mus clarify if nt I feel tt I’m like a very lousy person. Hehe. Yep.. I was tryin to say tt I feel tt my lending of money, it’s nt coz of e $, bt coz of e act of helping her, I feel tt it warrants some gratefulness frm her side n den e more willing it’s to listen or try to help me back.. yep.. bt ppl always say cannot expect rewards frm helping ppl.. m I’m being v mean by expecting sth back? Hmm. Bt sometimes, I tink, I’m not a saint. N actually I realized tt I’m very nice actually tho I always feel tt I being v mean by doin certain things. Bt ppl ard me still tink tt I’m very nice. Izzit coz my definition of nice is a lot stricter than them? Or izzit tt they only c my nice acts? Hmm..

Bt anw sometimes, esp wen I c e way I reply tong’s msg-es.. I find tt I’m like v scary. Can be so mean to ppl here. as in e way I tink. Nt my acts. Coz I tink I’ve nv behaved in a mean way to any1 b4.. at least nt recently? Haha. I mean nt including my family ah. Haha. Yep.. bt then I see e ppl ard me. I dun tink I’m being v mean eh. It’s like wat jega said, “I’m very nice to ppl who r nice to me, bt I’m very mean to ppl who r mean to me” this isn’t called double standards rite? N of coz I understand e meanin of yi de bao4 yuan4.. n I tink I’m nt bein V mean to ppl who r to me also. It’s like look at e way I’ve gave back to fusion despite e few disappointments I’ve gotten frm them.. I said ‘few’! haha. I didn’t exaggerate.hehe. yep. N it’s like tong also did e hand sign to e person who stepped on my slipper tt day.. it’s like tong is e sweetest person to me, even she has her temper. Of coz I can tink of super super nice ppl, ppl who dun hold grudges, like ancestor n er jie.. n maybe fangyi also.. bt well. I’m not perfect. N wat I really tink is e most impt thing is I aren’t very mean even wen I say tt I’m mean.. n I’m nt tryin to cover up.. I really dun tink I’m v mean. Yep.

Or maybe is this e scary part? Tt I actually dun show it out.. bt den will complain to others.. I’m nt bitchin k! haha. At least e intention is nt dere. My definition of bitchin of coz. i’ve no intention of putting ppl down. At most bringin myself up:P hehe. Yep.

Tink it’s time to go facebook. Oops. Jus realized I didn’t harvest my 2hours raspberries jus nw! oops! how could I’ve forgotten? Man. haha. Anw yep. Go upload photos. Farm. N check out e gossips jus nw. tong’s present still has tmr(: hehe. N it’s really nth much left now(: hehe.

N regarding ka’s issue. Dunno if I saw light jus nw wen I was thinking bout it. Bt I’ll go check out n see how things first. B4 I decide whether I want to give her e letter. Afterall, e letter is only to make her noe tt her fren here has realized tt she’s still my gd fren! Yep. If she doesn’t feel e change, dere’s no need to go tell her everything, esp e bad parts.. n of coz her fren here will reflect n change things. Tho I still will say tt tong’s my buddy. Buddy w e definition of “one n only”.. e others r good frens. I wun use “best” coz my English is nt tt bad to nt noe tt best can only be used to refer to 1. yep..

But I definitely will learn how to see beyond tong n cherish all my other frens.. yep. Will come n blog more wen I’ve more time. Nw do more “urgent” stuff:P hehehehe. Yep. Coz I wan to blog properly. Nt anyhow spam. So I’ll come n blog another time(:

Kheng(:
06-05-10
Status: man. was still thinking of wat to put here. bt wen I wanted to put e date, I went 2 n wanted to see today is 20wat, den realized it’s 6th of may alr! Wah…